thread to create brand new TV programmes with suspiciously familiar titles

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Nigella Smites: The domestic goddess sits upon her fluffy cloud on high, striking down contestants who have difficulty in creating a hot lamb salad with a mint, quince and pomegranate jelly followed by a turkish delight syllabub

Big Smother: One custom-built house, 12 vacuous wannabe sleb reality TV types, 12 pillows. Last one unasphixiated wins

Sex and the Settee: Four loose York University students and their wealth of dysfunctional cohorts leave an array of seminal fluids, discharges and other lubricants on their green velour sofa each Saturday night. Viewers are invited to text in and guess what they are. Sponsored by Stain Devils

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Charlie's Angles: Ms Dimmock demonstrates how exciting trigonometry can be if you don't wear a bra

Pop Eyeball: Googly-eyed wannabes try to impress the judges with their occular dexterity

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Fiends - a group of fiercely unattractive thirty-somethings, who wear shit clothes sharing two squats in a run down part of Chicago.

― Lara (Lara), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:25 (twenty-three years ago)

(Listen) Without Prejudice?: Liza Tarbuck hosts the show where five judges have to award £50,000 to the most George Michael impersonator

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:26 (twenty-three years ago)

most convincing. obviously

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:27 (twenty-three years ago)

CSI: WHYami?
Slaw & Order
O Car 54, Where Art Thou?
My Mother the Cad
My Three Songs
The Gollum Girls

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Home & Affray: Australian suds. Rhys sends the twins to the torture chamber and Fisher apologises for his arson attempt on the caravan park. Meanwhile, will anybody notice the razor blades that Colleen has hidden in the diner cheesecake?

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Crackers: overweight Irish detective is clinically insane and therefore can solve no crime.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Die Sundung mit dem Scouse: Lovable Liverpudlian explains the workings of machines to German children every Sunday morning; German children, uncomprehending, switch over to the A-Team.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:33 (twenty-three years ago)

Kids Do the Darndest Things When Animals Attack

― Amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Cold Teat: Thirtysomething drama in which all cast members have particularly prominent nipples

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:39 (twenty-three years ago)

What Not To Bare: Trinny and Susannah go round your local park chastising flashers.

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Trading Graces: Neighbours dine and pray together

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Dislocation, Dislocation, Dislocation: Phil and Kirsty get what's coming to them

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:49 (twenty-three years ago)

The Mod Couple: Swinging Cats try to get along
The Odd Squad: Felix & Oscar go undercover

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:50 (twenty-three years ago)

This whole thread is my first honest laugh of the day. I kiss you!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned - its just Ned.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned, what caused the dishonest laughter?

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Things To Do In Denver When You're Ned

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Saddam and Son - Saddam and his boys live in a junkyard rather than a Presidential Palace. "Oh Uday, this is the big one! I'm going to see AllaH!"

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Crappy Days: Richie, Ralph, and Potsie deal w/their mid life crises and life after 9/11. Every episode is 'a very special' one.

(Do you mean the show Mr. Ned, Chris? The one where we put peanut butter in Ned's mouth)

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Isn't there a show called Ed?

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 27 February 2003 16:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Six Feet Chunder: Calista Flockhart presents the World Vomiting Championships

Alive... With Chris Moyles: The Radio 1 oaf presents an irreverent look at the days events live from the wreckage of a plane crash in the Andes

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"Friends": Just like "Friends," except they're Quakers.

― Nemo (JND), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Imperfect Strangers: Two cousins live together in Chicago. They both come from similar backgrounds and are very serious and sensible. Hilarity does not ensue.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Brazier - Sit-com about the hilarious life of the pompously snobbish Conservative MP for Canterbury and Whitstable and his Loving family.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned, what caused the dishonest laughter?

I'll let you know as soon as I finish walling up this Amontillado-drunk clown in a jester's suit.

Things To Do In Denver When You're Ned

Oh dear.

Do you mean the show Mr. Ned, Chris? The one where we put peanut butter in Ned's mouth

TMI.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Charles is Charged: the trial of Scott Baio
I Lug Lucy: a gang of fun-loving teens transports the remains of TV's most beloved comedienne across the country in a quest to find themselves.
Party of Flies: Bailey and the gang on a deserted island

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Changing Tombs: Carol Smillie wanders around cemeteries looking very pleased with herself as her compatriots redecorate the graves of the rich and famous according to the peccadilloes which they loved when still alive. This week, Linda Barker makes over Jim Morrison's grave at Pere-Lachaise to accomodate a tap that pisses pure Jack Daniels, and Laurence Lewelleyn-Bowen lends a racecourse theme to the Queen Mum's crypt

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Tree's Company- Two green saplings and a fully mature Redwood share an apartment above a lumberjack. The roommates conspire to fool the lumberjack into believing the Redwood is not worthy to cut down despite evidence to the contrary.

