i am trying to open a bottle of wine but i can't find the corkscrew

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help ile!! urgent and key!!

i really want to open this bottle of wine

i just tried using a pen to pry open the cork but it did not work :(

― geeta, Friday, 11 July 2003 03:52 (twenty-two years ago)

the cork is still mostly intact howevah

― geeta, Friday, 11 July 2003 03:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Use the pen to push the cork into the bottle. Try not to break the cork into too many pieces though.

― David Beckhouse (David Beckhouse), Friday, 11 July 2003 03:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Screwdriver handle - or hammer handle - basically anything that has a flat end that is not flimsy - firm pressure against the cork to avoid the cork disintegrating. If you do end-up with cork, though, simply strain through a tea strainer as you pour it.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Friday, 11 July 2003 03:59 (twenty-two years ago)

hurrah!!

ile saves the day again!!

― geeta, Friday, 11 July 2003 04:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Now, as payment, you must start a thread chronicling your descent into drunkenness.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 11 July 2003 04:32 (twenty-two years ago)

throw the bottle at the wall!

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 11 July 2003 10:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Only throw the bottle at the wall when every drop has been drunk! Jeez! I expected more from you Martin! ;-)

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 11 July 2003 10:52 (twenty-two years ago)

throw it at me!

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 11 July 2003 10:54 (twenty-two years ago)

and it better be full when i catch it!

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 11 July 2003 10:54 (twenty-two years ago)

its empty

i just drank it

*hic*

― gaz (gaz), Friday, 11 July 2003 10:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Well of course JBR, that is the only time when this behaviour is acceptable! ;-)

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Gaz - hey not fair!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Man, and I've been hacking away at corks with knives for all these years? I suck. :-(

(Of course the solution is to buy that high-class wine with the screw tops on it!)

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:02 (twenty-two years ago)

And while we're on the subject...

Taking Sides: Wooden Corks vs. Plastic Corks

(Having tasted several bottles of HSA's dad's ancient wine with the corks rotted out, I am beginning to believe in the latter...)

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:03 (twenty-two years ago)

If it's red wine and you push the cork inside, be careful that the wine doesn't spray on your shirt. It's happened to me. The shirt now works as a floor mop.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Cutlery which is yer basic metal with two pieces of moulded plastic riveted to the metal is good, as it has a curved end, which applies pressure well but doesn't puncture the cork or tear it.

Plastic corks are grebt, as you can chew them (Yay! for those of use irredeemably stuck in the oral phase).

― Dave B (daveb), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:07 (twenty-two years ago)

is there a thread about rolling joints i can attend?

― gaz (gaz), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I like when they make the plastic cork match the colour of the bottle of wine. There was a very pretty blue bottle that I used to drink which had a BLUE cork. That was neat. But HSA doesn't like white wine, so we don't drink that any more. :-(

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:12 (twenty-two years ago)

(Maybe I can put red food colouring in his and see if he notices)

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Boyler is spot on, a knife handle works wonder.

When I was a student I had a key for a mortice lock that used to push corks in like a treat.

― chris (chris), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Kate, if you want to drink white wine you know where I am...

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:14 (twenty-two years ago)

so we don't drink that any more. :-(

ka-ate!!!!

― gaz (gaz), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Although I agree with HSA on his penchant for red wine, Kate if you like it, you drink it girl!! He can still drink red at the same time!!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:18 (twenty-two years ago)

get them things what you seal unfinished-with-bottles up with

― gaz (gaz), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:20 (twenty-two years ago)

if the restaurant doesn't mind of course

― gaz (gaz), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:21 (twenty-two years ago)

There was a study where they gave people white wine coloured red and asked them to describe it, and they used red-wine terms to describe the smell. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/1632021.stm

Not sure what it tasted like though.

― Vicky (Vicky), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:24 (twenty-two years ago)

It's not that I don't drink it because I'm not allowed to or anything... it's that HSA pays for the bottles of wine, so he chooses them. I'm not going to make him pay for a bottle of wine he won't drink.

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh! Oh! X-post... we were talking about illusions again last night (as I said on another post) and I asked if there were any illusions that were not visual or auditory - if there were taste illusions, for example.

And he said there was some chef who made ice cream out of Red Cabbage so that it was pink, yet people still described it as tasting Strawberry.

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:26 (twenty-two years ago)

he's so certain about the red stuff?

