I got a turkey deep-fryer for Christmas.

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Boo-yah, bitches.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 19:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I got a cast iron skillet. What are you doing for New Year's, arse spackler?

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 19:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I think im going to Fletchers to see Dingleberry Dynasty and Ironboss.

Cooking utensils rock ass. I got some Miller Highlife pajamas too. And Ghettopoly.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 19:30 (twenty-two years ago)

You do know what is happening to downtown Bmore that night, right?

"pajamas"

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 19:34 (twenty-two years ago)

nope. what?

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 19:34 (twenty-two years ago)

madness and terror

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 19:37 (twenty-two years ago)

There were more turkey deep-fryer "incidents" in Arizona this thanksgiving than in any other state, did you know this? There were actually ads on tv instructing people not to blow up the turkeys with the things somehow.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 19:39 (twenty-two years ago)

THIS on the other hand is occuring in DC about 3 minutes from where I live if you walk slow.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 19:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Im going to fletchers, not Max's on Broadway to stand in the cold with a bunch of inbreds. I will be inside with inbreds willing to pay $15 cover.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 19:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Last Thanksgiving my brother and his brother-in-law turned their driveway into a sea of molten asphalt due to a turkey frying incident. They were heating the oil for hours in an attempt to bring it to a boil. When the oil didn't boil they simply dropped the turkey it it anyway resulting in an explosion.

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Monday, 29 December 2003 19:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Thats awesome. So freaking awesome. Awesome. Thanksgiving FAP 2004 in Severn, Maryland.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 19:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Nice. I am so down with bringing one of those motherfuckers to Times Square, who is in?

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 19:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I bet you i can bring some oil to a boil. $5 says i can.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 19:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I just want to see a sea of molten aspahult. If there are screaming idiots in brightly colored puff jackets and american flag pants trying to escape from it that's a nice bonus.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 19:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I bet you $5 I can rig a turkey with firecrackers and we just see what happens after you get oil to boil properly.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 19:49 (twenty-two years ago)

5 is a good number. Im feeling surly today. I have yet to take a shower.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 19:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Lucky. Fucking. Bitch.

Oh wait, I haven't taken a shower today either.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 19:53 (twenty-two years ago)

YOUNG MC ROCKING IT LIVE

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 19:54 (twenty-two years ago)

If you post one more link to the Washington Post, im going to slap you in the mouth.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 19:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I dont know about you guys, but the Aja/Burma Kitty pic thread makes me want to kick a mother of 6 blind kids.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 19:56 (twenty-two years ago)

BITCH SLAP KAPOWWW!!

damn I need to stop eating jelly beans and coffee. Drinking coffee. Fuck you.

I just realized my mom never did send me the dreidel she promised me.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 19:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Or at least put them in the turkey fryer.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 29 December 2003 19:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd post links elsewhere but the City Paper for DC sucks gorilla tits when it comes to updating the events listings.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 20:00 (twenty-two years ago)

i wanna turkey puss

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 29 December 2003 20:01 (twenty-two years ago)

seriously that photo has tainted any interest I ever had of posting "glamour" shots of myself to ILX. I don't want to be associated with that, particularly the one with the mission of burma t-shirt. No, um, offense or anything to BurmaKitty.

"interest"

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 20:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, that thread sucks some ass.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 20:09 (twenty-two years ago)

And since when does putting on a pair of damn boots immediately make one sexy?

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 20:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Ask Luke.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 20:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I dont even really want to know.

Is that why he kissed Tom?

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 20:12 (twenty-two years ago)

It doesn't unless you're already sexy to start with. Emphatically not the case on that thread. That photo with the T-shirt disturbs me on a really basic level.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 20:13 (twenty-two years ago)

That was drunken stupor, not sexy boots.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 20:15 (twenty-two years ago)

bwahahahahaaaaa

This calls for an:

Ah, SNAP!

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 20:16 (twenty-two years ago)

The photo with the t-shirt just scares the shit out of me, for some reason that expression makes me think "SEXY SKELETOR" and that's actually oddly much sexier?? Maybe I'm being too hard on Skeletor, dude was ripped.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 20:16 (twenty-two years ago)

So explain this to me...Aja and Burma are daughter/mother?

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 20:17 (twenty-two years ago)

They're not even real people, but yeah, supposedly. So, in theory, this poor little kid is looking at photos of her mom naked on the internet.

HAHA PUT THAT IMAGE IN YR PIPE AND SMOKE IT. I have done multiple times since I first saw that photo thread and every single time a piece of my soul goes away.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 20:19 (twenty-two years ago)

she looks like that navaho indian from one of the series finales of x-files.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 29 December 2003 20:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm going to go get tickets for the Black Cat tonight then. Hell yes.

