Heavy readers of fiction readers: would you care if your significant other is mostly not interested in it?

I wouldn't care abt books (though i do read but I'm not 'heavy' since I don't have the time).

To amplify a bit more, there's no chance that your SO's interests will align perfectly with yours (not that I'd find it tolerable to live with a facsimile of myself!) But there has to be an understanding that it's important to you and a willingness to make room for it in your mutual life.

For example, if you mention a book you're reading and spend three minutes explaining what you like about it, ideally your SO would smile, nod, listen for a few minutes, say "That's nice" and steer the conversation to a topic of greater personal interest. Growing irritation at the slightest mention of fiction would be A Bad Thing. Asking, "how can you stand to read so much fiction?" as if such an activity were an infallible sign of moral weakness or incipient idiocy is also Bad.

When we first got together the issue of reading material was a matter of contention, on my side - I need to have someone that I can "talk books" with - someone who introduces me to new authors and genres and so forth, and who is interested in some of the same books that I am interested in, too. I do read some SciFi, but it's not my first love.

We really did fight over things - I'd get mad if he wouldn't read something I'd gve to him, and even madder if he did read it and then didn't like it. Worst was when I gave him a copy of *my* favorite SciFi book and he ripped it to shreds. It was like he was negating me and my tastes, somehow. It hurt - it felt like his dislike of the book was a dislike of me - that, as odd as it sounds, was a very real feeling and anxiety. I seriously thought about ending things over the whole episode. However, eventually I figured-out that we were pretty damn good together in other areas, and I was happy that he *did* read, and, really, how important was the whole thing?

Eventually I met my non-live-in SO, and was thrilled to discover that he and I had similar tastes, in some areas, of reading genres and authors. (Though he is much more of a "LitSnob" than I am.) So I am, now, getting that need met in another manner.

Anyway, my suggestion (and this is coming from a non-professional anything, so take it with a grain or two of salt) is that you wait till things calm down and try to talk it out, sanely. I mean, she may be feeling that you're rejecting her, as I felt. Or this may be a sign of a serious incompatibility issue. If she does need someone to talk books with, there are some good books groups around, on the Net and in-person.

Good luck.

We talked and we are going to take a bit of a break from each other, but not too long, and plan on probably getting together to talk after that. Well, I'm pretty sure I'll be the one to call her and see where she is at that point. The one bad thing was that the conversation we had tonight made me realize that our differences and our mutual misunderstandings go even deeper than I had thought. She really is frustrated by what she sees as my lack of serious attention to our discussion of books. I tend to be lazy and sloppy unless I am particularly interested in something. I don't want to feel that I must provide graduate literature seminar level responses to every book we happen to read together. She had mentioned the possibilitiy of reading some philosophy with me a while back, which would probably interest me more. I ought to follow up on that. I also have a list of fiction authors, or particular novels, I am interested in checking out. (If only we could get along in every respect as well as we get along in bed.)

I am glad to hear that you two are talking and all - that's usually a better sign then stormy silence, I believe. But it still sucks.

I am sorry that the misunderstandings go deeper than you'd originally thought - that's a painful revelation and I don't have the words that will offer any sympathy, so I'll not comment any further, except to say that I've been through it and survived, so you should get through it and survive, too.

Yes, do follow-up on the joint reading stuff, if it's something that you're honestly interested in reading (as opposed to reading it to make her happy and you seeing it as being drudgery - that'll just increase the hostilities). Is she willing to read stuff that you're interested in, or is this a one-way arrangement?

This is all assuming that we decide to get back together.

I guess the initial question is very similar to:

Heavy music lovers: would you care if your significant other is mostly not interested in what you listen to?

I tend to read a lot of historical nonfiction. My obsession is Reconstruction. When I do read fiction these days, it ties in with that. I'm reading The Known World by Edward Jones now.

My niece used to read seven books per week. I can't even fathom reading one book a week (unless it's trash like Crichton/Brown/...).