could you help me fix my broken heart?

we really want you
to be okay but you must
take the steps. start now

Look after yourself, physically. Lack of sleep and nourishment may mean that you are more prone to infections and illness, so eating little and often, and getting rest if at all possible is important. Try and do some form of exercise, even if it is only a gentle walk.

If you need to take regular prescription medications, make sure you take them regularly and properly. Don’t rely on alcohol or sleeping pills (or any other form of self-medication) to try and get you through – they may help temporarily to dull the pain but in the long run they really don't help.

Write down all the feelings that are going round in your head, especially before going to bed, as this may help you to sleep better.

Talking about Maria and your feelings is important. Sharing the pain with other members of your family can be helpful, but if this is not possible then a good friend who is not so emotionally involved may be prepared to listen. Do you have counsellors or pastors in the navy with whom you could talk?

You may find it difficult to ask for help, seeing it as a weakness; well, it’s not. Talking – preferably with a person specifically trained to help counsel someone in your situation – is the very best thing you can do.

To help your self-esteem, buy a notebook to be your 'Book of Successes'. Write at least five successes each day, even if it is getting up, making yourself a sandwich, or staying in bed to give yourself a rest. Acknowledge yourself each time you achieve something. We can be very good at noticing all our mistakes and ignoring our good points especially when we are feeling down.

Remembering the happy times with Maria can be painful but healing. Looking at photographs, making a memory book and keeping meaningful mementoes may help. Sometimes it may be helpful to remember the things you don't miss about her too. This is not a betrayal of your feelings towards her, but just acknowledging that she was human and not perfect.

I'm presuming that when you said you have 'lost' Maria, that she died as a result of her brain abnormality. My encounters with death have taught me this: that we will all die and those we love will die. In the meantime, we must get on with what is both the simplest and the most daunting of tasks: we must dare to live.

Good luck, Ryan.