J. Lo and Ben Affleck - The Continuum

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I see these two together. One, a queen of wide hip pride. The other,a king of Boston chinbutt victory. Yet, please, my heart does not linger there, in their lost kisses. Ben and J.Lo, what are you up to tonite> Are you gently nuzzlin' each other? Is J.Lo getting firey in the bed!? I don't really want to consider these things. But we take pictures of tehse two, we pry their life like a fat greedy boy pries open the wrigling clam to suck out its stinky mucas entrails. Hark, what does Orson Wells say ? He says " This is impossible! I bring the winter winds!"

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Sunday, 2 March 2003 07:15 (twenty-one years ago) link

I just want to say I finally got to hear "The Temp Agency" today and my life is immeasurably improved. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 2 March 2003 07:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

so you got the comp then Ned?

― jel -- (jel), Sunday, 2 March 2003 14:26 (twenty-one years ago) link

Anyway, does BA really wear a toupey? That's what I really need to know.

― ChristineSH, Sunday, 2 March 2003 15:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

I did indeed! Thanks!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 2 March 2003 15:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Why does Orson Welles say that?

― Ally (mlescaut), Sunday, 2 March 2003 18:14 (twenty-one years ago) link

Because you're a tart, tart.

― Graha m (graham), Sunday, 2 March 2003 18:40 (twenty-one years ago) link

Because he is driven by a strong impulse to be as baroque as possible.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Sunday, 2 March 2003 18:43 (twenty-one years ago) link

Clearly.

― jm (jtm), Sunday, 2 March 2003 20:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

a propos of nothing, will Jenny become J. Aff? Or will Ben become B. Lo?

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Sunday, 2 March 2003 20:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

I think the pair of them should be set on fire.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Sunday, 2 March 2003 20:40 (twenty-one years ago) link

HONOUR THE 'FLECK!

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Sunday, 2 March 2003 20:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

B. Lo would be a great name.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 2 March 2003 21:14 (twenty-one years ago) link

Did I really say somewhere in chat last night that Even Dando was once the Ben Affleck of punk?

― donut bitch (donut), Sunday, 2 March 2003 21:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

Why are there never such good chats happening when I turn on AIM?

― j.lu (j.lu), Sunday, 2 March 2003 22:11 (twenty-one years ago) link

HONOUR THE 'FLECK!

That would be Bela Fleck, I assume?

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 3 March 2003 00:37 (twenty-one years ago) link

She should just be J. Block

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 3 March 2003 02:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

Chinbutt Victory should be a film production company

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 3 March 2003 02:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

becausde of the secret Orson Wells drunken pissed off commercial I heard once, available for downlaod

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Monday, 3 March 2003 04:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

I imagine they make a lovely couple.

I hope they stay together happily.

I can't see what all the negativity is for.

― the pinefox, Tuesday, 4 March 2003 16:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

no, no, no.
Jenny will keep her last name and just add Affleck at the end, thus making her...wait...wait...J Loaf!

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 4 March 2003 16:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

four months pass...

revive. right, i guess gigli is already out over stateside, just seeing adverts for the thing while i was there made me want to blow chunks. it looks horrible. and today i find this funny onion article which made me squirt milk out my nose with chuckles:
http://www.theonion.com/onion3929/gigli_focus_groups.html

anyway, has anyone actually seen this film? and are we starting to see the implosion of the cult of personality surrounding j.lo? will she drag ben down with here if she becomes a hate figure?

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Sunday, 3 August 2003 22:57 (twenty years ago) link

Drag Ben down? I didn't know that he really needed dragging down.

― Larcole (Nicole), Sunday, 3 August 2003 23:41 (twenty years ago) link

yeah true, but hes still somewhat higher than j.lo i guess. i can't really understand why either of them are famous, i mean they're both mediocre actors in my opinion and j lo's singles were all pretty bland and unmemorable, again in my opinion, and later on just resorted to fairly pointless rapper cameos... so why do we care?

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Sunday, 3 August 2003 23:53 (twenty years ago) link

Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms, yo!

I've never seen Phantoms, does it have some kind of Affleck-worshipping cult audience, or is he just admitting that the movie (as with almost everything he's done) was a piece of shit?

