Site New Answers Search Boards ILM ILE Answers New Question New Questions New Poll Blog View Register Login

When someone you love/d is a COMPLETE FUCKING IDIOT

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed
Whaddya Do? Eh? Sooooooo disappointing.......

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:13 (twenty-two years ago)

er, is now a bad time to ask what they did?

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Move on, since s/he's not the person you were in love with.

― Scaredy cat (Natola), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:23 (twenty-two years ago)

out there, for the collective wisdom of ILE, in general (not personal to me)

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:30 (twenty-two years ago)

What does it matter? I assume if your opinion of them changes then you are no longer in love so move on.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:32 (twenty-two years ago)

in general, doesn't it seem a waste?

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Go, go! Philosophize!

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:36 (twenty-two years ago)

One's person idiot is another person's genius.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:37 (twenty-two years ago)

It depends on whether it was a one time thing, or if they've been jerking you around for a while. If you're in love with them, and do something stupid & hurt you in the middle of being really angry or something, you have to decide if you can forgive them. I'd say wait a week or two until you calm down, then think about how you feel about them, before you do or say anything that you'll really regret.

― lyra (lyra), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Go Go!

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:39 (twenty-two years ago)

So ddg, that's why I've had girlfriends and a wife!

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:39 (twenty-two years ago)

ddg?

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:40 (twenty-two years ago)

oh neverm ind i just got it. duh.

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I guess I'm not getting what's behind the word idiot. I've never dated or loved idiots. Later, I've thought exes acted like assholes, etc. but I wouldn't classify them as "idiots". We all do stupid things at some point.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Idiot = they do something profoundly idiotic; something that makes them look not as smart or mature or whatever as you thought they were etc.

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Go ! Go! More philosophy!

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:55 (twenty-two years ago)

If an idiot falls in the forest, do you still love him/her?

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:56 (twenty-two years ago)

lol

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:57 (twenty-two years ago)

to answer the question, you either:
a)continue to love them and find their idiocy endearing
b)continue to love them but find their idiocy annoying
c)stop loving them
d)a and b both

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Ok, *I'll* philosophize.
Does it mean that we are idiots by extension? For being taken in by a COMPLETE FUCKING IDIOT [tm]?
Go! Go!

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:13 (twenty-two years ago)

who's the idiot here, I mean really

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm being semi-facetious

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:14 (twenty-two years ago)

any idiot! Philosophize! Go! Go!

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:15 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.backwardglances.com/images/go-go%20boot%20toppers.jpg

― bauhaus (Oops), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:21 (twenty-two years ago)

looks kinda lumpy when you get up close there...Is there pudding in her boots?

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:23 (twenty-two years ago)

sexual innuendo thread is over there, partner

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Again, we all do stupid things from time to time.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:38 (twenty-two years ago)

poor little thread. it had such *potential*

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:52 (twenty-two years ago)

until the platitudes started

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Go! Go! Banish the platitudes! Revive!

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:54 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.pbcc.org/high_school/images/hs_main2.jpg

― Dada, Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:27 (twenty-two years ago)

You can't change another person's behaviour. You can only change the way that you react to it.

Sometimes the way to change your own reaction is to stop caring and love them despite their idiot-syncracies.

And sometimes the way to change your own reaction is to stop caring and kick them to the bloody curb.

The "is my life better with this person in it, or this person NOT in it" is a very hard decision to make. And the "stop caring" option can be hard to impossible when it is someone that you love/d.

Other people will ultimately ALWAYS be idiots, but the thing to do is stop beating yourself up over it.

― kate (kate), Thursday, 17 July 2003 08:03 (twenty-two years ago)

you CAN change anothers behaviour. i know my behaviour is totally modified by other people, so i must have similar affect on at least some other people

― gareth (gareth), Thursday, 17 July 2003 08:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Bollocks.

― kate (kate), Thursday, 17 July 2003 08:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Twas your decision to change/modify your behaviour. No one can force you into that decision. ESPECIALLY not if you try.

― kate (kate), Thursday, 17 July 2003 08:08 (twenty-two years ago)

although i suspect that most modification of others behaviour is done subconsciously (on both peoples parts). an overt attempt to change a person behaviour to one of that more preferable to you is, i agree, not destined for success. but behaviour is different in different contexts, and those contexts modify how you behave, but yes, this is not overt or intentional. although what about manipulation? surely manipulation is the dictionary definition of modifying others behaviour. and reverse psychology? and all that other stuff, so maybe intentional modifications are possible but they have to be somewhat machiavellian? have you ever been tricked?

