trying too hard to impress people vs. not trying hard enough

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Which is worse? Which group do you fall into?

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 09:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Too hard... and I think it's worse

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 09:08 (twenty-three years ago)

And is "not giving a shit what people think of you" necessarily a good thing?

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 09:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, I definitely try too hard. Or rather, swing back and forth between trying to hard, then deciding I don't care at all and not trying at all.

It is very important to not give a shit what people think of you. You should care to the utmost how people *feel* about you, but you should not give a shit what they think.

― kate, Tuesday, 25 February 2003 09:14 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm not sure it matters whether you are trying or not.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 09:16 (twenty-three years ago)

In my opinion your question is irrelivent. A focused person doesn't
have the time to worry about small issues like these. Do whats right and don't ask yourself who's impressed and who isn't, even if its your boss.

― steve, Tuesday, 25 February 2003 09:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, I figured the thread would start this way.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 09:20 (twenty-three years ago)

you didn't try hard enough.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 09:21 (twenty-three years ago)

it depends on the people

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 09:26 (twenty-three years ago)

sorry, I mean, you tried too hard.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 09:26 (twenty-three years ago)

neither, its important to be in the middle. if you dont try hard enough, its all them and no input from you. if you try too hard its all you and no space for them. try hard enough to show that you care, but not so hard that its all you.

both extremes are self-absorbed and place no importance on the actuality of the other people

― gareth (gareth), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 09:48 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't try to impress people, I try to make some sort of impression, but it's always slightly half-hearted. That's just me, if you know me long enough I'm alright. I like other people and always try and help my friends, so I don't think my approach is self-absorbed.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 09:58 (twenty-three years ago)

For me, it can work either way depending on how I relate to the person. I generally find that if I'm not conscious of myself and I'm not trying at all, then I have a natural rapport with the individual. I do sometimes try to win someone over but it's tiring and I end up feeling a bit of a fraud. I've met enough people at this stage that I feel so comfortable with (from the outset) that I can't be bothered with people that I don't click with. And when I say ‘can't be bothered I’ just won't invest in them although I'll obviously still be friendly and polite and kind. Life’s just too short for play-acting.

(This is a relatively new stance).

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 10:37 (twenty-three years ago)

My favourite people are, generally speaking, those who I feel I don't HAVE to try with. This goes for virtual strangers and people I meet in the pub as much as it goes for my oldest and closest friends.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 11:01 (twenty-three years ago)

i don't try hard enough and then wonder why people aren't impressed regardless

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 11:20 (twenty-three years ago)

A lot of people I don't try with at all, kind of on Matt DC's suggestion that I shouldn't need to if I'm talking to the right people. Others I try far too hard with and it completely pushes them away.

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 11:21 (twenty-three years ago)

I can be really neglectful of people and it's my current least-favourite thing about myself. Mostly I think I get it about right though, offline at least.

― Tom (Groke), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 11:24 (twenty-three years ago)

i agree with matt. which is lucky for me cos i never make the slightest bit of effort. sometimes i wonder what my friends get out of knowing me at all!

― jeanne picot (jeanne picot), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 11:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Obviously most of my time recently is spent trying very hard to impress people here. It's a dismal failure of course...

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 18:49 (twenty-three years ago)

I agree with kate - You should care to the utmost how people *feel* about you, but you should not give a shit what they think.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 20:19 (twenty-three years ago)

feeling & thinking are sort of the same thing in that context

― duane, Tuesday, 25 February 2003 22:04 (twenty-three years ago)

"clearly"

― duane, Tuesday, 25 February 2003 22:05 (twenty-three years ago)

It made more sense in my head, but I've forgotten the argument I was using now.

Did I mention I'm getting more and more senile by the d... hey, look, balloons!

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 22:08 (twenty-three years ago)

I almost never try, because I've been shit on by so many people and ultimately it's convinced me I really have nothing to offer anyone.

Oh well...

― Christine SH, Tuesday, 25 February 2003 22:09 (twenty-three years ago)

I was going to say trying too hard, of course. But really, I think it'd probably end up a bigger problem if people REALLY didn't try enough and didn't keep up with certain societal standard practices which are done for the benefit of others (eg. washing). But how much is "too hard" and how much is "not hard enough"?

― -M, Tuesday, 25 February 2003 22:55 (twenty-three years ago)

The kids at the last Toronto FAP probably thought I was trying to impress them by throwing back many bourbons, but I was actually just completely unable to relax without booze that night. I generally never try hard enough to impress people. I would rather have people think I'm nothing special and later be surprised than to think I'm really cool at first and then discover the truth!

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 23:03 (twenty-three years ago)

I think the former in my case, but usually my energies are misplaced. (Misdirected?) I actually have a perverse way of going about this, which often includes contradicting or otherwise insulting the person I'm trying to impress.

― Amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 23:07 (twenty-three years ago)

(that's the sound of ILXers slowly backing away)

― Amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 00:03 (twenty-three years ago)

My problem is, after I've good and impressed someone I don't know what to do with them.

― Aimless, Wednesday, 26 February 2003 00:10 (twenty-three years ago)

Bronze them and mount them on the wall. Or else, depending on your proclivities.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 01:46 (twenty-three years ago)

if I had to pick, the latter. This question makes me uncomfortable.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 02:09 (twenty-three years ago)

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