Ned Takes on Canada

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You insult Tim Horton's you insult us all, west of Winnie.

So help plan the Ned's northern conquest, how does he Neducate an entire country?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:46 (twenty-three years ago)

How about Neducation posters and Neducation subliminal advertising?

"look into my eyes, you will be neducated"

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Do you splurge on a spot during Coaches Corner or wait till the cheaper second period intermission?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Tim Horton's sucks. That new commercial, with the dude who misses home so much he gets "Timmy's" to send him coffee: go home asswipe!

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:51 (twenty-three years ago)

By singing Gino Vanelli songs.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Here's the thing --

As mentioned elsewhere I am planning on visiting Seattle again in May and would like to take the time to finally go to Vancouver. So that will provide some info.

There's also this -- I am planning on going to NYC for July 4th. I rather think I'd like to combine that with a swing by Toronto...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned, so you know, we spell Zwan with a 'u' up here.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Zwau sounds suspect.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:54 (twenty-three years ago)

So do Zwan.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Strange, there's something in your Canadian English that makes me not able to interpret this message.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Let me put it in American English: Zwan = Warrant.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Vancouver is one of my favorite cities ever.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:04 (twenty-three years ago)

I love Victoria - though Vancouver comes in a pretty darn close second (and might be first when I am in a different mood).

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:08 (twenty-three years ago)

mark p is my new favourite poster ever.

Still: There's also this -- I am planning on going to NYC for July 4th. I rather think I'd like to combine that with a swing by Toronto...
Okay, let us know if you're going to do this, and we must FAP. May even be able to put you up for the night or something.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Warrant Roxx!!!!!!

She's my cherry pie, cool glass of water such a sweet surprise...

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:17 (twenty-three years ago)

EDMONTON BITCH
COME TO EDMONTON NOW
AND I WILL GIVE YOU LOVE.

― anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, Vancouver and Toronto are Canada-Lite, temperate weather and all that. If you want Real Canada, you gotta go to either Edmonton or Thunder Bay (and you can stop by Duluth and do some Dylan-worshipping on the way).

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:56 (twenty-three years ago)

edmonton! a bitch to get to, but a city that's so "real" that i can't help but make it my home.

― fields of salmon (fieldsofsalmon), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Anthony, that was almost a haiku!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Let me put it in American English: Zwan = Warrant.

How very strange for Nabisco to suggest that a good band like Zwan could be compared with a bad one like Warrant! I fear for him.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, I want to go to Toronto!

― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 22:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Way down upon the Zwanee river!

Zay, does Zwan zuck az much az I zuzpect? Zeriously.

Zwanna be starting somethin'?

You zee, the funny thing iz that the band'z name ztartz with a Z. Whazzup with that?

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 22:04 (twenty-three years ago)

(Did anyone else look at this thread and think "Porn title!"?)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 22:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Similar to Debbie Does Dallas, you mean?

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 22:18 (twenty-three years ago)

at least one scene has to be scored to "It's All Coming Back To Me Now" by Celine Dion.

Also, "Summer Of 69."

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 22:23 (twenty-three years ago)

Exactly, Martin! People are going to get Neducated in ways they didn't think possible...

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 22:24 (twenty-three years ago)

If only "Ned, Rag It!" was more evocative of something...

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 22:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Holy menstrual connotations, Batman!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 22:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned, remember to learn the words to all verses of "The Edmund Fitzgerald," and something else by Neal Young, too - though I can't recall the title nor the words, which is why I no longer cross the northern border - before you go - also, all Canadians keep polar bears as pets, sleep in igloos, think ice fishing is fun, participate in mandatory curling competitions, worship Tim Horton, and say "aboot" and "eh" every chance they get. Oh, and when they're in a bar they order "Blue".

(Hey, if I have to spend my life with a Canuck, I can make fun of his home, right? He makes fun of my hippie/flower-child upbringing *grin*)

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 23:33 (twenty-three years ago)

You zee, the funny thing iz that the band'z name ztartz with a Z. Whazzup with that?