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Monday, 4 August 2003 00:39 (twenty years ago) link

all aim chats i've been involved in past week to thread

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 4 August 2003 00:42 (twenty years ago) link

haha

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 4 August 2003 00:51 (twenty years ago) link

Gigli has the worst reviews I've ever seen. Its has a 5% rating on Rotten Tomamtoes and a 1.5 on IMDB. I am pretty tempted to see the movie just to see if it really is that bad or people are venting their jello/afflict hate on it. Almost saw it this weekened, but opted for 28 days later, which wasn't as bad as some people on ILX made it out to be (I mildly enjoyed it actually).

― fletrejet, Monday, 4 August 2003 00:57 (twenty years ago) link

i thought it would get a single digit score on Metacritic but VERY surprisingly it got like a 19% last time i looked...u MUST read Ebert's positive review w/ your own eyes to believe it. i believe he uses some sentence about how the vagina wins out or something, i forget

the lowest score i;ve ever seen on Metacritic was a 0 - meaning most of the reviewers gave it 0 out of 4 or whatever stars - and it was for a teen-sex=comedy genre movie that came out last year, was called "slackers"

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 4 August 2003 01:01 (twenty years ago) link

"king of Boston chinbutt victory" - Hanle y's finest achievement?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 4 August 2003 03:45 (twenty years ago) link

On my radio show this morning, I made repeated requests for anyone who had actually seen this movie to call in with a review and got one phone call from a woman who saw it with her mom. She said there were three people in the theatre. She also said it was awful except for the kid who played the kidnapping victim stole the show.

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 4 August 2003 18:15 (twenty years ago) link

bennifer were on project greenlight last night

― nnnh oh oh nnnh nnnh oh (James Blount), Monday, 4 August 2003 18:17 (twenty years ago) link

The whole thing really makes me feel bad for Matt Damon.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Monday, 4 August 2003 19:11 (twenty years ago) link

you reckon this thread will come up when ben or j.lo next google their names? (they blatantly do that, like "oh how famous am i for doing fuckall today!")

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Monday, 4 August 2003 19:16 (twenty years ago) link

I think Tracer and I agree

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 4 August 2003 19:21 (twenty years ago) link

from: http://movieclub.msn.co.uk/movies/news/news.asp?nid=4600
"Gigli" goes from bad to worse

"08 August 2003

With their nuptials fast approaching, celebrity couple Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez will find it hard to hide their blushes at their wedding as their flop flick "Gigli" is disappearing fast from the cinemas only a week after it was released.

Limping into number 8 at the US charts on the weekend, the movie is expected to disappear completely in only two weeks when cinemas finish their three–week contractual obligations to screen the film. Its studio Sony has certainly called it a day and pulled adverts for the failed romantic comedy. And the humiliation for the couple doesn‘t stop there. "Gigli" has scored an 1.5/10 average score from nearly 2000 votes on the enormous "Internet Movie Database" which makes it the worst rated movie in the database‘s many thousands of films including such duds as "Glitter," "Battlefield Earth" and "Jaws 4" which all scored more than 2/10."

all i can think to utter is a nelson style ha-ha

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Friday, 8 August 2003 09:40 (twenty years ago) link

surely its better than Swept Away?

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 8 August 2003 09:45 (twenty years ago) link

it has to be better than bulletproof monk at least. i mean at least it doesnt have a character called captain funktastic in it.

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Friday, 8 August 2003 09:47 (twenty years ago) link

I know what all the words in that sentence mean, but put together in that order they make no sense.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Friday, 8 August 2003 10:35 (twenty years ago) link

I understood the sentence but it is wrong.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 8 August 2003 10:38 (twenty years ago) link

"The whole thing really makes me feel bad for Matt Damon."

Yeah, he ain't gonna get his salad tossed for a while.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 8 August 2003 10:54 (twenty years ago) link

As though having a character called Captain Funktastic would be a bad thing!

