Meeting People at Bars

if they don't have a gun to their head...

Thanks for putting "Achy Breaky Heart" in my head.

If you see someone you fancy, catch their eye and smile. If they smile back at you, wait a little bit, then approach them. If you are unsure of the reaction, repeat the catching eye and smiling thing a couple of times. DON'T use a "line". Do say something topical, related to the situation you are in. Say something open-ended, rather than trying to pin them down. Comment on the music, or the bar, or the clientelle or something. If they are interested in you, hopefully they will respond. Try complimenting them on something. (Not in a "huh, huh, drool!" sort of way, but in a casual "Oh, I like your hairdo/shirt/shoes, that's really cool" sort of way.) Once you've exchanged a few sentances, introduce yourself and offer to buy a drink.

Bear in mind that it's not a race. All this can take place over the course of a few minutes, or an hour, or an entire evening. Sometimes a good tactic is to smile at someone on the way to the loo or the bar or something, but not actually talk to them until your return journey. You really just want to get them used to your presence and notice you while being non-threatening. If they see you several times, then they are less inclined to think of you as a stranger, and less likely to be intimidated by the drink-buying offer.

Also, know when to give up. If a person will not meet your gaze, or will not return your smile, they're probably not interested. (If they meet your gaze and return it for a little longer than a single breath, they probably are interested.) If a person doesn't want to talk to you, don't push it. Also, don't necessarily fixate on just one person. Being friendly and open to everyone increases your chances of someone being receptive towards you.

My general rule of thumb is that someone Buying Me A Drink (in a singles bar type sense, not a pub sense) entitles them to my attention and conversation for about as long as it takes to drink said beverage. However, this is rendered null and void if the person becomes aggressive or posessive or suffers from entitlement issues with regard to the drink.

I'm broken-hearted
With all that this entails
It takes some concentrated drinking
To keep me on the rails
I have to hide my face
I have to hide my shame
I don't wait 'til I'm sober
'Til I get drunk again
I drink at home
I drink out
I drink in cocktail bars
Falling down
Seeing stars
It suits me
It suits me
Going astray
In all the bars from here to Mandalay
They never close
We never pay
Chorus:

My oh my
We can't compete
It's only heavy drinking that keeps us on our feet
My oh my
I can't complain
If it weren't for heavy drinking
We'd never play Sweet Jane (Reed)
My my my, oh my
The days go by
I never quite forget her
But goodness how I try
Believe me
Believe me
Falling apart in bars
I like to suffer for my art
Just one more before we part

Don't want to think
About how much I drink
It's a habit that's out of control
Hope I never get dry before I get old.

Trombone (trombone solo)

Chorus

Don't want to think
About how much I drink
It's a habit that's out of control
Hope I never get dry (before you get)
Hope I never get dry now (before you get)
Hope I never get dry before I get old... mmmmm... mmmm

And what kind of person do you expect to meet in the bars? When the cold, unforgiving light of morning creeps in through the window blinds, and a miasma of tequila vapors rises from a damp, unfamiliar bed..

"And you see your weary, lying eyes, in a cracked mirror on the bed..."

Do you wander over to strangers in public places and engage them in conversation?

What's worked in the past is someone just being themselves and, like Kate sez, just talking around something topical, I dunno, like "haha this song is crap isnt it?" or some such general thing. Found myself talking to a complete stranger at the Aphex Twin gig the other night and within 5 minutes we were talking about money shots in zero gravity (dont ask), and thats cos he was so disarmingly laid back about talking any old shit. Mind you my b/f was with me, maybe I'dve been more cautious if alone, I dunno.

Actually I met my current other half at a bar now I think about it. At the time I was going out with someone else, but his disarmingly over-the-top enthusiasm talking about BBC comedies and Futurama totally reeled me in. I guess its chance, that what you start talking about either clicks with someone or not...

Thank you for the advice!! I will give updates as needed.

i strongly suspect that this works more coming from a girl than from a guy...

Also, chatting with people that are "safe" (i.e. partnered) is good practice for feeling comfortable talking to strangers who may turn out to be potential dates.

Have you not seen Six Feet Under? You could have fucked an insane masseuse! Why pass that shit up?

mine is directly across the street. like a quarter of a block. it's really the worst set up ever.

Yeah, that makes sense, MW.

It's a subtle negotiation, not a buy-ten-coffees-get-one-free-punch-card-system.

That's probably why I simply prefer to avoid it.

It's a subtle negotiation, not a buy-ten-coffees-get-one-free-punch-card-system.

exactly, there's a somewhat well-off (for that place) douchebag who is a regular at tum4ns who tips a fuck of a lot more than i do but he's such an annoying little prick with a napolean complex that he never gets a buy back.

my "local" is a 3 block walk away and have to pass two other bars to get to it. one good thing about my 'hood is that there is literally a bar on every corner. there are some with four bars on every corner.

