Depressing Fortune Cookie Messages...

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Fortune cookies are on my mind today. Last night we went out for a celebratory meal with one of my S/Os grad. students who had just finished his thesis. The student chose a local Chinese restaurant, with semi-decent (and not too Americanized) food. And at the end of the meal the ubiquitous fortune cookies arrived, with the check. And my fortune cookie was lacking a fortune. So, as a joke, I asked for another. And that one, too, lacked the expected thin piece of paper that, in addition to providing insight into my character also gives my lucky lottery numbers and other pithy bits of information.

So what does this say about my fortunes these days? And what is the most depressing and/or odd fortune cookie message that you have received?

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:01 (twenty-three years ago)

I've gotten some doozies for playing the "in bed" game. The two best were:

Every exit is an entrance to new experiences (in bed).
Animals make the best friends; they ask no questions and pass no judgements (in bed).

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Woof!

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:05 (twenty-three years ago)

my favorite is:

"everything will now come your way"

which made me instantly think of trucks and crazy people

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:06 (twenty-three years ago)

No fortune in your cookie! The Apocalypse begins NOW!!!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:08 (twenty-three years ago)

I have one up in my cubicle which is pretty amazing:

"You can depend on the trust of the collective"

Thanks Chairman Mao!

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Don't worry, Laura, that happened to me once. It was really embarrassing because they kept bringing me more cookies, and none of them had fortunes, and eventually I had to say "Stop, they obviously don't have anything polite to say to me."

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:11 (twenty-three years ago)

"Don't worry" = "it happened to me and I didn't become invisible or get hit by a bus or anything"

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:12 (twenty-three years ago)

How EXCELLENT would it be if getting a fortune cookie without a fortune gave you the ability to become invisible?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:13 (twenty-three years ago)

I have a crappy little story about fortune cookie fortunes...
It was freshman year of high school and I had a serious crush on a beautiful girl. I was wandering around campus wondering what I was gonna do about my situation when I noticed a little fortune cookie fortune on the ground. I picked it up and read it, an it said (they were suckers) something to the effect of "don't wait to do what is important to you" or some shit like that and so I went to the girls dorm and talked to her and she just wanted to be friends and that was it!

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:16 (twenty-three years ago)

REALLY EXCELLENT.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:16 (twenty-three years ago)

i liked the story in Re-Search books' "Pranks!" about the disgruntled workers @ thee phortune-cookie factory inserting really bad messages. Two examples were given:

"You deserve to die and SOON YOU WILL"

"You will fuck and suck a new friend tonight"

imagine receiving one of those!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:22 (twenty-three years ago)

I LIVE FOR THE DAY I GET A FORTUNE LIKE THAT.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 20:54 (twenty-three years ago)

ONE FORTUNE COOKIE TO RULE THEM ALL!

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:05 (twenty-three years ago)

"There was arsenic in your chow mein"

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Re-search stole that story from John Waters.

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:08 (twenty-three years ago)

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:10 (twenty-three years ago)

Laura, I think it means that you are a wildcard in the universe who cannot be predicted. There's a bit just like it in Grant Morrison's Justice League of America #, ooh, 25 or so, about Hourman finding that Triumph screws up his ability to see events coming.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:41 (twenty-three years ago)

My favorites, all received within the last couple of months:

"Act now on the data you have gathered."

"You will soon be surrounded by laughter."

"Your luck has completely changed today."

― Paul Eater (eater), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:44 (twenty-three years ago)

I have one in my desk now - hang on - it says...

"You will soon be involved in many gatherings and parties"

Yeah, um, ok.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Who's Laura?

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 23:09 (twenty-three years ago)

"you will soon know what it feels like to be butfucked."

