Penguins are prostitutes

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This is what my mom just emailed me. Is it true? What could it mean? Discuss.

― Ally, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

The way they keep slapping their thighs and hiding in the shadiest parts of their enclosures. They know what they're doing, the scheming jezebels

― Ronan, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Biscuits, surely.

Penguin society has no concept of trade as I understand it so the notion of prostitution is probably beyond them. I do like them though.

― Tom, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Not true, although some aspects of penguin society are quite strange. The problems largely stem from the fact that all penguins look alike, so you can't tell what sex they are by looking at them. Not even the penguins can tell. The male has a slight problem when choosing a mate, which he overcomes by picking up a stone in his bill and laying it at the feet of another penguin. If he gets pecked as a result, he knows it's another male. So he picks up the stone and proceeds to next penguin in line. If he gets ignored, he knows it's a female which is already spoken for. If however, he gets bowed to, he knows that he's "got lucky".

― MarkH, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I'd like to see this pulling technique used at the next Club Sussed.

― Madchen, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I don't imagine human prostitutes would be impressed if you tried to pay them in stones (unless it was diamonds perhaps).

― Emma, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I'll do almost anything for a really good bit of fish, mind.

― Tim, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Opus is *not* a prostitute. Hmph.

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

You'd do a really good bit of fish for another really good bit of fish?

― Ronan, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Almost.

― Tim, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

You could have pick up a penguin ads revamped if this is true

― Ronan, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

If I was a female penguin, I'd peck people on the head just to confuse them.

― Ally, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

If penguins are prostitutes I'm willing to pay.

― Martin, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

The question is: does your mother take drugs?

― nathalie, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I was wondering how long it would take for Martin to post on this thread...

― Phil-Two, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

In order to mate, you gotta be sneakyish. You gotta convinve the mate that you are healthy and supple. Show them how much slaiva you are capapble of. Run around the bar a few times. Take a shit on the mailman.

― Mike Hanle y, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Um, good thing I'm gay then. I'm not really willing to get into scat for the sake of pulling. But I am willing to charter a plane to the Arctic to have some fun with Mark Hester's stone/sex/penguin/whore theory. Who's in?

― Phil-Two, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I'm still trying to imagine Tim as a penguin prostitute.

― Ally C, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Penguins are ace. My favorite part of the zoo. Also cool: otters and spider monkeys.

The real prostitutes of the zoo are the sea lions.

― bnw, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I am suspicious of my mom's chemical intake, yes.

― Ally, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Wait, wait, I just realized this - sea lions? Do tell.

― Ally, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

They shag for fish.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Good god. I never knew.

― Ally, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Its true - penguins are prostitutes. There was a paper published about it a couple of years ago. Apparently the female penguins trade sexual favours for stones for lining their nests. Penguins are also into partner swapping - they mate for life but occasionally swap partners for a night at a time.

― hamish n00nan, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Theres an article about it here: http://www.penguinstorm.net/penguins/article1.html

― hamish n00nan, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Ally, maybe your mum heard the legendary advertising slogan 'p-p-pick up a Penguin' and got confused?

― Will McKenzie, Wednesday, 5 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

three weeks pass...

I hear Elfs are drunks

― Mike Hanle y, Saturday, 29 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

No they are homosexaul
Dwarves are drunks

― anthony, Saturday, 29 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I am drunk

― Mike Hanle y, Saturday, 29 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

one year passes...

Was this issue explored enough at the time?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 01:53 (twenty-one years ago) link

No, and neither was the elves = gay = drunk = dwarves = hanle y experiment.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 02:39 (twenty-one years ago) link

Time for a closer study.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 04:03 (twenty-one years ago) link

six months pass...

conclusions reached?

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 20 October 2003 18:05 (twenty years ago) link

Penguins should be eradicated ASAP, possibly used for vivisection. Also for coats.

― Allyzay, Monday, 20 October 2003 18:11 (twenty years ago) link

You are horrible.

― bnw (bnw), Monday, 20 October 2003 18:12 (twenty years ago) link

Penguins Are Bastards

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 20 October 2003 18:13 (twenty years ago) link

stevem, seriously, that is a thing of beauty. NOW do you think I am horrible, bnw? They deserve it. Slappers.

