Summarise A Show In One Scene

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eg Last Of The Summer Wine - men in bathtub going down hill.

Terry And June - Terry hits golf ball into lorry heading for France.

These scenes tell you everything you need to know about the respective programmes. Whether or when they happened is irrelevant.

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 25 September 2003 08:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Only Fools & Horses - Del boy trying to act suave and sophisticated but then leaning back on the bar but falling through the open hatch

Fawlty Towers - Basil clouts hapless Manuel round the head REALLY HILARIOUSLY HARD while a scowling Sybil looks on

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 25 September 2003 08:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Keeping Up Appearances - Hyacinth attempts a royal wave at the hoi palloi but then falls into a ditch

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 25 September 2003 08:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Late-era Law & Order: "But Jack, the judge just said the evidence we needed to nail the case was inadmissible!"

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 25 September 2003 08:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Blackadders 2-4

B's elaborate scheme put in turnaround by whim of boss leading to further elaborate scheme jeopardized by further whim which would ironically have led to actualization of scheme one.

― Enrique (Enrique), Thursday, 25 September 2003 08:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Black Books - Bernard says something rude to a customer, then calls Manny a rude name that makes fun of his beard, all the while puffing ona fag and sculling wine.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 25 September 2003 08:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I Love Lucy - "I wanna be in the shooooooow." "No." "Okay, then I'll put on a gorilla suit and sneak backstage, just like any normal housewife would do."

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 25 September 2003 08:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Father Ted - same as for Blackadder but with priests

― robster (robster), Thursday, 25 September 2003 08:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Allo Allo - Rene give a weary look as he is dragged up to the bedroom by his wife while his busty mistress, dwarf waitress and a homosexual Nazi look on jealously, without knowing that there are three Communists hidden in a picnic hamper under the bed.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 25 September 2003 08:49 (twenty-two years ago)

bwahaha....okay i am now fully convinced that Allo Allo is indeed classic

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 25 September 2003 08:51 (twenty-two years ago)

The Good Life - Margot frets over her social status and Jerry expresses bewilderment upon seeing the results of Tom & Barbara's latest self-sufficiency scheme.

― robster (robster), Thursday, 25 September 2003 08:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Buffy - Buffy runs into Willow in the hallway, Buffy says something perky and self-deprecating, Willow says something cute and witty, they run into Xander, Xander says something dumb yet charming, they run into Giles, Giles says something boring about an evil demon overlord who's about to unleash his zombie army on Sunnydale if they don't find the right spell in time, everyone makes fun of Giles, the bell rings.

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 25 September 2003 08:55 (twenty-two years ago)

The Office - David Brent dancing Hammer-style while his employees look on in agonised silence.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 25 September 2003 08:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Can I just mention that Tom out of The Good Life is the most punchable character in television history?

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 25 September 2003 08:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm usually too busy looking at Felicity Kendall to notice.

― robster (robster), Thursday, 25 September 2003 08:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Actual Good Life answer - Tom chases a pig down a street with enormous stupid wa-hey life-is-grand expression on face while Barbara simpers nearby. Jerry spears Tom through inane grinning guts with colossal iron harpoon.

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Three's Company: Mayhem ensues when Jack thinks Crissy accidentally put a stolen diamond ring in one of the baked alaskas he's serving to impress a very important chef.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:02 (twenty-two years ago)

One Foot In The Grave - nude Victor Meldrew appears to be having sex with a plastic gnome when it is in reality superglued to his leg, while Angus Deayton looks through the window aghast.

(I'm pretty sure this never happened)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Seinfeld - George throws up his hands and screams, Elaine flops down on the couch, Kramer falls down, Jerry folds his arms.

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:07 (twenty-two years ago)

people appear to have got confused between the template for shows and the single most memorable defining scene.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:08 (twenty-two years ago)

My Parents Are Aliens- short fat kid tells his parents that eating lots of ice cream is common practice for children, elder sister then emotes.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Eastenders: "I'll sort it"
"But..."
"I said I'll sort it, right"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Buffy - And then they all lez it up.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Sapphire and Steel - very slowly, nothing happens, then a door creaks opens, credits.

