The ask a serious question and get a smart-ass response thread!

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I'm about to move into a new house. It's an old place and I'm a bit concerned that it's going to cost too much money to keep comfortably warm over the winter. Aside from upgrading the windows, which would be far too expensive for me to do right now, what could I do to help reduce my heating costs?

― may pang (maypang), Monday, 15 December 2003 06:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Get a sexual partner to warm dat ass up!

― Donut Bladerunner, Monday, 15 December 2003 06:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Hang thick drapes...
Big warm rugs if it's uncarpeted...
Fire!

― sailor moonie, Monday, 15 December 2003 06:55 (twenty-two years ago)

kittens. hundreds of them.

― Aaron A., Monday, 15 December 2003 06:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Insulate the attic with bats. Not those kind of bats, you fool. The insulating kind.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Monday, 15 December 2003 06:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Wear a sweater.

― Jimmy Carter, Monday, 15 December 2003 06:59 (twenty-two years ago)

leave your car running + use aerosol spray whenever possible.
buy tan lotion + wait for this "global warming" everyone has been promising.
also, the kittens.

― dyson (dyson), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:00 (twenty-two years ago)

one small can of Sterno.
a blankie.
rum.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Ok, ok, ok. Now someone ELSE ask a question!

This'll be fun, I swear.

― may pang (maypang), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Ok, I will ask a serious question.
What can I do about my menstrual cramps besides Advil?
Fire away.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Avril?

― Prude (Prude), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:04 (twenty-two years ago)

sex change.

― dyson (dyson), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Pregnancy.

― may pang (maypang), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:05 (twenty-two years ago)

April? No. Let's see, I have on hand acetominiphen, naproxen, ibupropen and they all SUCK.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:05 (twenty-two years ago)

pregnancy is *right out*. passing a Butterball is rather worse than cramps i think.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:06 (twenty-two years ago)

How do I tell my former landlord that I don't want to be his friend?

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Kill him!

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Kittens. Hundreds of them.

― may pang (maypang), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Orbit - A spliff?

Colin, actions have to speak louder than words on that one.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:10 (twenty-two years ago)

You're saying I should punch his lights out? That seems a bit harsh.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:11 (twenty-two years ago)

thread killer!

― may pang (maypang), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:16 (twenty-two years ago)

cover the house in space blankets

― the surface noise (electricsound), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:22 (twenty-two years ago)

We're not on that question any more, but I guess it could work for any of the other ones that've been posted as well.

― may pang (maypang), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:25 (twenty-two years ago)

it's a good coverall

― the surface noise (electricsound), Monday, 15 December 2003 07:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Orbit - this is something that actually works for menstral cramps! Take a calcium supplement. It sounds weird, and it sounds like it won't make any difference, but really, it has totally saved me! You have to take a low level dose all month long, and it takes a few weeks to kick in, but honestly! I used to get crippling cramps, so bad I could barely walk, but now I take calcium, I actually get *surprised* by my period sometimes because it's so painless.

Got to the point where I was so convinced I was "cured" that I forgot and stopped taking the supplements - and boy was I in pain!

Anyway, back to the flippancy...

― HRH Queen Kate (kate), Monday, 15 December 2003 10:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Irn-Bru

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 15 December 2003 10:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Another cure for menstrual cramps: orgasm. Now if there was only a pharmacy where you could fill Dr. Feelgood's prescription for a man (or woman, depending on your preferences) who eats pussy like a champ...

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 15 December 2003 14:03 (twenty-two years ago)

"i took my troubles down to madame ruth / you know that guypsy with the gold-capped tooth..."

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 15 December 2003 14:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Other than hundreds of kittens, you might want to invest in some leather bed sheets.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 15 December 2003 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

line your walls with heated blankets.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 15 December 2003 17:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Flood your house and drop a couple household electrical appliances.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 15 December 2003 17:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Turn your house into a gym. Get a bunch of people to run on treadmills all day and sweat.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 15 December 2003 17:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Bake a potato with the oven door open. See how long that takes.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 15 December 2003 17:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Ask santa for a space heater for christmas.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 15 December 2003 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Insulate your walls with....

http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 15 December 2003 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Start a petting zoo.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 15 December 2003 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Move to Florida.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 15 December 2003 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Am I REALLY the first person to suggest the obvious solution? ORGIES. Nightly, round-the-clock, sweaty bodies = no heat bill worries ever again!

― yetimike (McGonigal), Monday, 15 December 2003 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Buy a lot of Icy Hot, or off-brand deep heat cream. Apply liberally.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 15 December 2003 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Get a rash or skin condition so that your mind is focused on something other than your heating problem.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 15 December 2003 17:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Thats all i got.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 15 December 2003 17:58 (twenty-two years ago)

And we arent talking about menstration anymore, by the way.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 15 December 2003 17:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Blood from the v-hole.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 15 December 2003 17:59 (twenty-two years ago)

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