Friends

My other friends are through ILX, but I don't know how much they count so far - I like some hugely, and am already considering them my friends, but whether they think of me that way is of course another matter. Some friendships are growing gradually, I think and hope.

David: He's about 15 yrs older than me and male but otherwise we are the same person. Our front doors are three feet apart and we see each other several times a day every day. He's a TV stage manager. He forgives me, respects me, and laughs at my jokes. I met him at my local bar.

Courtney: She's younger than me and also a teacher. We met in teacher training. She got me on Friendster. She's an indie rock girl but I forgive her. I don't see her much since she got a boyfriend but whever we get together it's good times.

Eve: She was my best friend when I lived in Brooklyn. I haven't seen her in a long time. She's cynical and hilarious and was always willing to go out to shows with me. She went to college with Joel but I only found this out fairly recently. I met her at an instore at Other Music.

Christina: She's the singer in my favorite band of the last 10 yrs. I got to know her through this band but have since lived with her and was in/organized her wedding (onstange, during a gig). I babysit her children when she's on tour and she listens to me whenever I need to be listened to. She's the most down to earth amazing woman I've ever known.

Maureen: She's my BF in Austin. I drive the hot ass drive down there to see her whenever I can. I met her at a rockabilly show in austin but had had a dream about her and my friend Bianaca the week before that. She's complete goodtimes and has seen me through good and bad as only good girlfriends can.

All these folx are different than random strangers b/c I can fuck up(and do) and they still love me. They are all amazing, talented, generous people and I am proud to know them.

(there are many more, these are just the top ones.)

Miranda: Introverted musical genius who makes me laugh more than anyone I know.

Tash: I have no idea why we are friends as we are almost polar opposites, but we are OK?

My friends are all completely fucked, but so much fun to have around.
There's more but I can't be fucked.

I stopped hanging out with my former best friends because their lifestyles were just not something I could continue to be around. They were quite good friends though, J** and M****. However the two of them had a big falling out over something ridiculous (a jacket for fuck's sake) and then I realized that perhaps hanging out with people so coked up that this was an important issue was not good for my on the wagon self.

There are different levels of friends. You can have excellent friends that you rarely see, but who you know are always there for you, and when you do see them, you pick up right where you dropped off. There may have been ups and downs, but bottom line is if I need to call them at 3am for any reason I can. I am blessed to have in this category:

Greg Shaw
Mike Lindsey / Patti Hood
Brenda Rogers
Paul Crow

The second category would be friends who you really do care about, but you can't call them at 3am, or you wouldn't feel comfortable doing so. But you love them to bits as friends. I would gladly answer the phone at 3am for them, whether they know it or not. In this category I am blessed to have:

Dave Matke
Peter Gilabert
Ned Raggett
Karen Scott

The third category is all the friends, near and far, online and off, that don't fall into the first two, and I am blessed to have each one of them, though I won't list them here. it would be boring.

And then there are the Frenemies: Xtobal.

man, I don't know what I did to deserve these people. Or any of the others that I haven't listed. I could brag for hours about my friends but what would be the point? I know I have the best gang of buddies in the world, I don't need to prove it to anybody. Damn. I miss some of these motherfuckers.

*blursh* That's a blurry, shoegazey blush.

The two people I have ever called my "best friend", I no longer am in touch with. I miss one of them, but the damage may be irreparable.

Friends are good.

My oldest friend -- of the people I'm still in touch with -- we'll call T. He was the first new friend I made in first grade, and my best friend throughout elementary school, until he went off to a series of private schools. T was always a step or two ahead of me ... culturally speaking, for lack of a better word: the first kid I knew whose parents divorced (that sounds like a weird example, maybe, but I'm convinced that at least in my small town, having your parents divorce matures you), the one who introduced me to Music That Wasn't On The Radio (Dead Milkmen, Dead Kennedys, Public Image Limited), the one who got me to read Emerson and Thoreau. The summer between 8th grade and freshman year of high school, before he went off to a boarding school, we started a zine together -- him scribbling away about art and poetry, me scribbling away at stories about an albino demon-hunting gunslinger.

