is now the time? (romantic question)

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if you have fancied someone for some months, have neglected to tell them, have virtually no idea if they fancy you (signals are mixed, depending on the day and hour), and will soon be moving to an entirely different and very distant country and will not be likely to see this person again except for brief periods every few years, do you pull the trigger and tell them? out of the remote chance that you could have some desperate fling just before rushing to the airport? (this scenario seems hopelessly romantic to me, but perhaps people who have experienced it can vouch otherwise.) or is it best to just leave the crush, and its revelation, behind on foreign shores as you sail into the friendly skies?

thanks in advance for your input.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:43 (twenty-two years ago)

i already regret this thread.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Probably would be best to say something, yes. Better to regret something you have done etc etc.

However, you won't. I can tell. You'll um and ah about it, and then beat yourself up for a year or so afterwards for not saying anything.

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Why not? What do you have to lose? Imminent departure is another form of dutch courage and should be used as didactic tool to see if you can or can't read the signals well. Hopelessly romantic can be so much fun.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm not sure i understand your last sentence

― amateur!st (amateurist), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:48 (twenty-two years ago)

the "better to regret..." argument is a good one in this case, i think

― amateur!st (amateurist), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:48 (twenty-two years ago)

i think i've made up my mind to tell her

in theory--i get bogged down in the technique aspect

― amateur!st (amateurist), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:49 (twenty-two years ago)

perhaps you need to in this situation, more to get it off your chest than anything else. spill it, get over it, and jet off unburdened.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

You should definitely say something. Don't dress it up with self-conscious romantic-ness, just be kind of honest and straightforward about it.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Plus, if you're leaving right away and you hook up, that's it! No relationship. No break-up. No coming home from work to find your favourite clear yellow-vinyl 7" being used as a coaster! No arguments over whose turn it is to take out the trash! No being told that you used to be more romantic! No nothing, buddy, except sweet memories.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Hopelessly romantic can be so much fun.

You will remember wistfully as opposed to just being down about it.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

haha, oh yeah. the technique part...

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, because then SHE will always wonder what might have been etc., not that that really accomplishes anything.

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

the current scenario is envisioned like this:

me: "i'm going to miss you"

her: "i'm going to miss you too!"

(cue 70s soundtrack music)

― amateur!st (amateurist), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:52 (twenty-two years ago)

script needs work

― amateur!st (amateurist), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:52 (twenty-two years ago)

70's porno soundtrack music?

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Richard Curtis to thread!

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

All of my best relationships have had clearly stamped expiry dates. Which explains why I'm such a miserable fuck.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Can you get Jacques Demy to direct it?

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:55 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, cue chickybowwboww slap bass...

I'd say go for it. I have done the same and it's been joyous in its short-lived but wild intensity. And when you part, it'll be with such a glow of "yes i bloody did it"-ness that you'll be skipping around for weeks afterwards.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:56 (twenty-two years ago)

this is somewhat of a lose lose situation. but if you want to avoid agonizing over 'what if?' you should pull the trigger. then you have to decide whether you want to keep up the correspondence with them when theyre in their new place, meeting new people, etc. which also kinda sucks.

― bill stevens (bscrubbins), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Which explains why I'm such a miserable fuck.

um...

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:57 (twenty-two years ago)

now's the time.

― cozen (Cozen), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:57 (twenty-two years ago)

All of my best relationships have had clearly stamped expiry dates. Which explains why I'm such a miserable fuck.

But does 'best used by (date' mean them or you? I've never been able to figure that part out.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:57 (twenty-two years ago)

see in all likelihood it will unfold more like this:

her: says something vaguely tender which i overinterpret
me: makes vague declaration of crush, then goes in for a kiss
her: pulls away gently, awkward scene follows
me: hits myself repeatedly on plane home, attracting attention from stewards and fellow passengers

― amateur!st (amateurist), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

xxxpost

actually, yeah. That explains why I was a really inept sex guy for the early part of my loving career. I didn't really understand the act until I had a longer-term relationship where we actually talked about what is good to do and stuff like that.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

If you've got lots of money say something, otherwise no. Girls like men with money.

― CRW (CRW), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I dunno, is a friendship worth risking for a fling? If you thought there could be some sort of long term thing, then I'd say go for it, which must make me a hopeless (loser) romantic.