Sex and the City - "I like your shoes" "Yes, I like your shoes too" "I had sex" "Did you? I had sex too" "Men are such babies" "You are right" "Yes I am" "Yes" "Yes" "I have just had an orgasm because I am wearing saucy pants"

― Alan (Alan), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Re Good Life: I always wish Tom would get it on with Margot. Imagine what Richard Briers looks like at the point of orgasm.

― Sam (chirombo), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:13 (twenty-two years ago)

No, Sex In The City is actually: "So, my editor asked me to write a piece on baseball. Meanwhile, Samantha was getting fucked by a horse"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Top Of The Pops - the Jocky Wilson thing has surely become the "Sex Pistols Manchester Gig"/"Rizla Tent Friday Night" of TV Incidents but it does seem to sum up the awful wonder of TOTP very well.

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:15 (twenty-two years ago)

The Prisoner:

"Who is Number One?"
"You are, Number Six."

― Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:15 (twenty-two years ago)

CD:UK Hotshots "So, 50 Cent is one of the most CONTROVERSIAL RAPPERS WITH CONTROVERSY BEING CONTROVERSIAL in the world of CONTROVERSY at the moment. Here is his CONTROVERSIAL video that you won't get anywhere else due to them not being CONTROVERSIAL enough"

"Hi, we're D-Side, this is 50 Cent's new video"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:15 (twenty-two years ago)

WWE Raw: "One, Poochie needs to be louder, angrier, and have access to a time machine. Two, whenever Poochie's not onscreen, all the other characters should be asking "Where's Poochie"? Three..."

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Saturday Night Live - "Can I have some more juice?" "You like-a the juice, eh?" (repeat six times) "Can we end this sketch right now?"

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:18 (twenty-two years ago)

The Simpsons - "Why would a man whose shirt says 'Genius At Work' spend all of his time watching a children's cartoon show?"

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:20 (twenty-two years ago)

The Kumars at Number 42: "Johnny Five I am thinking you have broken your programming"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds - Dogtanian runs panting through the streets of Paris, chased by Widimer and the Cardinal's guards.

― gobemouche, Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally McBeal: Ally has private life issue strangely reflected in her court case. Case is won when Fish passes wind. Ally pulls that stupid face.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Dateline: NBC: "Coming up after the break...important information you'll need to know when choosing a health regimen that's right for you. Our Dateline: NBC hidden cameras went to health clubs across the country to expose the unseen dangers that may be lurking in America's hottest new exercise trend: Strip Aerobics."

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Nigella Bites: Nigella says "give me a nice big piece of meat any day" while looking with coquettish faux-innocence at the camera, which zooms in on her hair/eyes/breasts. There might also be some cooking involved.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Chelsea (some BBC2 program): all veneer, no content.

― nathalie (nathalie), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Dom you forgot the inevitable bit at the end where Ally wanders around in the rain while a crap ballad plays on the soundtrack.

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Tonight with Trevor McDonald: "Sir" Trevor gives massively pompous introduction to a feature on the Atkins diet.

― gobemouche, Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:36 (twenty-two years ago)

(oops! sorry! that should be: blonde girl dressed in prada dress and gucci pumps with no english accent strolling down bond street chattering on her snazzy samsung mobile. "oh yes, bibemmmdoooom would be lovely! i'll see you there for a ceasar's salad, dahling.")

― nathalie (nathalie), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Herman's Head: Herman meets a new woman, lusts after her, has anxieties, rationally considers the situation and finally shows sympathy and sensitivity towards her - then Jay shags her.

― gobemouche, Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:39 (twenty-two years ago)

ugh! that show is horrid did you watch it last night nathalie?

toff dinner party features rugby boys braying loudly to one another v drunk and making like they need a really solid kicking; cut to guys and "gels" getting in cars and heading off to the oxford brookes rugby sevens and onme of them saying how he has trained his girlfriend to be bulimic (this was a real scene, tho whether he actually had or not remains unclear)

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Any PBS show involving opera: Doe-eyed woman sings Nessun Dorma in a very hammy sort of way.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Doctor Who: Tom Baker hisses "what?" at can't-quite-place-him character actor before being confronted by knackered-looking Dalek at 'shock' ending of episode 1 of story called Attack Of The Daleks. Entire nation cowers behind sofa.