The problem, you see, is that I am imagining you as that hat-wearing moron from the Zima ads from 1993 who pronounced all his s's as z's. I suggest you reconsider, for you are a friend.

Most of the Canadians I have met are goths.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 23:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Winnipeg is real Canada, you fuxors.

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 30 January 2003 00:30 (twenty-three years ago)

That's what I've been saying, donut bitch! In so many ways...

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 30 January 2003 02:11 (twenty-three years ago)

hey, don't think Zima hasn't come to mind, Ned.

And if you have to think of me as a hat-wearing moron, please choose Fred Durst as that moron.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 30 January 2003 02:14 (twenty-three years ago)

What's all this then?

Sorry Ned, but you can't stay with me. Mary can though. July International ILX SuperFAP Toronto?

― Kim (Kim), Thursday, 30 January 2003 02:17 (twenty-three years ago)

hey, don't think Zima hasn't come to mind, Ned.

Fantaztic.

And if you have to think of me as a hat-wearing moron, please choose Fred Durst as that moron.

I can't do that! I like you!

Sorry Ned, but you can't stay with me. Mary can though.

BLATANT FAVORITISM.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 January 2003 02:21 (twenty-three years ago)

That's just how it is Ned. You'll have to deal.

― Kim (Kim), Thursday, 30 January 2003 02:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Any New York Times readers read the article about local arts groups that featured a Winnipeg group, the Royal Art Lodge?

ART/ARCHITECTURE; Making Art Around the Hearth While Warding Off the Chill

By MURRAY WHYTE (NYT) 738 words
Late Edition - Final , Section 2 , Page 36 , Column 1
LEAD PARAGRAPH - EVERY Wednesday night in his hometown, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Marcel Dzama packs up his supplies -- pencil crayons, acrylic paints and whatever else he can grab -- and walks the half-dozen blocks to his friend Michael Dumontier's house.

There, Mr. Dzama meets his uncle, Neil Farber (who is, at 27, a year younger than Mr. Dzama), his youngest sister, Hollie, 18, and the brothers Drue and Myles Langlois (30 and 26, respectively) for a convening of the Royal Art Lodge, the creative refuge for a group of young artists warding off the cultural chill of this Canadian prairie center. The Art Lodge is one of a number of young art collectives that have sprung up recently across the United States and Canada.

I just noticed that I know (sort of) two of the guys featured in the article. WHY WON'T ANYONE COME HERE! WINNIPEG IS COOOOOOOOL. "Good try, shithead."

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 30 January 2003 02:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Hey Ms. Laura, most of what you say is true - *strokes fur of pet polar bear* - BUT NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND DRINKS BLUE HERE! YOU MUST GET THAT STRAIGHT!

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 30 January 2003 02:31 (twenty-three years ago)

That's just how it is Ned. You'll have to deal.

*cries*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 January 2003 02:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Don't think that'll melt me.

― Kim (Kim), Thursday, 30 January 2003 02:33 (twenty-three years ago)

Kim, the Evil Ice Princess Queen of Toronto.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 January 2003 02:35 (twenty-three years ago)

that's okay, ned. you can stay with me. i only have 1 bed tho. and i like to sleep naked. with no covers. and the window open. in my igloo.

― dyson (dyson), Thursday, 30 January 2003 02:47 (twenty-three years ago)

igloos can have windows.

― dyson (dyson), Thursday, 30 January 2003 02:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Okay, Bryan - I am relieved - I couldn't stomach the Blue stuff. So can I come visit you and your polar bear? (I've never been to Winnipeg.) I'll bring along my own curling rock (or isthat a curling stone? I can never remember the correct wording). Oh, and can I play with your penguins, too (I hear that the penguins are moving north to visit with the moose and polar bears, as life was getting boring at the other pole)?

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 30 January 2003 02:56 (twenty-three years ago)

ned, say hi to bryan adams for me!

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 30 January 2003 03:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Sure! You can probably leave the rock at home. We have plenty. I live about a 10 minute walk away from one of the most famous curling clubs in Canada - THE GRANITE! Sadly, no penguins, or moose in the city limits. Wear your woolies.

