same-sex cheating?

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what if your partner cheated on you with a member of his/her own sex? (bearing in mind that you are opposite-sex partners) would you treat it less seriously? perhaps they are just friends, and do it for a laugh? does that make it any different? (provided you have not worked out a prior arrangement where you can do stuff with people who are a different gender to yourself?)

― sagahead, Friday, 23 April 2004 22:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I feel I would totally not be as upset.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 23 April 2004 23:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Cheating's cheating. I don't care if it's a King Charles spaniel.

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 23 April 2004 23:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know if I would be more/less upset, but it would at least make more sense (to me as a straight guy): women are hott!

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Friday, 23 April 2004 23:12 (twenty-two years ago)

What if the Spaniel was REALLY hot?

xpost

― don (don), Friday, 23 April 2004 23:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Hmm. I think I would be as upset. But maybe I could be persuaded that it was a 'discovery' thing. It depends what you mean by 'cheating', which has the hidden questions of whether sexual cheating is the same as emotional cheating, and therefore whether you can separate sex out from love.

― Will McKenzie, Friday, 23 April 2004 23:15 (twenty-two years ago)

My answer also applies to a situation where they left me for another woman. I don't think I'd go down the "I turned them gay!" route at all - I'd feel like it wasn't so much anything wrong with me, as wrong with my gender, which would be a lot easier to take. It would almost be a compliment - like she saw me as the best that men could offer, because she didn't need to try other men to be sure that the problem wasn't with me.

If she was bisexual, then it might be a bit harder (esp. if I already knew this) but still not as hard as if it was a man.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 23 April 2004 23:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I've been in this situation, and my partner tried to take the whole "oh, it's not cheating" routine. I tried to be all understanding about it, but you know what? No. Cheating is cheating. Just because the person they're cheating with is of a different gender doesn't make your feelings of betrayal any less potent. Cheating isn't just about the sex, it's about the dishonesty and disrespect. And that remains the same, no matter what the other partner.

(FWIW, bisexuality means that a person can be attracted to either men or women. It is *NOT* just a blanket excuse to screw both at the same time.)

― Super-Kate (kate), Saturday, 24 April 2004 06:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Do people have sex "for a laugh"? Like, "haha, wouldn't it be funny if we were 69ing right now?"

― Casuistry (Chris P), Saturday, 24 April 2004 10:09 (twenty-two years ago)

You're probably right that it's just as wrong, Kate. My answer was about whether it would hurt as much. Jealousy, you know.

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 24 April 2004 10:13 (twenty-two years ago)

If a girlfriend of mine had sex with another woman, I could easily forgive it as long as I were allowed to be there, preferably with a video camera. (In fact I have never had any interest at all in asking sexual fidelity of a partner, and have never minded who else they have had sex with.)

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 24 April 2004 11:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Not as easy as Canadian boys!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 24 April 2004 12:29 (twenty-two years ago)

What's not as easy as Canadian boys?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Saturday, 24 April 2004 12:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Norwegian boys?

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Saturday, 24 April 2004 12:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Well then I know I've said it a million times before but GOD BLESS CANADA!

― Casuistry (Chris P), Saturday, 24 April 2004 12:50 (twenty-two years ago)

this is such a ridiculous question.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Saturday, 24 April 2004 12:54 (twenty-two years ago)

True patriot love in all thy sons command.

x-post

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Saturday, 24 April 2004 12:54 (twenty-two years ago)

(haha I posted to the wrong thread)

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 24 April 2004 12:56 (twenty-two years ago)

In this book about Canadia that Huck gave me, there's a section which is a test to see whether you're "really" Canadian or not. One of the questions is "Do you know all the words to O Canada" -- and if you don't, then you score points towards being a real Canadian.

Which is a long way of saying that I never remember even that line, Nicole. Brava.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Saturday, 24 April 2004 13:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I've watched too much hockey.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Saturday, 24 April 2004 13:02 (twenty-two years ago)

All that time you could have been watching curling.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Saturday, 24 April 2004 13:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Quien es mas macho?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 24 April 2004 13:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Why is it a ridiculous question, di? Because for you the answer is obvious?

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 24 April 2004 13:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Casuistry (ha, an apt name here!): does this mean that people not from Canada are likely to know all the words to O Canada?

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 24 April 2004 14:19 (twenty-two years ago)

More likley, yes. And the name is apt of often than you might suspect... or at least, that's what I'd have you believe.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Saturday, 24 April 2004 18:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I tend to agree that it's the dishonesty and the crumbling of previously impenetrable bridges that is the worst thing about cheating, as opposed to the physical act itself. Which is why, if she comes clean and begs forgivness, she is forgiven.

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Saturday, 24 April 2004 18:13 (twenty-two years ago)

because the idea that the gender of the cheatee makes a difference is ridiculous. if you're in a monogamous heterosexual relationship, and your partner cheats with someone of the same sex, how is that any less cheating? how is their cheating any less SEX?

if you aren't trying to be in a monogamous relationship, thats a whole different kettle of fish.

also, with a little thought, this question could have been framed to include queer relationships...

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Saturday, 24 April 2004 23:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I definitely agree with you Di but it's odd how the gender does seem to affect some people's view.

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Sunday, 25 April 2004 00:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Di! It's ridiculous to you, but it doesn't mean it's ridiculous to me. Don't ridicule the way my jealousy works! It's all about insecurities, yo. OK, do ridicule them.

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 25 April 2004 04:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I wouldn't have much of a problem if it was mainly sexual, but if she started to spend a lot of time with and actually form a relationship with another girl then I would get as jealous as if it were a guy.

― oops (Oops), Sunday, 25 April 2004 05:07 (twenty-two years ago)

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