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:06 (twenty-three years ago)

You've Been Farmed: Lisa Riley bounces around the nation, ploughing hapless members of the public into the ground.

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:06 (twenty-three years ago)

La Law: A Frenchman tries to make it in the cutthroat world of an American lawfirm -- romance and hilarity ensues.

M*A*S*H Ups: Goofy Korean War era Army surgeons sing "Sk8ter Boy" to the tune of "Sweet Child o' Mine" or vice versa.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Flowing Pains - The show revolves around the girls menstrual period.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:08 (twenty-three years ago)

I am now literally collapsed with giggling laughter on the floor. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:08 (twenty-three years ago)

joe i'm looking for that list we made ages ago but i cant find it, but i do recall:

Who Wants To Be A Legionaire? (chris tarrant cajoles the naive and bewildered into joining the Foreign Regiment)

She's Gotta Habit (fashion magazine hosted by Whitney Houston)

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Diff'rent Strokes - Arnold and Willis decide they are going to revive rock music and form a band.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Hahaha I'd forgotten She's Gotta Habit. Ace

Am trying to mainly think of new ones though

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:10 (twenty-three years ago)

The Fresh Prince Of Bel-mont (adventures of a streetwise young man as he moves from the rough side of town to his uncle's mansion in er, North Wembley)

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Richard & Nudey: Nursing home chatter at teatime with Richard and a blow-up sex doll. Judy is unavailable because she has collapsed in the studio left clutching a bottle of Finlandia.

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:16 (twenty-three years ago)

lift not left. damn my mittens

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Mark S and Mindy

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Only Stools And Faeces (hilarious sitcom featuring loveable rogue, hapless brother and deranged war veteran uncle, the twist being every scene takes place in the khazi)

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:17 (twenty-three years ago)

and hey lets rip off Lee & Herring at all opportunities:

Bent Coppers - sitcom about two policeman, one of which is corrupt, the other homosexual, and they both have curvature of the spine, and they're both made of copper

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:18 (twenty-three years ago)

That 30s Show
promo tag-line: "finally, the comic possibilities of bread lines and constant financial worry are tapped"
Plus, "a Hispanic foreigner introduces marihuana to unsuspecting middle class Americans...the consequences are high-larious"

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:18 (twenty-three years ago)

The National Ottery Live!: Footage of the water-loving mammals playing in their WWF sanctuary. Much better than the thing it replaces.

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:18 (twenty-three years ago)

The Dick and Dyke Show. Mary Tyler Moore comes out of the closet. Much strapping on of dildos ensues.

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Dawson's Greek: Joey and Pacey are astonished when Dawson brings a strapping six-foot javelin thrower home, having finally given in to the subtext

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Beast Enders - collection of hilarious stories about simple country folk caught pants-down with livestock. Dan Perry presents.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Cheers, Steers, Beers, and Queers: When the old gang come to visit Sam at his new honkey-tonk gay bar in Texas, cultural misunderstandings lead to loads of laffs!

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Bland Designs: Another hour-long Channel 4 documentary featuring a young professional couple painting their loft apartment magnolia

― j0e (j0e), Thursday, 27 February 2003 17:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Skipping 198 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

as if none of us knew about tvgohome...(this thread was a different, simpler premise anyway)

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 14:00 (twenty-two years ago)

two months pass...

I'm Celibate, Get Me Out Of Her! - In which Cliff Richard is forced to have sex with nubile young ladies, much to his chagrin. Mike Reid presents.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 22 April 2004 14:48 (twenty-two years ago)

one month passes...

Room Electribe 101 - Billy Ray Martin and her attendant ugly blokes ask various slebs to name things they hate.

Big Bendy Bus - 12 people spend 10 weeks on the number 453 going backwards and forwards. Every so often one of them gets voted off by the public and kicked out onto the pavement outside with no quid coin to put in the machine to get home!

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 4 June 2004 12:52 (twenty-two years ago)

seven months pass...

Brilliant thread.

I Love Lucifer: Sitcom about a scatter-brained housewife and her comical adventures worshipping Satan.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Monday, 31 January 2005 16:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I cracked up at one of the answers above, then felt embarrassed at how it was my own posting from last year.

Mind you, haven't Word magazine nicked this?