Spinktor: Do you want to try and hook up and hang out the day after?

My new microwave is going to be awesome.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 20:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't even know what language you are speaking right now, Ronan. How was your Christmas, dude?

Spinktor ain't gonna hang cos he is too wussy for DC apparently. Your friends are even flakier than my cokehead pals, Tom. Yeah, I just said that. Booyah.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Ouch.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 20:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Whats this Peaches O'Dell thing all about? Ive been trying to figure it out and whether it'll be good or not.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

It was fun, but now I'm in post-Christmas comedown, and I've hedged my bets for New Years Eve and have nothing to do. If I can't manage to get some drugs this is going to be a rough wednesday. today was mostly "hello whoever, how are you blah blah blah", "sorry Ronan, not at the moment". a turkey deep fryer would make it better.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 29 December 2003 20:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Peaches O'Dell has no connection to "Teaches of" Peaches. She and her band do all sorts of hot jazz and swing tunes, from the 1920s to the 1950s. So you and Ally are doing that for NYE?

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 29 December 2003 20:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Sounds like Luke-type stuff. That fucker is a dancing fool.

Me however, is arent dancor.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 20:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Spinktor I have no idea what it is about but it looks like it's going to be great. I'm gonna wear a silver halter top and freeze to death in celebration of another pointless year. Also: swing dancing. If it sucks there is apparently a "Britpop" room which I hope means "Pulp and Suede" and not "Stone Roses and psuedo-mod acts from the '60s".

Ronan, a turkey deep fryer seems like it would make anything better. Except, interestingly enough, turkey.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

But that Cigarbox Planetarium sounds interesting....

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 20:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Allyzay if you bring a turkey fryer to Times Square, I'll precede it by being like those servant ladies in Coming to America and sprinkle rose petals all the shit over Times Square.

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Monday, 29 December 2003 20:35 (twenty-two years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000093SIT.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― 1350W OF DOOM, Monday, 29 December 2003 20:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Me and you both, Jeanne.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 29 December 2003 20:36 (twenty-two years ago)

We are all proud of you and your god damn microwave, Tom. Jesus.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 20:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Seriously, Jeanne, me and you need to plan to hang out sometime prior to me getting the hell out of this godforesaken city*, cos I like your style. It's been a dream of mine to completely obliterate a good million tourists at once. Ever since I was a little child and we came into the city proper to see The Black Cauldron (at Radio City Music Hall??? WTF? I know that's where I saw it but I don't remember them showing films any time since, say, 1960. Perhaps I am instead remembering a scene from the film Annie.) and some foreign-speakin' bitch smacked her dangly camera square into my eye. Oh I will take you fuckers out, I said then. Just you wait and see. This turkey horror seems to be a good way to do it without raising a lot of suspicion that I did it on purpose, you see.

* NB: we have like a year and a half before this actually occurs so it's not a huge rush or anything, just in case you got worried.

xpost Tom you seriously better be planning on us cooking a whole helluva lot more what with all this microwave postin' going on???

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 46 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Haha peanut butter jelly bellys are the worst thing in the fucking world besides bubblegum. The apple ones are pretty good.

Seriously I doubt my coworker is in Trenton.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 21:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Luna, this one's for yer mutha

http://www.aaa-backgrounds.com/clipart/animfact2/kickbox.gif

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Monday, 29 December 2003 21:22 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.aaa-backgrounds.com/clipart/animfact2/kickbox.gif

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 21:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't like jelly beans. Oh well.

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Monday, 29 December 2003 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

It's been a dream of mine to completely obliterate a good million tourists at once.

Now that's the kind of NYE I could go for right now.

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 29 December 2003 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Peanut butter jelly bellies are therefore reserved for annoying tourists and unhelpful civil servants.

Seriously, who eats those at all? Anyone?

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

TRENTON MAKES THE WORLD TAKES

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 29 December 2003 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

What about the Harry Potter ones? Grass, salt/pepper, booger, etc?

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Does anyone else remember the old Herbal Essences shampoo? Prior to their new version which apparently gives instant orgasms to many women. It smelled exactly like grass. If they made a conditioner, I would've bought every single one of them ever.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 21:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Gap used to make a bunch of scented body wash and eau de toilette that smelled exactly like fresh cut grass. I was all over that shit. Then they stopped making it and replaced the whole product line with boring blue shit that smelled like absolutely nothing cool at all.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 21:52 (twenty-two years ago)

That is such bullshit. I think Bath & Body Works was making a men's line that smelled kind of like grass for a while but they probably replaced it with something that smells "sporty" whatever the fuck "sporty" smells like. Most of the times I've been stuck in cars with "sporty" men post "sports" it smelled like absolute horror. God. Scent designers should really be forced to drive around in a Saturn with 4 post-game football players sometime and they'll see what the fuck they are creating with this "sporty" nonsense.

