Favorite Juvenile, Potty-Mouthed Euphemisms for Banal Goods & Services

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For example....

The video outlet, Blockbuster = CockThruster
Citibank = ShittyWank

Throw maturity and good taste to the four winds and join in the regressive fun....

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 31 March 2003 12:05 (twenty-three years ago)

What, apart from the usual:
Starbucks = Starfucks
Uncut Magazine - Ucunt Magazine
etc.
etc.

― kate, Monday, 31 March 2003 12:07 (twenty-three years ago)

TACO HELL!!!!!!!!

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 31 March 2003 12:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Hairy Queen.

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Monday, 31 March 2003 12:27 (twenty-three years ago)

YuckDonalds vs. Booger King: FITE!

― kate, Monday, 31 March 2003 12:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Crapplebee's!!!

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 31 March 2003 12:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Smuckers. Heh.

― kate, Monday, 31 March 2003 12:35 (twenty-three years ago)

TACO SMELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 31 March 2003 12:37 (twenty-three years ago)

McDicks
Bukake

― cybele (cybele), Monday, 31 March 2003 12:42 (twenty-three years ago)

I refer to the local radio station Red Rose Rock FM as "Red Raw Cock FM". I am a small man.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 31 March 2003 12:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Taco Hell, Pizza Slut, Burger Thing, All Barf One, Ucunt, the Enema, Mofo, the Farce (or as we say at Edgy Style Mag, your FACE, my arse) and my all-time fave, Radio Bore.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Pubs

The Windjammer = The Shit-stabber
Barnstormers = Cocksuckers

Video-store

Xtravision = Knacker-vision

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Ah yes pubs - I've always known the Famous Cock on Highbury Corner as the Big Dog's Cock

― j0e (j0e), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh!

The Headline Bar = The Headlice Bar

Flickers Hairdressers = Fuckers Hairdressers

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:10 (twenty-three years ago)

the famous cook.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Beyond The Fringe hairdressers = Beyond The Minge

― j0e (j0e), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:12 (twenty-three years ago)

The cable company in my area, Comcast, was often referred to as "Compcrap".

"Compcrap is barely worth stealing." I used to say, back when I was stealing their cable, and it was the truth.

― fletrejet, Monday, 31 March 2003 13:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Empty Bottle = Empty Butthole

― hstencil, Monday, 31 March 2003 13:23 (twenty-three years ago)

International House Of Bukake.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:25 (twenty-three years ago)

"Fifth Third Bank" = "Filth Turd Crack"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Barclays = Barclays *snigger*

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Bank of America = Blood of Africa

― hstencil, Monday, 31 March 2003 13:26 (twenty-three years ago)

How could I have forgotten??

Spaghetti Bolognaise = Spaghetti Bollock-naked

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Toys Yr Arse
Pissy World

― Alfie (Alfie), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Knobs and Knockers = Knobs and Knockers

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:30 (twenty-three years ago)

The Seashell (Chip Shop) = The Funny Smell

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:30 (twenty-three years ago)

There's a depressing divorcé bar on our corner by the name of Knickerbocker's which has sufferend inumerable slurs at our hands, ranging from Dickincockers, Suckendickers, Dickinmouthers, Fuckercockers, etc. etc. ad nauseum.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Also, our local grocery store, D'agostino's went through a variety of simillarly scatological/sexually-slathered names including from the obvious ("F'agostino's") through the slightly more inventive ("Colostomy B'agostino's").

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Ponderossa=Pondergrossa
White Castle=White Asshole

― oops (Oops), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:37 (twenty-three years ago)

This thread is disgusting.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned Raggett = Red Maggot

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:50 (twenty-three years ago)

("Colostomy B'agostino's").

That shouldn't work, but it does.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:52 (twenty-three years ago)

And how.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Just thought of a new one:

Jizzno's

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned Raggett = Red Maggot

Aw man.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Is he a good or a service?

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:55 (twenty-three years ago)

it varies

― oops (Oops), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Glurg.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:57 (twenty-three years ago)

It could so have been Dead Faggot...

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:57 (twenty-three years ago)

GAH! FINE FINE. *stomps off in a flounce*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 31 March 2003 13:58 (twenty-three years ago)

That shouldn't work, but it does.

It also works brilliantly when taken to the next extreme, i.e. going shopping at D'agostino's logically becomes, "going to the B'ag," or....more graphically, disgustingly -- and therefore hilariously (to us, anyway) -- "I'm gonna go puncture the b'ag".

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 31 March 2003 14:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Crapplebee's!!!

That not being offensive enough, I bury the needle on the scatolog-o-meter by referring to said fast food "family" francise as "Crap'n'Pee's"

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 31 March 2003 14:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Blockbuster = Blackbuster (esp. around Bed Stuy)

― jm (jtm), Monday, 31 March 2003 15:06 (twenty-three years ago)

I still prefer the singularly profane COCKTHRUSTER

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 31 March 2003 15:11 (twenty-three years ago)

If I really want to be offensive, I could post what some rednecks in Louisville referred to as what the acronym Transit Authority of River City stood for.

