Parents bury son, son calls them after funeral

sounds like someone had fun.

after reading the article i just had nothing to respond with.

"Huh. Well, damn, boy ..." If only people in Hollywood wrote dialogue like this.

I think of a phone call not long ago where my mom accidentally gave me the impression my little brother was dead, and all the hysteria and drama that ensued. And all the theatrics that followed when I found out he was, in fact, very much alive. I'd love to be the kind of person who could have just said, "Huh. Well, damn, Mom ..."

"The wardens said you'd killed yourself, son, that's no way to treat your dear Mother right on Christmas."

"I didn't do it this time, honest Mom!"

"If you weren't in maximum security right now, Sonny, i'd send you to your room without supper."

waht

"Hey, Dad," Kevin Wyckoff said.

"Huh. Well, damn boy. We just had your funeral today," his father said Monday, according to a transcript of the call provided Wednesday by the Oklahoma Corrections Department.

^ love this

Yup.

what else can you say besides "huh"

Almost as good:

"We buried you today, boy," she said.

"I understand that. It's not my fault, though," he responded.

The following is a transcript of the phone call between Kevin Wyckoff and his parents. His parents, who had been told he'd died last week, had a funeral for him Monday, only to receive this call hours after the service:
Charles Wyckoff (father): Hello

Kevin B. Wyckoff (inmate): Hey Dad.

Charles Wyckoff: Huh. Well damn, boy. We just had your funeral today.

Kevin B. Wyckoff: Yeah I know, I heard.

Charles Wyckoff: Well, what the hell is going on?

Kevin B. Wyckoff: Well, the best thing I can figure is that they had a guy, I'd say about a week ago - maybe not even a week ago - hang himself. Well anyway, they put his name in the cell where they had moved me to, and left my name down in the cell where he had hung himself at.

Charles Wyckoff: Uh-huh.

Kevin B. Wyckoff: And, the only thing I can figure is they sent his body home to y'all with my name.

Charles Wyckoff: So where are you at?

Kevin B. Wyckoff: I am in unit 9, cell 213.

Charles Wyckoff: But where?

Kevin B. Wyckoff: Lexington. I am still in Lexington.

Charles Wyckoff: Unit 9, cell what?

Kevin B. Wyckoff: Cell 213.

Charles Wyckoff: After several seconds of silence - "Well, just a minute. Let me go get your mom; she wants to talk to you."

Mrs. Wyckoff (Kevin Wyckoff's mother): After about 1.5 minutes of silence - "Hello."

Kevin B. Wyckoff: "Hey, Momma."

Mrs. Wyckoff: "Kevin, I cannot believe this."

Kevin B. Wyckoff: "Wait. It's not my fault."

Mrs. Wyckoff: "We buried you today, boy."

Kevin B. Wyckoff: "I understand that. But that's not my fault, though."

Mrs. Wyckoff: "Who's fault is it?"

Kevin B. Wyckoff: "It's the people that work here!"

Mrs. Wyckoff: "Well, somebody's in deep s--."

Kevin B. Wyckoff: "Them, not me."

Mrs. Wyckoff: "OK. We know you're alive."

Kevin B. Wyckoff: "Yeah!"

Mrs. Wyckoff: "OK. Somebody's in big trouble."

Kevin B. Wyckoff: "I'll tell you what happened."

Mrs. Wyckoff: "OK."

Kevin B. Wyckoff: "OK. We had a guy that hung himself, OK? Well, hold on, let me start from the beginning. They moved me with a few other people over to unit 9, where I am at now, in Lexington. OK? I was stuck in room 121 with another guy from my quad, whose name is Howe. Well anyway, they called me out of room 121 and told me to go to room 213 because another guy didn't want this room. So they switched us. But where they messed up at is instead of putting my name down for being up in room 213, they put Howe's down. They left mine for 121. Well anyway, the guy in 121 hung himself, and since my name was on that room, that is who they thought it was.

Mrs. Wyckoff: "OK, Kevin. I am glad you are alive. Keep in touch, OK?"

Kevin B. Wyckoff: "Yeah. The problem right now is I am still trying to find pencils and paper, and all this other good stuff."

Mrs. Wyckoff: "OK. We'll deal with this, OK?"

Kevin B. Wyckoff: "Yeah."

Mrs. Wyckoff: "Thank you."

Kevin B. Wyckoff: "Uh-huh."

Mrs. Wyckoff: "Bye."

Kevin B. Wyckoff: "Bye."

Tight-knit family

http://iz.carnegiemnh.org/crayfish/images/oklahoma.jpg

Great transcript.

I remember those nights I spent in Enid. Good times, good times.

Um what about the Howe family?

Most of this thread = Linus going on about the fantastic victory that the one college football team pulled out at the absolute last minute

Tracer Hand = Charlie Brown saying, "So how did the other team feel?"

JTS, were you in the Air Force? Because I can't think of another reason why someone would spend a lot of time in Enid.

http://www.scene-stealers.com/images/uploads/GhostWorldEnidSeymour.jpg

I think Thora Birch is pretty damn hot.

I think you're right.

she's way cute but i can't tell if she's a stiff actor or she was playing stiff characters.

the dad's initial response is the best of all possible responses

The transcript is like an entire, really good short story in itself.

Charles Wyckoff: So where are you at?

Kevin B. Wyckoff: I am in unit 9, cell 213.

Mrs. Wyckoff: "OK, Kevin. I am glad you are alive. Keep in touch, OK?"

serious lols

The transcript is like an entire, really good short story in itself.

I think I may do something with this.

What about the family of the guy who really did die? What sort of phone call did they get?

They didn't. He was dead.

Yeah, but someone must've called them that their son is now dead and buried, sorry we didn't tell you earlier.

"Hey, I'm calling from the Oklahoma Corrections Department and... ahh... well, you guys wouldn't happen to be protestants, would you?"

"we can offer you a discount on a funeral if you just turn up here..."

"We can arrange to have your son's name changed by deed poll to reflect what's written on his tombstone."

I am still trying to find pencils and paper, and all this other good stuff.

Just the sort of thing you'd throw into an "I'm not really dead Mum" call. I want to know what other good stuff.

Well, nothing has changed for the son. It's not like he was dead then came back to life. It's not like they opened the coffin, and he sat up and asked for a pencil.

truth bomb

why is he trying to find pens and paper, i didn't get it.

Cos in jail it's Facebook or nothin!

Kevin is chillin in the workyard...man I'm bored

Do you think Mom thanks him at the end for setting her straight about her dead son, or because, well, it's weird and she's nervous and doesn't know how to wind it up?

Wow. That his mother's first reaction was to be angry with him for being alive, that he was immediately so defensive, kinda saddened me. My mom would have been hysterically praising the Lord and immediately coming to see me.

An incredible story.

That his mother's first reaction was to be angry with him for being alive, that he was immediately so defensive, kinda saddened me.

lol my whole family
"Well why didn't you TELL me you didn't HANG YOURSELF IN JAIL you could've TOLD ME I didn't have to GO THROUGH ALL THIS you just SAT THERE and didn't even THINK about other people you just let them... let them MAKE US BUY A FUNERAL AND GO TO IT AND CRY and not even a WORD"

this totally sounds like something from My Name Is Earl.

nice little detour into fucking Thora Birch, thread

I envision of a series of one-scene plays drawn from stories read on ILX - Gear's roomie/couch, any of Matos's mom's boyfriend stories, this