Oh, but I assumed a friendship, if it's just someone you sorta see around, then there's nothing to lose and much to gain.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

i say do it.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

But does 'best used by (date' mean them or you? I've never been able to figure that part out.

What I meant was that one of us would soon be leaving with no plans of coming back. Or going back to her college boyfriend.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Thursday, 22 April 2004 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

You'll regret not doing it far worse.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Buy her an expensive diamond ring and she'll like you.

― CRW (CRW), Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Without a doubt. I only recently remembered (in the last month or two) that being turned down is better than not knowing whether you'd be turned down or not.

xpost

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Better yet. Ask her if she'll come away with you.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I kinda like the feeling of never knowing. Sorry, I'm being counter productive.

Get on your bike now amateurist!

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah dude, ask her to come with you but - it's all on you and you'll support her forever with lots of dough - then you're sorted!!!!

― CRW (CRW), Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I think the fact of your leaving makes the situation easier. You need not fear that a declaration of your crush will make the relationship weird in the future, should she not reciprocate. Also it provides a convenient context in which to announce your feelings; i.e. "It's too bad that I will be leaving because I really quite fancy you, etc.." I think it allows you to be more nonchalant about it, I guess. And then you can more easily gauge her reaction and so on and so forth.

― Broheems (diamond), Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:11 (twenty-two years ago)

i ran into a similar situation last year and i chose not to give it a shot. the regret i've had for chickening out is way worse than any turn down couldve been.
xpost-broheems way otm about that last bit.

― Felonious Drunk (Felcher), Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:12 (twenty-two years ago)

je ne regrette rien

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:17 (twenty-two years ago)

YES, GODDAMNIT.

― Sick Nouthall (Nick Southall), Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:18 (twenty-two years ago)

There really isn't anything to lose, so why not? If she's not interested in you that way, it's not like you have to worry about any future awkwardness because you're not likely to see her again.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I think I'm the only one making a vlid point, really.

― CRW (CRW), Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Its true, CRW. The way to a woman's heart is through your wallet.

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

also, regarding the thread title specifically, now is almost always the time. the more you find yourself wondering if you should sieze the day or put it off until "the situation's right" the less likely you are to actually ever approach girls.

― Felonious Drunk (Felcher), Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Cheers man.

― CRW (CRW), Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:29 (twenty-two years ago)

also, crw, just because you pay for sex doesnt mean everyone else has to.

― Felonious Drunk (Felcher), Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Just to play devil's advocate, I did something similar a few years back. The person in question 1) got annoyed "why the hell didn't you say something sooner", 2) refused to, erm, do anything about it and 3) won't speak to me anymore when I do go back to visit other people. But I'm sure nothing like that will happen in your case.

― mouse, Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Yikes. Good for you mouse, that you didn't ask sooner.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 22 April 2004 17:41 (twenty-two years ago)

well we are pretty close friends already, and we'll be seeing each other (albeit only for a week, or possibly two) this fall. so it's not a question of my never seeing her again, and there is a small question of losing a friend. or to "preciser", she once (in a statement that put me off for its seeming arrogance or at least lack of self-awareness) told me about some friend she has (who i also know) who was once "in love" with her (unreciprocated). i don't want to be the next guy about whom she talks about in that fashion; even if the circumstances wouldn't be exactly the same, i can't imagine mainting a friendship with her if she placed me in such a category. (note that i've maintained close friendships with girls to whom i've come clean several times before, so i believe it's quite possible, but in this case i'm not entirely sure.)

ok, presuming i will pull the trigger, help me with my technique guys. and be serious.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Thursday, 22 April 2004 18:11 (twenty-two years ago)

"Hey sweetie... here's a diamond ring, it cost me £567"

"Wow, thanks"

"Will you be mine now?"

"Sure"

― CRW (CRW), Thursday, 22 April 2004 18:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 23 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Or you could just tell her that you think she's amazing and that she's one of the biggest things you're going to miss when you leave.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 22 April 2004 19:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Just don't say, ..."one of the most humongous things you're going to miss..."

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 22 April 2004 21:08 (twenty-two years ago)

That really doesn't go over well, lemme tell ya.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 22 April 2004 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't over-emphasise the "haha, it was a long time ago and wasn't I stupid then" make it a bit more up-front

― isadora (isadora), Friday, 23 April 2004 00:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Say something if you must - but make it clean once you go. For gods sake, dont then turn around when you're miles away and drag on the "yeah you know I really DO like you, hmm now I think I miss you!" stuff leaving you both in what's suddenly turned into a quasi-LDR where you're even more confused and now, frustrated into the bargain.

