"IT'S TURKEY TIME"

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Gobble Gobble...It's "Gigli"!

― Truck Turner, Monday, 28 July 2003 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought this was going to be about Ally and her, uh, Butterballs.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 28 July 2003 17:52 (twenty-two years ago)

You're thinking of Captain Butter Underpants.

― Larcole (Nicole), Monday, 28 July 2003 17:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Horace, for the love of god, please, stop hitting on me all the time! It's getting embarassing!

I was informed last night that this is actually a line from Gigli. That J.Lo says that to Ben Affleck and he is understandably confused, and then she points to her "special place" and says "Gobble gobble!"

PLEASE GOD SOMEONE TELL ME THIS ISN'T TRUE.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 28 July 2003 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

is this the Kevin Smith one? Cuz I could see that in a Kevin Smith movie.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 28 July 2003 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.thezreview.co.uk/comingsoon/g/gigli.htm says:

"Film critics in the U.S. have slated the new movie starring Jennifer Lopez and fiancé Ben Affleck, labeling it a "total disaster.” They said Gigli is destined to be a box office flop after it left reviewers sniggering at the "laughable dialogue and ludicrous plot". In the film, J-Lo plays a lesbian assassin who is seduced by hitman Affleck. The couple fell for each in real life while filming the movie, but on screen, their sexual chemistry is said to be seriously lacking. In one scene Lopez tries to seduce Affleck by lying on a bed and telling him: "It's turkey time!" When he asks: "What?", she replies: "Come on, gobble, gobble". Another reviewer said: "It was possibly the worst line ever said in a movie." The film has already undergone extensive re-shooting after early previews showed audiences found the ending unbelievable. Gay rights groups are said to be incensed that J-Lo's character starts off as a lesbian but goes straight, thanks to Affleck. It's Kevin Smith I feel sorry for as his Jersey Girl movie will follow this in nine month's time, and could that be rubbish as well?"

― Truck Turner, Monday, 28 July 2003 17:57 (twenty-two years ago)

This film has nothing to do with Kevin Smith, for what it's worth.

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 28 July 2003 17:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Arrgh there's no way in hell those lines were actually said in any movie ever please god that is worse than "I'd rather be his whore than your wife" mother of all fuck jesus this is why I don't go to the movies this is why I stopped being a film student FUCK YOU J.LO AND BEN.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 28 July 2003 17:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I think he could make a line like that work.
Remember when Lopez was a decent character actor in MOVIES instead of a terrible star in VEHICLES?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:00 (twenty-two years ago)

No.

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:01 (twenty-two years ago)

amateurist stole my answer.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:01 (twenty-two years ago)

If only Vincent Gallo was in this movie, it would perfect its state of complete awfulness!

― Larcole (Nicole), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Horace must be thinking of Thelma Ritter.

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I will be impressed if this is as bad as Sliver.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow. I realize I'm passing judgement without the context of the film to inform it, but "It's Turky Time....gobble gobble" as a means of demanding cunnilingus could quite possibly be the most repellant line of dialogue in cinematic history.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Who in Hollywood remains convinced of Affleck's box office draw anyway?

After his breakthrough in Good Riddance Hunting, the only major movies he's been in probably would have done fine without him: the two Michael Bay pictures, the Jack Ryan movie.... The other films have been stiffs or just had middling success.

He seems so obviously unappealing to me, and apparently to most moviegoers as well, it's perhaps only a matter of time before his career descends and how.

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

His union with J.Lo seems ordained by the fates however, as they are probably the two "big" actors in Hollywood right now who fail to project much of anything beyond their own self-regard. I wish they would disappear into each other.

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:10 (twenty-two years ago)

she was okay in Out of Sight.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:21 (twenty-two years ago)

No, she wasn't, although the film survived just the same.

"You wanted to tussle? [awkward pause, J.Lo's patented pursed lips, clumsy "macho" move tucking away nightstsick] We tussled."

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

"Gobble, Gobble, Gobble!"
Yes, it's that turkey time of year!
When the gobblers known as turkeys
wish they all could disappear.

