Sex vs Courtesy!

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Ok, in Horace's "Trashy Exploits" thread he feels a bit silly for being annoyed his three close friends didn't seem to feel the need to include him in their group sex fun, and Chris P. reckons there's no reason why they should have to, if they aren't attracted to him. Why should this be so? It's not how most of life works, is it? Is sex so unimportant/INCREDIBALLY important that general rules of friendship/politeness don't apply?

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 13:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Or am I just still in a dumb mood?

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 13:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Is sex so unimportant/INCREDIBALLY important that general rules of friendship/politeness don't apply?

sex is so incredibly important that its very mention in a thread guarantees a billion replies.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 13:52 (twenty-three years ago)

unless i reply, which guarantees thread death anyway.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 13:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, yr right anyway, I needn't have asked. The thing is, it's IMPORTANT. Why should one not be horribly hurt if a situation like Horace's arises? It seems to override all other personal/relationship values! Why?

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 13:56 (twenty-three years ago)

I guess this depends on what people have in mind when they have group sex. Do they love everyone involved? Are they attracted to everyone involved?

Group sex experts to thread.

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 13:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Rejection is yes super-horrible but it is not Person X's duty to fancy you.

Or even me.

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 13:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Group sex experts to thread.

it seems like that would be martin skidmore. where is he?

― phil-two (phil-two), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 13:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Perhaps he does not want to bring up SEX vs. Courtesy in giant letters at his work?

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 14:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Mark, it FEELS to me like it is, if yr close friends. If yr having a non "relationship" sex session, invite the people you care most about. Just seems polite to me, and fun, but I am probably being stupid

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 14:03 (twenty-three years ago)

In group sex, is there some sort of average number...? You know, like 4 is lovely, 5's a crowd?

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 14:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Surely the sex is going to be a bit crap if you've just involved someone out of politeness and aren't actually attracted to them? Group or not, friend or not.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 14:05 (twenty-three years ago)

if sex is so 'incredibly important' people don't mind fucking each other's husbands and wives behind thier own spouse's backs and shit like that, and sometimes people ruin their lives over one lame 'passionate' wriggle....

then aye, i'd say it can laugh in the face of friendship/politeness.

but what would i know?

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 14:06 (twenty-three years ago)

You'd know a lot.

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 14:10 (twenty-three years ago)

the very fact that you said that shows how little you know me...

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 14:11 (twenty-three years ago)

...in the Biblical sense?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 14:12 (twenty-three years ago)

As yet, etc

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 14:12 (twenty-three years ago)

me not understand bible reference, so i'll just smile and assume you were being nice.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 14:16 (twenty-three years ago)

inviting a pal whom you don't really want along to come along to the pub = courtesy

inviting a pal whom you don't really want along to come along to the threesome = courtesy taken well too far

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 14:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Two's a threesome, three's a crowd.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 15:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It's the impt of sex thing... not inviting someone to the pub, mild discourtesy. Not inviting them into group sex, possible horrible selfesteem destroying act. Is sexual fun REALLY so important? Goes for general "casual" sex situations too, btw, not doing it w/yr best friends vs some goodlooking stranger

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 15:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Um, no personal sitch involved really either, just general pruditude

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 15:47 (twenty-three years ago)

John, why is a far more impt than the pub sit. (sex) a courtesy too far? Surely it matters more than an invitation to drinking on Friday night? Why does this IMPT thing seem to deem less in the way of manners than so many less IMPT activities?

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 15:58 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm not sure what "IMPT" means but when personal boundaries enter into the question, then being courteous = just being incredibly neurotic really: "Say, you don't mind if I beat up your mother do you?" "Well, I mean, is it something you really want to do?" "Oh yes I've wanted to for ages" "Well then have at it" -- of course this would be ridiculous, and no matter how polite you are you've gotta say "keep your f**king hands off my mother or I will paste you one," right? similarly you don't have sex with people with whom you don't want to have sex, period, no matter how slighted they may feel -- to sleep with somebody so they won't feel bad is akin to letting somebody rob your house because you don't want to appear tight-fisted

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 16:11 (twenty-three years ago)

And if they want to sleep with you AND rob your house, the time for courtesy is OVER.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 16:20 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't want group sex w/any of my friends. If I wanted group sex (aktually I don't phancy it much YMMV etc) I would want it to be with other people I only knew for group sex. Not being invited to threesome by friends = blessed mercy, thank fukc for that & so on (YMMV again)

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 17:02 (twenty-three years ago)

sleeping with people, then robbing their houses = flashbacks of my misspent youth

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 17:08 (twenty-three years ago)

It's just that it's so difficult to have sex with someone you're not attracted to...