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 23:20 (twenty-three years ago)

"don't use paperclips to clean out your earwax"

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 23:28 (twenty-three years ago)

http://home.nc.rr.com/rellis/fortunes/stupidity_small.jpg

― gygax!, Wednesday, 29 January 2003 23:32 (twenty-three years ago)

i thought my friends made up the in bed game! but it's great. we got electronic fortune cookies for christmas last year (you close them and every time you reopen them it gives you a new fortune, and they're translucent bright colors) so we played that to the point of patheticness.

a couple weeks ago my dad and i went out for chinese, and his fortune had the top line cut off. the bottom line said something along the lines of "never forget this important rule."

― Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 23:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Lara - I think I'm the "Laura" refered to - not that they were misspeling your name. But I could, of course, be wrong.

And thanks for making me feel like I wasn't being shat upon by the universe, nabisco, and Martin, I like your interpretation, too.

So why is it that, although I am reasonably intelligent, semi-educated, and not-at-all superstitious I was still feeling like a little rain cloud was hanging over my head as I opened the second cookie? (Yeah, kinda like the ones in the comic strips.)

And do you eat the cookie once you've broken it, or do you toss aside the fragments?

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 23:53 (twenty-three years ago)

The last 2 I got were:
"Many pleasurable and memorable adventures are in store for you!"
"All words you read are true or false"

― brg30 (brg30), Thursday, 30 January 2003 00:45 (twenty-three years ago)

i always was told you have to choke down the dry, nasty cookie before you read the fortune, or else it won't come true. anyway, the last one i got said: "it's easier to resist at the beginning than at the end" which sounds rather frightening when i think about it.

― stolenbus (stolenbus), Thursday, 30 January 2003 03:30 (twenty-three years ago)

That's a really creepy message, stolenbus. I think I'd be suitably disturbed for some time (hmmm...wonder if anyone has ever sued over nightmares/paranoia resulting from a fortune?)

I actually like the cookie - in fact, when I hit Chinatown I usually buy a bag or two of "rejects" to nibble on

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 30 January 2003 04:16 (twenty-three years ago)

I still prefer the Simpsons take on this subject.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 January 2003 04:47 (twenty-three years ago)

I like to take the fortune cookie while it's still in the plastic wrapper and crush it in my hand like the Incredible Hulk. If the bag pops as well, it's a bonus. I am so fucking macho.

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Thursday, 30 January 2003 15:50 (twenty-three years ago)

yes Ned with Woody Allen imitation!

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Thursday, 30 January 2003 15:51 (twenty-three years ago)

"someone in your family will go to the moon"

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 30 January 2003 16:54 (twenty-three years ago)

http://ilxor.petfield.com/images/fortune.jpg

― Alfie (Alfie), Thursday, 30 January 2003 17:15 (twenty-three years ago)

From today's lunch: "A cheerful message is on its way to you."
:^}

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 31 January 2003 18:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Does that mean you have to go back there for dinner, Julia? Also, where do you eat Chinese in DC. I go to Meiwah or City Lights of China.

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Friday, 31 January 2003 18:33 (twenty-three years ago)

This was Taiwan Cafe, on upper Wisconsin Ave. How is Meiwah? (The one time I went to City Lights of China it wasn't all that.)

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 31 January 2003 18:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Meiwah is pretty solid, and they have outfoor seating, which gives them the edge in Spring. I love City Lights. I think you should give it another chance. I usually get Chicken in Garlic Sauce or Kung Pao Chicken, and Steamed Vegetable Dumplings. My impression is that you are better off ordering staples of typical take-out places. City Lights cooks those standard dishes to a high degree of excellence.

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Friday, 31 January 2003 18:40 (twenty-three years ago)

"You will sing karaoke tonight"

I didn't....

― phil-two, Saturday, 1 February 2003 08:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Long time ago...mine said "It's true about what they say about puppies in Chineese resturants,shhhhhhhh"

You can only imagine how I felt after eating broccoli 'beef'!

― becky lucas (becky_lucas), Saturday, 1 February 2003 08:51 (twenty-three years ago)

"I am American."

― Mary (Mary), Sunday, 2 February 2003 08:42 (twenty-three years ago)

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