"Gobble, Gobble, Gobble!
Thanksgiving's getting much too near."
Say the gobblers in there gobbling,
turkey talking loud and clear.

" Gobble, Gobble Gobble,"
through wired fences you can hear
turkeys, squawking, squabbling,
whining, wailing in your ear.

" Gobble, Gobble, Gobble!"
Now, they're screaming out in fear.
"You must help Us, You must Hide Us!
You must Get us out of here!"

http://sunniebunniezz.com/poetry/gobblepoem.htm

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Fiona Apple to thread.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

If only Vincent Gallo was in this movie, it would perfect its state of complete awfulness!

That would create a black hole that would consume the universe, and I for one am not ready to embrace the Void.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Ned you've used that joke before.

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Is gobbling really something we want associated with cunnilingus? I think this thread should be linked to the bad oral sex question somehow, but I have forgotten what thread that was.

― Larcole (Nicole), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Is Ben Affleck really something we want associated with cunnilingus?

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't want Ben Affleck associated with sex at all.

― Larcole (Nicole), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:33 (twenty-two years ago)

ANIMAL CRACKERS

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Is gobbling really something we want associated with cunnilingus?

Im confused, I've never wittness female genitalia associated with turkeys, I have witnessed it used in connection with males before.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:51 (twenty-two years ago)

"gobble" = synonym for "eat", doofus

― Truck Turner, Monday, 28 July 2003 18:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Turkey synonym for schlong which is...

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:54 (twenty-two years ago)

although I guess this doesn't apply since they hooked up on the set of this movie, but people who are dating shouldn't make movies together. Right, Guy Ritchie?

Though Woody Allen might disagree. So might Frances McDormand. So never mind.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:54 (twenty-two years ago)

according to this http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,92974,00.html it's even worse: "It's time to baste the turkey!"

― Truck Turner, Monday, 28 July 2003 18:57 (twenty-two years ago)

b-b-but demanding cunnilingus is always classic!

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Horace: And what about Tracy-Hepburn?!

(x-post)

Note "Fox News" URL.

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Teeny, don't be silly, nobody's arguing that! This is more like deciding whether you want John Donne or Fabio writing you love poetry.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:59 (twenty-two years ago)

teeny does have a point
(xp)

― oops (Oops), Monday, 28 July 2003 19:00 (twenty-two years ago)

John Donne was a bit creepy, actually.

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 28 July 2003 19:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Hm, Emily Dickinson, then?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 July 2003 19:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought originally that of course the movie was a turkey (as in bad movie).
but, uh, it's been a while since I've y'know, but this does sorta look familiar:
http://www.hope-link.org/images/turkey.gif

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 28 July 2003 19:05 (twenty-two years ago)

It's so bad, I could only picture someone using it in real life. (Right before being thrown out of bed and into a dumpster.)

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Monday, 28 July 2003 20:26 (twenty-two years ago)

It must say something about the scriptwriter's life.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 July 2003 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I think I may know the scriptwriter. Pete and Emma do too. "Gobble gobble down below" is one of his pet phrases. Oh dear.

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 28 July 2003 20:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanksgiving will ne'er be the same.

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 28 July 2003 20:59 (twenty-two years ago)

What sort of colossal sense of irony does it take for a scriptwriter to have J-Lo speak the words "it's turkey time"? "Dear critics, I didn't want to make your jobs hard..."

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Tom, you are encouraged to assault, maim and otherwise do damage to this person.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:13 (twenty-two years ago)

No he's great! If the phrase "Front door, back door, trapdoor" gets into her next film I'll know he's really made it.

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Tom you know Martin Brest?

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:15 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread makes me want to start saying 'IIIIIIT'S TURRRKEY TIME, GAWBLE GAWBLE!!" in as ludicrous a swamp Georgia accent as possible at every person I see. That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever said, and the context, and J.Lo, make it just horrifying.

Nietzsche was right, the abyss stares also into you.

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:15 (twenty-two years ago)

(No Amateurist I didn't mean the real actual scriptwriter.)