My ... hrm. My newest friend, in a way? ... is my brother. Our parents split when I was in eighth grade, and he was in fourth. My mother got custody of both of us, but he took advantage of the dual-houses situation thing anyway and spent a lot of time with my father, mostly because my father was out of town so much that B could get in trouble without getting in trouble. He was living with my father most of the time when I moved out of town, and shortly after that was sent first to juvenile detention and then to prison -- he was in prison from the time he was 17 until just before he turned 24. I visited him a few times in the joint (yeah, no one calls it that), but basically, if you'd asked me to describe my brother, I would've described him at age 12 -- the last time we spent any significant time together. He's 24 now, I'm 28, he's got a kid on the way, he's got most of his shit together (he still doesn't quite yet grok how to handle his money, which makes sense when you look at that timeline, after all) ... and I don't talk to him very much, but he's a friend. It's very odd. But good.

My closest friends are all amazing. They're smart about different stuff, and have a passionate spark within them like proper geeks, and I love them. We should start a superteam and fight crime or something.

I am still pretty indie and will freeze up in large groups where I don't know most people. It's just that nowadays I don't let that bother me before it happens.

Because I got an influx of new friends when I started being unemployed, I haven't seem many of them in some time now.

My best friend lives near where I work, but I don't see him as much as I used to. He's one of the coolest and nicest guys I know, but he works in web design = he has been poor for two years.

My other best friend wasn't talking to me for a year because of some shit involving a slow painful slide out of friendship which ended with me nixing his job application at the place where I work. Now we're good again, but also don't see him as much as I used to.

One of my favourite things about new friends (and I'm fickle enough that my favourite friends are always new friends) is parallel evolution, where you find people who are like you would be if you grew up in a different time or place (okay, place). And you talk to them about stuff, and you get that electric shock when you see they 'get it'. Meeting one of these in a day is a blessing. Meeting two is like winning the lottery. So hooray for Allar and Milly!

This is also part of the reason why, I suspect, I've tried to keep ILX separate from the rest of my life (although finding out that G was well acquainted with a prominent ilX0r a few months back was a real worlds-colliding moment). As was finding out that another friend of mine had been posting here for months without me making the connection.

Probably my closest group of friends are R, Gr, and M - we all met at university, we've done a load of stuff together, come through some insane times but whenever the four of us get together it's pretty much a guarantee of a good time, even if we all live in different cities now.

Also, thanks to G getting me a job a year or so ago, I've been fortunate enough to walk straight into a very close-knit group of friends and be accepted pretty much straight away. This is an incredibly female-dominated group and its always been incredibly laid-back and there are few people within it nowadays who I could tell pretty much anything to. They have lots of unconncected friends I've yet to meet as well, and it's proving a great way to meet women.

G, N, J and M are what's left of my old group of schoolfriends. We used to walk to school together every day for years, and although we don't see as much of each other as we'd like to, we can still get together and have a laugh, usually involving large amounts of beer and a football match somewhere along the line, without having to talk endlessly about things that happened years ago.

I feel fortunate that I've got so many people I'm close to around me, pretty much at all times. It's a great position to be in.

My oldest friend, R, and I have grown apart considerably over the last few years. I feel guilty about this a lot, although when we do see each other, I realise why.

Funny thing is: other than an ex-best friend I'd last seen at least three years ago, I've only a few close friends now. [Tis compared to the large social ring I've got.] I don't live near any of them, but amen for cyberspace. The fact that they are willing to put up with a sarky, mercurial gal like me on a regular basis is a huge factor.

One close pal (for 15 years +) lurks round here---after all the ILX madness I've told her about. Met her in high school in NYC and bonded over music, sarcasm and the fact we can make even morbid thoughts funny.

Another two are here on ILX, as well. They make me laugh, even when I don't see it coming. [Hell, just for being willing to hear me out on the same subject (again and again) qualifies them.] Despite the sarcastic "claw marks", they give--and take--in good stead. Plus, you can't beat the mega marathon discussions about any and every topic that occasionally flies into my head.

Still others never heard of this arena, but they always rock.

Course, all the rest of you luvvies brighten each day, too!