― Allyz, Monday, 20 October 2003 18:15 (twenty years ago) link

oh come ON, everybody knows that flightless waterfowl are just a bunch of painted whores!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 20 October 2003 18:22 (twenty years ago) link

Why am I so bad and hated???? :(
http://emperor-penguin.com/emperor-chick.jpg

― bnw (bnw), Monday, 20 October 2003 18:23 (twenty years ago) link

LOOK AT ITS FEET!!! ARRGH.

― Allyzay, Monday, 20 October 2003 18:27 (twenty years ago) link

Those are its mommy's feet!!!!11111

― bnw (bnw), Monday, 20 October 2003 18:28 (twenty years ago) link

I am severely tempted to answer every question asked of me with "They shag for fish."

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 20 October 2003 18:35 (twenty years ago) link

And the question was: "Why do penguins look so damn satisfied?"

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 20 October 2003 19:04 (twenty years ago) link

And the question was: "Why do penguins look so damn satisfied?"

(and Stevem, I owe you a drink for that photo.)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 20 October 2003 19:04 (twenty years ago) link

I never get tired of the penguin bitchslap.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 20 October 2003 19:06 (twenty years ago) link

And You'll Do What for a Herring? Biologists uncover a scurrilous sex trade on the most unlikely of continents

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 20 October 2003 19:26 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.timbu.org/images/evil_penguin.jpg

SO evil

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 20 October 2003 21:45 (twenty years ago) link

But SO deliciously right

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 20 October 2003 21:48 (twenty years ago) link

Ally -- wasn't you mom watching ice hockey when she emailed you on September 21st, 2001??

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Monday, 20 October 2003 22:35 (twenty years ago) link

What an alarming question.

― Allyzay, Monday, 20 October 2003 23:46 (twenty years ago) link

What you have to be careful of are the undercover cops disguised as penguins. Believe me, I learned this the hard way.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 12:43 (twenty years ago) link

Awww come on!
http://emperor-penguin.com/pengbabs.jpg

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 13:02 (twenty years ago) link

Child prostitution, now that's just sick.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 13:03 (twenty years ago) link

>.< i just got done with my responce.. all well.. well i have no responce because everyone elses responce is good to me there is no responce there is only what is prooven and known plus the thoughts one has about it no science can change everyones thoughs.. well anyways feel free to IM me or write me a mail i'm good with advice to everyone most of the time.. male female.. heter or homo.. bi.. i'm bi myself .. anyways thanks for posting this and i hope everyone has a nice day.. plus i'm doing a report for school about homosexual emotions and if anyone knows some good sites of someone who could help me get a good grade please get in touch.. thank you very much
P.S. i might not be on it much but i do cheak my mail and if i get to know some of you as friends i'll give you my other screen name and well chat up a storm.

― Call me Sasuki, Tuesday, 21 October 2003 17:02 (twenty years ago) link

Momus/Manhattan Transfer Penguins

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 07:57 (twenty years ago) link

So, *IS* that really Momus on the ad? Because every time I see it, I think "Wow, that penguin sounds just like Momus. I *HAVE* to stop spending so much time on ILX!"

― kate (kate), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 09:56 (twenty years ago) link

eight years pass...

penguins are the most disgusting savages

― retro-shittified (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 11 June 2012 19:04 (eleven years ago) link

Jan 11: "This afternoon I saw a most extraordinary site [sic]. A Penguin was actually engaged in sodomy upon the body of a dead white throated bird of its own species. The act occurred a full minute, the position taken up by the cock differing in no respect from that of ordinary copulation, and the whole act was gone through down to the final depression of the cloaca."

Dec. 6: "I saw another act of astonishing depravity today. A hen which had been in some way badly injured in the hindquarters was crawling painfully along on her belly. I was just wondering whether I ought to kill her or not, when a cock noticed her in passing, and went up to her. After a short inspection he deliberately raped her, she being quite unable to resist him."

― retro-shittified (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 11 June 2012 19:05 (eleven years ago) link

... every penguin has it's price...

― Mark G, Monday, 11 June 2012 19:08 (eleven years ago) link

nine years pass...

Their wings don't flap, but they make it clap

― they were written with a ouija board and a rhyming dictionary (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 18 January 2022 17:36 (two years ago) link

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