combining gardening and crime - C/D

hahahahahaha! i am not kidding, i have just heard that itv are planning to do a british thelma and louise starring june brown and penelope keith... called marjorie and gladys!!! i am totally serious... the pure, epic fan-fucking-tastic brilliance of it!

Are you keeping your grebt idea in reserve Mr Stelfox?

there's more than just that one ricky...

i have just read a press release for a tv programme that said the lead character "clashes heads with a tyrannical ken stott"

actually i don't think this IS a new idea, though it may have never been pitched so blatantly

the whole point of the murder — in sherlock holmes or agatha christie or [_________] — is to allow the sleb presenter detective to poke around someone else's house and make snotty comments on what this tells them about the victim

= Changing Rooms/Ground Force avant la lettre!!

i am working on my new screenplay - a two part drama in which a guess the weight of the cake competition sparks bloodshed in a sleepy norfolk village. nick berry stars as inspector baffle in ... a fete worse than death

haha, dave you not getting out much at the moment? ;-)

btw rosemary and thyme — despite intriguing potential from many perspectives — was pluperfectly awful even by the dismal standard of the 9-10 slot on Sundays on ITV

as it had a lot of hurried exposition to do, i shall be watching again

did brilliantly tho, 10 million people watched it apparently. I however didn't as my boyfriend had claimed the tv for dawson's fucking creek.

high-flying policewoman with a past is forced to go undercover to investigate a heroin cartel dealing from candy-floss stalls at blackpool pleasure beach, all the while struggling to balace work and life as a single mother. tamzin outwaite stars as medeleine scarborough in... it's a fair cop

i know unlimber ppl over the age of 30 is one of things that eg momus detests abt UK TV (and confuses with conservatism), but it is actually one of the things which intrigues me

it is hard to think of a programme which broke more "hollywood" rules than rosemary and thyme (they don't even lez up!! they just make a pact to do without men!!) (except thyme's son who is a junior officer in the met who she rings up and bullies into actually doing all the necessary policework) (wearing a poiice uniform, his main lines were "aw mum!!!")

i really wish it were less badly written actually

it is the RETURN OF A MUDSTAINED FELICITY KENDALL IN GUMBOOTS AND PRUNING GLOVES = the sex fantasy of as generation

i will discuss it w.my mum and dad, who are both "keen gardeners" and also watch eg "Ruth Rendall Mysteries"

jonathan mower, chief of the royal parks constabulary (this actually exists), played by steven tompkinson, happens upon an illegal swan trafficking ring run operated by a ruthless gang of romanian gangsters. however to put them behing bars he is forced to rely on the testimony of master criminal-turned-supergrass ivan poplovsky (dean gaffney) in the lastest gripping drama from stelfox productions... lawns and order

lawns and ordure

tagline:
tangle with mower and you'l be in deep... oh never mind

maverick cop and talented painter Damien Hockney (Will Mellor) tracks down an international art thief in ... a brush with the law

This particular MST3K skit is the pinnacle of such happy silly thought. Familiarity with early nineties USA Network fare helpful.

Rickets Island

Adam Rickets hosts a Reality Island Based Drama where contestants are deprived of Vitamin D

The strawberry or possibly raspberry jam growing on the trees was great! Such a cheap effect!

Knew it was the hogweed!

The weird thing about this progamme is that the more you describe it to those who haven't seen it, the better it sounds!! FK = a plant-doctor who has just lost her academic tenure (budget cuts) (she called the principal a "crumb-bum" — when was the last time you heard that word? — and decked him); in the ep just gone she was called in to examine some sick trees which were indeed suffering from having GOBS OF JAM SMEARED ON THEM!!

Everyone knew it wz the hogweed cz there was a sinister cutaway to it immediately after it had been identified as poisonous...