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Dave, yes I did. While boyfriend read Stendhal's Love. I have sunk to a new level of trash. I really don't know if I should just spank myself for watching it or... well stop watching it. It's DREADFUL. I do think (heheh oh see how it rubs off on me!) he was making a joke. Of course he does want a skinny girl. Still underneath it... what? Underneath? THERE IS NOTHING UNDERNEATH.

― nathalie (nathalie), Thursday, 25 September 2003 09:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I lived in Chelsea for nigh on ten years. No one there is capable of making, or even understanding, a joke. He means it. The hat show scenario was as empty as your average album launch. Whoopee, let's all go back to Devon for the shoot of a weekend!

Yeah, I'm watching the series for nostalgic/geographical reasons. That's my excuse anyway. It beats having to think of 120 words on the new Bubba Sparxxx for Uncut... ;-)

― Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 25 September 2003 10:11 (twenty-two years ago)

"America's Funniest Home Videos", the Bob Saget years -- "Hey, let's watch this video of a guy getting kicked in his most private of regions! And then after that, we should cut away to a smug and painfully unfunny 'host' uttering the most idiotic segues ever. And then, let's see another 'cute kid' video, which will inevitably win the big $10,000 prize at the end!"

― Legendary Nothingness (Dee the Lurker), Thursday, 25 September 2003 11:10 (twenty-two years ago)

120 wrod record reviews are as rewarding as it get marcello (question raised: has yr chelsea past in any way influenced yr desire to be photographed in black armani by mario testino for sunday supps?)

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 25 September 2003 11:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Uncut: Kirsty's Home Videos -- Man backs into short wall, falls over it. Canned laughter. Nudists do something commonplace. Canned laughter.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 25 September 2003 11:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 16 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Daddino, you've finally made the MST3K reruns worth watching....

Wash your mouth out with soap. They were ALWAYS worth watching.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 25 September 2003 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

M*A*S*H(the TV Show)-Hot Lips and Frank (or Charles) try to get Hawkeye and Trapper John (or BJ) into hot water with Col.Blake (or Col. Potter) because they are so damned unorthodox and drunk and horny and stuff like that. Col.Blake (or Col.Potter) refuses this request, because, you know, there's a war going on, and Hawkeye and John (or BJ) are the best surgeons we've got. Hot Lips gets pissed and thus goes over Henry's (or Sherman's) head to the General in Seoul (a new one every three episodes) and ultimately--with or without interference from Radar, Klinger, or the rest-- the general reinforces Henry's (or Sherman's) original statement. So, Hot Lips and Frank (but not Charles) end up doing it in the supply tent with Radar spying on them.

― Charles McCain (Charles McCain), Thursday, 25 September 2003 20:15 (twenty-two years ago)

24 - Kim nearly gets eaten by a cougar. Jack takes on whole armies alone. Boring (un)sexual intrigue back at CTU HQ.

Alias - Sydney and Von in sickingly 'cute' conversation, Syd dresses up, I want to punch Von.

― Leee (Leee), Thursday, 25 September 2003 21:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Wash your mouth out with soap. They were ALWAYS worth watching.

Rarely unless I had a bout of insomnia---and my computer running to keep me occupied.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 25 September 2003 21:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Fantasy Island: "Mr. Walters' fantasy involves rubbing nubile virgins down with Crisco while they solve crossword puzzles." "Really, boss?" "Yes Tattoo, but I'm afraid his fantasy may not be what he expects."

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 25 September 2003 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Bottom: Richie moans about being a virgin, then Eddie smacks him round the face with a cricket bat whilst gawping at the camera in a 'aren't we kerazy> how can you people not be tired of this shit yet??!'

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 25 September 2003 21:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Fantasy Island: "Mr. Walters' fantasy involves rubbing nubile virgins down with Crisco while they solve crossword puzzles." "Really, boss?" "Yes Tattoo, but I'm afraid his fantasy may not be what he expects."

