am I the only person who thought Blade sucked?

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I rented "Blade" and "Jade" the other day (didn't even realize I'd rented movies that rhymed), and assumed that "Blade" would be the trashy-but-good, and "Jade would be the trashy-but-bad one.

They both sucked, but I actually enjoyed Jade more. I'd rather watch ludicrous gratuitous humpapumpa and cheeseball Chazz smuggery over unimaginative slaughtering and endless torture scenes anyday. The only line in "Blade" that made me laugh was something Donal Logue said about being a "naughty vampire god" and I thought Wesley Snipes was a total clown - a graduate of Eastwood's School Of Monotonous Hardasses. The woman that played the doctor was fine but had nothing really to do.

I found the fights fairly unenthralling (if fast) and would probably prefer the cheesiest Carpenter to this stuff. Not to mention that, at least on TV, when the doctor faces her old boyfriend/zombie/whatever the screen is PITCH BLACK and you just hear a bunch of squealing. Despite being the action movie of the two, nothing in Blade was as entertaining as the insane car-chase-through-the-Chinese-new-year-parade in Jade.

Thing is a lot of critics loved it. I'm guessing they were just happy the trains ran on time and there was little offensive about it. Sort of like how Braveheart and Postman were basically the same movie but critics liked Braveheart because it never got silly.

So anyhow, what do you people think? Was I thinking too hard about Blade, was I missing something, or was I right?

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 21 February 2003 23:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You were not focused enough on the intrinsic goodness of blood flying everywhere

― Millar (Millar), Friday, 21 February 2003 23:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Blade is an awful, contemptible excuse for a movie. I suspect that the only reason critics liked it is because they were all comic book fans in their teens, and the bad dialogue made them nostalgic for X-Men back issues.

― Dave M. (rotten03), Friday, 21 February 2003 23:24 (twenty-three years ago)

also before anybody notes that 'the dialogue is sooooo obviously not the point of blade', the action scenes were utterly boring and by-the-book too. so nyaah.

― Dave M. (rotten03), Friday, 21 February 2003 23:25 (twenty-three years ago)

At first I thought this thread was about the Blode.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Friday, 21 February 2003 23:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Blade II is better, though as Dave rudely alludes to, one's enjoyment of these flicks will be bettered if you are a geeky Fangoria type of lad (or lass) willing to forgive any piece of shit flick incorporating kewl monsters & lots of gore into its steaming pile of fecal poo. (Also, I don't recall many critics giving Blade a free pass, unless you're substituting "critic" with "fan boy" at will, which'll really piss off all the pseudo-intellectual celluloid afficionados.)

But, hey, I liked both Blades well enough. Vampires are kewl - who needs plot or character development when you have vampires?

― David R. (popshots75`), Saturday, 22 February 2003 00:44 (twenty-three years ago)

when I went to IMdb, the Amazon review was highly approved it and so did Ebert (not to mention the guy from Cavalcade of Shlock, whose page I like a lot). But you're right, David R. I look on Rotten Tomatoes and discovered plenty of critics ripped on Blade. I feel better now.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 22 February 2003 01:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Urgent & key question: has there been a worthwhile vampire flick made in the past 15 years? That is, one where I don't have to suck it up & wade through a swamp of dumbness in order to appreciate the fan-boy coolness? The only viable candidate I can think of is _Cronos_, which I haven't seen (but the director of this is making the Hellboy flick, which should be FANTASTIC if it sticks close to the source material, so I have hope). _Nadia_ bored me; _The Affliction_ bored me; _Bram Stoker's Dracula_ ... well, you know (Winona & Sadie notwithstanding, of course); and _League of Extraordinary Gentlemen_ (featuring Peta Wilson as a toothy Mina Harker) doesn't look like it'll buck this trend. And _John Carpenter's Vampires_ ... oh, lordy.

― David R. (popshots75`), Saturday, 22 February 2003 01:23 (twenty-three years ago)

Seen Near Dark? Loved that. And I hated all the stuff you mentioned disliking.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 22 February 2003 01:26 (twenty-three years ago)

queen of the damned!

cronos isn't really a vampire movie, or if it is then Portrait Of A Lady is a better one. as are most of the other films mentioned - especially blade, which is great.

― jones (actual), Saturday, 22 February 2003 01:45 (twenty-three years ago)

queen of the damned, yes.

I quite liked blade, mainly for snipes' martial arts absurdity -- he always had like four extraneous whipping his arms around his body moves to accomplish any task.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Saturday, 22 February 2003 07:07 (twenty-three years ago)

what about The Craft, Daverpopshots? wasn't that about vampires?

oh no i have also outed myself as Fangoria type OH NO!!

― Dave M. (rotten03), Sunday, 23 February 2003 00:49 (twenty-three years ago)

and of course there's always the copious vampires in Simpsons halloween specials (OH NO)

― Dave M. (rotten03), Sunday, 23 February 2003 00:49 (twenty-three years ago)

No! The Craft was about teenage witchcraft. And it wasn't half bad. (NO FULL BAD JOKES!)

You are not a Fangoria type until you can contribute at great length to a Jess Franco Vs. Dario Sargento thread. (Not that this is a fair fight, but, y'know.)

― David R. (popshots75`), Sunday, 23 February 2003 01:01 (twenty-three years ago)

dear god jade is terrible

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 23 February 2003 01:43 (twenty-three years ago)

I think Blade is terrific. Didn't care much for the sequel though.

― slutsky (slutsky), Sunday, 23 February 2003 18:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Sargento? ARGENTO!

Christ, was I jonesin' for spaghetti when I typed that?

― David R. (popshots75`), Sunday, 23 February 2003 18:17 (twenty-three years ago)

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