on being knocked down in a pedestrians only street in hackney by a bald unicyclist in a gong T-shirt emerging from a birthday-card shop

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at the age of seven i broke an irreplaceable glass mantle for an antique lamp while attempting to burst a pink balloon, held motionless under a pillow, with a golf club

so er, yes, recount accidents you endured, incurred or only just avoided which are memorable for their idiocy, absurdity or palpable yet somehow hard-to-pin-down symbolism

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 14:42 (twenty-two years ago)

(actually the unicyclist didn't knock me down but it was v.close)

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 14:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I almost got knocked down coming out of the dry cleaners on Fulton Street by some asshole on a Segway. I mean, anyone who rides a Segway through Bed-Stuy seriously deserves getting shot, or something.

― hstencil, Tuesday, 24 June 2003 14:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I always remember that a basketball had landed in our graden, so I lobbed it over the wall, and then heard an 'ouch' and the sight of the ball bouncing upwards.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 14:46 (twenty-two years ago)

i once tripped over a piece of pavement pushed up by a tree root and fell into the path of an oncoming bus. by a feat of balance i still don't understand i managed to right myself at the last moment using the windshield of the bus to push me back onto the pavement. the last thought that went through my mind, before realising that i was safe, was "i can't believe i'm actually going to get run over by a bus."

― angela (angela), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 14:48 (twenty-two years ago)

[mod privs just abused to make the balloon story work]

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 14:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Going down a flight of stars headfirst was memorable though not too fun. More fun if stickier was the encounter of me with the linoleum glue.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

When I was 7 I broke a thermometer and I pushed the mercury with my hand into the sink to clean it up. I am awaiting my Marvel comic superpowers.

― Carey (Carey), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 15:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Somehow once I managed to graze the back of my friend's throat by shoving one of those long plastic slide whistles into his mouth. He was fooling about on it, and I don't quite know how I did it but the next thing I remember was the slide whistle on the floor, and my friend had his hand over his mouth, looking really hurt.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 15:38 (twenty-two years ago)

stretching the concept of "accident" here, but since the q also covers embarrassing childhood incidents: i was playing with next door neighbour's kid in his garden, which had a swimming pool. neighbour's kid knocks over a large drum of water that's standing behind the shed. to add to the hilarity i help to completely empty the drum...

...only to discover afterwards it was chlorine for the pool, not water

― zebedee (zebedee), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 15:52 (twenty-two years ago)

once, when i was about 9 or 10, i fell face forward down the stairs on my belly like a sled right into the big ceramic vase at the bottom of the steps, smashing it to pieces with my head, then get right up, right as rain, walking around with leaves and dirt in my hair for the rest of the day.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 15:55 (twenty-two years ago)

riding my bike to 7-Eleven on side of Garden Home Road
suddenly I feel a weird pain in my arm and I'm flat on my back
clipped by bus side-mirror on my elbow
brothers laughing their asses off

― Neudonym, Tuesday, 24 June 2003 16:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I went to in int'l thespian convention in hs. we wanted to take a really great group picture, so we all jumped off a 6 ft wall onto grass and someone snapped the pic in midair. I landed first, a few people on top of me. I broke my ankle. at the hospital I got to make an actual are-you-sitting-down phone call to my mom.

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 16:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't even think I have the photo anymore!

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 16:09 (twenty-two years ago)

- got a Kinder Egg toy car jammed in my mouth, forcing my jaw open, kind of like how you'd put a branch in a dinosaur's mouth to stop it eating you. i was about 4 and it was the scariest thing ever, i thought it'd be stuck there forever.

- whilst attempting hefty clearance during game of 100-people-chasing-the-ball playground football, miss ball and kick instead with great force a metal post. bruise bones in feet badly.

always keep your eye on the ball.

― pete b. (pete b.), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 16:14 (twenty-two years ago)

first-grade playground only had one small exit, and we were punished if late back to class. One day the bell rang and I was first running to the exit but tripped and fell right in the gateway. Most of the school jumped over or stepped around me but a good lot planted their foot right in my back as they were going through. Didn't hurt much though.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 16:28 (twenty-two years ago)

I pushed my sister when I was like 7 or 8 (she was like 4ish), and she fell down in a sitting position.

