Hooray for The Onion

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In the midst of their war-related articles they've stashed this absolute HOWLER.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 20:56 (twenty-three years ago)

This whole edition was really, really funny. Especially the 'No It Won't' point-counterpoint.

― Ferg (Ferg), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 20:59 (twenty-three years ago)

(from the perspective of a daddy, this only gets funnier, btw)

(not to mention they're point/counterpoint this week is spot-on and laughtacular)

(ah damn ferg beat me to it!)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 21:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think Dan's link is a rerun. But yeah, this week's was pretty good after a drought of lame weeks.

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 21:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Is it my imagination, or have they been running LOTS of reruns lately?

― chuck, Wednesday, 26 March 2003 21:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Diet Coke came out of my nose when I read the prescription drug tips.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 21:16 (twenty-three years ago)

heh...this was in my clipboard:"If your pharmacist doesn't offer to have one with you right there in the store, the shit's probably no good."

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 21:20 (twenty-three years ago)

(admittedly, this story is funnier to me as the-dad-who-is-raising-his-child-while-his-mom-has-fled-the-coup than it would've been to me were I to have been the-dad-who-fled-the-coup)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 21:22 (twenty-three years ago)

The Onion is all about re-runs, which is why I stopped reading them regularly...even the "new" bits were retreads of older bits, it seemed. That's why this issue comes as such a shock, because it's so fucking good.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 21:23 (twenty-three years ago)

Chuck, I think all of last week was a rerun. I presumed it was so they could gear up for their war edition.

And occasionally I think they pad the print edition (but not online) with old articles. But haven't noticed an overall trend.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 21:24 (twenty-three years ago)

I was trying to find that one about the woman who got the wrong end of the stick about her boyfriend saying they needed to have a serious talk and thought 'woo wedding bells', but instead I found this:

That's Not Funny; My Brother Died That Way

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 21:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Sean -- There's "retreads" in this issue, too. In fact, the first thing I thought of when I saw the "war pie" article was this:

http://www.theonion.com/onion3734/woman_bakes_flag_cake.html

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 21:27 (twenty-three years ago)

I dunno, I thought this week's was very welcome and hi-larious... I especially appreciate the CNN.com styled red banner at the top.

I wish the print version made it outside of the select few cities... my cousin is friends with the dude who does their distro but he laughed when I told him to get the papers to Detroit. I think he said they'd be doing Chicago soon though?

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 21:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Huh? They've been in Chicago for years.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 21:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Umm, Chicago was the first or second city The Onion came to, after Madison. (Milwaukee might've been second.) I've been reading it here since 1997.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 21:30 (twenty-three years ago)

They even had it in Champaign (home of Univ. of IL)for a time, but, alas that stopped once I arrived there. (South Farm News was a student-produced copycat and was pretty funny)

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 21:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Eh? You can get the print edition just about anywhere, at least in America. I was buying it in Tacoma, WA about six years ago.

― chester (synkro), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 21:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Whatever, Chicago sucks... some other city then... I get them all mixed up. We don't get them in Detroit. U R ALL GAY.

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 21:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Maybe there's a stack at some hipster record store in Royal Oak?

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 22:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Nope. None anywhere. I'm 100% sure. Which is why that guy's laughing was particularly irritating. Now that I think about it, it might've been San Fran. (waiting for someone to write "Nah ah ahhh!!! San Fransisco has it too!!")

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 22:55 (twenty-three years ago)

The last place I can recall picking up my issues easily was New York (god bless those dens of iniquity). Florida? Total washout, as you'd expect.

Another classic, Dan. I'm not surprised by:

You and I are going to have so many good times together until you start to show! And after that, you and the baby will have so many good times together, too. Of course, I'll be having great times on my own. I know that might be hard to believe right now, but don't worry—it's true. I'll be having an absolute blast.

(Most) males' credo. If they were honest enough with themselves....and with us.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 26 March 2003 23:31 (twenty-three years ago)

New issue on-line now!

