'most unlikely place you have masturbated'

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― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 24 February 2003 03:52 (twenty-three years ago)

as i said, church.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 24 February 2003 03:53 (twenty-three years ago)

During, before or after services?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 February 2003 03:54 (twenty-three years ago)

who masturbates when they're going to be serviced?

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 24 February 2003 03:55 (twenty-three years ago)

*bows duly*

I suppose middle school (when one is a middle schooler, as opposed to a janitor) isn't that unlikely, so what would my actual choice be, hm...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 February 2003 03:57 (twenty-three years ago)

i already regret this thread

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 24 February 2003 03:57 (twenty-three years ago)

I think that's the point.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 February 2003 03:58 (twenty-three years ago)

I used to shine mine at work when I was on the graveyard shift.

― pig, Monday, 24 February 2003 03:58 (twenty-three years ago)

i was 13 or so, I went to the restroom at D/FW airport... in the stall, on the ground, was a copy of Playboy. The Playboy was kind of flayed out on the floor with the cover facing up. I picked it up and it opened to two pages covered in what must have been fairly "fresh" cum... So I just flipped over to a different spread and jacked off.

― Aaron A., Monday, 24 February 2003 04:00 (twenty-three years ago)

as i said, church

you know that this went onto yer permanent record, mr. harvell, don't you?

― Jesus Christ (llamasfur), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:01 (twenty-three years ago)

haha tad i do appreciate you using my last name on this thread

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:01 (twenty-three years ago)

i would have said there is no place that is unlikely when it comes to masturbation

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:02 (twenty-three years ago)

i can think of a few places

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:04 (twenty-three years ago)

home ec class

― That Girl (thatgirl), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:05 (twenty-three years ago)

oh, also 7th grade english

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:05 (twenty-three years ago)

a sperm donor clinic? i know everyone's done it...but it seemed weird to have a nurse recommending porn mags

― gaz (gaz), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:06 (twenty-three years ago)

fuck you jess for making my monday morning even more hellish.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:06 (twenty-three years ago)

god whudda buncha horny little monkeys post to ILX!

― Tad (llamasfur), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Every time a middle-schooler masturbates, it's Jess's fault.

― Nicole (Nicole), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:07 (twenty-three years ago)

i have officially just reduced my chances of ever getting a good job by 50%

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:08 (twenty-three years ago)

every time a middle-schooler masturbates, God kills one of Jess's kittens.

― Tad (llamasfur), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:08 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm not saying!

side questions:

most unlikely thing you have masturbated TO?

most unlikely thing you have masturbated ONTO?

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:10 (twenty-three years ago)

a friend was working on a mine in the middle of w.a and he had to do something on a tractor or something and so he had a wank in the middle of nowhere and some kids saw him and told their dads and they told the whole town and he got quite a reception at the pub that night

― gaz (gaz), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:10 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.bangkokmetro.com/images/topics/noseshare.jpg

― monkey shines, Monday, 24 February 2003 04:11 (twenty-three years ago)

oh yeah, i should probably also note i was 12 in the church thing, so as not to have anyone thinking it was last week

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:15 (twenty-three years ago)

well god forbid anyone think you still go to church jess. . .

― That Girl (thatgirl), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:21 (twenty-three years ago)

i worship at the temple of me

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:23 (twenty-three years ago)

and not Onan?

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Onan "Juice" Jones

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:25 (twenty-three years ago)

ol' slow hand

― Tad (llamasfur), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:25 (twenty-three years ago)

right in front of my cousin. that sounds a lot creepier than it is.

― di smith (lucylurex), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:48 (twenty-three years ago)

i hope so

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:50 (twenty-three years ago)

PUBLIX

― boxcubed (boxcubed), Monday, 24 February 2003 04:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Also at church, during services. I was an altar boy... and very discreet...

― anon!, Monday, 24 February 2003 05:04 (twenty-three years ago)

my cousin had no idea i was doing it, i was very discrete, and i ws neither thinking of her or looking at her while i was doing it. just to clear that up.

― di smith (lucylurex), Monday, 24 February 2003 05:08 (twenty-three years ago)

you probably mean "discreet" right

― forbidden or obsolete (24 hour troubleshooter), Monday, 24 February 2003 05:17 (twenty-three years ago)

anyway : on a bus!

― forbidden or obsolete (24 hour troubleshooter), Monday, 24 February 2003 05:18 (twenty-three years ago)

that was a long long time ago, i would never do anything like that these days

― forbidden or obsolete (24 hour troubleshooter), Monday, 24 February 2003 05:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, she was discrete w.r.t. her cousin. That seemed like an important part of the story.