Right into the huge glass penny jar that my mom inexplicably kept on the tile floor, right next to the door. My sister's ass still has got some scars!

It kind of begged the question to me at the time, what the hell are you needing to keep that there anyway, as opposed to in a sensible childproof location? Is there penny emergencies at the door often? It seemed so unfair that I got in so much trouble when CLEARLY if my mom put the penny jar away properly, none of this would've happened.

I was amazingly accident-free until much older, though I've certainly done enough stupid ass things.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

also in first grade: pushed down the jungle gym and hit every bar with my head on the way down. Concussion. Teacher told me to take a nap and I'd feel better.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 16:37 (twenty-two years ago)

hockey team on tournament in strange town exercising - the lot of us, running backwards side by side, simultaneously tripped over (backwards, obv) a chain stretched between posts at mid-calf level.

― Ess Kay (esskay), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally, it's no good blaming your mother - most of us had moved out and had jobs years before we were 7.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Which to say first?:

1) When I was about 8: I decided to walk my granddad's massive doberman pincher (standing up, she was taller than I was!) Thought I could handle her...until she started running. What happened? Course I fell on my face, and split open my top lip (still have the scar).

2) Shortly after that, I was horsing around in a cousin's room. [Keep in mind, he was a teenager.] For whatever reason, the idiot decided it would be funny to bodyslam me. (Since I weighed something like 90 pounds, my screeching wasn't making any difference.) Due to Murphy's Law, I landed on a barbell, smack on my right side. (Still have the scar from THAT, too.)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 16:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Martin, I'm aware I'm a scrub, but honestly that's why I moved on to the gypsy hoards the following year.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 16:57 (twenty-two years ago)

The cicadas were swarming in Maryland. We would pick them up by their wings and throw them at girls. One day I get home from school, get a snack, probably watch some TV, then go in the basement. I put my hand on my head for some reason and ARGH! there's a dead cicada in my hair.

― NA. (Nick A.), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 17:13 (twenty-two years ago)

We had a mini-snooker table at home, and I, in an attempt to get to the other side of the room in a quickness (I was probably playing against myself), grabbed the closest side and swung _under_ it. According to physical laws, it fell over on my fingers.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I climbed into the tyre swing at pre-school, sitting inside it with my legs dangling out... swung for a while, and then realised I was quite stuck and whats worse too high up to get out without falling on my arse. I had to shout for help. I was only four or so, but I recall being damn embarrased I'd got into such a pickle.

Also, once my brother threw his metal toy cap-gun at me; it hit me in the foot and took my entire big toenail off in one clip. Owww.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 23:49 (twenty-two years ago)

thirteen years pass...

the birthday card shop is now a japanese restaurant

― mark s, Saturday, 10 September 2016 15:21 (nine years ago)

hi mark!

― sleeve, Saturday, 10 September 2016 15:26 (nine years ago)

Were you the bald unicyclist?

― Bottlerockey (Tom D.), Saturday, 10 September 2016 15:28 (nine years ago)

three years pass...

For all the Hackney ppl

Self isolating in hackney? Tell us the last book you read and enjoyed. We'll send you a payment link and drop you a book through your letterbox this afternoon. 📚🚴‍♂️💊
— Burley Fisher Books (@BurleyFisher) March 13, 2020

― xyzzzz__, Friday, 13 March 2020 15:18 (six years ago)

Who are self-isolating..

― xyzzzz__, Friday, 13 March 2020 15:19 (six years ago)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cigars_of_the_Pharaoh#/media/File:The_Adventures_of_Tintin_-_04_-_Cigars_of_the_Pharaoh.jpg

― mark s, Friday, 13 March 2020 15:20 (six years ago)

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/0a/The_Adventures_of_Tintin_-_04_-_Cigars_of_the_Pharaoh.jpg

― mark s, Friday, 13 March 2020 15:21 (six years ago)

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