Inappropriate things to say at a funeral

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I'm compiling a list of inappropriate things to say at a funeral.
1. He/She's dead now but he/she'll be back for Happy Hour
2. Hey, That coffin reminds me of a rectangular race car!

Any suggestions??

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:02 (twenty-two years ago)

How would s/he be back for happy hour?

― Prude (Prude), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:04 (twenty-two years ago)

You tell me.

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Hermaphrodites be zombies!

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:06 (twenty-two years ago)

The above are things I’d expect rednecks to say.

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:06 (twenty-two years ago)

"What's the score at Old Trafford"
"Blue really is her colour"
"Do Widows fuck on the first date"

regards,

REB

― Rik E Boy (Rik E Boy), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:07 (twenty-two years ago)

What about ideas for bumper stickers you might put on a coffin? Like "My kid got your honour student pregnant" or such?

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:08 (twenty-two years ago)

boy, i am hungry

― todd swiss (eliti), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Bumper sticker to place on a coffin:
“Single and Sassy”

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't be like me and make a mistake because you are hungry.

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:11 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.negafox.com/lenore/lil2.gif

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:12 (twenty-two years ago)

God dammit I knew that link wouldnt work.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:13 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.wackypackages.org/stickers/10th_series/coffinmate_small.jpg

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:14 (twenty-two years ago)

3. 'Speech! Speech!'

4. 'He had the telly remote when he died. Can I get it back? Neighbours starts soon. Please?'

5. 'Hey, what do you get when you cross Ayrton Senna with Peter Ustinov? No? Anyone?'

― Autumn Almanac, Friday, 16 April 2004 03:14 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.funnytastic.com/images/funeral.jpgIf this isn't funny you have problems.

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:15 (twenty-two years ago)

"Oops I think I dropped my wallet in there, could you just back up and open the lid for a sec?"

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:15 (twenty-two years ago)

“Oh my god. I can't believe it. I left the toaster on.”

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Advertising at funerals:
“Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to tell you to shop at Albertson's. Today Milk is half price. We are also here to mourn the passing of [name]. If he were alive today, he'd tell you about the shoe sale at JC Penny's.”
Horrible.

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Are there going to be snacks?

― BanjoMania (Brilhante), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:26 (twenty-two years ago)

I was wondering the same thing.

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm thinking that any spontaneous breaking out into the singing of showtunes would be difficult to justify.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:44 (twenty-two years ago)

"Embalming fluid makes good lube"

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 16 April 2004 03:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Fucker still owes me $10.

― BanjoMania (Brilhante), Friday, 16 April 2004 04:10 (twenty-two years ago)

What's the sad occasion then?

― Helmut Spanke, Friday, 16 April 2004 04:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Did he just twitch?

― jim wentworth (wench), Friday, 16 April 2004 04:13 (twenty-two years ago)

(to the bereaved, after a car crash) I'm sure he died very slowly.

― Helmut Spanke, Friday, 16 April 2004 04:20 (twenty-two years ago)

http://fanfare.mu/images/encore.gif

― Dada, Friday, 16 April 2004 05:30 (twenty-two years ago)

A few months ago, I read an article about the music people play in funerals attendances. Apparently, pop songs like "My Heart Will Go On" are nowadays as popular as classical music. Some of the more odd choices include "Another One Bites the Dust" and "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go"

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 16 April 2004 07:02 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.mgnet.karoo.net/castrolgtx.gif

= inappropriate black jacket wearage.

― Sarah (starry), Friday, 16 April 2004 07:04 (twenty-two years ago)

this years funeral song = mad world :o(

― chris (chris), Friday, 16 April 2004 07:25 (twenty-two years ago)

not 'Cha Cha Slide'?!

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 16 April 2004 09:06 (twenty-two years ago)

My friend designed a greetig card for the terminally ill;, it said
'so sorry to hear
that you're going to die
we can't say get well
so we'll just say goodbye'.

I'm sure he would have thought of something funny for funerals too. But I can't. My dad's a vicar and he once gave the wrong eulogy, referring to the dead single fifty year old man as ' a beloved grandmother of eleven'.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Friday, 16 April 2004 10:26 (twenty-two years ago)

At my grandfathers cremation my aunt said to me
Oh look, its snowing.

I had to bite my tongue to not tell her that it was ash from the chimney.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 16 April 2004 10:37 (twenty-two years ago)

"What pointless, tedious ceremony! I don't know if you're all crashing bores or whether you've just got way too much time on your hands. But I strongly advise you to get off that pew right now, go forth into the world, and if not multiply at least get a life. What are you waiting for? Right now, I said!"

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 16 April 2004 10:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I GOT DIBS ON HIS VOLVO!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 16 April 2004 13:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I wouldn't be seen dead in that coffin.

― Nellie (nellskies), Friday, 16 April 2004 13:39 (twenty-two years ago)

YAHTZEE!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 16 April 2004 13:40 (twenty-two years ago)

He died very peacefully, in his sleep. Of course, all the other people in the car were screaming their heads off...

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 16 April 2004 14:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Damn, she's such a hot corpse! Enough to turn a fellow NECRO.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 16 April 2004 14:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, he put everyone out of their misery by commiting suicide. It was really better that he did it, don't you think?

― Aja (aja), Friday, 16 April 2004 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

when my father's father died, a group of his students turned up at the funeral (my dad is a teacher). one of the students (not ronan or dv) comes up to my dad smiling and says "thanks for getting us the day off school!!!" he's lucky my dad has a sense of humour - the gallows humour was appreciated.

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Friday, 16 April 2004 14:42 (twenty-two years ago)

"Is Michael Jackson dead?"

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 16 April 2004 14:45 (twenty-two years ago)

ten years pass...

Swear to God, one of the men delivering a eulogy whipped out his iPhone, took three agonizing minutes pinching and scrolling something on the screen, and then started reading Facebook posts of sympathy people had made about the deceased.

― pplains, Saturday, 27 September 2014 23:19 (eleven years ago)

How many likes did their death get?

― StanM, Sunday, 28 September 2014 08:04 (eleven years ago)

"She was beautiful! She was young, she was innocent. She was the greatest piece of ass I've ever had, and I've had 'em all over the world!"

― Sir Lord Baltimora (Myonga Vön Bontee), Sunday, 28 September 2014 16:16 (eleven years ago)

It went viral! http://media.giphy.com/media/13Ga1gQC6u8E48/giphy.gif

― pplains, Sunday, 28 September 2014 16:18 (eleven years ago)

When my uncle died, the whole extended family went to great-grandma's after the funeral. So two of his brothers - my grandpa included immediately start fighting over Uncle Joe's giant power-windowed Olds. Two Italian steel guys fighting on a front porch at a busy intersection. And my poor great-grandma was crying. This was in 1980. We still talk about it to this day.

― Opus Gai (I M Losted), Sunday, 28 September 2014 19:53 (eleven years ago)

And then the guy dug deeper in this iphone and found a v/m left by the deceased last June, singing Happy Birthday.

Keep in mind that he died of ALS and sounded like he had had nine shots of bourbon. We got to hear a dead man sing Happy Birthday just one more time.

― pplains, Sunday, 28 September 2014 21:21 (eleven years ago)

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