Friendship is always a crap shoot: some of those you expect to stick around for the long haul disappoint the hell out of you; others turn out to be great surprises. The trick is in giving each new soul a chance.

click....end of sermon

I haven't kept up much with university people, a failing on my part, but I have to admit it's because my best friend from there died last year. Also most of them are in America - the ones here are super-rich types in the main (one's a Bulgari, so you get my drift) but I see my friend Margaret often and get the news on loads of the nice people I knew. I'd love to be in touch with my friend Molly who is dancing in SF these days. Although we were never in school together, I found Stuart when visiting Nellie at her college and he's here now, working at the Tate and being an artworld A-list gay boy. Stuart is much funnier than Darren Star and along those lines; I've learnt the ringer for various countries completely by accident through phoning him to find he's staying in Antwerp for the weekend or whatever.

My oldest London friend is Magz who runs Resonance FM; she hooked me up with my first shared house in 1989. There is Helen, my first editor and still one of my best friends. My first British boyfriend, Nick, you all know - or think you do (we also worked out a lot of the problems in our friendship here so yay ILX). Terry, Tony, Kate and Wolfgang are my buds from wayback at Edgy Style Mag. Esther and Carlos were housemates in Hampstead; she's a curator, he's an architect at N. Foster. Very occasionally I'll see friends from the Britpop era but it's at parties and such - some of them dropped out, some coupled up, some are still pals but not the Emergency! Who'm I gonna call at 3am? type, so not really relevant here. I kind of hid out for a year after a bereavement and lost day-to-day touch with many of them, but they were having problems and hiding too (drugs, friends dying, bands collapsing, marriage-related hibernation, whatever). My friend Imogen who I met on the Observer and my friend Jenny who wrote a story for my book are solid girls; Georgina is the most stylish woman I know and is a top artist to boot (her stuff's in the Tate and the Walker Art Center, wooh George) and her boyfriend Paul is ACE and totally sound; Ed *loves* him. Satinder is often miserable and confounded about her career, but really funny with it (and successful, so stop whining Sindi) and is the teller of AMAZING Southall stories.

Amen:)

Ally and Ned's responses make me feel sad, then make me feel like an idiot for feeling sad. The trick is to remember that everyone feels like an idiot all the time.

Ally: I can't, and it hurts.

Ned: I didn't mean by "get it" that others don't understand what I was telling them, but that some people seem to thinking my thoughts at the same time. The word I'm trying to avoid here is wavelength, because that would reveal me as a hippy. I'm guessing you got that, I just thought I should say.

And not everyone goes dambusting initial contact->life friends forever. As Nichole said, some of them burn out, and some of the middling friends get promoted. So yeah, obviously I'd love to see more of everyone I saw (or didn't!) in NYC.

My college friends (JP, TH, MB, DD, TC, DY, DR, NS, VR, RS, MC, LT, DC, JG, CW) are also scattered all over the place. Half of them are either back in grad school or just leaving; most fall into the doctor/lawyer/consultant axis but one is a choir director.

My singing friends (BR, MH, MH, DV, YK, JH, JS, LM, TG, LW, KW, CW, CH, JT, LM) are mostly still in Boston with one notable exception. Most aren't pursuing music as a career, although two are working as professional soloists and one has a contract with the City Opera Chorus. The day jobs range from IT director for a department at MGH to museum development/fundraising manager.

I would definitely say there's a hierarchy of closeness amongst this large number of people but I feel deeply blessed to know/have known all of them.

But i have lost touch with my school friend and hardly see the other two (do meet them twice a year, say). they are all busy and so am i but then our interests are quite diff too and I suppose it is a pretty strong possibility I will lose touch with them as well.

I hate this prospect but its something that is at the back of my mind. and the fact that I haven't made new friends at this place where i now work/study for the last two years sort is a bummer but I'm not sure i should be that worried abt it.

But anyway, I moved around a lot growing up. I really only keep in touch with one friend from high school (the last one of 4 high schools) and I email a few kids from college. My closest friends now all came about from going to rock shows all the time. Usually, either they came to one of my shows and talked to me afterwards or the other way around. And then I met all their friends, and so on... Sometimes I forget that not everyone loves going to rock shows all the time.

No shame in that, as not all of mine enjoy shows either. It always comes back to having mutual interests: not necessary, but it doesn't hurt.

