What do you think about when you turn the light out?

I never really understood that line and had a vague notion it was some sort of knob gag.

I don't think I can sleep tonight. Supporting the Bangles, a year's long frustration and fantasy all coming true. And then just the icing on the cake, meeting this guy. It doesn't even matter if he never calls me or anything, just thinking to myself that I've been so used by Whoreton and so unhappy and so full of romantic despair, and just having someone really amazing go "Hey! If he doesn't want you, he's wrong, cause *I* want you!" is really nice.

I can't tell you, I can't explain a thing, I can't justify you, but I know that this, these thoughts, these things going on between my ears, they are mine. All mine. And no one can take that away.

(He makes music out of radioastronomy. I'm in awe.)

Things often seem better last thing at night and really, really shitty first thing in the morning. Having crap sleep patterns probably doesn't help.

Went to sleep last night listening to soundtrack music from "The Accidental Tourist." William Hurt, Kathleen Turner, Geena Davis. Bereaved man can't connect with his old world anymore and tries to find a new one. One of L's favourite films :-( christ almighty i have to GET OUT OF THIS AND LET GO!!!!

*i'm really sorry about all this angst, i may try and concentrate it all in one thread - pay no mind*

I usually try and keep an 11.30 bedtime on weeknights, just because Today In Parliament is so boring it gets me off to sleep right away.

*ha, I'll never write it.

This is not a sign of my being low at the moment, I should add (last week was excellent throughout) - this tendency is there waiting for me almost any time, since the depression started.

Do you do this?

What do you think about?

Lately been doing this loads to the point where tonight I turned the light back on. My topics include jobs, whether I want to write about music, girls, books I'm reading, and of course whether SUGAR CONSUMPTION is to blame for this.

(tho tonight may be the first time I ever got up and turned on the computer, thinking it might actually suddenly inspire me to do something that'd feel good)

awesome ideas for tunes and how to make the world a better place, all to be not remembered properly thus seeming much stupider in the cold light of day

yeah i do what tom & martin do. time spent lying awake in bed is wasted time.

Usually think about how tired I am, then sleep. Works for me!

I think about the most minor stuff. 'I should figure out how to make a joke about composition of functions...I wonder if I have meat to make stir fry with tomorrow night...the blue whale is the length of three school buses...I don't like okra...that shirt with the smoking lady my friend had in high school, that was a cool shirt...oh my god, it turns out that lyric I'd been thinking about all day was from 'Faking It' by Simon and Garfunkel...it might be a good idea to do a comic about this one dumb pigeon I saw...does my friend have my copy of Safe Area Gorazde...little kids are so funny...'

etc.

hahaaa!
i think about how i wish i could mash 8 hrs of sleep into 45 minutes and have it have the same effect. it wld rule. i also think about boys.

and words i can't remember. if i know the colours of certain people's eyes and if not why not. why i keep not finishing books. musical scales. if that sound is in the ambient air or in my head. black holes.

A lot about little things I have to do the next day, meal planning, money - the stuff that keeps me from getting to sleep, basically. And then I realize I'm keeping myself awake, and I either try to pray and fall asleep before finishing or try to make up a story and fall asleep before finishing.

My "counting sheep" process generally involves me envisioning myself skateboarding in slow motion, usually over staircases or in an empty swimming pool. Because of this, the dreamy skate sequences in Paranoid Park really effected me on a somewhat inarticulate, emotional level.

Oddly, though, my dreams rarely have anything to do with skateboarding.

I am at the point where I either drink myself to sleep or watch TV until I fall asleep because I don't want to think. Awesome.

what t0dd swiss said, been like this for a good few years :(
as soon as i turn the light out, i start to wake up because my mind gets so busy, not good busy either!

I plan out boring details of tomorrow, especially stuff I dread doing. That's usually so tedious to think about that I pass right out.

"Urghh, work tomorrow."

"Yay, no work tomorrow!"

One or the other.

I generally need some sort of mildly boring televisual entertainment in order to get sleepy. I just think about the voices on the TV and what they're saying and how boring it is and sort of follow along. Instant ZzzzZzzZzZZZzzZ. This way the last things I think about usually have nothing to do with me and I am therefore free of any worrying/personal/interesting thoughts before sleeping. Also the sound generated by TV masks the howling in my ears due to tinnitus (which on its own would be enough to lead to thoughts of "Christ, my ears are finished aren't they?" and then spiral from there).