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 30 January 2003 03:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Ohhhh, sure, Ned, you wanna stay with KIM and not ME. Okay, I understand why, but sheesh.

Hey Bryan, I've met up with Marcel here in Toronto at one of his art installations...even got his book. I even asked him to say yo to Drue, but don't know if he ever did. Don't know if you noticed, but Marcel's the one who did all of the artwork in that new McSweeney's book that Nick Hornby wrote about all his favourite rekkids.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Thursday, 30 January 2003 03:17 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm pretty sure he did a little sketch of Paul Westerberg.
Who had really messy hair.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Thursday, 30 January 2003 03:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned should grow facial hair like Wendell Clark to fit in.

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 30 January 2003 03:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned was a man with a stick in his hand
Who learned how to play
In Ca-li-forn-I-A!

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Thursday, 30 January 2003 03:20 (twenty-three years ago)

I guess they're in NY now (or just were) and were doing a lot of work there. Crazy to think that those guys would make something of themselves! Dianne should've joined up with them. The Bandit's tour will be cross country from the looks of it. He's already in the Winnipeg, Edmonton, and Montreal fringe fests, and is waiting to hear from Toronto and Saskatoon. It will feature his Don Music puppet built by Drue. Funny shit.

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 30 January 2003 03:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Ohhhh, sure, Ned, you wanna stay with KIM and not ME. Okay, I understand why, but sheesh

Heh. ;-) Anyway, yes, I will contact you about that, and thanks for offering! No Godspeed serenades played throughout the night, though, please.

Ned should grow facial hair like Wendell Clark to fit in.

Nicole is no longer my friend.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 January 2003 03:23 (twenty-three years ago)

Wendell is the man, there's even a song about him! I have even met him. Everyone should try to be more like Wendell. More people should be named Wendell.

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 30 January 2003 03:24 (twenty-three years ago)

What, like Wendell Corey? I have fear.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 January 2003 03:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Woolies are packed, Bryan. And I'll bring my own penguin, 'cause he likes to travel. And we can go out snow-shoeing and look for moose (or mooses or meeses).

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 30 January 2003 04:14 (twenty-three years ago)

WHY WON'T ANYONE COME HERE! WINNIPEG IS COOOOOOOOL.

Well have you asked? More importantly, have you offered to pay anyone's way?

Dzama's drawings are cute.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 30 January 2003 04:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Thanks, Kim! (The VV also had an article about the Royal Art Lodge.)

― Mary (Mary), Thursday, 30 January 2003 05:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Canada's a bit shit but it's better than England

― dave q, Thursday, 30 January 2003 09:59 (twenty-three years ago)

I've asked people to come to Winnipeg lots of times, usually getting no response at all, as if the question were written in Sanskrit or something. I would recommend people come in the summer, though, although the Winnipeg Comedy Festival is coming up at the end of February and should be good again this year.

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 30 January 2003 14:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Screw this Winnipeg thing, Halifax, its all the Canadian cliches rolled into one.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Thursday, 30 January 2003 15:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Dzama did the art for the new Nick Hornby book, that's how motherfucking cool Wpg is.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 30 January 2003 15:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, there are over 600,000 of us and the RAL are only 6 or 7 people, but...

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 30 January 2003 16:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Hey, tell me more about this Wpg ComFest

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 30 January 2003 16:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Also, tell us about the Winnipeg Corn and Metal Fest.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Thursday, 30 January 2003 16:34 (twenty-three years ago)

The CBC Winnipeg Comedy Fest is cool because its not just stand up acts. http://www.winnipeg.cbc.ca/comedy/galas.html.
The Winnipeg Corn and Metal Fest is a dream, Sean, just a dream.

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 30 January 2003 16:55 (twenty-three years ago)

What I really want to do is go to Saskatoon. One day, a friend claimed he was bored of the Internet. I thought this was completely daft, so I gave him a task: search Yahoo groups for "gay" and "Saskatoon" and read through what comes up. Except it sort of backfired; the gay Saskatooner Yahoo group was thoroughly depressing. Never has the term "straight-acting" be used so frequently and so pathetically.

