Vegetarian/Vegan Mock Meat Soy ultimashowdown

SmartDogs = best "hot dog" brand

Bocaburgers suck ass.

They taste like stale generic oregano patties with a shitty chewy texture. My tongue has been stabbed by one of the "herbs" inside the burger before.

I've been surviving off Hillside Quickies sandwiches.. they're a vegan Jamaican/soul food kitchen based in Tacoma, who exports sandwiches to a lot of Northwest co-ops. They also have a restaurant in the U-district of Seattle where they'll prepare hot foods. The best stuff on earth.

Are jokes about Lord British allowed?

Behold, Lord Gluten. HUZZAH!

I like the Morningstar sausage patties (also not vegan), and the crumbles which are vegan and are great in veggie chili. But otherwise I associate Morningstar with college living , since it was cheaper than most and kind of for people just getting into being veggie and they haven't refined their tastes yet.

Not dogs, fake balogna all suck IMO.

Best chinese food restaurant with mock meat is Ming Dynasty in Charlottesville, Va. Sooo good and cheap for their buffet where they have at least 3 mock meat entrees.

I never have been able to get into seitan although there was a month that i ate a lot of packages of it raw, but I think that was my roommates influence. The chicken flavored seitan is great, though.

Bocaburgers make me sick.

My pick: is the Veggielicious Veggie Burgers in Santa Fe flavor. These are vegan but don't have the problem of vegan patties where they fall part easily because they don't have egg whites and cheese. They are great tasting and we find them on sale for $1.50 a box so we stock up.

And I'm not even vegetarian.

1. money's gardenburger

largely mushrooms, cheese, rice, and soy. i don't like these because they taste like mushrooms, cheese, and rice. kind of the scalloped potato of the veggie burger world, and also most likely to make an appearance on the menu as the token "veggie" item at a pub or meaty restaurant.

2. garden patch veggie patties

taste disturbingly like the chicken ones, but look kind of pasty and odd. and there's chunks of carrot and something green in there.

3. garden patch chicken burger patties

almost exactly like a chicken burger but drier.

4. boca burgers (various)

dry, flavourless, may cause rectal bleeding.

5. yves veggie burger

these are nice ... they've even got cute little grill marks on them. pretty tasty, really and they look kind of like meat.

6. yves chick'n burgers

uh ... kind of like a pallid version of the above.

7. yves garden patties

like an orangey version of the above with miscellaneous pieces of carrots and something green in it.

8. president's choice lentil burgers (the ones with a hint of curry)

these are great but don't even bother to approximate meat -- which i think makes them more successful.

9. save-on-foods brand veggie burgers

they used to make ones that were very similar to the president's choice (sort of curried, not meaty) but now they've really fallen off the horse.

10. fake ham

in general i find is really bad. i actually gagged and ran to the bathroom one time when trying to cut fake ham.

11. veggie cutlet

is an amusing delicacy available at the local chinese supermarket. looks like porkchicken and tastes like newspapers flavoured with a hint of maple syrup.

(i realize i'm not being very descriptive with my product names here)

12. mo'drumsticks

DISGUSTING! they even put a little plastic thing in it to simulate a bone. gag!

starting to lose sight of what i'm doing here.

Plus I'm backsliding majorly on my veganism these days. Pizza....

I feel you on the Hillside Quickies love, DB. That stuff is majestic. I am a big fan of tofu & tempeh sandwiches, but a little leery of seitan, mainly because my friends warned me away from it. Also, a great way to prepare tempeh: marinate tempeh cubes in a mixture of lemon juice, soy sauce, and a hearty amount of grated ginger. Saute with onions and green peppers.

"FUCK YOU BOCA BURGER! You think you're so special!"

Whenever we have company picnics, they remember to get me some Boca burgers even though I'm the only vegetarian in this huge company.

Mmmm...great when you can find them, yes.

Most disturbingly, all the resulting fluids are this deep dark shade of black. I'm surprised portabella cuisine hasn't gotten a mass goth following.

I think because, with the rare exception, any attempt to simulate, via soy, gluten, or what have you, any real meat essence ends up in utter failure, when you get down to technical terms. But I'm often amazed at the results of this utter failure for reasons other than its proximity to true meat taste.

Fake meat is the highest art of savory cakes. It's a highly organized preparation of a mash-up of ingredients. There's so much room for variety. It actually moves me, to some degree.

I'm curious. For those of you who are down on the fake meat tip, what was your breakdown of "real" vs. "artificial" food intake as a kid?

Midwest Harvest tofu by the way reigns over all other tofus with a cruel and merciless fist. And yes that includes White Wave, so bow down to Iowa, all y'all, lest we ride on you TONITE

None comes close to Stonewall's Jerquee, Teriyaki "Beef" Style