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 21:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Too true, Nicole. Actually, both of mine have pretty much this opinion. And are not afraid to say so. It still bugs me, though.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 03:24 (twenty-three years ago)

O MY GAWD!
Dan is writing Prom tips for the Onion!

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 14:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Noodles: OTMFM!

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 14:42 (twenty-three years ago)

The "finger-bang" joke is particularly Dan-like. Someone should be paying me royalties.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 14:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Surely they were inspired by the ILX Prom thread?

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 15:10 (twenty-three years ago)

"Gorilla salad" ! ! !

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 15:21 (twenty-three years ago)

The horoscopes are the most consistently funny part of the Onion. My favorite from today:
Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
Your weekly visit to the cemetery goes bad when you tell your problems to your mom's grave just as the sarcastic zombies begin to rise.

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 15:27 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...

Classic! http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4029&n=1

don't exactly know why, but this tickles me

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 21:27 (twenty-one years ago)

two months pass...

Last week, U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan set up a commission to determine whether genocide has taken place in the Darfur region of Sudan. What do you think?

"I think the U.N. is going to find that the blame lies with all the Sudanese rap music that glamorizes genocide."

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 14 October 2004 03:40 (twenty-one years ago)

three months pass...

Project Manager Leaves Suicide PowerPoint Presentation = CLASSIC

PORTLAND, OR—Project manager Ron Butler left behind a 48-slide PowerPoint presentation explaining his tragic decision to commit suicide, coworkers reported Tuesday.

"When I first heard that Ron had swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills, I was shocked," said Hector Benitez, Butler's friend and coworker at Williams+Kennedy Marketing Consultants. "But after the team went through Ron's final PowerPoint presentation, I had a solid working knowledge of the pain he was feeling, his attempts to cope, and the reasons for his ultimate decision."

"I just wish he would've shot me an e-mail asking for help," Benitez added...

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 9 February 2005 19:17 (twenty-one years ago)

four months pass...

Onion futuredate 2056

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 24 June 2005 00:56 (twenty-one years ago)

seven months pass...

this amused me alot more than it should've probably

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 25 January 2006 06:33 (twenty years ago)

that one starts well and ends well

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 25 January 2006 06:48 (twenty years ago)

I watched "The Most Dangerous Game" two days ago and this got me at just the right time.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 25 January 2006 06:48 (twenty years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/44616

― Allyzay Rofflesberger (allyzay), Wednesday, 25 January 2006 15:35 (twenty years ago)

Actually the entire Onion sports page is cracking me up. Truly naked bootleg ha ha ha.

― Allyzay Rofflesberger (allyzay), Wednesday, 25 January 2006 15:42 (twenty years ago)

the horoscopes on that future edition are gr8!

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Wednesday, 25 January 2006 15:52 (twenty years ago)

haha I'd never read those before. ScienceFictiolicious.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Wednesday, 25 January 2006 16:31 (twenty years ago)

three years pass...

Whuh:

In yet another sign that the line between real news and fake news is getting thinner, one of CNN’s main anchors during the 1980s and 1990s, Bobbie Battista, has taken a step through the looking glass and can now be seen anchoring reports online for ONN, The Onion News Network.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 25 March 2009 17:54 (seventeen years ago)

five months pass...

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/unstable_relative_toddler_compete?utm_source=a-section

― a fact-checker with The New Yorker magazine (HI DERE), Thursday, 3 September 2009 16:13 (sixteen years ago)

this one was cracking me up a lot. one of the few longer articles that is funny all the way to the end:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sci_fi_writer_attributes

― congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 3 September 2009 16:23 (sixteen years ago)

great photo too

― congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 3 September 2009 16:23 (sixteen years ago)

haha. chuckled at this the other day: http://www.theonion.com/content/video/facebook_twitter_revolutionizing

― rent, Thursday, 3 September 2009 16:23 (sixteen years ago)

ha that quantum flux is greatttttttt

― Mr. Que, Thursday, 3 September 2009 16:24 (sixteen years ago)

haha next book to be called 'Denizens of Flux'

