Random funny quotes

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This is a thread to list some of your favorite funny lines.

Marge: "Homer, you're right. I need proffesional gambling help."
Homer: "Nah, that's too expensive. Just don't do it anymore."

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Monday, 29 December 2003 00:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Marge: She's such a butthole.

― Aja (aja), Monday, 29 December 2003 00:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Side Show Bob: Rakes. My old arch enemy.

Bart: I thought I was you arch enemy.

Side Show Bob: I have a life outside you Bart.

― Aja (aja), Monday, 29 December 2003 00:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I love you Aja.

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Monday, 29 December 2003 00:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh really? Why?

― Aja (aja), Monday, 29 December 2003 00:25 (twenty-two years ago)

You're so like me.

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Monday, 29 December 2003 00:27 (twenty-two years ago)

How?

― Aja (aja), Monday, 29 December 2003 00:28 (twenty-two years ago)

"I can't stop thinking about you. I haven't felt this way since Funkytown"

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Monday, 29 December 2003 00:28 (twenty-two years ago)

I assumed we were cuz we both like the Simpsons.

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Monday, 29 December 2003 00:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Lisa: This isn't my wand. (scoffs) It's a twisler!

― Aja (aja), Monday, 29 December 2003 00:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh would you look at the new thread...

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Monday, 29 December 2003 00:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Skinner: "Gum! It's doublemint! Double your fun, eh Bart? Then I'll double your detention! I was someone were around to hear that"

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Monday, 29 December 2003 00:32 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread seems to lack randomness

― Aaron A., Monday, 29 December 2003 00:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Aaron's just jealous cuz he isn't funny.

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Monday, 29 December 2003 00:36 (twenty-two years ago)

"If he's so great why is he dead?"

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Monday, 29 December 2003 00:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Skinner: This isn't what I wanted. Where's the edge?

Jack Crowly: I followed your napkin.

― Aja (aja), Monday, 29 December 2003 00:49 (twenty-two years ago)

is that Sideshow Bob quote about the rakes for real? i'm not sure how i feel about that

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 29 December 2003 01:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Homer: I'm a rageaholic! I can't live without rageahol!

― Aja (aja), Monday, 29 December 2003 01:08 (twenty-two years ago)

what?

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 29 December 2003 17:44 (twenty-two years ago)

That needs to be in quotes, or just say who said it.

― Aja (aja), Monday, 29 December 2003 17:46 (twenty-two years ago)

¿como?

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 29 December 2003 17:48 (twenty-two years ago)

WADSWORTH: The games up, Scarlet.
There are no more bullets left in that gun.
SCARLET: Oh, come on, you don't think I'm gonna fall for that old trick?
WADSWORTH: It's not a trick. There was one shot at Mr. Boddy in the study. Two for the chandelier, two at the lounge door, and one for the singing telegram.
SCARLET: That's not six.
WADSWORTH: One plus two plus two plus one.
SCARLET: Uh, uh. There was only one shot that got the chandelier. That's one plus two plus ONE plus one.
WADSWORTH: Even if you are right, that would be one plus one plus two plus one, not one plus TWO plus one plus one.
SCARLET: Okay, fine. One plus two plus one--
Shut up!

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Monday, 29 December 2003 19:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey Johnney B!

― Aja (aja), Monday, 29 December 2003 19:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Homer: Don't you ever talk that way about telivision!

― Aja (aja), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 23:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Moe: The Flamming Moe is not for sale! Do you know how much of my blood and sweat are in this drink?!

― Aja (aja), Wednesday, 31 December 2003 00:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Homer: Don't shoot. They're souvenirs.

Cop: You must pay a fine of two American dollars.

― Aja (aja), Wednesday, 31 December 2003 00:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Mr. Burns: That sales man at Radio Shack said I was mad, but who's mad now?!

― Aja (aja), Wednesday, 31 December 2003 01:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Thus, Kelemen (1998) documents the "promiscuous teleology" of young American children in providing intentional explanations for natural phenomena (presumably in contrast to the adult causal theories they are hearing around them), for instance, that rocks are pointy so that animals will not sit on them and break them.

― youn, Thursday, 1 January 2004 07:03 (twenty-two years ago)

three weeks pass...

'Dad, women wont like being shot in the face'

― pete s, Thursday, 22 January 2004 00:48 (twenty-two years ago)

"Hit me in the stomach as hard as you can. I dare you."

― Aimless, Thursday, 22 January 2004 01:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Homer: Don't tell him you were at a bar. But what else is open late at night? It's a pornography store. Moe's is a pornography store.

― Aja (aja), Wednesday, 28 January 2004 03:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Marge: I didn't sacrifice my period for second place!

― Aja (aja), Wednesday, 28 January 2004 04:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Homer: Three simple words. I...Am...Gay

― Aja (aja), Thursday, 29 January 2004 03:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Bart: Otto? You're living in a dumpster?

Otto: I wish. This is just a Trash Co. waste disposal unit.

― Aja (aja), Thursday, 5 February 2004 03:02 (twenty-two years ago)

:-)

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 5 February 2004 03:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Why the smile?

― Aja (aja), Thursday, 5 February 2004 03:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Mitch Hedberg:

"I like rice. Rice is great if your hungry and want 2000 of something."

"I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said screw that, I'll just get a tan instead."

"I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important that others."

"I tried walking into a Target , but I missed."

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless."

"When someone hands you a flier, it's like they're saying here you throw this away."

― Huckadelphia (Horace Mann), Thursday, 5 February 2004 15:44 (twenty-two years ago)

KEN: Your pants, they never stay up. Your butt's always sticking out!
WADE: What do you mean? You look at my butt? You are gay,
aren't you!
KEN: What? No!
WADE: Yeah you are! That's why you're always looking at my butt!
Man, you shouldn't be looking at my butt, you should be looking at
girl's butts! You're a sicko!

― Huckadelphia (Horace Mann), Thursday, 5 February 2004 21:06 (twenty-two years ago)

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