dudes & babies

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men, tell me how you feel about fatherhood. are you ready to become a papa? (or were you, if you are)...

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:39 (twenty-two years ago)

(sorry that "men" sounded a little odd...women can talk on this thread too, of course.)

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Absolutely not. I don't like the responsibility of paying bills on time, much less keeping another human being alive.

In the future, still doubtful. Young children/toddlers/infants scare me and older children just annoy me. I can't be around them until they're teenagers.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Hahahahaha...no, not ready. The presence of folks like the good Mr. Alex and Mr. Licious, Dr. C and Mr. Grubber and more besides prove that fine fathers are a-plenty here, though.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm not ready for a baby, but if some kid showed up at my door, all potty-trained and at least moderately able to hold his own in a conversation, well, I've got comic books and Spongbob DVDs, so like, let's GO!

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

no. i wouldn't necessarily rule it out, but i can't really imagine ever feeling ready for it.

some of them are pretty damned cute, though. i like visiting my friends with 'em.

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm definitely feeling paternal urges. I do have fears about whether I could be a good dad, but I'm willing to throw caution to the wind and resign myself to messing up the life of some poor little ungrateful resentful bitter little jerk as long as he'll call me Dad and let me buy him skateboards and stuff.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd be a terrible father, but I'd make a great uncle or godfather.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:49 (twenty-two years ago)

*grabs fistful of disposable income and kisses it, with tongue*

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:49 (twenty-two years ago)

men, tell me how you feel about fatherhood.

I won't miss it at all

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I just realized, rereading my post above, that I would probably be lost if the kid turned out to be a girl. Especially since I've been calling it "HE" for the last 15 minutes. Fuck! Another life ruined!

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:49 (twenty-two years ago)

it would be nice to hear some advice from some of the actual dads on ILX. like what do you wish someone had told you before you went & knocked up a lady?

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

@d@ml totally OTM

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Doctors have quietly taken me aside and said: "I really think you should end the bloodline, if at all possible. Buy an Alsatian."

― andy, Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I was ready. Don't ask me how. well, you can ask me. I just did it with the right person. It felt perfectly natural. And it would not have felt that way with anyone else I was with. I mean, I actually WANTED to have a kid, and I never felt that before with anyone else. I am the full-time mom/dad and that was something that I wasn't exactly prepared for. Only cuz it was a 360 degree turn from my life before. But it is becoming more natural to me. It was a long winter though. I read that book Little Children by Tom Perrotta recently and he described it rather cynically as "the days running together like crayons left in the sun". It can be all-consuming and really tire you out. But it's also completely wonderful. I just can't drink as much beer and I have to go to bed earlier or else I feel like hell. I never thought I would end up being so damned healthy.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:52 (twenty-two years ago)

...what do you wish someone had told you before you went & knocked up a lady?

That they grow out of shoes faster than hipsters grow out of trends.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Was completely uprepared for the announcement of forthcomingness of a spawn-thing (he's now about 2 and a half), but that's the beauty of the 9-month gestation period. plenty of time to get yourself prepared for what is probably the majorest, and probably best, of all life changes. I remember smoking copious amounts of the we*d and seeing Mogwai one night, about 2 months before he was born, and thinking to myself, "when's the next time I'll do this sort of thing?" Still waiting...

― tobo, Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Do they always pee in your face when you're changing their diapers? Because everytime I've seen a dude changing diapers in the movies, he gets pissed on.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Hypothetical most prepared father-to-be in the world (small baby edition):

*does not sleep
*has a strong stomach, no aversion to human waste and/or twee vomits
*natural sense of rhythm
*telepathic
*arms strong enough to lift a moderately large watermelon
*mature enough to not giggle every time the momma breast feeds the baby
*has access to an endless supply of clothes ranging in size from newborn - 4T
*is not a douchebag

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 May 2004 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

that last requirement is gonna do me in.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

When a newborn baby grabs one of your fingers with his/her entire hand, it makes you feel like a monster.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:03 (twenty-two years ago)

DADZILLA

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:03 (twenty-two years ago)

trying to make a baby now. i'll know sign of one yet.