― hstencil, Monday, 31 March 2003 15:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Why don't you want to be offensive, H? Do you hate us?

― Chris P (Chris P), Monday, 31 March 2003 15:18 (twenty-three years ago)

no he blames us.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 31 March 2003 15:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Another variation - Paco Hell

When my Taiwanese mother tries to say Blockbuster it sounds like - Black Bastard.

― Carey (Carey), Monday, 31 March 2003 15:23 (twenty-three years ago)

well the acronym in question is not very, um, racially sensitive. It kinda bugs me that I even know of it, but then again it's where I grew up, it kinda reflects it, etc., etc.

― hstencil, Monday, 31 March 2003 15:25 (twenty-three years ago)

:: tries to think up racist words beginning with T, A, R, or C... oh, maybe C? ::

― Chris P (Chris P), Monday, 31 March 2003 15:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Okay, okay, if you really wanna know what it is, I'll post it.

― hstencil, Monday, 31 March 2003 15:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Well I guess you can be a bit euphemistic about it if it would make you feel more comfortable.

― Chris P (Chris P), Monday, 31 March 2003 15:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Transport for Aggressive and Retarded Coons?

― oops (Oops), Monday, 31 March 2003 15:33 (twenty-three years ago)

Red Rooster = red rooter
Liquorland = lick-me-land
parkview hotel = parkspew (or pukeview)

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 31 March 2003 23:53 (twenty-three years ago)

we called taco bell TOXIC SMELL for obv. reasons

― gygax! (gygax!), Monday, 31 March 2003 23:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Dunkin' Donuts = Drunken Donuts
Cineplex Odeon = Cineplex Odious
Marriott = Merryrot
Ticketmaster = Ticketwanker (uninspired, whoever coined "Ticketmonster" did better)
Nearby bar Grog and Tankard = Groggy Drunkard
Clear Channel = Speer Channel (ve hof vays of making you LISTEN!)

Not particularly offensive, I agree.

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 00:26 (twenty-three years ago)

whole foods = whole paycheck

― gygax! (gygax!), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 00:31 (twenty-three years ago)

six years pass...

This thread is disgusting.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, March 31, 2003 1:49 PM (6 years ago)

Ned Raggett = Red Maggot

― Lara (Lara), Monday, March 31, 2003 1:50 PM (6 years ago)

― existential eggs (Abbott), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 02:50 (sixteen years ago)

I refer to my bank as Hell's Cargo

― sarahel, Tuesday, 20 October 2009 02:54 (sixteen years ago)

When I was in high school me and my friends would go to Junior Mood Fart to play video games.

― WmC, Tuesday, 20 October 2009 03:01 (sixteen years ago)

My friends and I used to LIVE for these

McDonalds: McChuck's
Kentucky Fried: Kenfucky Tried
Red Rooster: Red Rooter
Hungry Jack's: Junky Hacks
Ticketmaster: Ticketbastard
Herald Sun: Feral Scum
Festival Hall: Festering Hall
Chapel Street: Crapple Street (except you'd say street with a pursed mouth so it sounded more like STROIGHT)

― VegemiteGrrrl, Tuesday, 20 October 2009 04:58 (sixteen years ago)

0ld C0ountry Buff3t = The Old Cunt. I worked there for way too long.

― a╓by's (╓abies), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 05:13 (sixteen years ago)

similarly, the old colonial hotel became the old colon

― would s*m*a*s*h (electricsound), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 05:15 (sixteen years ago)

think festering hall probably IS festering at this point

― racist of the falling leaves (haitch), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 05:21 (sixteen years ago)

anything with "city" --> "shitty" (like "universal shittywalk")

― get killed walkin your DOGGIE (get bent), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 05:25 (sixteen years ago)

to show solidarity with the record store i worked at, a customer said "Worst Buy", which i guess isn't potty mouthed nm

― CharlieS, Tuesday, 20 October 2009 06:07 (sixteen years ago)

worst = wurst = sausage = he was referring to penises

― racist of the falling leaves (haitch), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 06:12 (sixteen years ago)

wurst bi

― would s*m*a*s*h (electricsound), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 06:15 (sixteen years ago)

jack in the crack, jack in her box, crack in a box, crack in the back etc. i've been party to at least a half hour of jitb 'riffing' over the course of my life

― better stretch (tremendoid), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 06:32 (sixteen years ago)

tho 'jack in the crack' is about as official as 'mickey d's' around here, sure it's pretty widespread

― better stretch (tremendoid), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 06:35 (sixteen years ago)

jack off in the box = great name for a drive-thru sperm bank imo

― well pull down my pants and call me swamp thing (latebloomer), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 06:46 (sixteen years ago)

sounds messy.

― get killed walkin your DOGGIE (get bent), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 06:49 (sixteen years ago)

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