I don't know if Winnipeg would be any better, because I have spent my years much more fixated on Saskatoon than on Winnipeg. My apologies.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 30 January 2003 18:02 (twenty-three years ago)

It's all about the Manada.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 January 2003 18:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Put the Pansy Division away, Ned.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 30 January 2003 18:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Tsk.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 January 2003 18:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Saskatoon is far less repressed than Regina

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 30 January 2003 18:21 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm not really sure what life is like for gay people here, other than more or less the same as it is for everyone else. Any city our size that would elect an openly gay mayor (our mayor, Glen Murray, is gay, goes to the same Y as me, lives a block away from me, is pretty fucking cool, and taught me (and all my classmates!) how to put a condom on in 1988) is making a statement, though, wouldn't you think? Or am I clueless?

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 30 January 2003 19:28 (twenty-three years ago)

So you're saying it would be worth it for me to go to Winnipeg for a booty call?

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 31 January 2003 01:12 (twenty-three years ago)

Whoo, a NedFAP in May!

(My apologies for being a bit out of the loop- my powerbook died two weeks ago, and i was computer-less at home until today.)

― lyra (lyra), Friday, 31 January 2003 01:58 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't know what to tell ya, Chris.

― Bryan (Bryan), Friday, 31 January 2003 19:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Did anyone else look at this thread and think "Porn title!"?

"Ned Nails Newfoundland"?

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 31 January 2003 20:40 (twenty-three years ago)

"Ned's Saskatchewan Surprise"

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 31 January 2003 20:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned Cornholes Canada, Ned Horndogs Halifax, Ned's Oral Ottawa...the choices, the choices.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 31 January 2003 21:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned Noodles Nunavut!

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 31 January 2003 21:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned's MAN i to ba!

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Friday, 31 January 2003 21:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Raggett Reams Regina!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 31 January 2003 21:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Now it's getting weird.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 31 January 2003 21:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned's Kinky in Kingston

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Friday, 31 January 2003 22:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned Nuts Newfoundland!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 31 January 2003 22:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned's Naked in Niagra

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Friday, 31 January 2003 22:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned Has Meaningful And Mutually Satisfying Sexual Encounters With The Good Citizens Of Canada

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 31 January 2003 22:59 (twenty-three years ago)

eleven months pass...

Geez we were friendly a year ago.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Saturday, 3 January 2004 16:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Yay friendly! Of course the sadness of all this is that I still have to properly visit Canada and the good peoples there. :-(

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 3 January 2004 16:32 (twenty-two years ago)

totally!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 3 January 2004 17:57 (twenty-two years ago)

'visit'

― stevem (blueski), Saturday, 3 January 2004 18:05 (twenty-two years ago)

"'visit'"

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 3 January 2004 18:11 (twenty-two years ago)

¿"'visit'"?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Saturday, 3 January 2004 18:16 (twenty-two years ago)

crackwhores

― Kim (Kim), Saturday, 3 January 2004 19:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Crackwhores, rouges and not a single tory amoung us.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Saturday, 3 January 2004 19:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Which is funny since the latest Smithsonian has an article on the descendants of Tories who fled America and went to Nova Scotia. They now apparently do all sorts of colonial reenactment deals a la the SCA, which makes me want to beat them savagely (especially since apparently the British troops in the Revolutionary War thought the Americans fighting on their side were useless dorks or somesuch). There was also a claim that about 10% of Canada's population these days can claim descent from those turncoat scum so clearly all my back bacon jokes are made with good intent against you damn quislings.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 3 January 2004 20:16 (twenty-two years ago)

We prefer to call them Loyalists.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Saturday, 3 January 2004 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread was so right on so many levels.

*sighs, looks down at hands*

― Tenacious Dee (Dee the Lurker), Saturday, 3 January 2004 20:32 (twenty-two years ago)

But either way it was more a reference to Les Bleus and their Upper Canadian counterparts.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Saturday, 3 January 2004 20:36 (twenty-two years ago)

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