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 31 January 2005 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

you can't blame them. comedy gold.

― Stevem On X (blueski), Monday, 31 January 2005 16:56 (twenty-one years ago)

> Mind you, haven't Word magazine nicked this?

didn't *we* nick this? from lee and herring?

― koogs (koogs), Monday, 31 January 2005 17:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Then I read the whole thread, and did the same thing again

Go on, you can tell me. Were they really great, or is it I just share my sense of humour with myself? (You can tell me)

thread to create brand new TV programmes with suspiciously familiar titles
thread to create brand new TV programmes with suspiciously familiar titles
thread to create brand new TV programmes with suspiciously familiar titles
thread to create brand new TV programmes with suspiciously familiar titles
thread to create brand new TV programmes with suspiciously familiar titles

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 31 January 2005 17:15 (twenty-one years ago)

too literal, lacking surreal edge

― Stevem On X (blueski), Monday, 31 January 2005 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Fair enough.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 10:47 (twenty-one years ago)

ha, that Sex and the Settee one ended up being used by ch5 didn't it?

'Look Behind You' where presenters of a previously popular cult comedy series live their lives in fear after fiddling about with formats and disgruntling former fans.

― koogs (koogs), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 12:21 (twenty-one years ago)

one year passes...

What Not to Bare - Trinny and Susannah advise ppl on which bits of their body to keep covered on their next beach holiday

Follyoaks - a group of students live in an impractical castellated building (supposedly in Chester)

DissCatches - Channel 4 programme where fishermen criticise each other's fish

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 14 April 2006 11:18 (twenty years ago)

MarkH on fire today :)

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 14 April 2006 11:39 (twenty years ago)

six months pass...

Have I Got Jews For You? - satirical panel quiz presented by Will Self. Features team captains Larry David and Alan Sugar, with appearances from Woody Allen and Melanie Phillips.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 6 November 2006 16:50 (nineteen years ago)

TorchWood

Stones bassist is outed as extra-terrestrial witch and burned alive.

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Monday, 6 November 2006 17:07 (nineteen years ago)

Top Geir

Norway's finest amateur music critic crashes at 200mph but survives after using bautifully crafted melodies of The Feeling as airbag.

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Monday, 6 November 2006 17:10 (nineteen years ago)

I'm sure this was the thread where I came up with my awesome 'Balti Towers' joke but evidently not.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 6 November 2006 17:32 (nineteen years ago)

Indian Restaurant pun thread surely

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Monday, 6 November 2006 17:36 (nineteen years ago)

Two Pints of Lager and a Posse of Crips

Reality show in which Ralf Little and that cunt off Hollyoaks see if they can survive a month as members of LA's notorious street gang. Answer: no. And hilarity ensues.

― chap who would dare to welcome our new stingray masters (chap), Monday, 6 November 2006 17:49 (nineteen years ago)

Borat Camp

out of control teenagers are sent to Kazakhstan.

― Koogy Yonderboy (koogs), Monday, 6 November 2006 18:08 (nineteen years ago)

Peal or No Deal

Contestants must impress unseen 'banker' with campanology skills to win cash prize.

― robster (robster), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 15:29 (nineteen years ago)

Children In Tweed

Fund-raising extravaganza in which Wogan, Kerplunkski, Cotton and co. try and stump up enough public cash to render an entire Africa's kids truly dapper

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 15:33 (nineteen years ago)

Dolby City: Hospital drama with excellent sound quality

-- j0e (joe.bret...), February 27th, 2003 5:36 PM.

ones like these crack me up more than anything else

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 15:34 (nineteen years ago)

Biel or No Biel - contestants are thrust into film casting careers and have to decide whether or not to cast Jessica Biel as the heroine

F O U N D - a plane crashes in a field in Iowa, rescue helicopters come to their rescue immediately

― polar bear flashback episode (nickalicious), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 16:03 (nineteen years ago)

P*A*S*H - follow the story of the 4077 medical as they perform tedious medical exams on ilx server-jockey N. Phay

― polar bear flashback episode (nickalicious), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 16:05 (nineteen years ago)

ha ha ha

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 16:05 (nineteen years ago)

Casually - hospital soap in which there are no emergencies

― ONIMO ph34rz teh NOIZE (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 16:06 (nineteen years ago)

Touchwood - superstitious extra terrestrials keep trying to jinx each other

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 16:07 (nineteen years ago)

Flubs - Zach Braff thinks a whole show made up of comedy gaffes is actually worth watching, as long as there is a Shins song playing in the background.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 01:07 (nineteen years ago)

M.U.S.H. - overly sentimental look at an army medical camp during the korean war.