2: met him when doing a guest discussion spot on the telly talking abt filesharing and music in the napster era - we were waiting to get the green light when we heard the floor manager say (of the heavingly bosomed presenter) "hold camera two we got good cleavage on camera two" we both burst out laughing, then went to the pub after, got plastered and have remained firm friends since.

3: met him when i was 16 thru mutual friends and have been thru the whole of life together since... especially pleased for him as he's met a beautiful woman and moved to NYC to marry her. a true english eccentric, magnified all the more by his new life in the states.

4: went to school since we were 11- an oasis of zen-like calm in my life or maybe just the laziest bastard i've ever met

5: i love her more than anything in the world...

S is my oldest friend. I have known her since infants school & we bonded immediately due to our first & middle names being the same. We have gone through bouts of closeness. Luckily we are close at the moment & I love spending time with her & her boy. The four of us get on really well. She is a very intelligent person who always sees the best in me & always tells me how intelligent I am & supports me 100%. We discuss everything from p0rn to politics!
E was one of my best mates through school & we got very close when we left school & went to college. This is the friend that I have experienced most things with. We were 'partners in crime' as we always put it. We went to parties, took everymofothing & came through the other side. We have been through some very tough times together & somehow we managed to help each other through these. We arent as close anymore, which is a shame, but we speak all of the time & are still 'best mates'.
M is my closest friend. We lived together for 4 years & had the best time. She is the person that knows me better than anyone else. I know that I can tell her anything & she will never judge me. She knows exactly how I am feeling as soon as I say 'hello' & is the most beautiful person I know. She is very perceptive & once you get to know her, she is the kindest most sincere person, who would do anything for you. I always wish the best for her & i cannot wait til she is as truly happy as she deserves to be.
J is a friend who I do not see very much now, prolly due to the husband & 2 kids!! her first born is my god son. Although her time is very limited, when we do speak she always wants to know about me & is always on hand to offer the best advice, which is odd, as she's younger than me!
Then there's my boy. He is the one I go to first of all. I tell him everything & he is always supportive, although sometimes I am sure it's very hard for him.
All of my friends are very precious to me & there are people that I haven't mentioned who play a part in my life. My friends shape the person that i am (so blame them!!) & without them I'd be lost. I truly love them all.

My best friend apart from Matt is GT. We have known each other for nearly 20 years and have been through soooo much together. She gives me the best, truest advice of anyone and I love and admire her to bits. We don't see nearly enough of each other even though we live in the same town.

Other close friends from schooldays are SW and GM, both towers of strength, bursting with talent, and generally fabulous examples of boydom. From college and university (there are more but various levels of driftage have occurred): AD (ray of sunshine), P (terrible boyfriend but a meeting of minds), CM (big heart and an inspiration), and SM (long-term housemate and all-round star).

I'm also privileged to count as friends MC, MM, LD, RS, IA, KC and many other fine folk who have enhanced my life through the crazy ole interweb.

Not forgetting my sister, my mum, and my gran.

Jamie : Tims roomate from college. Accountant, super geek with no style. Great kid though. Would do anything for you. Originally from Tn. Loves Elvis. Very intense when it comes to sports, loses to me everytime and throws things at me when he loses. One tattoo, also drinks mad scotch.

Gregg: Friend from high school. I taught him how to drink, he taught me how to smoke. 5'5 and 145 lbs, but one tough mother fucker, with an extremely sensitive side. Very twee for a scary looking dude. Another kid who would do anything for anyone. Has 10 tattoos. Smokes a lot of pot. Plays with me in the band. Likes to fight when called upon. And does a good job at it. Also does a mean running man and roger rabbit.

Chris aka "Pickle": Friend since 7th grade. Called pickle because we found his moms dildo and it looked like a pickle. Big baby with 6 tattoos. Getting married in two months. Im his best man. Has had a fucked up life similar to mine, his mom had an affair and took off on him and his dad when he was 16. She came back three months later. His parents put the house for sale and left him. We had a place to party, but the poor kid was all alone. Had his own apartment at 17. Became a plumber and makes mad cash. A little messed up but a great kid. Also likes beer. Has the worst taste in music ever.

E : Friend since high school. A roaring drunk. Think Frank the Tank from Old School. Too much to say about him.

too many more to list.