― Chris P (Chris P), Monday, 24 February 2003 05:20 (twenty-three years ago)

oh christ, who made this thread the spelling bee?

― di smith (lucylurex), Monday, 24 February 2003 05:31 (twenty-three years ago)

buzz buzz buzz

― forbidden or obsolete (24 hour troubleshooter), Monday, 24 February 2003 05:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Sadly, I can't think of a single "naughty" masturbation experience. I gotta work on this. I'll post later once something good happens, unless I end-up incarcerated.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 24 February 2003 05:50 (twenty-three years ago)

also i meant to mention i was 12 at the time.

― di smith (lucylurex), Monday, 24 February 2003 06:06 (twenty-three years ago)

i mean, i don't do gross things like masturbate anymore.

― di smith (lucylurex), Monday, 24 February 2003 06:17 (twenty-three years ago)

in a tent with another boy, on sand dunes in souther alberta, in the toilets during class, in a port a potty, at 3 am in the morning in an abonded call center, In the hot tub of a pool in olds, during a washroom break in grade 8, on the edge of the north sask, in the woods, in farmers fields, on a grey hound, on the stair well of an old school bus, under a bridge, in the stacks of a library, in an airplane, in an alley of a major american city with an older man who just watched, in the boiler room of an apartment, in the mateince room of a high rise, on the roof of a high rise, in family housing on the army base, in a grocery store in n. sask, in a canoe.

― anthony easton (anthony), Monday, 24 February 2003 06:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Outside the building in Cornell which I suspected was formerly the dorm where Thomas Pynchon had lived. For that reason.

(I got better, really.)

― anonetc, Monday, 24 February 2003 06:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Wait, where exactly in Northern Saskatchewan?

― Chris P (Chris P), Monday, 24 February 2003 07:26 (twenty-three years ago)

back of public bus. southbound from sligo. somehow, as i remember this single act of masterbation, i find that the passing of time has rendered what once seemed to be a wonderful way to spend a long & otherwise uneventful trip into something kind of gross & perverted. perhaps i should perform a re-enactment to re-kindle old feelings?

― j.a.e., Monday, 24 February 2003 07:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Buffalo Narrows, Between the dairy counter and the washroom.

― anthony easton (anthony), Monday, 24 February 2003 07:54 (twenty-three years ago)

On the podium of the U.S. Senate chamber

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Monday, 24 February 2003 08:17 (twenty-three years ago)

In a bush at the top of a cliff on my way home from the pub. God. I'd be embarassed if you lot hadn't done worse.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 24 February 2003 08:48 (twenty-three years ago)

I once tweaked my chin until it 'came'.

― Momus (Momus), Monday, 24 February 2003 09:42 (twenty-three years ago)

what does that mean, and why doesnt yr label answer emails from starving writers ?

― anthony easton (anthony), Monday, 24 February 2003 10:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Jesus Anthony, you just ruined my sand dune story.

― Andrew (enneff), Monday, 24 February 2003 13:13 (twenty-three years ago)

on a crowded train, under the table.

at all places of work.

in the stockroom.

behind the counter whilst talking to a customer.

in school.

at college.

in the darkroom during a lecture.

― thuddd can't log on, Monday, 24 February 2003 14:46 (twenty-three years ago)

I was hoping someone would say something like "my knee" or "the back of my neck"; you know, the most unlikely place on their body that they've played with that eventually caused orgasm.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 24 February 2003 15:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, in that case, my Kirlian fields.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 February 2003 15:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, in that case, my Kirlian fields.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), February 24th, 2003.

I read that as my Kevin Shields, which is probably true too.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 24 February 2003 15:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Frightening thought.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 February 2003 16:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Most unlikely place I have masturbated? Probably Burma and most certainly mutual.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 24 February 2003 23:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Most unlikely place I have masturbated? Probably Burma.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 24 February 2003 23:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Note the difference!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 February 2003 23:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Well all my friends know who I was in Burma with so I thought better of the original and decided to change it to minimise the damage by pretending to have had a sneaky one on my own. But it didn't work BECAUSE IT NEVER DOES.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 24 February 2003 23:36 (twenty-three years ago)

i rue this thread

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 00:19 (twenty-three years ago)

"Rue" or "rule"?

― Chris P (Chris P), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 00:20 (twenty-three years ago)

a little from both columns there

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 00:27 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.mugshots.org/hollywood/pee-wee-herman.jpg

Famous for public pee-wee pulling!

