Being in a Band with your S.O. - C/D

I think it was really good for us as a couple because we had to face new challenges together. Plus, we began our own side project together. Since then, we have been in a few random projects together but we have also had bands of our own. I think at this point, especially because we live together, it's important that we each have our own thing going on.

Have a horrible break-up and get more material! (See Fleetwood Mac)

OK, it is my dream, I'd love to find Tim & Latetia or Thurston & Kim style bliss with the dirty dronerocker of my dreams, but it ain't gonna happen. In my case, it would be more Jason & Kate. Being in a band with your honey causes problems both in the relationship and in the band. I've done it before, and it has been a raging disaster. I won't even be in a band with a couple any more.

Saying that, however... apparently Hilton's band all sleep with each other and they all work together and live together in a big commune somewhere in Hackney and it totally works for them, because the friction generated by it all makes them more creative. Or something. I must say that I'm totally intrigued by the idea, and I'm really fascinated, and kind of dreading jamming as well as looking forward to it.

I can see how my ex-bandmates might have gotten terribly annoyed at us for ganging up on them. But I think that the bassist and his gf were more obnoxious than we were even though she wasn't in the band. She would watch our practices and then pull him aside and whisper comments in his ear. Then, he'd come back and say, "*ASD*F*D just suggested that we..." Total Yoko action (and nothing against Yoko, just an expression).

Sarah, I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU on that!

Singer and Lead Guitarist were a couple. Within a week of joining as the bassist, I started sleeping with the drummer. (Ironically, the night that I first went home with the Drummer, the Rhthym Guitarist had got in a massive fuckoff row with his girlfriend, and suggested that I spent the night at his place.) Within a couple of months, especially after touring, it became painfully obvious that me and the Rhthym Guitarist were deeply in smit/lust/crush with each other. We never acted on it because it would have broken up both relationships, and therefore the band. It was fucking hell. Me and RG had to share a mic Beatles-style, with loads of longing glances and near kiss "oops, I went for the mic and our lips touched by MISTAKE" sort of things.

I was eventually kicked out of the band, and the drummer dumped me the next day. A year later, RG broke up with his girlfriend. He rang me and we were literally in bed as quick as the N train could get me to Bleecker Street. Of course it didn't last, but he is the Great Lost Love Of My Life.

i would've thought not being in a band with yr SO was the first rule in the book. but what do i know?

scathing.
no need to dress it up with compliments, wife or not. if it's too fast, it's too fast, and telling them straight is the best way, surely?

"I think you played that way too fast." is hardly going to cause a band to implode or a couple to divorce.

it's just a fact, yo.

So isn't anyone going to ask me how jamming with Hilton went? (The bastard really *is* stealing "Hilton Betelgeuse" from me. Sigh. I think I'll trade my intellectual property rights to it if he does a Hilton Betelgeuse Remix of one of our tracks... seem fair?

It was fucking traumatic as hell. But when it was good, it was really really good. Better than sex. Except it probably only made me want to sleep with him more... It's nice having an excuse to stare at him for three hours straight... God, is he lovely! ;-)

Musically, it was quite difficult. It's very complex music, lots of Free Jazz influence (I've decided that even though Free Jazz is WANK to listen to, it's very challenging and therefore actually quite FUN to play) and, like, 9/8 time signatures and things.

It really was an ego-shredder in some ways, because, as we used to say in horseback riding lessons, I wasn't riding, I was just holding on. It's been a long time since I played with a band that wasn't my own and that I wasn't totally comfortable, so it was difficult adjusting, and keeping on my toes. I can't BELIEVE that I have totally forgotten how to read a keyboard upside down and back to front. Anton and I used to jam like that all the time, till we could stop and start with each other on a dime. I don't know Hilton well enough to do that, and I've forgotten which frets correspond to which keys! DUH! I am a fucking idiot, I thought it was like riding a bike, that you'd never forget, but I did. And I didn't do enough preparation. I only played along with 2 songs on the album - those I played quite well on (just not what I think he wanted) - but the others? I was totally out of my depth. I am SHITE at playing by ear. I cannot solo by ear at ALL and I felt like an idiot for not being able to repeat what he kept singing at me. I didn't have any cheat notes, and half the time he didn't even seem to know what keys songs were in. Argh!

When I think about it rationally, I think that it's actually pretty cool that I can walk into a band I've never played with, hear songs I've never heard, without sheet music, and play in a style I know nothing about, and even keep up at ALL. I should be proud of that.

But no... I just totally lost my confidence and feel like a twat cause I feel like I played really badly in front of Hilton when I really wanted to impress him. And I looked a twat, this dumb garage punk trying to play along with Serious Jazz Musicians and just making a horrendous noise. I feel like I let him down. I feel like I let myself down through playing so badly. :-(

But it was a good experience. I certainly LEARNED a lot, and on the pure dronerock songs where we just took one riff and shook it for all it was worth, it was cool, cause I got to do some freaky stuff I never could have done with my own band(s). Lots of progged out eBow and tremolo shit, and there were *moments* where... I was just looking at Hilton as he played and he looked at me and smiled and it was so THERE.

I doubt that I'm EVER going to be good enough to be their guitarist. But I probably would do it again, just as a learning experience. Though I doubt they'll ever have me back, even just to sit in. Well, maybe just to sit in if I don't get in the way? I don't know. I don't think I'll be asked back, I just don't.

Though it really was cool to see Hilton in action, because he is just SO amazingly free form talented and creative and dynamic. He really does make my jaw drop, how good he is.