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 18:23 (twenty-three years ago)

... or don't plan to rob, apparently!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 18:25 (twenty-three years ago)

It's just that it's so difficult to have sex with someone you're not attracted to

Just have more to drink.

― No One (SiggyBaby), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 18:57 (twenty-three years ago)

pashmina (as often) = OTM!!!

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 18:58 (twenty-three years ago)

I have done that, No One: Believe me, I have done that. It is still difficult.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 19:01 (twenty-three years ago)

I was at a party many, many years ago, drinking Agent Orange (vodka and powdered Tang). Somehow, I ended up on a couch sans shirt with two ugly girls giving me a cat bath and rubbing my body with ice as the party raged around us. Suddenly, a thought managed to swim to the surface of my alcohol soaked brain— I was certain that the tall one was a girl, but what if the short one was actually a guy (picture Pat from SNL with a mullet)? Well, I couldn’t just ask, and it would be rude of me to stop without a good excuse, so I had to check. To fuel my courage, I told them that they needed more ice to stir my drink. As soon as they left to get more ice, I quickly downed another half-tumbler of Agent Orange. After they returned and resumed, I checked— female.

And that was the closest I’ve come to a homosexual experience.

― No One (SiggyBaby), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 19:27 (twenty-three years ago)

And that was the closest I’ve come to a homosexual experience.

In London, one is never more than five metres from a homosexual experience.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 19:32 (twenty-three years ago)

No One: In no way does your story strike me as "not difficult".

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 19:36 (twenty-three years ago)

knowing that you're going to rob somebody after you bed them down = aphrodisiac par excellence obv.

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 19:56 (twenty-three years ago)

the idea of having sex with a bunch of your best friends seems incomprehensibly stupid to me.

― Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 20:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, of course. But doesn't it seem like sex would be the sort of thing friends would do? You know, like playing board games or going on vineyard tours. Another way of expressing affection and having fun.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 20:42 (twenty-three years ago)

You mean like college?

― No One (SiggyBaby), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 20:50 (twenty-three years ago)

From what some of my friends' college experiences were like, yes.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 20:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Pete and Emma have some things to say on this subject.

(As I recall, Pete thinks women have a duty to go out with men who deserve it, overcoming their base instincts to go with men they find attractive. Emma thinks he is a mental case.)

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 20:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Man, I was such a prude in college.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 20:53 (twenty-three years ago)

I went to a community college. That's my excuse. And despite all my talk back then that I was hoping to use my college years to experiment with heterosexuality, nothing much came of that.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 20:55 (twenty-three years ago)

I’m just happy that I survived college without becoming disfigured, maimed or somehow damaged.

― No One (SiggyBaby), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 20:56 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm with Maria - there's my friends, and my crushes, and they just aren't the same thing, and even though me and my best mate and his wife are like that *makes with the crossed finger gesture* and he has jokingly said I should become their concubine, we all know in reality it'd be "ewww!". I have to be attracted to someone to sleep with them, on some level. So I don't see how politeness even enters (fnarr) into this. I'm baffled.

"Oh you cad, you had a threesome after bridge and didn't invite me! I say, I am miffed". Nah.. doesn't work.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 20:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Hello! Sorry - I was at work (no fear of what threads to open, just that I was working) then out on a first date (yes, we're meeting again, unless she googles and finds me here that is).

I don't know what society Andrew is in, but the normal rules of politeness do not extend to invitations to sex anywhere I know. Sex is separated off from most other aspects of life. Anyway, you can hardly invite everyone you like as friends into any planned group sex session. It can be kind of hard work, group sex, and the more people the more complicated it gets. Trying to involve someone you don't much fancy would make it difficult, I think.

As for friends, I have never had any kind of group sex with anyone who was a genuine friend before. It nearly happened a couple of times, in fact, but for various reasons I won't talk about here (for fear of revealing identities) it didn't. I was up for it, as it happens.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 23:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, leaving friends out of it completely sounds like the best option, really

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 23:56 (twenty-three years ago)

I was up for it, as it happens.

Skidmore, you shock me.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 27 February 2003 00:11 (twenty-three years ago)

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