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:17 (twenty-two years ago)

[joke about the void/J.Lo's privates]

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 15 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

This is true. If only Van Helsing were alive today, he might be able to stop him. Alas, it is too late for this world.

― Larcole (Nicole), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 12:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Milla Jovovitch might be able to do something?

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 12:35 (twenty-two years ago)

She didn't stop him in Dazed and Confused!

― Larcole (Nicole), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 12:39 (twenty-two years ago)

That was before the zombie killing thing though.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 12:42 (twenty-two years ago)

P. Diddy should show up at the end and make them walk to Brooklyn to get him cheesecake.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 12:45 (twenty-two years ago)

"Review: Ben and J-Lo's 'Gigli': It's Turkey Time, Gobble, Gobble"

"Like Ben, who actually says the word "heart-throb-a-rama," J-Lo is saddled with ridiculous, offensive, unfortunate dialogue, much of which can't be quoted in proper publications.

Herewith some of her declarations: "It's turkey time. Gobble, gobble." "A penis is like a sea slug or a long toe." "I thought you wanted to be my bitch."

There's a fourth line, but it can't be repeated here, concerning her offer to perform a sex act on Affleck for 12 hours. Another character, doing an unintentional Joe Pesci imitation from "Goodfellas," later describes Lopez's lesbian with a term that should have women's groups on both sides demanding a recall vote on the screenwriter.

Trust me, the dialogue in "Gigli" is so awful that the groans just come faster and faster. It is also unnecessarily vulgar. I counted the "f-word" no fewer than 15 times in the first 10 minutes and then lost track.

Lopez also makes a long speech to Affleck in which she draws analogies between her female anatomy and one's mouth, ending in a particular vulgarity that sent at least two New York Times writers right out of the theatre."

I think this will be a modern day classic.

― fletrejet, Wednesday, 30 July 2003 12:46 (twenty-two years ago)

A penis is like a sea slug!! Suddenly N. becomes clear to me!

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 12:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought only an ilxor would have the poor taste to link sex with slugs, now J.Lo has to join in on the act?

― Larcole (Nicole), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 12:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I wonder if the real life Benny and Jenny have ever used that phrase, even in jest.

I haven't wanted to see a film this much since Transformers The Movie.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 12:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I wonder what J-Lo says to Ben when she wants him to eat her ass.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 12:53 (twenty-two years ago)

"I want you to give me bootyflakes?"

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 12:53 (twenty-two years ago)

"Just pretend I'm Will Hunting"

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 12:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I now want to hurt everyone involved with this movie.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 13:36 (twenty-two years ago)

haha: In an unprecedented move, pop diva Jennifer Lopez today retracted sixteen key words..."

― teeny (teeny), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 13:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Affleck also indicated that he was terminating Ms. Lopez’s
“Friends and Family” long-distance calling plan, which he deemed no
longer necessary after the firing last week of all her friends and family.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 14:00 (twenty-two years ago)

It's like they're god's gift to satirists with no stomach for politics.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 14:01 (twenty-two years ago)

today's project: come up with an equally horrible line for Ben telling J.lo to go down on _him_.

something like: "This is my erect penis--i want you to put in your in your mouth until i ejaculate into it", only with far more horrid euphemisms.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 14:29 (twenty-two years ago)

"you ever hear that Zep song about the lemon? That's what I want you to do to me."

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 14:30 (twenty-two years ago)

mm. that's a start--still, not cringeingly dirty enough.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 14:34 (twenty-two years ago)

"Hey J.Lo, you ever wonder what Matt Damon's ass tastes like?"

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Gigli II: The rimming

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 14:40 (twenty-two years ago)

(because that's where BA's wang had previously been)

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 14:43 (twenty-two years ago)

"eat out that ass like you're at a shit buffet"

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 14:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought only an ilxor would have the poor taste to link sex with slugs

Haven't you ever seen slugs mating? It's very slow and sensual.