― gaz (gaz), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:28 (twenty-two years ago)

(I think that HSA should get into Experimental Food Art.)

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I got sent three bottles of wine as a bribe to read a script two days ago, and I'll be drinking them tonight (with my colleagues) - I shall report back. I should have waited to see if they were drinkable before sending him a positive, lengthy and prompt, um, rejection letter.

When I lived in Italy I once spent an hour painstakingly removing the cork with a tiny penknife.

Has anyone tried just breaking the neck off and swigging from the jagged remains? That'd be cool.

― Mark C (Mark C), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:31 (twenty-two years ago)

ya sent him the letter before reding?

― gaz (gaz), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:36 (twenty-two years ago)

No, I did actually read the whole thing. It was alright.

If you had a syringe you could keep inserting it into the bottle and pulling out the wine, then spraying it into your mouth.

― Mark C (Mark C), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Intravenous alcohol, yummmmmm. Can I have intravenous coffee, please?

Hey! there's one for the Experimental Food Art thread!

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:03 (twenty-two years ago)

mark maybe he intended you to drink all three bottles then read it!!

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:03 (twenty-two years ago)

books that read better when you're completely drunk

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:05 (twenty-two years ago)

There was an incomprehensible 3rd year from Middlesbrough in my flat at Manchester University who every Saturday night drank a bottle of wine on his own before going to the Cellar (student union meat market that never worked for me) and returning with a girl he'd picked up. He had all year to buy a corkscrew but never did, relying instead on the pushing the cork in method. Maybe it was a superstition.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm not going to make him pay for a bottle of wine he won't drink.

Then pay for one for yourself. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Why pay for a cow when you can get the milk for free?

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:16 (twenty-two years ago)

ouch

you afford wine, kate?

― gaz (gaz), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Have you tried adding yellow food dye and.. what makes milk see-through?

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Last night I saw on Discovery SciTrek these disposable corkscrews. They were made out of plastic and quite tiny - you screwed it in, folded over this long bit and yanked it out. It worked and all, but I'm not entirely sure what the advantage of a disposable corkscrew would be.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Milk isn't yellow! It's white! And it's opaque, not clear. What kind of milk are YOU drinking, Nick?

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:20 (twenty-two years ago)

YOU HAVE FAILED TO GRASP MY IDEA

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Grasp your idea? I don't even know you! Impertinent man! ::slap::

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

What? Does HSA make you call his penis 'the big idea' or something?

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:28 (twenty-two years ago)

He is a conceptual artist, after all.

::falls off chair giggling::

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:29 (twenty-two years ago)

(He would get very cross if he read this. "I am not a conceptual artist!" he insists.)

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:29 (twenty-two years ago)

What a clever conceptual schtick.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 11 July 2003 12:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Squeeze his big idea until the juice runs down his leg?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 11 July 2003 13:25 (twenty-two years ago)

six years pass...

this confuses me.
i once tried to open wine by using a paring knife to snag the cork and pull it out but instead i pushed it in and then something pressurely happened and wine exploded all over my wall! red wine! !

― tehresa, Saturday, 11 July 2009 09:23 (sixteen years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYV3jyHNdKU&feature=related

― AlanSmithee, Saturday, 11 July 2009 09:34 (sixteen years ago)

seven months pass...

i am going to use this advice when i decide to drink the bottle of shiraz in whose cork a brand-new cheap corkscrew just broke!

― Fusty Moralizer (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 13 February 2010 23:11 (sixteen years ago)

What you need is one of those openers that has two thin metal strips that slide around the sides of the cork. It's a little trickier to wiggle it out but it works even if the center of the cork is in ruins.

― Let's see how tough Aquaman is once we get him in the water. (Laurel), Saturday, 13 February 2010 23:30 (sixteen years ago)

i'm sticking to vodka and beer for home drinking henceforth

― Fusty Moralizer (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 13 February 2010 23:35 (sixteen years ago)

what was the wine

― nakhchivan, Saturday, 13 February 2010 23:36 (sixteen years ago)

cuz lots of cheap shiraz here comes with screwtops

― nakhchivan, Saturday, 13 February 2010 23:38 (sixteen years ago)

shoe:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9s89FqNpXO4

― Department of Epidemic Prevention and Water Purification (S-), Saturday, 13 February 2010 23:43 (sixteen years ago)

yeah i assumed it was a screwtop, but no

― Fusty Moralizer (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 14 February 2010 00:07 (sixteen years ago)

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