― Chinavision (altair nouveau), Thursday, 3 September 2009 16:33 (sixteen years ago)

Oh, I meant to post this one as well: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/small_unathletic_walk_on_injures_9?utm_source=a-section

― cherokee flux (HI DERE), Thursday, 3 September 2009 16:34 (sixteen years ago)

That's fantastic

― Bill Magill, Thursday, 3 September 2009 17:42 (sixteen years ago)

From the scroll above that story:

"Brad Childress Reluctantly Lets Brett Favre Take Keys To Sex Boat"

― Bill Magill, Thursday, 3 September 2009 17:43 (sixteen years ago)

hahahahahahahahahaha

― cherokee flux (HI DERE), Thursday, 3 September 2009 17:46 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/baseball_superstar_accused_of

they are so ridiculously dead on w/ their acting in these things

― iatee, Thursday, 3 September 2009 18:12 (sixteen years ago)

That one guy on the left is the actor in some painful to watch Cablevision ads here in the NYC area. He takes smug to a new level.

― Bill Magill, Thursday, 3 September 2009 19:26 (sixteen years ago)

The male anchor's pay-off line in that Facebook story is classic

― DJ AMencap (DJ Mencap), Friday, 4 September 2009 07:32 (sixteen years ago)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/8237558.stm

News that The Onion is meant to be funny belatedly reaches Bangladesh.

― Dorian (Dorianlynskey), Friday, 4 September 2009 13:37 (sixteen years ago)

hahahaha

That was a good article. Moon landing conspiracy nuts are the worst savages in the world imo.

― Colonel Poo, Friday, 4 September 2009 13:57 (sixteen years ago)

two months pass...

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/man_signs_up_for_pumpkinzonia

you know rarely does an onion article's execution surpass the concept

this is one of those times

DIG IN

― ankles (s1ocki), Tuesday, 1 December 2009 17:46 (sixteen years ago)

awesome :D but i am too terrified to find out what is actually on that website

― a. cole, u thic (acoleuthic), Tuesday, 1 December 2009 17:49 (sixteen years ago)

i looked, it's a placeholder site :(

― ankles (s1ocki), Tuesday, 1 December 2009 17:50 (sixteen years ago)

holy shit is that great.

― Bill Magill, Tuesday, 1 December 2009 18:26 (sixteen years ago)

btw I found a non-broken link to the original story on this

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33264

― Huckabee Jesus lifeline (HI DERE), Tuesday, 1 December 2009 18:35 (sixteen years ago)

eight months pass...

jean teasdale twitter killing me

― piranha karenina (s1ocki), Wednesday, 25 August 2010 14:55 (fifteen years ago)

jeanteasdale Insects hate me for some reason. When I was a teen I got mono from an ant bite #terrorizedbywasp

<3 !

― vampire headphase (a passing spacecadet), Wednesday, 25 August 2010 15:06 (fifteen years ago)

two months pass...

inspired by that dumb nyt article i read this and it killed me:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/biden-to-cool-his-heels-in-mexico-for-a-while,17996/

esp the lede:

JUÁREZ, MEXICO—In an effort to let the heat die down a little, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly skipped town Saturday, telling White House officials that he was going to be lying low in Mexico for a spell.

"I need to steer clear of D.C. until some shit blows over," said Biden, sitting in the far corner of a Mexican cantina with his back to the wall and taking a long swig from a bottle of Tecate Light. "It's nothing I can't handle, but let's just say there was a little misunderstanding. Somebody didn't get something they were supposed to get."

"And somebody else got a whole lot more than they bargained for," he added.

― irritable bol syndrome (s1ocki), Thursday, 11 November 2010 14:56 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/poll-finds-majority-of-male-voters-would-have-elec,18436/ (NSFW)

― StanM, Thursday, 11 November 2010 16:18 (fifteen years ago)

I am familiar with that particular naked woman, non-shockingly enough.

So is this the new thread for Onion funnies?

― Bull fighting, Paris, hunting, suicide (kenan), Thursday, 11 November 2010 16:27 (fifteen years ago)

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