Think I caught that episode as part of Jerry Springer last week.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 25 September 2003 21:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Moonlighting:
Maddie "Alright David that's it! I don't wanna hear another peep out of you!"
David "Okay.................................PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!"

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 25 September 2003 21:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Friends

RACHEL: I'm fickle!
ROSS: I'm dippy!
MONICA: I'm bitchy!
CHANDLER: Me too!
PHOEBE: I'm stupid!
JOEY: Huh?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 25 September 2003 21:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Teachers:

"How are you?"
"I'm fat, which means that I have unusually good emotional standing"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 25 September 2003 21:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Perry's Island---a joyful place of pithy quips and wisecracks.

(xp)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 25 September 2003 21:42 (twenty-two years ago)

it's hard to resist getting away from what actually happened in the show and just describing them ala how Dan just did with Friends (unless they really did say those lines? which i'm prepared to believe)

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 25 September 2003 21:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Big Brother -
Person voted off: I played the game honorably, you've double-crossed me.
Voters: I like you, It's just strategic.

― nickn (nickn), Thursday, 25 September 2003 21:46 (twenty-two years ago)

These scenes tell you everything you need to know about the respective programmes. Whether or when they happened is irrelevant.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 25 September 2003 21:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Later With Jools Holland:

"Hello, hello. Tonight, we have a major label indie band! A minor label indie band! Someone a bit "urban", who's promised not to swear! A folk act you assumed was dead! An alleged "legend"! And an African! Here's some shit piano"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 25 September 2003 21:55 (twenty-two years ago)

My Family - Father is aggravated by children, then patronised smugly by wife. No laughter is generated. Time appears to grind to halt.

― M Carty (mj_c), Friday, 26 September 2003 08:17 (twenty-two years ago)

RI:SE - Iain Lee says something smug. Kate Lawler says 'Let's take a look', failing to realise that her presenting career consists solely of introducing clips of fame academy. Ratings somehow slip into negative figures. TV execs fail to learn lesson from history of late 1980s TV crew strike leading to Batman repeats replacing TV AM and actually getting higher ratings.

― M Carty (mj_c), Friday, 26 September 2003 08:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Any incarnation of Tommy Vance's Friday Rock Show (Radio 1, VH1, totalrock.com): "ggrggrrrrrrrrmrmmmmmmmmmm" (ie. sound engendering chilling mental image of 'TV' achieving sexual satisfaction) "great music from gary moore there" (*show is abruptly cancelled*)

― M Carty (mj_c), Friday, 26 September 2003 08:25 (twenty-two years ago)

re. tommy vance: do not of course forget "the FRIDAY NIGHT CONNECTIONNNNNnnnnnnnnnmmmmrrr - sent tonight by Guardian Of The Universe, Sidcup nnmmmmrrr - and Irrrnnnnrrrronnnnrrrrmmrrr Maidennnnnnnrrrrr liverrrrr atrrr Donnnnnninnnngtonnnnnrrrrrrr."

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 26 September 2003 08:56 (twenty-two years ago)

bergarac fights with a man in the sea while charlie looks on from a jetty dressed in snazzy boating garb and sipping a g & t. lisa goddard escapes on a yacht.

― adam b (adam b), Friday, 26 September 2003 09:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Midsomer Murders: Bergerac fights with a man in a field while Anna Massey looks on from a balcony dressed in Miss Havisham garb and sipping abstinthe. Richard Briers escapes in a 4WD.

Bergerac then goes home to cook a fry-up on the quiet before going to see his daughter in the local rep production of The Cherry Orchard.

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 26 September 2003 09:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Inspector Morse:

Morse sits moodily in his front room with a half-empty bottle of Scotch listening to Faure's Requiem while Lewis anxiously awaits his instructions.

Morse: "This loneliness, LEwis, hangs OVER me like Damocles' sword...of course! Damon Cleese did the killing. With. His. Sword Lewis! You're a! Genius!"

Lewis: "Sir???"

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 26 September 2003 09:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Heartbeat:

Mr Derek out of Basil Brush catches Eddie Yeats red-handed in the act of smuggling crates of pale ale out of his pub. "I was only taking them to Whitby for safekeeping!" Mr Derek gives him a raised eyebrow, stern reprimand and benignly exasperated shake of the head.

