working next to someone very irritating

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i am working next to the most annoying person in the entire western world, she fancies herself, drives me crazy talking about utter nonsense very loudly, continually talks about men, is shite at her job and is driving me mental. what can i do?

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Friday, 26 September 2003 14:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Today I am worried I am That Person due to having run out of anti-perspirant deodorant (not to those of you who don't believe in anti-perspirant: by 5pm you smell).

― Mark C (Mark C), Friday, 26 September 2003 14:58 (twenty-two years ago)

but Mark how do you expect me to attract mating partners??

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 26 September 2003 15:00 (twenty-two years ago)

i am really getting to the point where i am going to have to tell her to shut up, but this is bad.

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Friday, 26 September 2003 15:01 (twenty-two years ago)

see if I were you'd I'd just raise my armpit at her

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 26 September 2003 15:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I believe in deodorant. I think anti-perspirant is wrong and anatural. That said, I'm wearing AP until probably December, because I accidently bought two sticks of it on sale. And I'm cheap.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 26 September 2003 15:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Every time you feel the hate welling, imagine a cute little puppy wagging its tail at you.

By the end of the week, you will be primed to destroy all puppies. MWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 26 September 2003 15:03 (twenty-two years ago)

hey you with the armpit, we're home now...

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 26 September 2003 15:04 (twenty-two years ago)

cool! i can finish my laundry and take a nap!!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 26 September 2003 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

also it's Friday: shower day!!!!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 26 September 2003 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

pretend you have Tourette's Syndrome. every time she mentions men shout out 'cock ass cunt!' and twitch manically. hopefully she will request to be transferred elsewhere BEFORE you are hauled before the manager yourself.

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 26 September 2003 15:09 (twenty-two years ago)

i actually work with someone who has mild tourette's syndrome! he is making matters no better! it's just that she's very sloaney, fancies prince william, likes the dixie chicks, wear a rolex and i am close to killing!

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Friday, 26 September 2003 15:41 (twenty-two years ago)

drop a deuce in her cube

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 26 September 2003 15:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Tracer also it's Friday. The cycle couriers are waiting for you under a giant green smoke cloud.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 26 September 2003 15:52 (twenty-two years ago)

The only solution is to SNOG HER.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 26 September 2003 15:54 (twenty-two years ago)

The solution is to get up and leave the office and stay out drinking all weekend.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 26 September 2003 15:58 (twenty-two years ago)

then on monday SNOG HER

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 26 September 2003 15:58 (twenty-two years ago)

PLay some Geto Boyz loudly.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 26 September 2003 16:00 (twenty-two years ago)

The idea "she fancies herself" is making my sides hurt with muffled laughter.

― felicity (felicity), Friday, 26 September 2003 16:07 (twenty-two years ago)

You could just kill her but I gather there are laws.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 26 September 2003 16:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Kill her. THEN go home and drink all weekend, and when the cops show up on Monday, SNOG THEM.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 26 September 2003 16:09 (twenty-two years ago)

or, share beer with the cops.

or take the police bowling--take them bowling.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 26 September 2003 16:10 (twenty-two years ago)

SNOG HER

― David. (Cozen), Friday, 26 September 2003 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

OR WINCH

― David. (Cozen), Friday, 26 September 2003 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Snog a winch?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 26 September 2003 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

We've got a Winch! May we burn her?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 26 September 2003 16:28 (twenty-two years ago)

fer serious...ignore it. i used to hide in my cubicle and pretend i couldn't hear whatever was annoying me. then person would pop its face over cubicle wall, and i would apologize saying i was 'concentrating'. eventually it stopped talking to me about annoying things. i also used to daydream about building a protective fortress out of couch cushions all around my desk...

― petite verte (petite verte), Friday, 26 September 2003 16:36 (twenty-two years ago)

these have saved my sanity for almost 2 years now:

http://service.pcconnection.com/images/inhousec/i29600.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 26 September 2003 16:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Kingfish is a man of my own heart and OTM. How else do you think I get away with listening to shit like Ni**a Please and Illmatic while working in an insurance agency?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 26 September 2003 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I've found that saying, loudly and threateningly, "I swear to god, B********, I'm going to beat the fucking shit out of you if you don't stop imitating my laugh real quickly" makes them stop. But this might just be my very specific instance. And the fucker starts up again as soon as he thinks I'm not pissed anymore, anyway.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 26 September 2003 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

And the fucker starts up again as soon as he thinks I'm not pissed anymore, anyway.

time to throw chairs, then.

sometimes, the Old Ways work best.

Especially if they're Ike Turner's Old Ways.

http://www.locos.no/bilder/ike.jpg
"You know i love you, girl..."

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 26 September 2003 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Do what I do: make your contempt obviously, but not rudely, until it dawns on them that maybe you don't like them and they move to another part of the office.

― NA (Nick A.), Friday, 26 September 2003 17:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Or just eat black beans and rice everyday and drop stank-ass death-clouds in their vicinity at every opportunity.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 26 September 2003 17:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Why dont you just take a nice shit right on her desk, and if she questions your motives just say " I have now presented you with the physical incarnation of your true essence. Please don't thank me, I do this to celebrate God."

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Saturday, 27 September 2003 03:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Shag her, get her pregnant.. she sounds like the kind of fuckwit who doesn't believe in abortion and eventually she'll have to take maternity leave.

― Nellie (nellskies), Saturday, 27 September 2003 07:25 (twenty-two years ago)

duct tape usually muffles the screams pretty well.

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Saturday, 27 September 2003 07:31 (twenty-two years ago)

This, of course, doesn't work if your boss is the kind of cockfarmer who thinks you have an attitude problem if you don't like the person you work with. I am currently being threatened with disciplinary action at work for not liking someone, because it's "creating an atmosphere" in the office.

― don't want to be googled, thanks, Saturday, 27 September 2003 08:03 (twenty-two years ago)

We're not paying enough attention to Hanle y Deus's suggestion.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 27 September 2003 14:06 (twenty-two years ago)

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working next to someone very irritating - steps to take