Mentioning you have a girl/boyfriend within five minutes of meeting them -- C/D

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Thanks to Archel for giving me the idea. One the one hand I'm like, Oh God don't mention it AT ALL COSTS cos it can sound smug and cheesy (to some ppl); on the other you can sound all weird and witholding if you don't... feel me?

― Enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Moderator -- delte this thread, it is quite literally the worst-phrased one EVAH EVAH EVAH.

FUCK IT.

― Enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:27 (twenty-two years ago)

If it comes up, it comes up. I tend to talk about my partner a lot, so it feels natural. But I don't do it in a BACK OFF BUSTER I'VE GOT A BOYFRIEND manner, because, well, no one ever hits on me any more. I just talk about my partner because I feel like he's a part of my life.

― the river fleet, Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:28 (twenty-two years ago)

It's much, much worse if you wait a week or go out on a pity date with them, for ex., and THEN casually mention it.

This has never happened to me. I don't think.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:29 (twenty-two years ago)

and of course it doesn't stop you hitting on other people, albeit virtually/in-jest, ho ho

(x-post)

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:29 (twenty-two years ago)

My boy is a huge part of my life, to not talk about him would feel way too weird.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:29 (twenty-two years ago)

OH OKAY DON'T DELETE IT: SOME PPL, WHO REWL, UNDERSTOOD WHAT I MEANT.

― eNRIQUE (Enrique), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:30 (twenty-two years ago)

1. wear a ring on your wedding finger
2. wave your hand in their face

it works a treat

― run it off (run it off), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Stevem, if it bothers you, say something and I will stop. Like I've said before, I thought it was all just in fun.

― the river fleet, Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

what river said...

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I mention it when appropriate. If I'm with a group of friends at a bar, and some guy approaches me when I'm playing pool, putting the smooth moves on me, I just mention that I have an S.O. If they are persistant and say, 'Well, where are they?', I just smile and say, "At home, keeping the bed warm for me."

That ususally does the trick.

― Psychokitty, Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:33 (twenty-two years ago)

xpost (i meant : If it comes up, it comes up. I tend to talk about my partner a lot, so it feels natural. But I don't do it in a BACK OFF BUSTER I'VE GOT A girlFRIEND manner, because, well, no one ever hits on me any more. I just talk about my partner because I feel like she's a part of my life.

(now wife)

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I never get chatted up to be honest. I liek to think that's cos my boy is always with me.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:34 (twenty-two years ago)

is this going to be the sweetest thread of them all?

― run it off (run it off), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm an either/or: it's either like

whassup, E, what're you drinking --

uh dunno better call MY GIRLFRIEND and find out

or, or, it isn't

I don't get chatted up I don't think, it's fair to say.

― Enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:35 (twenty-two years ago)

it's dud if you like, out of the blue go "i have a boy/girlfriend" when, say the conversation was about the price of eggs, actually even then maybe it depends on what the situation is

someone : hey ken price of eggs have gone up way too much hasn't it?
ken : yeah went to the supermarket with my girlfriend the other day OH MY, it's a disgrace.

pugly : hey ken price of eggs have gone up way too much hasn't it?
ken : I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND

that's just silly.

So yeah kate otm if it comes up it comes up - to consciously tell/withhold the info is dud.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:37 (twenty-two years ago)

that wasn't meant to sound as sarcastic as it did, sorry kate. i'm somewhat enjoying the novelty of girls fawning over me generally (albeit only online) anyway. tomorrow or friday is haircut day though, alas

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:38 (twenty-two years ago)

It all depends on the context. If I meet someone for the first time and they mention their bf/gf in conversation, that's one thing. But I can usually tell when said person feels insecure or needs to assert themselves as being in a couple -- they bring it up in an obvious way. As in, "This story has no significance whatsoever but I wanted to let you know that I'm taken therefore I am desired." But hell, what do I care?

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:38 (twenty-two years ago)

NOOOOOOOOOOO! Save the hair! Someone set up a charidee.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:38 (twenty-two years ago)

also people mentioning their gf/bf used to really annoy me when i didn't have one. i was then always reluctant to refer to mine as a result. stupid really but there you go.

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:39 (twenty-two years ago)

classic. in fact, feel free to mention it within the first 30 seconds of talking to me. i think it might save us all a bit of time.

― Huggy Dork (Kingfish), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:43 (twenty-two years ago)

most of the time girls can sense i have a gf. i also havent a clue on the whole flirting thing.

― kephm, Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:44 (twenty-two years ago)

most of the time girls can sense i have a gf.

seriously? you look like the Kind of Person Who Gets Laid Regular? or what?

― Enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Nope, he's just got a dopey grin on his face!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

his clothes are ironed.

*ducks* I AM JOKING

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

i have no idea.

― kephm, Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:54 (twenty-two years ago)

haha, i haven't ironed my clothes/had my clothes ironed since i was in the army...

― Enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I never think whether I'm mentioning my bf or not. I probably do, quite a lot, since we live together. But obviously not often enough, FOR EXAMPLE DURING CREEPY BUS CONVERSATIONS, or the situation on the other thread wd not have arose d'oh.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:57 (twenty-two years ago)

right exactly. you should have said Oh these bus journeys -- they keep me away FROM MY BOYFRIEND... and you'd never have had this problem, see?

― Enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I KNOW THAT NOW :(

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I had this once and was forced to give out my email address EVEN THOUGH I'd talked about my g/f for the duration of the ride. It was fucking snowy so it was about a three hour ride. Gah.

― Enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:03 (twenty-two years ago)

i cringe whenever i have to refer to my boy as my 'boyfriend'...
what a horrible term, it sounds so.... childish? i hate 'partner' too though as it's so businesslike.
but what does that leave?
mate
signif. other
better half hur hur
lover
?

― emjj, Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:22 (twenty-two years ago)

SHUT UP SMUG CUNTS

― Jon Williams (ex machina), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

You can refer to him as your "schnookums", that's good for polite public conversation.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

boy?

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:24 (twenty-two years ago)

"Excuse me, could you take a picture of the two of us...TOGETHER"

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:24 (twenty-two years ago)

tomorrow or friday is haircut day though, alas

Ah well, you're safe, that'll be the end of the virtual/joking crush anyway. ;-)

― the river fleet, Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:25 (twenty-two years ago)

don't i know it

'my boy' sounds more like something a parent would say, to me

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:26 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah "partner" makes me cringe. argh.

xpost

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:26 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah 'boy' is probably the best i've found although it still sounds too twee or something
schnookums on the other hand is not twee at all

― emjj, Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

'special lady'
'main squeeze'

― Enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

"the bird"
"er indoors"
"my bloke"

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:28 (twenty-two years ago)

my current root?
my most recent and ongoing conquest?

― emjj, Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:28 (twenty-two years ago)

ha ha i can't believe i said 'root'

― emjj, Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:29 (twenty-two years ago)

i think what's more important is to mention your sexual orientation in the first minute or two of every conversation. it would make my life much much easier.

― phil-two (phil-two), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Er, yeah...

― Enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:46 (twenty-two years ago)

"hi i'm straight and currently sexually satiated (by my partner)"

― emjj, Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Phil, I'm not gay.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:49 (twenty-two years ago)

two beers later:
"well there WAS this ONE girl back in college..."
two more beers:
"yeah i guess i'm kind of seeing someone"

...
...

― emjj, Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm currently "without a ho." (How's that?)

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Hi my names Dave [translation: I am male]
my wife said the funniest thing to me this morning [translation: back off!]
about my boss [no, I don't want to work for you!]
who came over for dinner last night [yes, I've got my own home, so don't even think about asking me to live with you in your crummy little flat]

easy

― run it off (run it off), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Woh, you get people asking you to move in with them before they've even got a snog??

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

thanks Mark. you're a few years too late though

― phil-two (phil-two), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

you can't be too careful

― run it off (run it off), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

and if you're not gonna eat da dick, you can find a different place to stay this april!

― phil-two (phil-two), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Well if that's how it's going to be, then maybe I will!!

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 17:58 (twenty-two years ago)

fine fine, you dont have to eat da dick.

― phil-two (phil-two), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 18:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Woh, you get people asking you to move in with them before they've even got a snog??

Mark you've snogged paul field?!?!??!

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 18:03 (twenty-two years ago)

BEFORE, Ken. Btw, I spoke to a Ben Chu yesterday. That was odd.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 18:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Life should be one long traffic light party.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 18:04 (twenty-two years ago)

this is so mind-boggling DUD, that it's not funny. people who do this need to be reminded that the entire world's not a meat market. or that they're not all that (i.e., that NOT everyone wants to fuck them).

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 18:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry Eisbär - I'm taken.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 18:07 (twenty-two years ago)

well, it's good to know SOMEONE wants you!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Is that what you say to all the ladies?

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I got TWO emails from HSA today. I'm a happy girl. Now I just have to find some monkeys.

― the river fleet, Tuesday, 27 January 2004 18:10 (twenty-two years ago)

only the ones that look like Neil Young

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Is that what you say to all the ladies?

N. I never knew you were a lady.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 18:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I only thought about this when I had a girlfriend. For the first few months, I consciously avoided saying 'my girlfriend' in conversations with people I'd just met. I didn't know what kind of reactions to expect, and when I did mention it it either led to awkward pauses or tedious and embarrassing "so you're a lesbian then? what's that like?" conversations. After a while though I stopped giving a shit.
I don't usually mind people mentioning they have boy/girlfriends, so long as they don't go on about it. However, I did once go up to a bloke in a bar (with no intention of trying to pull him, he was just on his own and I was bored) and started a conversation only to have him immediately reply "It's ok, I'm engaged". That was definitely dud.

― Cathy (Cathy), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 18:23 (twenty-two years ago)

hahaha -- he hit the panic button. it is lame, but sometimes you kind of blurt it out.

btw -- sorry ladies, but i'm not really in that place right now.

― Enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 18:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I used to know someone who unfailingly brought the fact he had a girlfriend into virtually every conversation he had, almost like Ken's eggs-ample (thank you, I'll be here all week) upthread. Like you were meant to be "ooh, well done, you have a girlfriend, aren't you just the coolest individual - oh, sorry, half of a couple - ever?". Twunt.

I mention mr ailsa a lot because I spent more time with him than anyone else. However I go out without him a fair deal, and never really mention him unless the conversation specifically requires it. I don't get chatted up much though, as I generally just go to the pub to watch football and blokes tend to just talk about football to me.

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 18:38 (twenty-two years ago)

"I'm sorry, I already have an extensive knowledge of Celtic FC"

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 18:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I find it hardest to introduce into conversation that I have become involved with someone that the other person knows. I should tell them , because it's not a big secret and it would seem odd not to tell but it never seems to come up...

― isadora (isadora), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 20:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I find myself mentioning my wife (always casually, in the, "Yeah, my wife and I saw that movie last week" way) both to assure other people I'm not hitting on them and to establish my situation in the unlikely event that someone's thinking of hitting on me. The most entertaining example of the latter occurred in a gay bar a few months ago. The series of looks on the guy's face was fairly hilarious. He recovered nicely, though, and wanted to hear all about the wedding.

― spittle (spittle), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 21:29 (twenty-two years ago)

what about asking about it?

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 21:31 (twenty-two years ago)

i usually mention the kids first

― mullygrubber (gaz), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 21:43 (twenty-two years ago)

haha!
i agree with the sentiment upthread--i am *amazed* that people think just because someone is talking to them means that person wants to *do* them. whenever i hear the "i've got a gf" w/in 5 mins i think the guy is quite a loser and full of himself to boot.

― Orbit (Orbit), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 21:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I guess there's a difference between mentioning your boyfriend/girlfriend tactfully and just blurting it out.

I think if I was trying to chat someone up and they casually mentioned it I'd be glad, might stop me making a fool of myself! If it's been a long chat I might just ask, to express an interest in a fairly direct way but not like caveman direct or anything.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 27 January 2004 21:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I do it to save the trouble of explaining it after I have sex with you :)

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Monday, 2 February 2004 04:41 (twenty-two years ago)

What a strange thread.

On the occasions I get approached by women starting a conversation, I always presume that it is just that, a conversation. To do otherwise would be kinda arrogant of me, I feel. If, however I am clearly actually getting hit on I will generally excuse myself from the situation. Everyone who knows me knows I'm well and truly spoken for, anyway. I don't crow-bar mentions of my girlfriend into conversation, that would just be weird.

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 2 February 2004 08:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Perhaps, when a woman comes up and says "Hi!", you could reply, "Hi! And were my girlfriend here, she too would say 'hi'". I don't think that would be too contrived.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Monday, 2 February 2004 21:49 (twenty-two years ago)

If I get the impression I'm being chatted up, I am generally amused by it and don't take great pains to mention my girlfriend. On the other hand, I don't avoid mentioning her either, and as we do lots of things together it will usually come up at some point. Maybe it would be more polite if I were to say "can the flirtation, toots, I'm already taken" so as to avoid any embarrassment on their part, but it seems patronizing and presumptuous--maybe the girl has her own S.O. and is just flirtatious, or maybe I'm reading too much into the situation. Being male, though, I don't have to be quite as concerned about some girl getting "the wrong idea" as it is less likely to be physically dangerous for me.

― webcrack (music=crack), Tuesday, 3 February 2004 06:05 (twenty-two years ago)

"can the flirtation, toots, I'm already taken"

Right, that's what I'm going to say from now on.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 3 February 2004 06:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it would be particularly funny to say this to a girl who was _not_ flirting with you.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 3 February 2004 07:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, better safe than sorry.

― jazz odysseus, Tuesday, 3 February 2004 07:22 (twenty-two years ago)

You can't win with this. When I was an undergraduate I had a tutor who, in stark contrast to the rest of the literature department, was young, highly personable, GQ-model handsome and building himself a national reputation as an intellectual heavyweight. When taking tutorials he always managed to get a mention of his wife and kids into the conversation early on.

What surprised me was how much this pissed women off. "Oh you had your first tutorial with X today. How many times did he mention his wife and kids? Like we all think he's so bloody gorgeous we won't leave him alone otherwise, the vain bastard".

The English department had its share of sleazy characters who regarded bedding the occasional female student as one of the perks of the job. In contrast here was a guy who wanted to behave decently and had worked out from experience that the best way to avoid embarrassing crushes and infatuations was to signal his unavailablity in a fairly obvious way. Bizarrely, this seemed to cause more offence than the cynical lechery of the sleazeballs.

― ArfArf, Tuesday, 3 February 2004 11:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Bizarrely, this seemed to cause more offence than the cynical lechery of the sleazeballs.

http://www.osric.com/~jeremy/hooray.jpg

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 3 February 2004 12:43 (twenty-two years ago)

There is no hope for you, Mark.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Tuesday, 3 February 2004 12:45 (twenty-two years ago)

That goes to show that English students are all sluts!

― ainness, Tuesday, 3 February 2004 12:47 (twenty-two years ago)

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