Anyway I'm ok with smelling like cake I guess.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 21:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Nobody should be forced to ever ride around in any kind of car with any number of post-game high school football players. Why you would do that to yourself is kind of worrying me.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 21:57 (twenty-two years ago)

They were my friends. My smelly, smelly friends. See also: beggars can't be choosers; wtf else was I going to do, walk?

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 21:59 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.aila-mi.com/soap.html

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 22:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Damn, I guess if you want to go wholesale you have all the damn options in the world. Whoa.
http://www.hodgepodgegifts.com/bodywash.html

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 22:07 (twenty-two years ago)

a GALLON?

― El Santo Claus (Kingfish), Monday, 29 December 2003 22:10 (twenty-two years ago)

ORANGE BUBBLE GUM??

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 22:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I stockpiled the pumpkin pie flavor from Bath & Body Works but it was a limited edition from two years ago and ran out. It was so sad when I ran out. It was like my favorite one ever. They also had a really good version of vanilla, not the Vanilla Bean Noel that I stockpiled last Christmas but from two years ago. It was called "Spiced Vanilla". It was really mad good, it was kind of eggnoggy but not as strong as that would imply. I don't understand why they special edition really awesome flavors like pumpkin pie or spicey vanilla but regular list crap like that cucumber melon old lady scent or that godawful sweet pea flavor.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 22:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I wonder wtf "Romance" smells like? If it smells like roses or some crap like that instead of sweat and cum I'd be really disappointed.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 22:16 (twenty-two years ago)

I am going to go hunting for body wash that smells like grits and eggs with bacon. And buttered toast.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 22:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Also, Myrrh is not a good scent. My mom used to have to use this stuff for a while on an abcess she had on her mouth, it had myrrh as an ingredient. That stuff reeks like you just drank a gallon of whiskey. She was so paranoid about it, that everyone would think she was a huge alcoholic. She'd talk about it all the time and hated talking to anyone outside of our family while she had to use it. One time, we were walking into a supermarket and there was one of those survey guys outside and walking up she was like, "Oh god, he's going to talk to me and think I'm drunk" and I was like, oh shut up. So she wouldnt' shut up about how this random semi-homeless college student was going to think she was drunk. We get up there and sure enough he asks us if we'd talk to him and my mom, being the bored individual she is, says yes. So his first question is, "How old are you?" and she blurts out, "Myrrh."

Way to make people think you're sober, Mom.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 22:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Someone in my mom's family, as a totally unrelated aside, used to drink like a half a bottle of whiskey a day, if not more. Eventually he had to go to detox cos he was dying. He was convinced his hospital bed was full of fish. It was the craziest shit I ever heard.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 22:23 (twenty-two years ago)

So of course it prompted the always funny joke about how Uncle whoeverthefuckhewas was sleeping with the fishes. My family is a riot.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 22:26 (twenty-two years ago)

God I don't want to do work.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 22:26 (twenty-two years ago)

They actually have this really expensive cologne, I forgot what it was, but it basically smells like scotch, cigars and old leather. It's like for guys who want to smell like they've been out being obnoxious all night instead of like they just got up and showered. I was originally captivated by this idea.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 22:30 (twenty-two years ago)

There's a ton of colognes like that. Demeter is relatively inexpensive and does that. I have the Croquembouche flavor which unsurprisingly smells like every other thing I put on my body, caramel and vanilla. Most of the flavors are theoretically horrifying. I mean they have LOBSTER flavor???

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 22:39 (twenty-two years ago)

You can make soap from bacon but there's no soap that smells like bacon. Or buttered toast.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 22:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Demeter makes a Crust of Bread flavor, and also a Condensed Milk flavor. I bet combined they'd kind of smell like buttered toast.

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 22:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Okay, I didn't read this thread but I hear the next big thing is the Turducken. Its a turkey stuffed with a duck which is stuffed with a chicken which itself is stuffed with a pork sausage.
The bones on the smaller two birds need be removed but otherwise it sounds almost as unhealthy.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Monday, 29 December 2003 22:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow, you just broke my brain completely. That is like some kind of food gang bang, wtf?

