so how would you chat up your dentist?

fucking x-poster scum

She wanted an answer, but I was unable to speak as she shoved a metal pick up my gums. I lost about a pint of blood.

luckily, we don't have dentists in glasgow.

classic

(Giggle and stroke thigh. Sigh coquettishly and unbutton pants.)

Dentists are suckers for good grammar.

She was saying things like:

"You think this doesn't hurt! OH! Ow!"
"You bastard! This is painful!"

And when she left she was making these noises like she was grunting to let the dentist know she was in pain.

Dentist: "See you next week."

Lady: "OH Yeah! I'll see you!"

I really shouldn't be LOLling in the waiting room, but thank you, ILX.

I spent the entirety of my dentist appointment this afternoon with my eyes open, thinking about whether or not I should close them.

I analyzed the various pros and cons I associated with both scenarios.

Obviously, there's no truly comfortable way to spend time laying belly-up in that chair with a bright light in your face while a near-stranger pokes and prods at some of the most sensitive tissue in your head, if not your body. But I seriously couldn't decide whether open or closed eyes would best minimize that discomfort.

For example, with open eyes, you have additional stimuli to distract you from the endless picking and scraping. Granted, at this particular dentist's office my visual stimuli was limited to gazing at the tiny holes in the acoustical ceiling tiles, but some of those holes were arranged into some seemingly conspicuous clusters and it gave me an opportunity to reflect on the influence of scale on the detection of point patterns over two-dimensional space - the greater the area, the more dispersed the holes would appear; the smaller the area, the more likely they are to appear intentionally clustered (there is a spatial statistic called Moran's I that quantifies this phenomenon but that's beside the point).

With closed eyes, however, your stimuli is restricted to the sensation of having your oral cavity violated, which I would assume could only amplify the perceived displeasure. However, if you're light-sensitive like me, your eyelids provide partial sanctuary from the overhead beams shining directly and powerfully into your face. Furthermore, if it's supplementary anesthetization you're seeking, closed eyes might provide a subconscious psychological advantage by way of a cognitive association with sleeping, the effect of which would be a beneficial stress reliever due to its calming influence on the nervous system.

Closed eyes also help one shut out the unwanted violation of personal space boundaries between you and your chosen dental professional. While in reality your dentist's face will remain hovering mere inches above your own, no doubt silently evaluating all of your physical defects and responses to their every move, it takes only a simple shut of the lids to remove this unpleasant image from your consciousness altogether. This also alleviates unnecessary mental strain on your dentist, who would otherwise have no choice but to spend the duration of your procedure avoiding embarrassing contact with your gaze from below. With their mind freed from this distraction, they are better suited to focus on the work they are currently undertaking.

And which arrangement best communicates to your dentist that, unlike their other clientele, you are tough and pain-resistant? Do closed eyes say "the discomfort you are administering me is barely perceptible and in fact I am on the verge of a legitimate nap right here in this chair" or does it instead say "I have decided to draw the blinds on the windows to my soul out of concern that you may detect my all-too-apparent anxiety and interpret it as a sign of weakness." Or, is it in your own best interest to appear overly sensitive, and if so, how are the eyes best framed for that approach?

Anyway, these are the things I contemplated. Oh and I wound up going home with a free Rotadent.

TOUGH CALL: your dentist offers you a movie to watch projected on the ceiling, but that movie is STEALTH.

I haven't been to the dentist in twenty years. Had never had a cavity prior to that, but pretty sure one of my molars is rotting even as I type this. Man, even getting a haircut is something I have to work up to. The whole strangers touching my face thing is challenging for me at times.

dude, you're getting a root canal

i know, i've been told that