This has happened to me at least once and it was VERY not good, because it went from a 2 week "hey fun no strings attached I know he's leaving" fling to a 6 month dragged out "oh god is it worth this, I miss him, does he actually like me, or should I just get on with my life" mess.

Just my personal experience, mind.

PS Calum fucking give up already, geezus.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 23 April 2004 00:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I've been put in a very similar situation just this week. I only found out a few days ago that this particular person had been interested. We had a fling, it was great and he's moving 1000kms away tomorrow. In a way I'm annoyed that he didn't do anything about it sooner. But those feelings quickly disappear when I think of the fun we had and the moments we've shared because of it. We were friends beforehand, we're still friends now, and there's absolutely no strings attatched. I say go for it before it's too late!

― karmaceutical (karmaceutical), Friday, 23 April 2004 02:04 (twenty-two years ago)

That being said, I'm yet to feel the after effects as mentioned by you Trayce...

― karmaceutical (karmaceutical), Friday, 23 April 2004 02:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I wouldnt have myself, had the guy not come over all mooshy and way more affectionate via email etc AFTER he left. I mean... gah.

No hard feelings in the end mind you, we're still good friends.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 23 April 2004 02:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Life is long and doubt is a killer.

― jim wentworth (wench), Friday, 23 April 2004 03:48 (twenty-two years ago)

i would like it if more girls contributed to this thread

Sorry, hon. I would be of little to no use for you here, because I think that if I was told by someone who was going to leave in the near future that they had a crush on me, I'd be so overwhelmed and focused on the whole crush thing (seeing as though I'm not used to hearing that) that I'd be too distracted to notice if the guy does do the "right" thing, whatever that "right" thing is. I'd also be wondering what it is he sees in me, but that's another thread, isn't it?

― Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Friday, 23 April 2004 04:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Amateurist - you wanted advice from a girl, so here it is.

Don't say anything. Just kiss her.

― C J (C J), Friday, 23 April 2004 05:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Seriously? Also Amat how much do you like her? Could her reciprocating make it harder for you to leave the country? Didn't see that covered thus far, it'd be pretty romantic to give up a whole country for her tho

― Mr Mime (Andrew Thames), Friday, 23 April 2004 06:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Andrew brings up a good point actually.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 23 April 2004 06:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Had to happen one day

― Mr Mime (Andrew Thames), Friday, 23 April 2004 06:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Heh.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 23 April 2004 06:15 (twenty-two years ago)

dan, i was going to write that i didn't understand your first post, especially not the "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ASSHOLES?????" part, but i like this advice particularly: "Or you could just tell her that you think she's amazing and that she's one of the biggest things you're going to miss when you leave." mostly, because it's close to the truth. (i vacillate on the "amazing" part, but i certainly like her company, and am attracted to her. which is why i don't want her to rewrite any scenarios so as to tell her friends that i was "in love" with her; although perhaps she would do no such thing, and i should have more faith in her. i don't know why this should bother me, seeing as i won't know her friends after next month, but it does.)

i don't have an option of staying here, money and things you see. one never knows what the future holds, but in the meantime, i'm heading back to the states.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 23 April 2004 06:47 (twenty-two years ago)

SAY SOMETHING!!! Life's too short...

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Friday, 23 April 2004 07:06 (twenty-two years ago)

ok, it's been settled for a while, but the crux now is technique. more advice on that front is desired.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 23 April 2004 07:29 (twenty-two years ago)

If she likes you you won't need it, unless yr wanting to ensure this works out as a perfect little romantic vignette? I prob would be

― Mr Mime (Andrew Thames), Friday, 23 April 2004 07:33 (twenty-two years ago)

if she doesn't like me i'd like to look back and remember my having acted with grace and style

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 23 April 2004 07:36 (twenty-two years ago)

"Now is the time to set things right," say Jimmy James and the Vagabonds, and who could argue with that?