― gareth (gareth), Thursday, 17 July 2003 08:11 (twenty-two years ago)

if you're resisting someone's attempt to change you, they're still having an effect on your behavior

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 17 July 2003 08:17 (twenty-two years ago)

^not necessarily true in every case, mind you

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 17 July 2003 08:17 (twenty-two years ago)

What the fuck gives anyone the right to change anyone else?

This whole line of reasoning annoys the fuck out of me.

OK, maybe you CAN'T change someone else = YOU DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT TO CHANGE ANYONE ELSE.

I am going to get off ILX now until someone brings in more coffee because I am experiencing serious crankiness issues and I want to kill all my friends. :-(

― kate (kate), Thursday, 17 July 2003 08:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Whoever changes the most people the most drastically while remaining themselves the most wins!

― dave q, Thursday, 17 July 2003 08:22 (twenty-two years ago)

i win!

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 17 July 2003 08:27 (twenty-two years ago)

oh i love it when the people i loved turn out to be complete idiots, cos then i get to feel superior to them.

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 17 July 2003 08:44 (twenty-two years ago)

problem is, really truly idiotic ppl don't seem to SUFFER as much

― dave q, Thursday, 17 July 2003 08:46 (twenty-two years ago)

taking sides: having a 'de facto' static personality vs having an amorphous personality affected by others

― gareth (gareth), Thursday, 17 July 2003 08:55 (twenty-two years ago)

well first you gotta solve the 'essence vs existence' thing

― dave q, Thursday, 17 July 2003 09:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Modifying your behaviour due to influence of others != changing your personality.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 17 July 2003 09:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Ex'es are de facto idiots to the other ex. Because if you were perfect or even right for each other, you'd still be together. It doesn't matter if one party or the other is right or wrong - everybody is an "idiot" to some extent or other, and the emotional hurt of a decaying relationship will only exacerbate the perception of that "idiocy".

Discussions of personality and behaviour modification aside, what I'm trying to say is this: if you spend the majority of your time in a relationship trying to change the other party, or BEING CHANGED by the other party, it means that it's not a good fit. Not right or wrong, just not a good fit. And if you persist, even after this becomes aparent, it becomes a control thing. And that's not healthy.

Trust me, I'm talking from experience. Endlessly dwelling on and ranting about that perceived idiocy (especially in hopes that the "idiot" in question will read them) will not help you get over the relationship. Letting Go is a painful process, but a necessary one. You can't delete your feelings of anger or rage or disillusion or hurt, but you can find more helpful ways of dealing with them.

It's only a "waste" if you let it consume you and destroy you.

Put the computer down, go in another room - write a song, draw a picture, write a story. Change your reaction.

OK. That's all.

― kate (kate), Thursday, 17 July 2003 09:33 (twenty-two years ago)

any time two individuals are in any proximity whatever it becomes a 'control thing'

― dave q, Thursday, 17 July 2003 09:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I've dated a couple of people that I knew for a fact were morons when I got into it. I suspect that if you didn't know it going into it, they aren't really idiots but rather just people you now think are assholes.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 17 July 2003 12:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Ask my ex about this. Be prepared to sit and listen for awhile.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 17 July 2003 12:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 45 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.
I don't think that anone I have truly loved or currently love is an idiot. Sure, they've all done crap that is stupid - but so have I. And we've all done stuff that we regret, too. That's part of being human. There is a reason that you love someone in the first place - and that should not be discarded when you are disappointed in that person - when you truly love you love all of the person, flaws and strengths alike (as batty as they may drive you at times).

Since the title of this thread also implies a love that is no longer present, then I'd say - who gives a damn about them? They're still the person that you loved, and that doesn't change. It just means that something has happened or been realized and you cannot and/or should not be together. That doesn't mean the person is an idiot. And it certainly does not imply that one is an idiot for loving someone who ultimately disappoints us.

We look at past loves and remember the good and the bad and everything in between. And we're thankful for what we have learned from each other (even if it just that we don't want someone like that person). Then we let go and move on - we're human, we all f*ck-up at times - we're entitled to that. We're also entitled to being respected and loved for who we are. If someone thinks that we're an idiot, than that person doesn't love us and we don't need them.