M.A.S.H In The Attic - no idea 8)

(did also consider Pash In The Attic)

― Koogy Yonderboy (koogs), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 09:34 (nineteen years ago)

(where N discovers old and valuable guitar pedals in his loft, and auctions them to old antique collectors that have already agreed not to outbid each other)

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 10:23 (nineteen years ago)

Hornby City - Tiny trains run round the floors of the wards of an otherwise unremarkable hospital, snaking between the legs of the even duller lives of the staff there.

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 10:36 (nineteen years ago)

Lolby City - "Are you avin' a laff? Is she avin' a laff Dr Beauchamp?"

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 10:42 (nineteen years ago)

Clacker - novelty toy of the 70s psyches out serial killers by making really annoying clacking sounds repeatedly in their face til they confess. (and not some racist variant of the original that you, yes YOU, may have imagined)

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 11:00 (nineteen years ago)

Quacker - novelty duck calling whistle psyches out... [etc]

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 11:00 (nineteen years ago)

The Catherine Tate Gallery.

oh god.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 11:02 (nineteen years ago)

Sporks - secret government agency regularly thwarts terrorists and shady conspiracies using only plastic picnic cutlery in what is meant to look stylish, gritty and modern but comes of looking cheap, derivative and poorly acted.

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 11:03 (nineteen years ago)

Saturday Kitsch-Hen: Anthony Worrall-Thompson suggests decorating your poultry with sequins whilst wearing enormous pearls and listening to Leo Sayer

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 11:10 (nineteen years ago)

Cattle Stargirl Lactic Car - tortously named revival of the 80s Glen Larson show about a futuristic space cowgirl and her milk powered car.

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 11:17 (nineteen years ago)

Top Of The Poops - Dr Gillian ranks fecal matter.

― Koogy Yonderboy (koogs), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 12:53 (nineteen years ago)

four years pass...

The Mary Jane Adventures - Elisabeth Sladen decides she really can't be arsed to search for her sonic lipstick, but feels really, really hungry.

Cash in the Artic - Angela Rippon and co visit Eddie Stobart to point out that those hidden Seddon Atkinsons at the back of his depot might be worth something.

― Grandpont Genie, Thursday, 18 November 2010 13:40 (fifteen years ago)

Top Geir

Norway's finest amateur music critic crashes at 200mph but survives after using bautifully crafted melodies of The Feeling as airbag.

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Monday, 6 November 2006 17:10 (4 years ago)

lolololol

― acoleuthic, Thursday, 18 November 2010 13:57 (fifteen years ago)

two years pass...

a set of 3 slightly disturbing dramas set on a russian space station and featuring mainly american actors - Black Mir

― koogs, Tuesday, 19 February 2013 14:17 (thirteen years ago)

three years pass...

Great British Stewing Beef

― koogs, Monday, 20 June 2016 21:18 (ten years ago)

Puns of Anarchy - a bunch of dudes make clever internet lists based on wordplay and occasionally discuss the works of Bakunin

― sarahell, Monday, 20 June 2016 22:27 (ten years ago)

ILX then.

― Interpretive Jigglypuffery (Leee), Monday, 20 June 2016 22:31 (ten years ago)

two years pass...

ok, this isn't quite the right thread for this but

https://www.tvwise.co.uk/2018/07/channel-5-orders-in-solitary-celebrity-series/

"Following on from the success of In Solitary, Channel 5 has given the green-light to a celebrity edition of the series which followed four members of the public as they attempted to live in solitary confinement."

i'm sure this started as an armando iannucci sketch.

― koogs, Saturday, 8 September 2018 20:41 (seven years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_Hdkt-Vc34

the 'real' one is also using shipping containers as accommodation. and they are exactly the same shade of blue.

― koogs, Saturday, 8 September 2018 20:45 (seven years ago)

four years pass...

Scared of the Dark, that's being trailed on ch4 at the moment is pretty much this ^ as well. all the usual suspects, and chris mccausland who would seem to have a massive advantage.

https://www.whattowatch.com/watching-guides/scared-of-the-dark-host-celebrities-how-it-works-what-happens-and-everything-we-know

― koogs, Wednesday, 12 April 2023 10:31 (three years ago)

Is it really a good idea putting someone with Paul Gascoigne's well documented mental health issues in a situation which seems specifically designed to mentally torture people?

― Maggot Bairn (Tom D.), Wednesday, 12 April 2023 11:48 (three years ago)

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