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 23 April 2004 07:38 (twenty-two years ago)

"please delay" by tommy shawn and the prawns (1964)

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 23 April 2004 07:41 (twenty-two years ago)

"I Can't Wait" by Nu Shooz (1986)

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 23 April 2004 07:46 (twenty-two years ago)

"to act now would be imprudent" by deena deena and minivan (1974)

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 23 April 2004 07:48 (twenty-two years ago)

(that one has a really great recorder breakdown at the end)

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 23 April 2004 07:49 (twenty-two years ago)

how many pieces?

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 23 April 2004 07:51 (twenty-two years ago)

In case you haven't already decided, I would definitely suggest that you tell the girl. I'm a firm believer in the old saying 'better to regret something you have done...' as someone else said upthread. Just do it man!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 23 April 2004 08:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I've had this one from both directions, so feel qualified to say:

Handle it like this :

You "I'm gonna miss you more than you know, you know"
her "Ahh, that's nice"
(Hug optional)

Leave with warm feelings, yours and hers. She's leaving, not staying, will have fond memories, the worst thing that can happen is she rings you later.

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 23 April 2004 08:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I think you need to meet up and wait til you're both laughing. Then stop suddenly, assume a very sombre expression, take her hand in yours, and go "I've always... wanted to tell you... that I. Love. VIENNETTA!"

I will stand in for Tico Tico here, and submit that it's worse to regret stoving in a bunny's head with a shovel that to regret not doing that.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 23 April 2004 08:13 (twenty-two years ago)

No you should say: "I've always...wanted to tell you...that...Fremme. Neppe. VIENNETTA!"

Alternatively: "Give me Cornetto and you'll get me" (cue the least sexy sexy underwear ever seen).

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 23 April 2004 08:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Also, people don't just go out of your life. They always come back, one way or another. So I'm with mark grout's "good vibes" strategy.

Once again I think Epictetus has words for this situation:

"Remember that you must behave in life as at a dinner party. Is anything brought around to you? Put out your hand and take your share with moderation. Does it pass by you? Don't stop it. Is it not yet come? Don't stretch your desire towards it, but wait till it reaches you. Do this with regard to children, to a wife, to public posts, to riches, and you will eventually be a worthy partner of the feasts of the gods."

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 23 April 2004 08:20 (twenty-two years ago)

But Epictetus also says that if you don't make any effort, don't complain about not getting the girl:

"You are unjust and insatiable if you are unwilling to pay the price for which these things are sold, and would have them for nothing. For how much is lettuce sold? Fifty cents, for instance. If another, then, paying fifty cents, takes the lettuce, and you, not paying it, go without them, don't imagine that he has gained any advantage over you. For as he has the lettuce, so you have the fifty cents which you did not give."

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 23 April 2004 08:23 (twenty-two years ago)

is this from cosmo?

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 23 April 2004 08:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Epictetus OTM.

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 23 April 2004 08:26 (twenty-two years ago)

ARE YOU STOIC AND DO YOU SHOW IT?

1. When a rapidly-dwindling plate of roast beef is passing the other side of the feasting table, do you

a) Lunge for it like a rabid dog
b) Wait patiently, banking on there being one small burnt piece left
c) Invent an excuse to get up and speak to the person next in line for it, and discreetly put some in your pocket
d) Say you're vegetarian

2. When at market you salivate over a gorgeous head of lettuce. Do you

a) Wonder what the fuck is wrong with you
b) Spend your last 50 cents on it
c) Stave off your desire and increase your sperm count
d) Go home and eat that roast beef you hid in your pocket

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 23 April 2004 08:42 (twenty-two years ago)

ok, this has happened to me at least twice, and i don't regret either one. in one case, the plans that would have meant we were apart fell through after a short time, and we ended up dating for quite a while.

as far as technique: if you're honestly worried about being the guy she talks about in an amused way, make sure you keep your language casual. tell her you have a crush on her and you're sorry you're leaving because you'll never know if she has one on you, too (which then gives her the opportunity to say if she does). or the next time you meet up, tell her she looks beautiful or something more than you'd normally say. listen to her reaction. or you could always come up with a gimmick. one that could work that there's a thread about around here somewhere is the 'wow, some of our mutual friends think that we're a THING. isn't that funny?' and see what she says...