J1 - I met when I was 12, so have known her 18 years: she's a smug married, married to a man who everyone I know loathes because he is such a twat and who also wants to sleep with me. Lovely.

We've sort of mutually silently agreed to let it go. I tried to hang on because it's been so many years, but had to finally accept she and I have both changed so much over the last several years that it's become TOO much and we have nothing in common anymore. I wish her well, but I don't have the energy or desire anymore. It hurts a little.

J2 - met the same day I met J1 - is 30 something and single, meets scads of men from the internet, who like her until she spends the weekend with them, then they dump her and move on. I hope she finds her prince one day. She lost her son a few years ago, and knows almost everything in the world there is to know about me. She's my other half.

She met that guy, and he's agreed to date her after only two short years of chasing him. She's moved states to be with him, and if he doesn't treat her well, he's been warned that I can borrow a shotgun, and I know the location of several abandoned mineshafts. She's currently got little time for anyone but him, which bugs me, because I always MAKE time, but hey, whatever keeps her going. I love her.

T. I met a year ago, and it feels like I've known her forever - I have so much fun with her and we take roadtrips to nowhere just because we can, in convertibles with the wind in our hair, screaming along with the cds.

The aforementioned cohort in the Van Morrison adventures. She supports me even when I make stupid decisions, holds me when I cry, makes me laugh like few people can, and is generally an amazing force in my life. She roolez. I love her more every day.

B... he was my first love, the best friend I've ever had, we dated off and on for many years and I love him completely - I wept the day he married someone else, 5 years ago. We don't talk anymore after my husband threatened him on the phone one day in a fit of jealousy (which he was completely off base on) and insanity. I miss my friend.

I still miss him.

J3 - he's another high school friend - funny, brilliant, crazy, also dated him for awhile, but realized we make better friends. I cheered when he told me he was engaged - I love his fiancee.

His fiancee still rocks my world - I haven't spoken to this asshat in more than a year, though. Lame-o.

G. is crazy and amazing - she has more energy than anyone I know, is kind to animals, the elderly and children LOVE her. Everyone loves her. She's beautiful and neurotic, a talented actress; someone who will always always bring you out of a bad mood, who makes the world crackle with life just because she's in it. I adore her.

Still the same. I dig the divine Miss G. Love her more every day.

G2 is someone I met a couple years ago who knows my mind and likes me anyway - because of, not in spite of. We have the same taste in nearly everything but food (burgers with no cheese? It's criminal), he makes me laugh and cry and think and feel, and wants to be my future...

Oh fuck no. What was I thinking when I let this fucktard into my life? Jesus - he was initially cool, but turned out to be a raving lunatic who found out my deepest fears, things that would hurt me the most and used them against me. Asshole.

The new:

A: Sick, silly, funny, makes me feel GOOD when no one else can. Listens to me, tells me he believes in me, makes me believe I'm not as bad a person as I think I am. He's amazing.

B2: I have never met anyone who made me feel the way he does. I feel special (and not in the short bus way), loved and cherished. He's wonderful, though he doesn't think so, and is a great joy in my life.

J4: He's J1 now... Wow. I have never had this much in common with one person in my life. Never thought it possible. It should almost be illegal. He makes me laugh like NO one in the world ever has, makes me cry because I'm so happy to know him, calms my fears, tells me everything is going to wonderful, gives me that big, split your face grin, supports all the decisions I make, never judges me, and is there to hold my hand when I need it. He makes me happier than I have ever been. I love him more every day.

Further updates as events warrant.

okay this is terrible but I don't even remember who half of those initial stand for

luna was married?

The majority of my friends who I see often I met at secondary school or sixth form college, which I think is pretty unusual when we're all pushing thirty.

The two people I have ever called my "best friend", I no longer am in touch with. I miss one of them, but the damage may be irreparable.

I bumped into her totally unexpectedly a few months back. I think that proved it was irreparable. We swapped numbers, but the small talk we made prior to numberswappage was all kinds of awkward. I've never phoned her, nor her me. I can't imagine us being friends now, I think I just miss being one of the people we were back then.

It is very embarrassing to look back at that list and realize that I didn't list one of the people I lured to ILX (although in fairness I only listed ppl from my high school class and younger).