It can be annyoing and frustrating and (occasionally) even embarassing when someone we love/d acts in a way that we're not comfortable with. But that's their life and their decision. And it's our life and our decision whether we can accept that decision in the other person.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Friday, 18 July 2003 20:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Gareth speaks in a hackneyed attempt at American skater boi when in America;(

― Mary (Mary), Friday, 18 July 2003 20:45 (twenty-two years ago)

That's what that was?

― That Girl (thatgirl), Friday, 18 July 2003 20:59 (twenty-two years ago)

If he said, "Wanna drink a 40?" then yes:(

― Mary (Mary), Friday, 18 July 2003 21:09 (twenty-two years ago)

It was great! I found it charming and refreshing, a break from all the good American accents I hear on a daily basis!

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 18 July 2003 22:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it's interesting that the people who responded seriously to the thread interpreted it as "occassional" and not COMPLETE (consistent, perhaps abusive) fucking idiot as the thread was titled.

Just musing...."fucking idiot" could mean a lot things, it's left open on purpose, but seems to also have been interpreted more as "faux pas". And that the idiocy has no health, legal, or financial consequences hasn't been considered--also interesting. But I'm engaging in way-too-pensive meta-thread analysis here.

Well, I've lurked a long time and watched other people wonder out loud about things, I hope you forgive me for doing the same.........time for me to go to Trader Joe's. Now die thread, DIE!

― Orbit (Orbit), Saturday, 19 July 2003 00:22 (twenty-two years ago)

wait, millar said that was good. and ned did when i was in LA too

― gareth (gareth), Saturday, 19 July 2003 09:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Trader Joe's? Yes, it rules.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 19 July 2003 09:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I think G. would find TJ's bourgie.

― Mary (Mary), Saturday, 19 July 2003 14:27 (twenty-two years ago)

no, i meant my "could i, like, get a 40" thing

― gareth (gareth), Saturday, 19 July 2003 14:39 (twenty-two years ago)

A 40" thing?????

― C J (C J), Saturday, 19 July 2003 14:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Gareth, if that's the kind of souvenir you wanted from TX, well, you shoulda said somethin' . . .

― That Girl (thatgirl), Saturday, 19 July 2003 17:33 (twenty-two years ago)

gareth eventually we have to take you to a college football game and then you can ask that to every vendor that comes by

― Millar (Millar), Saturday, 19 July 2003 17:36 (twenty-two years ago)

We were doing the Gareth hand-motion-for-40s-thing for like an hour today on the subway. Phil eventually asked us to please stop doing it because it was embarassing him.

― Ally (mlescaut), Sunday, 20 July 2003 03:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I fear my American accent will be something like Hugh Grant's horrendous attempts at Mafioso chat in whatever that bloody awful film was. God help me if I ever go to America, I'll be shot.

As to the issue at hand - it's likely that *I'm* the complete fucking indiot occasionally loved by misguided fool who think I'll "grow out of it" or something, for shame.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Sunday, 20 July 2003 08:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I fear my American accent will be something like Hugh Grant's horrendous attempts at Mafioso chat in whatever that bloody awful film was. God help me if I ever go to America, I'll be shot.

As to the issue at hand - it's likely that *I'm* the complete fucking idiot occasionally loved by misguided fool who think I'll "grow out of it" or something, for shame.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Sunday, 20 July 2003 08:24 (twenty-two years ago)

(They said it was good bc they wanted you to continue doing it. Why they wanted you to continue doing it is beyond me.)

― Mary (Mary), Sunday, 20 July 2003 11:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I know how to do a Southampton [England] accent, whatever that is! Since I have two friends from there whom I talk with once a month, that is. Most of the time, though, I sound utterly Californian. Not a lick of "Texan" in me. The accent I am currently attempting to overcome is the slightly broken-English accent that second generation Texan Americans of Hispanic origin seem to have in droves. Sometimes when I'm especially exhausted, though, it will peek out. I hate it.

I don't know what I'd do with someone whom I love who turns out to be an idiot, though. I absolutely cannot stand it when someone is not intellectual. I may have my "My God I'm a moron" moments, but I'd rather strive to better myself intellectually. Maybe I'd still love them, if they were mature and all. However, I've just dumped two friends of mine whom I've had since high school days because THEY SIMPLY REFUSED TO GROW UP. I started resisting them because they could not understand why I wanted to watch documentaries while they wanted to watch cartoons, but the straw that broke the camel's back was when I realized that six years after we had become friends (when I was a freshman and they were sophomores), they were just as silly and juvenile as they were back then.