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 26 September 2003 09:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Another importatnt career-summing phrase re: Tommy Vance : "This Tommy Vance. TV on the radio - the music VEND-OR".

I was actually quite disturbed when I read somewhere on either ILM or Church of Me that Tommy Vance appears on one of my all-time favourite albums, namely Chill Out by the KLF. I can't believe I'd never noticed that myself. Especially with the subtle hints proffered by the song being called "Rock radio into the 90s and beyond".

― M Carty (mj_c), Friday, 26 September 2003 09:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Diff'rent strokes: Someone does double-take on spotting ethnic disparity between Mr Drummond and progeny. Within 30 seconds, "wotchootalkinbout" is uttered.

― M Carty (mj_c), Friday, 26 September 2003 09:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Happy Days:

There's this shark, see, and the cast all have to jump over it...

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 26 September 2003 09:37 (twenty-two years ago)

The Sweeney:

Inspector Morse pounds crim's head into brick wall.
Morse: "You're NICKED!"
Carter: "Guv??"

― robster (robster), Friday, 26 September 2003 09:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Mary Whitehouse Experience (specifically the contribution of David Baddiel): "(X) is essentially crap, right..."

(admittedly this is borrowed from an old spitting image sketch)

― M Carty (mj_c), Friday, 26 September 2003 09:40 (twenty-two years ago)

which leads to: Spitting Image -
sun reporters represented by pig puppets hassle in-no-way-racially-caricatured black single mother puppet until script writers realise no punchline is forthcoming and instead have policeman puppet turn up and club all other puppets.

― M Carty (mj_c), Friday, 26 September 2003 09:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Top of the Pops 2 (in voice over): "what were the Nolan Sisters thinking of with those dresses? They're not very presentable are they?", in which Steve Wright proves he has never heard the expression about the pot and the kettle.

― M Carty (mj_c), Friday, 26 September 2003 09:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Marcello, you forgot Troy momentarilty loses control of the rover, skids slightly, comes to rest at the side of a country road. bergarac raises eyebrow. troy look sheepish.

― adam b (adam b), Friday, 26 September 2003 10:09 (twenty-two years ago)

oh, and twelve people are murdered. bergarac and troy attend a garden party. it was aunt agatha.

― adam b (adam b), Friday, 26 September 2003 10:11 (twenty-two years ago)

The Golden Girls:

Dorothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia can't sleep and sit in the kitchen eating cheesecake talking about sex.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Friday, 26 September 2003 10:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Naked Chef (a real scene this time): Jamie Oliver's attempts at ingratiating himself with school children (to whom he is teaching the pukka side of cooking) fall completely flat.

The expression on the children's face reads: Who's this tosser?

― M Carty (mj_c), Friday, 26 September 2003 10:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Blake's 7:

Avon "teleports" (cue dodgy CSO effect) into a quarry in Rickmansworth, pretends it's some alien planet and talks to a perspex fish tank with fairy lights. He later exchanges pithy dialogue with his arch enemy, a diminutive, shaven-headed woman wearing a black sequinned evening dress but completely fails to kill her.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Friday, 26 September 2003 10:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Airwolf:

Endless repeated shots of the 'copter flying over the same bit of land. Cut to Ernest Borgnine holding a spanner.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Friday, 26 September 2003 10:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Absolutely Fabulous:

Edina walks down the stairs into the kitchen wearing a hideous, gaudy, clashing outfit whilst Buddhist chanting to await a video conference with Bubble at the office. Saffy is sitting down typing on her laptop. Edina mugs, guerns and shouts. Patsy comes in, lights half a dozen cigarettes simultaneously, utters some bitchy one-liner and falls over. We hear the sound of a Shooting Stars style graveyard.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Friday, 26 September 2003 10:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I genuinely haven't seen Blakes 7 since it was originally on telly when I was little, but am I right in remembering on every single variant of that quarry in Rickmansworth, Roy Kinnear would be there playing A DIFFERENT BADDIE EACH WEEK, who was always in cahoots with that woman baddie?