― Larcole (Nicole), Friday, 8 August 2003 11:46 (twenty years ago) link

seriously, did none of you see bulletproof monk? it was terrible, but the most enjoying part, in a so-terrible-its-hilarious sort of way was when this guy with a hammy english accent called captain funktastic (im told it was actually mister funktastic, but i prefer my own version) appears on the scene as this sort of underground overlord, and sean-william-scott has to fight him. his girl convinces him to stop the fight and he spouts the classic line "luckily for you this little bit of crumpet wants some of my funktastic love" in fully hammed up accent. im not sure whether they intended it to be so funny (its wasnt a comedy, although sean william scott still had the stifler charm going on) but i laughed so hard i nearly spat sprite all over the row in front because of this.

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Friday, 8 August 2003 11:52 (twenty years ago) link

the most enjoying part
whoops, i could write master system manuals for sega

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Friday, 8 August 2003 11:55 (twenty years ago) link

Bulletproof Monk was fun in all the ways you mention above. Maybe it never got up to the level of Mister Funktastic goodness again (though the Nazi tortue machine was good, as was the idea of Amnesty International being a front for nazi's) but it was stupid fun.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:09 (twenty years ago) link

the fact that they old guy had suddenly changed back in his nazi duds for the big finale was also pretty funny. but still when i came out, the first thing i thought was worst-movie-ever!

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:13 (twenty years ago) link

Wouldn't go see LXG, then.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:24 (twenty years ago) link

I just wanted to reiterate the phrase "This is impossible! I bring the winter winds" yet again.

― Orson Welles (mlescaut), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:27 (twenty years ago) link

I enjoyed Bulletproof Monk.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:36 (twenty years ago) link

is mike hanle y actually just brian sewell in disguise?

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:47 (twenty years ago) link

As though having a character called Captain Funktastic would be a bad thing!

I was about to say, that's a great anime name if ever there was one, so maybe it was just misapplied.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 August 2003 13:33 (twenty years ago) link

That's a terrible anime name, wtf.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 8 August 2003 13:56 (twenty years ago) link

I'm terribly sorry -- Rei Funque Escaflowne, then.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 8 August 2003 14:13 (twenty years ago) link

Ryu Funktastic, Cyber-Ninja.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 8 August 2003 15:05 (twenty years ago) link

So this is their "Magical Mystery Tour" , where everybody gets a shot? Serioopusly, show tha ass, not the personality, you peice of salsa eating voluptous cocky crackly onion flavoured biscuit. As for ben, please go away now, forever. or re name yerself " The Dick Sucker" and try to kill Jerry Lee Lewis with an egg.

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Saturday, 9 August 2003 04:17 (twenty years ago) link

The only thing I can say for these two is that they inspired the South Par episode that had the unforseen side-effect of making me squirt iced tea through my nose. I then choked from laughing so hard. And then I was completely ashamed and wanted to go hide in my closet (nicely stocked with chocolate and books, of course).

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Saturday, 9 August 2003 04:27 (twenty years ago) link

"South par"?

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Saturday, 9 August 2003 04:29 (twenty years ago) link

Yeah, all about these four kids in Colorado who go golfing all of the time with Jesus, and one of them always dies, usually being smothered by Big Gay Al.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Saturday, 9 August 2003 04:37 (twenty years ago) link

I'm down! I haveoften wondereed why your name is a sentance. what can it mean. tell?

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Saturday, 9 August 2003 04:38 (twenty years ago) link

It's a reference to phrase in The Hotel New Hampshire by John Irving. In the story, one of the characters tells of a street actor in Vienna known as 'The King of Mice.' One day, this actor is passing an open window, through which he throws his box of performing mice and then he jumps after them; all die.

In the book, the characters check in on each other and say 'Are you passing open windows?" and other similar phrases. Basically, it's a way of saying that 'yeah, life might suck at times, but I'm still not giving-up.' Therefore, I'm Passing Open Windows.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Saturday, 9 August 2003 04:47 (twenty years ago) link

is this free of disease?

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Saturday, 9 August 2003 04:50 (twenty years ago) link

mslaura makes me smile. so :-)

― Tad (llamasfur), Saturday, 9 August 2003 06:09 (twenty years ago) link

*waves to Tad and smiles back*

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Saturday, 9 August 2003 15:55 (twenty years ago) link

five months pass...

If two such beautiful, successful, hardworking and clearly talented people can't make it work, is there really any hope in going on?

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Friday, 23 January 2004 07:26 (twenty years ago) link

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