― Allyzay, Monday, 29 December 2003 22:55 (twenty-two years ago)

blount had a turducken for thanksgiving last year, if memory serves me right. ask him if it was any good!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 29 December 2003 22:56 (twenty-two years ago)

where is cinniblount these days, any way? i miss his wit.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 29 December 2003 22:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Turducken is another example of why Paul Prudhomme is basically an asshole.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 29 December 2003 22:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Im waiting for deep-fried-Turducken to be the rage.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Monday, 29 December 2003 22:59 (twenty-two years ago)

A massive Turducken, about two steps before it goes in the oven. It's like the Monster Garage of poultry on this website. Gross.
http://casa.colorado.edu/~kachun/turducken/prep/sewing2.jpg

― TOMBUCKEN, Monday, 29 December 2003 23:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Are they using duct tape?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Monday, 29 December 2003 23:04 (twenty-two years ago)

(turducken is so year 2000 folx)

― babyjesus, Monday, 29 December 2003 23:04 (twenty-two years ago)

That picture is so awesome.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 23:05 (twenty-two years ago)

holy fuck.

― cozen¡ (Cozen), Monday, 29 December 2003 23:07 (twenty-two years ago)

...

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 29 December 2003 23:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Q. What is a turducken and how much does it weigh?
A. The turducken is a 15-16 pound semi-boneless turkey stuffed with duck and chicken with layers of delicious stuffing between each bird.
Q. Is the turducken frozen and if so how do I defrost it?
A. The turducken is frozen in a vacuum sealed bag to retain it’s freshness. To defrost simply thaw in refrigerator for 2 days or for rapid thawing place in sink with cool water for 6-9 hours.

Q. How much does it cost to ship a turducken?
A. Turduckens are standardly shipped second day delivery. Total cost for the turducken, packaging, shipping and handling is $114.95. Next day service is available for $134.95 (except weekends).

Q. How do I cook a turducken?
A. There are 3 options in cooking a turducken:

1. From Frozen Method
You may cook it from frozen solid. Remove from package, then place in deep baking pan covered tightly on the outer pan edges with foil, bake approximately 8 to 10 hours at 250°F or until internal temperature reaches 165°F. Before slicing remove cotton string and begin slicing then serve.

2. Thawing Method
Defrost instructions: Thaw in refrigerator for 3 Days, Remove from package, then place in deep baking pan covered tightly on the outer edges with foil, bake approximately 4 hours covered, then an additional hour , totaling ( 5 ) hours cooking time @ 350°F, or until internal temp reaches 165°F.

3. Quick thaw Method
Place Turducken left inside package submerge in cool water for approximately 6 hours. Then Remove from package, place in deep baking pan covered tightly on outer edges with foil, bake approximately 4 hours covered, then an additional hour, totaling ( 5 ) hours cooking time @ 350°F, or until internal temp reaches 165°F

Q. How many people will a turducken feed?
A. On the average a Turducken will feed 20 people ( non cajuns ).
Q. Does the turducken contain any MSG or preservatives?
A. No the Turducken does not contain any MSG or preservatives.

Q. How do I order a turducken?
A. You may order on our secure fully automated website, if you have any questions not covered on this page, then you may call us @ 1 800 994-7883.

Q. How much does it costs to ship a Turducken ?
A. Turduckens are standardly shipped second day delivery. Total cost for the Turducken, packaging, shipping and handling is $114.95 Next day service is available for $134.95. ( NO OVER THE WEEKEND SHIPMENTS )

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 23:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Turduckens have no proven pirate lineage. Turduckens didnt come from pirates, and have nothing to do with pirates.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 23:17 (twenty-two years ago)

How does the outer turkey not get burned to a crisp while the chicken and duck are cooking? Or do they go in fully cooked?

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Monday, 29 December 2003 23:19 (twenty-two years ago)

i wonder if you can stick an 8year old in one of those turkeys

― kephm, Monday, 29 December 2003 23:21 (twenty-two years ago)

lets ask Aja?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Monday, 29 December 2003 23:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Coudl be a case of too much turducken parradileis. Gotta get it straight now ! Holer!

-- mike hanle y (pennyson...), January 23, 2002.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 29 December 2003 23:22 (twenty-two years ago)

the turducken is clearly the work of a lonely Macgyver

― kephm, Monday, 29 December 2003 23:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I must say that i find the terducken a little over the top.

I would like to see the unnecessary yet creative vegetarian version of this 21st century product of American boredom.

Tofuducken?

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 29 December 2003 23:48 (twenty-two years ago)

what's wit this turducken shit?

http://www.jollydwarf.com/Web_Images/gallery/Celebs/celeb02.jpg

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 00:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I just have to say that I love this thread. I love it deeply.

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 16:01 (twenty-two years ago)

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