― M Carty (mj_c), Friday, 26 September 2003 10:56 (twenty-two years ago)

The Late Show with David Letterman:

Dave L.: "Oh, Paul! Have you ever robbed a bake shop?"
Paul S.: "Uh, I don't think so, Dave."

(Admittedly stolen from an MST3K riff; still, it's perfect.)

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Friday, 26 September 2003 10:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Prisoner Cell Block H:

A large ginger-haired woman in a denim skirt sneers at another large bearded woman in denim dungarees and declares: "There's only room for one top dog here," before they slug it out amidst the steam press and industrial driers. A moustached prison officer with slicked-back hair arrives to break up the fight threatening to put the miscreants on a "chaaaarge." Meanwhile, another prisoner is having a mournful moment standing at a security gate and bangs on the bars, screaming in broad Ocker "I can't stand this place much longer," whereupon she kicks down the cardboard wall and promptly scarpers.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Friday, 26 September 2003 11:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Diana, resplendent in a red silk dressing gown, interrogates a Jewish prisoner (just to drive the allegorical point home) before swallowing a guinea pig whole.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Friday, 26 September 2003 11:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Widows:

Dolly addresses the other women in their gloomy, dank, dungeon of an HQ: "Ah've bin lookin' over my 'Arry's ledgers and we're gonna pull a raid so ah don't want na screwin' about. Don't ya blaady bottle it nah, darlin'"

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Friday, 26 September 2003 11:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Prime Suspect:

Jane Tennison addresses her male junior officers in a gloomy, dank police incident room. "I've been going over the statements and we've still got a killer to catch so I don't want any screwing around. Oh, and if you can't handle having a woman superior - tough titties, chaps."

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Friday, 26 September 2003 11:24 (twenty-two years ago)

The Bill:
(In the 'interrogation' room)(to include heavy London accent on the criminal)
CRIM - "I ain't tellin you nafink coppas! I aven't darn a thing!"
OL'BILL - "Then I guess we'll just have to have a word with ........ your father"
*look of worry on crims face*
CRIM - "orwite, I'll tell yer everythink."

(i am crap at spelling london accents i know)

― Fuzzy (Fuzzy), Friday, 26 September 2003 11:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Time Gentlemen, Please - the following phrases rejigged in a random order each week: "Still, a marf's a marf." "Australian, you see? Bred for barwork." "So lovely." "Terry - you master of disguise, you - DIDN'T I BAR YOU???" etc.

― M Carty (mj_c), Friday, 26 September 2003 11:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Blakes 7 With Blake Still In It:

Blake has mad scheme, clenches jaw. Avon says he is a fool and refuses to help. Lots of moody looks. Down to quarry and/or multi-story carpark. Mad scheme goes awry. Avon helps anyway. "Why did you help, Avon?". Loads more moody looks. Avon does Avon grin. They bum up.*

*Or "Cue end titles", I forget which.

― Tom (Groke), Friday, 26 September 2003 11:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Cheers: Sam letches at Rebecca/Diane unsuccessfully. Norm makes a joke about beer, Carla annoys Cliff the postman, Woody says something dumb

― Fuzzy (Fuzzy), Friday, 26 September 2003 12:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Coupling (UK): We're the British "Friends"! Only we're all FUCKING! Whee!

Coupling (US): We're the US "British 'Friends'"! Only five of us are deeply unfunny! Whee!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 26 September 2003 12:33 (twenty-two years ago)

The Avengers:

Dressed in a fetishistic leather catsuit, Emma Peel despatches a diabiolical mastermind in an obviously choreographed fight scene with a stunt double that looks nothing like Diana Rigg. She then saunters over to Steed, who pours her a glass of champagne. "Nice work, Mrs. Peel." "Thank you, Steed."

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Friday, 26 September 2003 14:53 (twenty-two years ago)

French and Saunders: Lethally unfunny film 'parody' in which Jennifer Saunders stares like a bored junkie listening to a Dido album, while Dawn French in period costume jumps up and down on the spot in the mid-distance.

― M Carty (mj_c), Monday, 29 September 2003 06:53 (twenty-two years ago)

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