― Just Deanna (Dee the Lurker), Sunday, 20 July 2003 14:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm growing more juvenille the older I get. I embrace it.

Also cartoons rule Dee, you are a fule! ;)

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Sunday, 20 July 2003 17:26 (twenty-two years ago)

If you start a thread, you can't just wish it dead. Boy, that's a lesson that I learned the hard way. If people become abusive, you can ask to have the thread locked, but I don't see anyone here being abusive - just being inane in the way that ILX always is when confronted with real emotions. I think it's a painful but valuable lesson in learning the ways that in which it is useful or healthy to discuss personal issues, and learning ways in which it is not.

― kate (kate), Monday, 21 July 2003 07:23 (twenty-two years ago)

three months pass...
Did anyone ever call my ex-boyfriend? That was really his phone number up there.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 18:16 (twenty-two years ago)

I phoned him and asked him what he was wearing and if it truly was bigger than a baby's arm. Still waiting for him to call me back.

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 18:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Seriously? For some reason we called him one night and made him listen to some bar band play "Sweet Home Alabama" but this was after several months of him leaving me drunk messages calling me a snobby slut cos I wouldn't date him AND his friend.

This is exactly what I'm talking about upthread when I said that the people you date are not complete fucking idiots, it's just that some perspective leads you to decide that. Though actually giving out your gf's # to people is kind of a completely fucking idiotic thing to do.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

wait, how can a "snobby slut" exist?

― Jeremy the Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 18:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Paris Hilton to thread?

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 18:50 (twenty-two years ago)

That's the most half-hearted joke I've ever made.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 18:58 (twenty-two years ago)

try it like this, teeny:

Paris Hilton to thread!!!!

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 18:59 (twenty-two years ago)

boo-ya!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Most Puertoricans I know that speak English 'fluently', talk in the expected New Yawk ACKcent. I've been told I speak in what many perceive as being Californian English, or a reasonable fascimile thereof, which might be attributed to the phenomenon of living in a more 'culturally-diverse' part of town, near the tourist zone, meaning some Americans live round here. The flipside to this is everyone else thinks we're (me and my hood rats, of course!) rich, privileged, or some other nonsense. So we get beat up more often... or not. But we do get hassled by the man! Really!

― Francis Watlington (Francis Watlington), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd post the Gareth phone face here but I'm too tired.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:41 (twenty-two years ago)

tired...OF THIS SHIT!

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:43 (twenty-two years ago)

http://bitchcakes.topcities.com/turbonegro/tomfinger.jpg

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Are you coming on to me?

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes. Yes, I am. Come over here and give us a kiss baby.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:48 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.accesstry.com/aidoru/photjpg/baby.JPG

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Here I was thinking about a mini Gene Simmons.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Like this:

http://www.earth1.net/~phillips/baby/pics/kiss.GIF

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Ha ha what's funnier is that when you wrote Gene Simmons I pictured Richard Simmons and couldn't figure out what you were talking about.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:55 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.tias.com/stores/haa/pictures/d28a.jpg

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Your search - Richard Simmons baby - did not match any documents.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:58 (twenty-two years ago)

RICHARD SIMMONS HAS NO WOMB, DAN!!!!!!!!!

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I think we are all thankful for that.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 21:02 (twenty-two years ago)

He births children out of his forehead like a Greek god.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 21:03 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.obeygiant.com/stickers/bootlegs/images/richardsimmons.gif

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 21:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Further use for his bushy head.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 21:18 (twenty-two years ago)

"bushy"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 21:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I've reached a new low. I apologize.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 21:19 (twenty-two years ago)

You've got a ways to go until you reach "ass-fisting moussaka".

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 21:21 (twenty-two years ago)

may I suggest Burger Continental in Pasadena?

― Orbit (Orbit), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 03:38 (twenty-two years ago)

three years pass...

People change all the time why not make their minds up for them, you have by def a more objective view of matters

― President Evil, Friday, 14 September 2007 09:50 (eighteen years ago)


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.
Site New Answers Search Boards ILM ILE Answers New Question New Questions New Poll Blog View Register Login