― colette (a2lette), Friday, 23 April 2004 09:18 (twenty-two years ago)

the other evening i met her for a movie in a new jacket, and she smiled in a surprised way and said i looked "very spring"--what does this MEAN

we basically have no mutual friends, they are all her friends

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 23 April 2004 16:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I declared my 'intentions' to a friend who was leaving three months later for Australia. We got pretty heavy, we fell in love and he almost didn't go. He promised me he would come back and sent me letters every day, we spent thousands on phone calls and I rented and furnished a flat for us to set up home in on his return. He ended up getting a work visa and called me the night before he was due home to tell me he wasn't coming back. this was four years ago and I'm just over it. (He called me a year ago and told me he had named his new baby daughter after me, freak)

I know that this was naivety on my part, but it's best not to enter into anything if one party is leaving the country. Love can just happen and somebodies life/ambitions can be destroyed as a result.

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Friday, 23 April 2004 16:13 (twenty-two years ago)

what is all this talk of "love"?

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 23 April 2004 16:39 (twenty-two years ago)

'technique', i think, should not worry you.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Friday, 23 April 2004 16:43 (twenty-two years ago)

why not?

details matter

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 23 April 2004 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

how about casually saying, "ya know, i've always had a crush on you...."?

― waxyjax (waxyjax), Saturday, 24 April 2004 02:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I like dan's advice best, so far. epictetus isn't too shabby either.

― cozen (Cozen), Saturday, 24 April 2004 10:55 (twenty-two years ago)

hm, i suppose i should apologize to all for what appear to be a false alarm.

i don't know if i can adequately explain this here, but suffice to say that first of all i'm not even sure how much i like this person, although i find her very attractive. i enjoy her company, but the times in between--talking on the phone, etc--she often acts in ways that displays an indifference, a hesitancy, regarding our friendship, and is also self-involved in a way that amplifies certain qualities that are present when i'm nearer to her but are sort of suppressed by more immediate feelings, like um being really attracted to her. not to mention that i don't really think she is interested in more than a friendship with me; i convince myself, or nearly convince myself, otherwise in certain moments but the feeling that she is not interested is clearer, stronger, surer when it arrives. besides which it doesn't seem worth risking embarrassment and the rupture of a decent friendship for something i'm not even sure i want and (given my impending departure) can't even have.

sorry to disappoint everyone, if that's the case.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 27 April 2004 10:13 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm in quite a grumpy mood because i was sent a rather hostile email (not personally hostile, but it sent out bad vibes just the same), which has nothing to do with the situation that prompted this thread.

but i'm also grumpy because of the distance i felt when i talked to her; i was relating something exciting that had happened to me, and she didn't seem to be interested. in and of itself that's not bothersome, but when i inevitably compare the reality with whatever i've built up in my mind it renders me grumpy. this is a pattern that's been evidence for five months now, at least. this testifies to what nick preaches on that other thread of late, that it's hard to let go, no matter the circumstances.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 27 April 2004 10:22 (twenty-two years ago)

i need sleep

― amateur!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 27 April 2004 10:31 (twenty-two years ago)

the distance mostly comes into play in this fashion: when we see each other, it's rarely presented by her as two people hanging out for the pleasure of each other's company. there's always a task ("i should loan you those books"; "i need help with my computer") or an event (usually a film). on one or two occasions she's gotten out of plans by referencing the event, or the task. i know that in certain circumstances, especially when you're just getting to know someone, having an object is useful. but after a while, it should sort of fall away--i don't need a reason to see my closest friends, or vice-versa.

does this make sense? this is the aspect that frustrates me most--about her, about my crush on her and its pointlessness.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 27 April 2004 10:35 (twenty-two years ago)

i mean, the difference isn't always evident, and even when it's evident it's not always that striking, but i often find that what i see as "hanging out with (x)" is for her more a matter of "accomplishing task (y)," even if after task is accomplished we end up at dinner, movie, etc. sometimes i wonder if those things are just due to my persistence though; it's not that often that she will recommend going to dinner or whathaveyou, although she rarely dissents. but i hate the feeling that i'm being assented to, or tolerated, or accomodated; even if it's not exactly the case, the barest smidgen of such a feeling becomes prominent thanks to my paranoia.

sorry to be obsessive.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 27 April 2004 10:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I think she probably knows you like her.

― holojames (holojames), Tuesday, 27 April 2004 11:28 (twenty-two years ago)

ya think?

― amateur!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 27 April 2004 11:39 (twenty-two years ago)

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