― stimpy groupie, Tuesday, 25 February 2003 02:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Most unlikely place I have masturbated? Probably Burma.

-- Lara, February 24th, 2003.

So I was not the only one that got off three times this weekend during the Mission of Burma Atlanta-WDC-Philadephia relapse! Now you know why I always stand right up against the stage...that way the band doesn't get distracted by any activity with my hands.

You know it ain't eazy taking photos of the band with one hand and...

― BurmaKitty (BurmaKitty), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 02:41 (twenty-three years ago)

BurmaKitty, as a resident of the city you protect and serve, I thank you for sexying up my opinion of the police force.

― boxcubed (boxcubed), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 03:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Actually, they don't let me out on the street anymore.

Maybe there's a reason why?

― BurmaKitty (BurmaKitty), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 03:29 (twenty-three years ago)

on the eurostar, leaving paris on the way to see boards of canada at ATP.

― phil-two (phil-two), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 04:13 (twenty-three years ago)

seven months pass...

I'd like to take the opportunity to revive this thread for no reason other than to make people uncomfortable.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 30 September 2003 11:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh good, I haven't posted on it. Phew.

― Mark C (Mark C), Tuesday, 30 September 2003 11:34 (twenty-two years ago)

In front of a prostitute

― dave q, Tuesday, 30 September 2003 11:39 (twenty-two years ago)

It's not too late Mark. Although I note that Anthony has masturbated on a greyhound which may take some beating. As it were.

Oh wait he meant the bus didn't he...

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 30 September 2003 11:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Mallorca

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 30 September 2003 11:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I just finished off on my new cd.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 30 September 2003 11:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Shit, I posted with my work address.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 30 September 2003 11:59 (twenty-two years ago)

*sniggers*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 30 September 2003 12:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Ha, I made the exact same joke I was about to post the last time this thread was up!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 30 September 2003 12:48 (twenty-two years ago)

six months pass...

AND AGAIN I WAS ABOUT TO MAKE THAT JOKE! Mods plz delete me ok thx

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 21 April 2004 19:06 (twenty-two years ago)

You just have this consistency.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 21 April 2004 19:14 (twenty-two years ago)

he does, or what he creates does?

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Thursday, 22 April 2004 04:56 (twenty-two years ago)

one of the stupidest things i ever did was use a shoe buffer against my willie to try and see if it got me off. needless to say, it didn't.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 22 April 2004 05:04 (twenty-two years ago)

i will note i was twelve at the time. and horny. not the best combination.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 22 April 2004 05:04 (twenty-two years ago)

but it was in a hotel so maybe it wasn't that unlikely of a place to masturbate. but still, the METHOD was...

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 22 April 2004 05:07 (twenty-two years ago)

So you people spunk in your pants and leave it there or what?

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 22 April 2004 05:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I alone am the true ruler of this thread.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Thursday, 22 April 2004 05:36 (twenty-two years ago)

ten years pass...

I'm not sure if all answers are to completion, I suspect not and therefore call foul

― local eire man (darraghmac), Tuesday, 24 February 2015 02:12 (eleven years ago)

While driving on 95 south and listening to Mahler. To completion (both the deed and the symphony).

― walid foster dulles (man alive), Tuesday, 24 February 2015 02:22 (eleven years ago)

there is no unlikely place. masturbation is always likely.

― describing a scene in which the Hulk gets a boner (contenderizer), Tuesday, 24 February 2015 02:35 (eleven years ago)

gamete recognize gamete

― f***kin good lookin for a knacker (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 24 February 2015 02:37 (eleven years ago)

symphony of a thousand (spermatozoa)

― mookieproof, Tuesday, 24 February 2015 02:46 (eleven years ago)

Roman Polanski's bathtub

― Hammer Smashed Bagels, Tuesday, 24 February 2015 02:48 (eleven years ago)

behind the counter whilst talking to a customer.
― thuddd can't log on, Monday, 24 February 2003 14:46 (12 years ago)

This is amazing. I wonder how on earth the customer couldn't have noticed or maybe Thuddd was making it obvious on purpose.

― Robert Adam Gilmour, Tuesday, 24 February 2015 03:08 (eleven years ago)

what a zAnY guy that thuddd

― Treeship, Tuesday, 24 February 2015 04:44 (eleven years ago)

That'd be the butt, Bob.

― iyo iyo un day (how's life), Tuesday, 24 February 2015 11:19 (eleven years ago)

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