Don't look like a tourist

Stop shouting "show me your tits" at the airport, or in November, or at St Louis Cathedral.

go where you want, be yourself.

Brody's got friends in every town
and village from here to the Sudan.
He speaks a dozen languages, knows
every local custom. He'll blend
in. Disappear. You'll never see
him again. With any luck, he's
got the Grail already.

It helps if you have an eidetic memory and a good sense of direction.

2. Don't insist on going to the Alamo. That's overplayed. Let us take you to Rivercenter Mall, where you can watch the Alamo movie at the IMAX theater. Then, we'll take you to the Witte or the McNay or even the garishly decorated but very fun Central (Main) Library.

3. If you are from California, do not order Mexican food and expect it to be like the Mexican food you're used to. You're used to food from Baja California; we're used to food from Nuevo Laredo, Tamaulipas, and other interior regions in Mexico.

4. Try not to speak Spanish to anyone who looks like they could've walked off some Aztec mural or painting. Nosotros hablamos Ingles tambien and we would adore it if you could speak English too, especially if we were just speaking to someone else in English.

5. Do not press your luck. Our state's unofficial slogan is "Don't mess with Texas" for a reason. We will and can kick your ass if you complain that our summers are too hot (well, Einstein, what did you expect?) or erroneously state that we're all country yokels with little activity happening in the cerebral cortex.

6. Try to figure out how to get from Point A to Point B back at the hotel room. We do have a half billion ways of getting there. We are aware of that. We've gotten used to it, so you should at least make a show that you're getting used to it as well.

7. Do not try to get us to listen to nothing but country unless you know that's what we listen to anyway. I'm not about to take out my Spandau Ballet CD just so you can listen to George Strait and fulfill your Yankee vision of what our state is supposed to "feel" like.

This is the gospel according to Deanna. ;)

8. Blindingly white thighs + cotton blend shorts + black or brown socks + flip-flops = biggest fashion mistake a fiftysomething male from quite possibly a colder clime can make. Jeans and trainers can be just as sensible and comfortable, you know.

Ackage. I meant Nuevo Leon. Nuevo Laredo is a border town.

*slaps self across forehead*

Yell, "Get the fuck outta the way" to other tourists.

*snort* Ok, that's possibly one of the best suggestions one could ever make.

Don't wanna look like a tourist? Then wipe that shit-eating grin off your face, and keep your eyes lookin forward.

Don't go anywhere.
I LAUGH

Welcome to New York, Hunter.

Back to thread:

Tip: Walk into a store and ask for damn directions. You look sillier walking past the same statue ten times.

Keep the mace at easy reach.

I wear all these every single day.

I could be walking down the bloody Congo, and I bet someone would pop out and ask me for directions. FUCK OFF, I'M A TOURIST, TOO!!!

i don't care where the hell your from or what kind of accent you have or how your dressed or if you've got a 6x4cm camera or a huge telephoto lens draped around your neck with a fold out map blown out like a full sail, i'm still gonna be at your service.

I wasn't proud of myself, but he was greasy and his girlfriend looked like Rudi Voller.

That sounds fun!!

In such ways do I get my kicks.

Don't stop five feet outside of the jetway after you have deplaned to rearrange carry-ons/dial cell phone/search out relatives/enjoy tearfully happy reunion with same, blocking others trying to get off the plane.

https://i.imgur.com/PVgs7wo.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/yPiA6r8.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/chruK3G.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/1rB5Gn3.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/reiElfg.jpg

that one dude on the left is pushing the tower over, the bastard.

I have the pre-phone version of that mona lisa pic somewhere.

Looking destitute, possibly homeless, will divert suspicion from one's touristic status. This effect can be enhanced through acting somewhat deranged or dangerous.

How do you have the pre-phone version of a picture of someone taking a picture of a phone with a phone?

i preumse they mean this:

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/1f/Ren%C3%A9_Magritte_The_Human_Condition.jpg

you know what happens when you preumse, you make a pre out of um and se.

I took a picture of everyone taking a picture of the mona lisa with their 35mm cameras is what i meant
xpost to pplains

Looking destitute, possibly homeless, will divert suspicion from one's touristic status. This effect can be enhanced through acting somewhat deranged or dangerous.

This method has served me well over the years.

(CNN) — The Leaning Tower of Pisa in Italy has slowly started defying its name, losing 4 centimeters of its tilt over the past 17 years.

All those photos must be doing something to help!

https://i.imgur.com/XJX0MXr.jpg

^ I laughed.

yes

An internet classic.

Don't talk me about tourists, I'm just back from trying to top up my Oyster Card, these clueless sods park themselves in front of the machines and take forever merely taking money out of their purses/wallets before they even try to use them - on my lunch break. Disgusting savages.