How do you make it go away?

you need therapy
so you can deal with yourself
this is NOT the place

er, i *don't* work with kids

and

this has nothing to do with my childhood, if that's what you think

and

i want to know if/how others deal with this.

Colin--thx

And some of those kids have probably been through some serious shit, and if part of their IEP is to have counseling sessions or therapy, it is because it is helpful for them because of the trauma they've experienced. You've either seen that or you haven't; I've been a counselor and a therapist, and I've seen it time after time: you have to deal with a situation many many times before the pain lessens.

And I think asking a question like this on ILE, especially right now with everyone being all pissy and stuff, is exactly the WRONG way for you to get any real information about how to deal with what I'm sure are some horrible things you've gone through and continue to go through. If you're serious about this question, I can't imagine why you think coming here and asking people about it is a good strategy.

I'm sorry if I seem like an asshole, but you seem smart; you should know quite well that no one here can make these thoughts "go away."

that is actually a pretty profound question, and i think i need to seriously ponder it.

x-post to Haiku--actually Colin and Donna have been very helpful and you are the only one being pissy.

even though i am in therapy (the help and attn haiku is concerned abt) it somehow helps to hear the perspective of others and how they live thru it.

thanks. really.

everyone's been right. sadly i often drink (or drug). in the past therapy has helped. And donna is right to that to a large extent it just takes time.

good luck orbit, im if you need to talk.

:-)

as someone pointed out upthread, that even when you are in therapy etc etc sometimes it helps to hear others' experiences, and how they deal with it. this thread won't be of interest to people who don't have to deal with this kind of thing i know, but maybe it will be useful to others who do, lurkers, whatever.

it's the kind of thing that can hit late at night, and you just need to hear "the voice of reason". what i've found that helps late at night is getting up and *doing* something. good thing the kitchen needs painting! sometimes ile serves that purpose, and i felt better know that other people can relate, and seeing their suggestions put me in a different frame of mind, which is good.

the worst time is when intrusive thoughts and images come up randomly, at work, or driving around--and then you feel like a freak because everyone else is going about their normal day and you feel quite *un*-normal.

again, thanks all.

(as long as i'm typing, to clear it up for haiku, i'm *in* therapy so i'm not looking to ile to solve the immediate problem; i thought the "this is not the place" comment was obnoxious. i also work with *adults*, not kids. i have given people on ile support when they are having a hard time and so i don't think posting about this is very strange at all. the people who have posted here have been very helpful.

re: "you work with kids". no, I don't. i go to meetings with adults, i spend all day with adults, and i'm not quite sure what this insistence on "kids" is. what i am going through doesn't have anything to do with kids, or with me as a kid. i handle legal issues for parents of kids, but they are procedural/constitutional law matters. i am not a social worker. i go to meetings, negoatiate, and file State-level educational compliance complaints. it's a little creepy to hear someone else insist they know exactly what my job is. for someone who "used to work as a therapist", haiku, you don't seem to *listen* very well. you insisted i go to therapy after i already told you i'm in therapy; you insist i work with kids after i told you i *don't* work with kids; you tell me I am trying to get ILE to solve my problems when what I *did* say was that I wanted to know if and how other people deal with that problem, which is not the same thing. maybe you meant well, and if you did that is appreciated, but my reaction on reading your posts are that they were condescending, sarcastic, and pissy. my apologies if i have misinterpreted that.)

thanks

do not visualize them
when they topple over,
scattered over clover,
wracked by their whim
to stack themselves
to the clear, blue sky.

the thing abt it it's hard to explain to people because it's not a permanent state--i mean i don't have the problem all the time. when i'm not having scenes replay in my mind then i don't think abt it at all. but when they do come up, it is *so* annoying. i just want to tell my brain "hey you, just fuck right off!".

for example, last night i was pretty miserable (i have a cold/sinus infection), and couldn't sleep for coughing and being miserable. when i finally got to bed at 3:30am, vivid, clear images from last year flooded me, and i was so *pissed*! i mean people (not you in particular, people in general) think "ooo touchy-feely emotion problem you just want drama, get over it" but it's not like that.

the Vietnam vet flashback is a good analogy--everything comes back vividly, but that doesn't mean it is because i want it to--i don't. i *want* to erase those brain cells from my mind, i don't *want* to be able to remember deep betrayals of trust, being told that even though i am bleeding and need stitches "i really don't feel anything, i really don't care", i don't *want* to remember being told "i don't care if you live or die". i don't want to remember slinging a noose over a rafter in the garage because i couldn't stand the emotional abuse/being put in dangerous situations- any more. i don't want to think about any of it but it intrudes and i hate it.

sometimes i do need to babble, and thanks for the offer. it may take me a while. maybe i shouldn't post anything at all, but when i do post about it, something moves in my brain, like it was somehow impt to do. when i'm not having this stuff come up, i am fine. but about 3 times a day i am catipulted involuntarily to another time and it sucks.

i am trying everything in my power to deal w/ this. i appreciate all the suggestions and have taken them all to heart. i'm really *not* a freak, i swear :-) most hours of the day are not spent thinking abt unpleasant things. i know a post may make it look like that, but it is not and i love every moment of the day that i have free from this.

i've babbled enough! but i'm very grateful that there are some understanding people here who i can babble *to*!

thnx to everybody for putting up w/ me on this thread, in my "state of mind" that comes and goes.

*hugs to all*

btw your email address is classic

:-)

I don't know. It's impossible not to think of things yr trying not to think of.

Orbit ur classic, thx for putting up with us!

In the UK this means you're urinating. Um...

and patrick, er no--i *am* toilet trained, thank you very much...

Anyway, have you heard of EMDR? If you have ,and you've tried it, ignore my question, but if not, I can give you my own personal experience with it.