Too Frank?

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So, I'm down at the laundromat last night, a-washin' my unmentionables. I'm sitting outside, having a cigarette, sipping an iced latte and reading a book I'm not entirely convinced I enjoy.
Then, let's call her Amanda walks over with her little toddler in tow. I went to HS with Amanda, and while we were never close friends or anything, we were always friendly and while she was going to school in Toronto, I hung out with her a few times when I'd go up from London. So we've been on friendly terms for about 11 years.
So I ask her what's new and we small talk for a while about work and the demands of bringing up a kid and all that. Then she tells me that she "got dumped."
Her thirty yr-old ex-b.f. (not the father of her kid, as far as I can tell) dumped her for an 18 yr-old. "An 18 yr-old! Can you believe it, Horace?" Amanda says. "What would a 30 yr-old man want with an 18 yr-old girl?"
"Well, it's awful easy to impress an 18 yr-old," I offer.
"Nuh-uh, you know what it is?" she says, bouncing her 2 or 3 yr-old boy on her knee. "I bet she's got a tight pussy. I mean, I've had a kid."

I wanted to crawl under the bench and hide. Ahhhh, what right does she to impose a mental image of her genitalia on me? And what on Earth was I supposed to say. I laughed politely, "ha ha."
I mean, I've known her for a long time, but never intimately, not even friendly intimately, y'know?
So, what are the pre-requisite conditions that must be met before you can discuss the particulars of yr naughty parts with someone?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 15:36 (twenty-two years ago)

You've been on ilx how long and you were shocked that acquaintances would say something like that?

― Lars (Nicole), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 15:44 (twenty-two years ago)

but in person, in front of a child?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 15:46 (twenty-two years ago)

WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 15:47 (twenty-two years ago)

send the kids O-U-T-S-I-D-E so we can fuck.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 15:48 (twenty-two years ago)

He's only 2 or 3. He doesn't know what pussy is yet.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 15:48 (twenty-two years ago)

"Here, kitty, kitty."

― NA. (Nick A.), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 15:52 (twenty-two years ago)

So, what are the pre-requisite conditions that must be met before you can discuss the particulars of yr naughty parts with someone?

nothing to lose: if you guys were in a big middle-area of friendliness she might think twice, but she doesn't know you, so who cares?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 15:55 (twenty-two years ago)

maybe that's just how she is. isn't it fun when people surprise you? it's like they are not afraid of anything. Ahhh...Refreshing! I like her already!

― django (django), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Say "how about strapping a board on my ass so i don't fall in"

― dave q, Tuesday, 15 July 2003 16:55 (twenty-two years ago)

For what it's worth, I don't think he left her because her pussy wasn't tight enough.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Neither do I, N.
But I'm sure she feels self-conscious about it.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 17:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Or maybe she's just like a 'get over it you prissy male' feminist.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 17:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, yeah. Part of me was wondering if she was hitting on me. I mean, she's always been frank. She's a cool-ass outspoken lady. She owns her own business (she's a hip-clothing designer) and maybe she was just being take-charge. Like: "Yo Horace, I'm not a little girl, but I'll still give you some sweet lovin'."

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 17:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I must find a way to bring the deprecation of my genitals into my chat-up routine.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 17:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I find the thing to do is just that. Act as if your equipment is far below standard, and make claims as such. Then, when the moment of truth arrives, you can easily surpasses your coital partners low expectations.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

It just seems to me like she's got a dirty dirty sense of humor with no off-switch aka Dan Perry Syndrome.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 17:51 (twenty-two years ago)

but dude, you were washing your unmentionables in public!!!!!

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 18:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm a hypocrite huh?
Here I am, all exhibitionist, letting my drawers tumble dry for the whole neighbourhood to see, shocked when someone else discusses the elasticity of their vulva.
Me, who's constantly talking about my 2-foot Wang.
For shame, Horace.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 18:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Me, who's constantly talking about my 2-foot Wang.

You've just raised everyones expectations Horace! Mine at least....

― django (django), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 19:16 (twenty-two years ago)

the 2 foot Wang joke is on some thread from last week. I can't remember what it was about. the thread, not the joke. the joke was about my 2 foot Wang.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

"Yo Horace, I'm not a little girl, but I'll still give you some sweet lovin'."

Please don't say you're into little girls!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 19:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Has anyone considered that she really might have a cavernous vagina? ("Oh, so THAT'S where the ottoman went!")

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 19:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I am neither into little girls, nor do I have a reputation for being in such a way.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 19:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I mean, isn't it possible that if you gave her a hummer you'd have to wait five seconds to hear the echo?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 19:37 (twenty-two years ago)

http://homepage.tinet.ie/~earrings/bishops-cave.jpg

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 19:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan, she did give me her card. If you really want to know, I'll, uh, investigate. I mean, all in the interest of Dan Perry, and all that, sleet, snow, loose meat, etc.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 19:42 (twenty-two years ago)

INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW!

(note: Not really.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 19:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm dialling her number right now.

(note: Not really.)

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 19:46 (twenty-two years ago)

she says, bouncing her 2 or 3 yr-old boy on her knee. "I bet she's got a tight pussy. I mean, I've had a kid.

well that is the lamest excuse ever. hasn't this chick heard of sodomy?

― django (django), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 22:35 (twenty-two years ago)

The idea? You can have too much lip, when chatting like that in front of your own child. Amanda needed to censor hers.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 22:41 (twenty-two years ago)

when he was young, my friend's mother used to come downstairs in the morining with a cigarette dangling from her mouth and say "How are ya asshole." He turned out okay. My mom let me help roll joints. And I'm alright. I got the tightest roaches in town too!

― django (django), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 22:48 (twenty-two years ago)

i had a girl at a bar tell me her friends pussy was "as loose as a camels back". her friend was sitting across from us. i had just met them.

― dyson (dyson), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 22:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Horace, it looks like you've never been in a women's room or a hairdresser's. Women talk about the most amazing things to each other.

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 23:10 (twenty-two years ago)

*throws tampon at horace*

― dorita sparks (lucylurex), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 23:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude, she so wants you. I'm not kidding. She may not even know it, but... seriously. She's discussing her genitals with you. Freely. Take a hint.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 23:20 (twenty-two years ago)

...and some spelunking gear.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 23:22 (twenty-two years ago)

"Help me find my motorcycle then we can ride on outta here!"

― dave q, Wednesday, 16 July 2003 09:18 (twenty-two years ago)

you do not idly discuss yer nether regions. she likes you horace and is none too subtle about it.

― Chris Radford (Chris Radford), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 09:42 (twenty-two years ago)

That was far from frank anyway. She could have done a show and tell.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 09:47 (twenty-two years ago)

"Alright, I'll look, but only if there's a seatbelt."

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 09:47 (twenty-two years ago)

And what on Earth was I supposed to say.

Tact is bourgeois. Improvise!

― Sommermute (Wintermute), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:03 (twenty-two years ago)

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