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

uh, thats....no sign of one yet.

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

There's this thing played up in shitty romantic comedies and the like where single-man-with-baby, where before was not entirely desirably, suddenly becomes a babe-magnet, right? This is one of the greatest lies ever perpetuated by cinema.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:05 (twenty-two years ago)

are toddlers allowed to eat cicadas?

― tobo, Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

ha ha that's tricky. No, don't eat that bug Lukas! Okay, but you CAN eat THAT one.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:09 (twenty-two years ago)

The babe-magnet thing only works with dogs in real life.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:09 (twenty-two years ago)

i want kids, i'm sure, but not now. let's say ten-fifteen years down the road.

― Ian Johnson (orion), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

re: the babe-magnet thing, the only attention I've attracted is from granmotherly types, and that's not really my thing. a dog is probably a safer bet. or try taking off the wedding ring, I guess...

― tobo (tobo), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:13 (twenty-two years ago)

i need to get rid of my squeamish, cronenberg-esque feelings towards pregnancy if i'm ever going to have kids.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:19 (twenty-two years ago)

It's waaaaay different for you though, seeing as how they incubate in yer gut.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:20 (twenty-two years ago)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! i'm never having kids.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:22 (twenty-two years ago)

i know you meant no harm, n, but i'm going to be grossed out for like the next week.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

natural sense of rhythm

This is for recording drum tracks when the baby's sleeping, right?

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

grow one behind your couch, in a test tube, lauren.

― Ian Johnson (orion), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Or in a cabbage patch.

― NA (Nick A.), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually, the natural sense of rhythm was more in reference to rocking to sleep, burping, etc.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:26 (twenty-two years ago)

rocking to sleep

Yeah, that's what I said.

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:29 (twenty-two years ago)

i can probably have one delivered to my door, along with drugs, escorts, and korean food at 5am - i'm in new york, after all.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:29 (twenty-two years ago)

korean food vs. baby, which will satisfy that 5 a.m. loneliness aching better?

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, you can't fuck Korean food.

― NA (Nick A.), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:32 (twenty-two years ago)

What?

― NA (Nick A.), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Nick you sick fuck!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:33 (twenty-two years ago)

That was weird.

― NA (Nick A.), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Only cuz it was a 360 degree turn from my life before.

...except that meant you ended up right where you were already -- ie, being a sick fuck who doesn't like the Smashing Pumpkins YA PUNK.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:36 (twenty-two years ago)

It's waaaaay different for you though, seeing as how they incubate in yer gut.

Like in Alien!!!

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Just think of your ________ (insert word of choice re women's genetalia here) as that guy's stomach and you're all set!

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Does it come out and start doing "Puttin' On The Ritz"?

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

that would be a reason to have one, but i think it just screams and drools.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:52 (twenty-two years ago)

.except that meant you ended up right where you were already

oops, i guess i meant 180 degrees. You Corgan-loving FREAK!

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Yay!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Screams, drools and poops.

Don't forget the poops.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 13 May 2004 17:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think I'd ever even HELD a baby before in my life before having one and the poop and the puke and the pee and the crying and all the rest never bothered me at all from day one. Having a kid is weird that way.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 13 May 2004 18:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Does it come out and start doing "Puttin' On The Ritz"?

I hoped for that too, but sadly, no.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 13 May 2004 18:06 (twenty-two years ago)

The last time a toddler (cousin's daughter) wanted to play with me, my first instinct was to toss her toy and let her retrieve it.

I don't think playing fetch went over big with my cousin, but I didn't know what else to do.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 13 May 2004 18:13 (twenty-two years ago)

now that I have nieces and a nephew I really feel for my uncle. He was around 18 when I was 4 or so and he'd always want us to play "museum". The game involved us sitting perfectly still with our eyes closed like statues. I wasn't down with it. Neither were my brother's kids when I tried to teach it to them.

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Thursday, 13 May 2004 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

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