Bush's Resume: The Saga of The Twisted Politico

> >RESUME

> >GEORGE W. BUSH
> >1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
> >Washington, DC 20520

> >EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

> >Law Enforcement:
> >I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the
> >influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's
> >license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been
> >"lost" and is not available.

> >Military:

> >I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to
> >take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By
> >joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty
> >in Vietnam.

College:

> >I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a
cheerleader.

> >PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

> >* I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil
> >business in Midland, Texas, in 1975.
> >
> >* I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The
> >company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the
> >Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using
> >taxpayer money.
> >
> >* With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry
> >(including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.
> >
> >ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS
> >
> >* I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies,
> >making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure,
> >Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
> >
> >* I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of
> >billions in borrowed money.
> >
> >* I set the record for the most executions by any governor in
> >American history.
> >
> >* With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my
> >father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after
> >losing by over 500,000 votes.
> >
> >ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
> >
> >* I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a
> >criminal record.
> >
> >* I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over
> >one billion dollars per week.
> >
> >* I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S.
> >Treasury.
> >
> >* I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S.
> >history.
> >
> >* I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in
> >any 12-month period.
> >
> >* I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month
> >period.
>
> >* I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of
> >the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million
> >Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
> >
> >* I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
> administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza
> >Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
> >
> >* I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S.
> >President.
> >
> >* I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the
> >most corporate campaign donations.
> >
> >* My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best
> >friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy
> >fraud in U.S. History, Enron.
> >
> >* My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys
> >to assure my success with the U.S.
> >Supreme Court during my election decision.
> >
> >* I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against
> >investigation or prosecution.
> >More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky
> >affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate
> >rip-offs in history.
> >
> >* I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S.
> >history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil
> >industry was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in
> >U.S. history.
> >
> >* I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be
> >awarded government contracts.
> >
> >* I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any
> >President in U.S. history.
> >
> >* I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest
> >bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
> >
> >* I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S.
> >history.
> >
> >* I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United
> >Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
> >
> >* I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
> >
> >* I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S.
> >"prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the
> >Geneva Convention.
> >
> >* I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations
> >election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
> >
> >* I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any
> >President since the advent of television.
> >
> >* I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any
> >one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I
> >presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
> >
> >* I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade
> >Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most
> >hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world
> >history.
> >
> >* I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
> >simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people),
> >shattering the record for protests against any person in the history
> >of mankind.
> >
> >* I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
> >pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation.
> >I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.
> >citizens, and the world community.
> >
> >* I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut
> >in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families - in
> >wartime.
> >
> >* In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for
> >attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
> >
> >* I am the first President in history to have a majority of
> >Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world
> >peace and security.
> >
> >* I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster,"
> >a WMD.
> >
> >* I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden
> >to justice.
> >
> >RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
> >
> >* All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my
> >father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
> >
> >* All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my
> >bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
> >view.
> >
> >* All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
> >attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
> >unavailable for public review.
> >