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 15:00 (twenty-two years ago)

and drippy.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 15:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Gigli II: The rimming

BAHAHAHAhahahahahahahahahahahahaha

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Wednesday, 30 July 2003 15:05 (twenty-two years ago)

>Haven't you ever seen slugs mating? It's very slow and sensual.

I saw a documentary on it. All I remember from it was the line "then the slugs eat each others penises" and thinking that some industrial band needs to sample that.

― fletrejet, Wednesday, 30 July 2003 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

three months pass...

"IT'S TURKEY DAY"

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Friday, 28 November 2003 03:30 (twenty-two years ago)

GOBBLE GOBBLE

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Friday, 28 November 2003 04:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Our oven broke tonite so we had to cook the turkey on the BBQ outside. :( :( :(

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 28 November 2003 06:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Mmmm, smoked turkey! Did it work?

― lyra (lyra), Friday, 28 November 2003 06:50 (twenty-two years ago)

No! It was awful! I'm eating rice chex now

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 28 November 2003 06:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm still a bit drunk from the post-pie Glenlivet. Our turkey was ok, but I ate too much of the pre-dinner cheese platter during preperations to eat much turkey/potatos/green beans/biscuits!

― lyra (lyra), Friday, 28 November 2003 07:09 (twenty-two years ago)

eleven months pass...

THANK YOU BLACK STARZ FOR SHOWING THIS ALL MONTH

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Sunday, 7 November 2004 06:29 (twenty-one years ago)

You sick fuck.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 7 November 2004 06:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Hi Ned! I missed the turkey part, which means I'LL HAVE TO WATCH IT AGAIN!

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Sunday, 7 November 2004 06:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Yesterday I watched POLICE ACADEMY 4: CITIZENS ON PATROL, starring CORINNE BOHRER as BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT'S girlfriend.
http://members.aol.com/jondc8/index_pict5.jpeg

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Sunday, 7 November 2004 06:43 (twenty-one years ago)

one year passes...

Ok, I was going to post that this was lollable:

Another reviewer said: "It was possibly the worst line ever said in a movie."

But this is way funnier:

THANK YOU BLACK STARZ FOR SHOWING THIS ALL MONTH
-- From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (aaronh...)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You sick fuck.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...)

― öROXYMUZAKö (roxymuzak), Friday, 13 January 2006 15:56 (twenty years ago)

*bows*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 13 January 2006 15:57 (twenty years ago)

two years pass...

Any post-dinner movie plans?

I have Slogan and The Last Days of Mussolini sitting here staring me down as dinner is prepared.

― yellowcard holds the text of a yellow card warning (PappaWheelie V), Friday, 28 November 2008 00:24 (seventeen years ago)

eleven months pass...

it's almost turkey time (you guys)

― señor wig day (get bent), Friday, 13 November 2009 06:13 (sixteen years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJgcvYqW9ts

― Cleveland Spider Cupid Childs (los blue jeans), Friday, 13 November 2009 06:28 (sixteen years ago)

love the female v/o's accent: "prod-ucks"

― señor wig day (get bent), Friday, 13 November 2009 06:32 (sixteen years ago)

"available at puh-ticipading staws"

― señor wig day (get bent), Friday, 13 November 2009 06:33 (sixteen years ago)

kinda sad but that is exactly how I say all of those words

― Cleveland Spider Cupid Childs (los blue jeans), Friday, 13 November 2009 06:44 (sixteen years ago)

I still can't stop thinking of Gigli when I seen this thread.

― ô_o (Nicole), Friday, 13 November 2009 11:29 (sixteen years ago)

I've never seen the turkey time clip, and amazingly it's not on youtube.

― I am flesh and blood. You are software and circuitry. (chap), Friday, 13 November 2009 13:50 (sixteen years ago)

I still can't stop thinking of Gigli when I see this thread.

You're not alone.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 13 November 2009 14:28 (sixteen years ago)

well, given that the thread is ABOUT gigli...

― señor wig day (get bent), Friday, 13 November 2009 18:16 (sixteen years ago)

Minor details!

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 13 November 2009 18:16 (sixteen years ago)

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