toronto's actual jackie harvey

It seems Atlanta can only
produce good peaches since
the talent in that city was
rotting to its core as more
American Idol hopefuls left
the judges in absolute frustration.
Last night’s episode
of American Idol was a joke.
Amy Adams was one of
the few who started to give
the judges — Simon Cowell,
Randy Jackson and Paula
Abdul — any hope in finding
real singers.
The 24-year-old was one
of the best they had seen so
far — besides her red hair
and perky attitude, Amy has
a great voice.
But as fast as the talent
came, it disappeared when
Simon, the next contestant,
walked into the room. The
words to his song may have
come from the heart, but his
voice? I think that came
from another planet, probably
Pluto.
And the flash dancer?
This girl could neither sing,
nor dance. To describe her
audition in one word: horrendous.
She looked like she
was going to have a nervous
breakdown because she didn’t
receive a gold ticket into
the next round. I think
someone needs a therapist.
The talent went downhill
from there, making the
singing competition look
pretty grim.
But don’t fret, Keith came
back. Well, not really, but
close enough that the next
contestant, whose poor version
of Celine Dion’s All By
Myself sounded like nails
being scratched down a
blackboard.
Who will ever forget
Keith, the guy who sang
Like A Virgin in the first
season of American Idol?
There was lots of competition
for the worst singer
ever.
While Simon and Randy
were busy cracking up at all
the bad talent, Paula was
busy being serenaded by
Alan Ritchson. Boy, does
this guy ever have the voice
of an angel. The girls are
going to go gaga for this
heartthrob.
Pablo, Pablo, Pablo. Where
should I begin with him?
He’s in desperate need of a
crash course in singing.
However, most of the contestants
couldn’t sing a tune
to save their lives.
Catch American Idol
tonight on CTV at 8 p.m.

i swear this girl suddenly makes me so happy

Count the awesome things about this page.

sandy garcia is, without question, the worst paid writer in the history of words.

(aagh. That's kind of fun, but I think I lost a part of my soul doing it.)

You can’t even understand some of the things coming out of these contestants’ mouths. It’s worse than gibberish, and doubtful they have ever heard of the English language. Or any language on the planet, for that matter.

For most of these singers, their attitudes were as bad as their singing.

Please don’t get me started on sweet 16-year-old Jessica, who screeched out Over The Rainbow. She sang as sweetly as a bowl of lemons — if sour lemons could sing, that is.
Other contestants sounded like wedding singers that’ll make you want to get a divorce before the honeymoon.

a) an overly PC he-said-she-said "excursion" to a strip club, replete with shrieking "OMG isn't it tragic that sex work exists" subtext
b) an "Alanis Morrissette will never transcend her Canuck dance-pop roots" editorial, about a year after "Jagged Little Pill" had sold something like a kazillion copies.
c) "Straight Man, Gay Bar", which couldn't have been more patronizing to the bar or its staff

... and people wonder why I dropped out of journalism school.

PREFERABLY ONE OFF ROUTE 66.

Nice touch.

Instead of spending time on revealing which competitor didn't garner enough votes to move on in the competition to become America's next singing sensation, these American Idol results shows have become all about shameless promotions.

One minute it's all about the lame Ford commercials, then it's about the Top 12's album and finally host Ryan Seacrest is plugging the American Idol tour starting after this season's finale. It's just one big overdone commercial for things that can't make it as a real commercial, you know the clips aired when the main show takes a break.

Do they really have nothing else to fill the 30 minutes allotted to the results show?

This week's group number had the remaining four Idol hopefuls singing Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers' Islands In The Stream. And amazingly, it sounded so good, my fingers actually weren't itching to change the channel.

Oh, and lest we forget, we had to sit through pointless and anti-climactic clips of the Top 4 competitors' first auditions. Big whoops, get on with the results already.

This show is done, toast, finito. Its time ended long ago. This season has just dragged on week after week, and has been full of pathetic blunders like the voting numbers mix-up and the Paula Abdul/Cory Clark controversy. And, quite frankly, Simon Cowell's sarcastic remarks have become old, stale and predictable. He needs to find a new approach.

When Seacrest finally revealed the results from Tuesday night's voting, cast by toll-free telephone, it was heartthrob Anthony Federov who would be leaving the contest.

It was obvious it wouldn't be Bo Bice or Carrie Underwood, or even Vonzell Solomon because they're better singers than Federov. However, Solomon could have been sent home too after she bombed Trisha Yearwood's How Do I Live. Perhaps it was the tears she shed that made people feel sorry for her. Who knows, but she was lucky to get a second chance.

Catch American Idol Tuesday on CTV at 8 p.m.

in no way is this column being padded out!

http://www.metronews.ca/column_full_list.asp?id=842

"Catch American Idol Tuesday on CTV at 8 p.m. "

LITERALLY