-- chicago kevin, Thursday, June 7, 2007 9:13 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

i really will miss the ukv :(

oh shit, i haven't shaved in like 5 days and look like ASS. this will not deter me from going out after work but it may prove to be an impediment to looking presentable when i go out later tonight.

i also find that if you're a position to give the bar "best of" awards for a local publication, they tend to like you a lot

not that i would ever abuse my power in this way

yeah not getting buybacks gives me a complex, like AM I NOT A BRO? xxxpost (sorry to keep on this)

you can't shave in between anywhere? xxp

haha kevin i basically look like a bald ex-surfer (i'm wearing shorts and vans for chrissakes) who's gone to seed with eight days beard growth these days and that doesn't stop me from doing...well, anything

Ha, Jess, I was just thinking maybe I'd go out more if the bar was literally right across the street. I mean, the closest bar to me is Hopleaf, which I love, but it's like three or four blocks (which of course isn't *that* far, but I'm lazy), and on top of that, it's frequently packed and the drinks are expensive. But I once dated someone who lived right across from Guthrie's, and we did go there an awful lot.

Actually, I just realized, Garcia's is probably the closest bar to me, but drinking a margarita in an empty restaurant with Spanish-language TV on and no place to smoke is sort of sad.

i look like i should be busking jimmy buffet songs at the inner harbor

deej, you're only a short bus ride or two from the village, no need to be a stranger. also, i'm going to mac's on division for post work beers if you want in. division and wood i think? 1800 w. division?

This thread definitely makes me want to drink something fierce, but I'm wondering if I should just wait until tomorrow when I'm playing a show and can get smashed afterwards.

yeah sure. is that closer to ashland? i forget xp

you can't shave in between anywhere? xxp

seeing as i'm going directly from this desk to the bus to the train to the bar no, no i can't.

xpost- two blocks west of ashland, two blocks east of damen on division. south side of the street.

i just found out last night @ danny's this dude i went to h.s. with opened a restaurant in that area ... he said he would 'hook me up' if i stopped in

seeing as i'm going directly from this desk to the bus to the train to the bar no, no i can't.

Why don't you hit a drugstore for a throwaway razor, and a public restroom in there somewhere?

because there isn't one between here and there.

Damn, yo. I thought they was everywhere. Why the rush to the bar though? Did I miss sthg upthread?

BECAUSE I HAVE A POWERFUL, MAN-SIZED THIRST.

and i don't mind having an itchy beard for a couple more hours, i'm just thinking that i wanted to look presentable tonight and instead will probably be cut up or will have shaved and missed huge spots of beard.

presentable schmentable

if it's really your bar, they will expect you to look like the busking hobo you really are

What Strongo said.

Why don't you hit a drugstore for a throwaway razor, and a public restroom in there somewhere?

I learned many years ago not to do this. Cheap razors and public restrooms are sadder than jaymc's Garcia's and eventually the liquor will make you cease to care how feral your facial hair is, so screw it and just go drink.

no, i was talking about later tonight where my friend we be working. her crowd skews less "old man drunk" more "hot early 30s females".

on that note, i am going to go home. and shave. and then go to a bar. (i have four hours before it's go time! lucky me!)

GL with scratchy face kev D:

Also, don't shave after you've been to the bar. Drinking expands the capillaries and makes shaving nicks into fun little facial blood geysers.

thanks man, good luck with the chatting up or not chatting up girls.

xpost- well fuck me.

http://h1.ripway.com/Dallas/-Dallas-/The_More_You_Know2.jpg

the liquor will make you cease to care how feral your facial hair is

feral slut beard

maybe if i'm REEEEEAAAALLLLY careful...

i think i dated a girl once who had a feral slut beard

I met my roommate at a bar. She's hot-ish. Albeit boring and a possible cokehead.

-- Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 28 January 2004 23:01 (3 years ago) Link

cokehead at a bar? that's unpossible

Buy two razors, shave downwards, use lots of astringent cold water and don't be too persnickety and you should be fine.

I was referring to the couch incident, but yeah, maybe that was earlier

modern girls find the scruff very attractive men. i cant explain it but it works. (old-fashioned women would still prefer you not jerk off ever & are cleanshaven. but most of them wear skirts that are too long to pique my interest)

Thank goodness for that.

durdurbelgianchocolatedurdurlegkick

I don't have the beard to go for more than a day with out shaving. It's less aesthetics and more just about comfort, but jerking off's okay and skirts of all lengths, depending on the ladies who are in them, still pique my interest.

I met a girl at a bar last night, but she had to go back to Minnesota today.

also btw i was sweaty & unshaven and she told me I smelled nice.

obv not the Union Pool ;)

no no no, black&white. i don't go to union pool if i can help it.

I Like This. Well, not the going back part.

<3

It does wonders for one's self esteem to have a stranger chat you up ime.

send her my way

i met a guy at a bar for the first time this summer. we were tipsy and dancing and having lots of fun there, and then later we had a pretty awkward first date, which i was really not expecting! it was like "so this is how you are sober, huh?" so i guess i shouldn't have been surprised. (he did turn out to be a good guy though.) perhaps i have gained insight into how "most people" supposedly live, perhaps not....

I know who I am
and the person I am at home
is not who I am.

Cigarettes I suppose
Because she liked them
And her boyfriend did not