― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 00:32 (twenty years ago) link
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 00:35 (twenty years ago) link
― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 00:35 (twenty years ago) link
― M Matos (M Matos), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 00:36 (twenty years ago) link
― M Matos (M Matos), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 00:37 (twenty years ago) link
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 00:38 (twenty years ago) link
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 00:42 (twenty years ago) link
Your answer: probably similar in many respects.
― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 00:43 (twenty years ago) link
― Tad (llamasfur), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 00:59 (twenty years ago) link
everyone KNOWS each other here, and i know no one
also, i'm not sure if i WANT to know anyone here
but i also know that i can't hold out much longer without someone to get drunk with who isn't my girlfriend
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:01 (twenty years ago) link
Have you tried going to shows by yourself and talking to people there? Like be like going with the ostensible point of writing about it, but chat up some folx.
― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:03 (twenty years ago) link
― Tad (llamasfur), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:04 (twenty years ago) link
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:07 (twenty years ago) link
― Scaredy cat (Natola), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:09 (twenty years ago) link
― rosemary (rosemary), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:09 (twenty years ago) link
(sorry about being all 1000 Qs ...)
― Tad (llamasfur), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:10 (twenty years ago) link
The real key is to basically convince yourself that you are great. If you can fake confidence you'll win people over. If you win people over, you eventually don't have to fake confidence. It's just that it's really fucking difficult to do that.
― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:11 (twenty years ago) link
i just realized today that i have never once in my life had to "make friends." they all just sorta fell in my lap, whether i wanted them at the time or not. god is now punishing me.
i don't have any real problem talking to people - yesterday I nearly tripped and killed myself, laughed about it with a girl who was sitting where I tripped, and made small talk for five minutes - its just that i have no idea how to extend this small talk into something uh organic without asking for phone numbers and looking like i'm trying to pick people up. also, i do not like ingratiating myself into conversations or situations because i know how often i myself like to be left alone while in public.
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:14 (twenty years ago) link
Yeah, sometimes hanging out at bars isn't the best way to try to meet people. You can meet people in karate class (gym, yoga, etc), book readings/signings.... go sit in a coffee shop like a dork with a book that shows what a cool dude you are, etc. People who are looking for other people do the same kinds of things, so it's not really embarrassing.
― Scaredy cat (Natola), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:14 (twenty years ago) link
― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:15 (twenty years ago) link
― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:16 (twenty years ago) link
does that "people ask you what you're reading and then you become fast friends/lovers/a criminal duo" really happen?
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:17 (twenty years ago) link
― M Matos (M Matos), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:20 (twenty years ago) link
(this is only a marginally faceteous statement)
― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:22 (twenty years ago) link
i bet a pair of too small black wranglers and a "tigermilk" t-shirt would make me the toast of the town
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:23 (twenty years ago) link
― Tad (llamasfur), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:23 (twenty years ago) link
― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:24 (twenty years ago) link
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:26 (twenty years ago) link
That song "Accentuate the Positive" isn't as dorky as it seems. Even if you genuinely feel people are mostly idiots (as I do), if you start thinking positive, the negative stuff just sort of disappears and you can still look at people and say, "Hey, there goes an idiot," and at the same time happily accept them for the idiot s/he is. If you have that attitude, it will be hard for people not to like you and accept you right back. If you think that you are "great" (i.e. better than everyone) and really dwell on negativity, you're bound to come off as an asshole. (ah, the ironing is delicious).
BTW, I've never done the coffeeshop thing. That's pretty passive... especially since it sets you up to wait and wait and wait. The thing is to be aggressive, not passive, because nobody really cares about meeting your ass unless they want to fuck you (as noted above).
― Scaredy cat (Natola), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:27 (twenty years ago) link
?!?! isn't olympia rriot-girl/arty-farty/emo central?
― Tad (llamasfur), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:27 (twenty years ago) link
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:28 (twenty years ago) link
the no money thing is a problem :(
How about you actively convince Matos and DB to take a drive to Olympia!!
― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:29 (twenty years ago) link
in other news, the new melt banana record is amazingly good
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:30 (twenty years ago) link
― Scaredy cat (Natola), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:32 (twenty years ago) link
― Scaredy cat (Natola), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:35 (twenty years ago) link
― Tad (llamasfur), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:35 (twenty years ago) link
― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:39 (twenty years ago) link
― gabbneb (gabbneb), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:56 (twenty years ago) link
― Tad (llamasfur), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 01:57 (twenty years ago) link
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 02:43 (twenty years ago) link
― Dan I., Wednesday, 23 July 2003 02:56 (twenty years ago) link
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 03:33 (twenty years ago) link
I feel you jess. This is one thing I wish kids of our generation had a little more formality in. I can't tell you how many times I've halfassed my way into a conversation with someone I barely know or just met, other of their friends come up, and NO INTRODUCTIONS take place.
― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 03:45 (twenty years ago) link
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 03:49 (twenty years ago) link
― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 03:49 (twenty years ago) link
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 03:52 (twenty years ago) link
― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 03:53 (twenty years ago) link
― cuspidorian (cuspidorian), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 03:54 (twenty years ago) link
― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 03:54 (twenty years ago) link
(Well not :( cos they are great but I suspect strongo has explored this option as fully as he wants to)
― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 08:20 (twenty years ago) link
i don't have any real problem talking to people - yesterday I nearly tripped and killed myself, laughed about it with a girl who was sitting where I tripped, and made small talk for five minutes - its just that i have no idea how to extend this small talk into something uh organic without asking for phone numbers and looking like i'm trying to pick people up. also, i do not like ingratiating myself into conversations or situations because i know how often i myself like to be left alone while in public.''
Jess is ME or something. this thread is like looking into a mirror. I like the advice diamond and millar give but i don't drink or smoke. (At least you posted a thread abt it whereas i prob wouldn't).
And look at it this way: at least jess knows more abt pop kulcha. I mean, i don't even know much abt that so its not like i have much of a starting point as far as talking to people.
― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 08:39 (twenty years ago) link
― gareth (gareth), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 08:54 (twenty years ago) link
― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 08:57 (twenty years ago) link
Another way to make friends is to not take any advice Gareth has ever given you, by the way all of his advice seems to turn out!!! Whatever Gareth advises me to do from now on, I will do the exact opposite.
― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 12:48 (twenty years ago) link
― gareth (gareth), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 12:57 (twenty years ago) link
― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:05 (twenty years ago) link
― Larcole (Nicole), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:38 (twenty years ago) link
― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:40 (twenty years ago) link
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:40 (twenty years ago) link
― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:41 (twenty years ago) link
― Larcole (Nicole), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:43 (twenty years ago) link
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:47 (twenty years ago) link
Next!
― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:47 (twenty years ago) link
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:52 (twenty years ago) link
― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:53 (twenty years ago) link
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:54 (twenty years ago) link
Whatever you do, be proactive in doing it. It doesn't have to be you walking up to strangers and trying to start conversations; if you do something that isn't entirely solitary you *will* come into contact with other, probably like-minded, people.
Think of it like looking for a job. If you don't write application letters, ring contacts, etc., something *might* fall in your lap, but it ain't likely. If you start searching, things happen, even if they're not what you're expecting.
― Mark C (Mark C), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 14:06 (twenty years ago) link
― Sarah (starry), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 14:11 (twenty years ago) link
― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 15:10 (twenty years ago) link
― bnw (bnw), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 15:55 (twenty years ago) link
― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 16:00 (twenty years ago) link
― Paul Eater (eater), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 17:09 (twenty years ago) link
DJ STRONGO COMIN THRU!!
YOU KNOW HOW WE DO!!
*KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 17:21 (twenty years ago) link
never say i dont know how to pander to an audience
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 17:24 (twenty years ago) link
― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 17:25 (twenty years ago) link
OH NO! NEW SHIT! PETER BROTZMANN FEAT. REDMAN!
*KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 17:29 (twenty years ago) link
― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 17:33 (twenty years ago) link
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 17:38 (twenty years ago) link
― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 17:41 (twenty years ago) link
― Sarah (starry), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 18:27 (twenty years ago) link
― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 18:32 (twenty years ago) link
and then show them my willie
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 19:44 (twenty years ago) link
― bnw (bnw), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 19:48 (twenty years ago) link
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 19:56 (twenty years ago) link
― daria g (daria g), Thursday, 24 July 2003 00:00 (twenty years ago) link
― daria g (daria g), Thursday, 24 July 2003 00:01 (twenty years ago) link
― felicity (felicity), Thursday, 24 July 2003 01:02 (twenty years ago) link
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 16 February 2004 03:39 (twenty years ago) link
― the surface noise (electricsound), Monday, 16 February 2004 03:47 (twenty years ago) link
ew, who actually makes new friends at bars? isnt it implied that if ppl are talking to you they want to get nakey w/ u ?
― Vic (Vic), Monday, 6 September 2004 02:52 (nineteen years ago) link
― Sexual Air Supply (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 6 September 2004 02:55 (nineteen years ago) link
― Harold Media (kenan), Monday, 6 September 2004 02:59 (nineteen years ago) link
there should be a corresponding thread of how to GET PERMANENTLY RID OF PEOPLE YOU KEEP TRYING TO AVOID, especially if THEY HAVE BOTH YOUR CELL AND HOME PHONE #S. But otherwise, on this topic - yeah, as cynical as it sounds, I'm finding as I go thru life, that having a common hate - especially if it's of another person - is a great way to bond with people, and get closer to them.
― Vic (Vic), Monday, 6 September 2004 03:13 (nineteen years ago) link
Haven't had too much luck in my area after 11 years, sadly. Despite my relatively eclectic interests I fear I don't have that magnetic/memorable quality that makes someone wonder what I'm up to today, and social media sickens me (partly because it just motivates me to have pity parties like this). So a bit out of sight out of mind by default, and now pandemic limits ambitions considerably unless I want to engage in some major cognitive dissonance. I just want to have lots of friends to jam and game with. By the way, after being here the exact same amount of time I've honestly not totally felt part of the ilx clique either. So that being said, maybe I can improve. How is everyone doing?
― Evan, Monday, 28 September 2020 14:34 (three years ago) link
A pandemic does makes things more difficult. My own experience on making irl friends in later life is that voluntary or community activity is probably the only reliable route, for me at least.
Cliques in general are probably not worth the price of entry in terms of effort and commitment balanced against the payoff of belonging (not sure whether there is an ilx clique in practice however).
― Luna Schlosser, Monday, 28 September 2020 16:42 (three years ago) link
My bf wants to make friends in his new home, a small town, and he literally cold-called someone who does the same artisanal craft as him and asked if they could ever get together and talk shop and the guy was nice (if surprised) but never called him back. Now Christopher wanders forlornly around the house going, "Bobby, I hardly knew ye" and so on.
― There's more Italy than necessary. (in orbit), Monday, 28 September 2020 16:55 (three years ago) link
In short, even for the boldest, it's not easy. And Christopher is, I have to say, pretty magnetic and not very forgettable so I wouldn't be too hard on yourself.
― There's more Italy than necessary. (in orbit), Monday, 28 September 2020 16:58 (three years ago) link
Thanks for these thoughts. The ILX aside just plays into my uncertainty with how interesting people find me overall. It's definitely self pity confirmation bias to focus on the many(?) times where my more thoughtful posts are not engaged with, but I feel like it's realistic to say that I am nowhere near a notable personality. Could be for lots of reasons! Bad timing, avoiding controversial stances, avoiding confrontation, low frequency of posts, whatever. But IRL I am not often sought out either, so it's a bit of soul searching to figure out what I can do better cumulatively.
― Evan, Friday, 2 October 2020 16:55 (three years ago) link