Chris Martin & Gwyneth Paltrow Have A Baby Girl. Her name Is....

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Actress Gwyneth Paltrow has given birth to her first child, a girl called ....

― Tony Jones, Saturday, 15 May 2004 10:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Jesus save us...........APPLE???? Why do celebs have to give their kids stupid fucking names, you'd swear it was a competition.

― Ronan (Ronan), Saturday, 15 May 2004 10:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Vodafone have the contract for their next kid.

― Ronan (Ronan), Saturday, 15 May 2004 10:16 (twenty-two years ago)

I can only imagine the jokes which the poor child will have to endure about her name. Why do parents DO THIS? It's not clever to name your child something stupid.

― C J (C J), Saturday, 15 May 2004 10:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Fiona Apple to thread!

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Saturday, 15 May 2004 10:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Apple's not bad. For a daft name, it's not bad.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Saturday, 15 May 2004 10:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it's nice.

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 15 May 2004 10:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I was thinking as I posted, "who will like this", and I thought "N".

― Ronan (Ronan), Saturday, 15 May 2004 10:27 (twenty-two years ago)

nectarine dastoor

― m. (mitchlnw), Saturday, 15 May 2004 10:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Read on PopBitch that George Foreman (sp?) gave his kids all the same name= George 1, George Jr, George III,... and Georgina? I can't recall but it's hilarious. Years ago I read an article about parents giving their kids stupid name like 1, 2 and 3 or Jupiler (Belgian beer) so now we can only give our babies names that already exist (as names).

― jesus nathalie (nathalie), Saturday, 15 May 2004 10:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Ahhh.

Is there a way of typing 'ahhh' so that it unambiguously represents the 'that's nice' kind of 'ahhh', rather than the 'I see!' kind? I was thinking 'arrr', but that maybe has piratic connotations.

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 15 May 2004 10:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I think you have to use "Aw" which is harsher.

― Ronan (Ronan), Saturday, 15 May 2004 10:31 (twenty-two years ago)

"Aye wanner bite cha."

― Francis Watlington (Francis Watlington), Saturday, 15 May 2004 10:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't quite understand why people (not just celebrities) seem to go out of their way to name their children odd things. I mean, "Apple" is certainly fine as a nickname (the wife and myself usually call our newborn a seemingly endless variety of nicknames -- ranging from "Cranky McStinkypants" through "Engineer of the Tragedy Train" rather than her actual name, that being Charlotte) but to formerly christen your child an unconventional name only sets up potential obstacles for them down the road. I mean, why?

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 15 May 2004 10:50 (twenty-two years ago)

because they get to decide.

tough luck, alex.

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 15 May 2004 10:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Will Paul McCartney sue?

― Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Saturday, 15 May 2004 10:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe she can have a brother called Ipod.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Saturday, 15 May 2004 11:00 (twenty-two years ago)

And maybe she can have a tapeworm named Worm.

― LC, Saturday, 15 May 2004 11:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't believe those two skinny kids had such a fat baby.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 15 May 2004 11:36 (twenty-two years ago)

At least she'll never crash

― kinski (kinski), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:18 (twenty-two years ago)

This could be worse.

― Ally C (Ally C), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I hope she will eventually have siblings named Macintosh and ipod.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:25 (twenty-two years ago)

one day she'd marry a Mr Mackintosh.

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:26 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah xpost.

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:26 (twenty-two years ago)

i keep thinking about the scene in Best In Show when the yuppie couple are talking about how they met in a Starbucks and he admires her iBook or somesuch.

― Dave M. (rotten03), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:28 (twenty-two years ago)

omg lol will her middle name be Powerbook?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

(sorry)

― stevem (blueski), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:28 (twenty-two years ago)

the next child is obv gonna be apple II

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Her rival at school will be that slutty girl Windows Jones.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:29 (twenty-two years ago)

"apple blythe alison" actually, not poncey at all

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:30 (twenty-two years ago)

windows Xavier Paltrow

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:30 (twenty-two years ago)

From friend B: "Apple Martin? Like Apple Martini?"

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Somewhere out there, Alex In NYC jealously wishes he'd named his baby "Computer".

― LC, Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:33 (twenty-two years ago)

It's worse that she will have his surname - Apple Paltrow seems a little more bearable than Apple Martin. It's like a shit computer or something (xpost kind of)

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:33 (twenty-two years ago)

famous people shouldn't marry famous people.

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:34 (twenty-two years ago)

i hope they'll have a son called aston next

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:34 (twenty-two years ago)

they should marry me xpost

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:34 (twenty-two years ago)

It does sound sort of like an inadequate computer. Apple Paltrow isn't quite as bad.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Tandem Nonstop Chu

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:35 (twenty-two years ago)

ken i order you to call your kids Fruity and Bacca

― stevem (blueski), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:36 (twenty-two years ago)

haha.

my sister is called Cherry.

this is a fact.

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Or Pika
(xpost)

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:37 (twenty-two years ago)

morten yukan

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:37 (twenty-two years ago)

ayenne mada

― LC, Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:39 (twenty-two years ago)

(the Tupac song I mean)

― LC, Saturday, 15 May 2004 12:40 (twenty-two years ago)

better than Fruit Salad

― Nellie (nellskies), Saturday, 15 May 2004 13:00 (twenty-two years ago)

'Apple' is totally a boy's name.

― cis (cis), Saturday, 15 May 2004 13:22 (twenty-two years ago)

At least it's spelled right. But it's still self indulgent and dumb.

BUT, it's absolutely shocking to me that in a number of countries, only approved names can be given. Utterly shocking. And what about immigrant children whose cultures assign names that would appear "foreign" and different in the host language? "The state has decided to name your baby 'Bill.'"

― Skottie, Saturday, 15 May 2004 13:54 (twenty-two years ago)

In honour of Alex, as soon as I finally have children, the first one off the production line will be named Cranky McStinkypants.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Saturday, 15 May 2004 13:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, that's the winner on this thread.

Anyway, having digested this overall news, I wish to hurt someone.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 15 May 2004 14:11 (twenty-two years ago)

yourself?

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 15 May 2004 14:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 22 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

In related news, Morrissey has a new album out. Entitled 'My death-ray will kill you all' it is said to be his best collection of songs since his last good one 25 years ago. Morrissey is 88 and sustained only by his desire for vengeance.

― omg, Sunday, 16 May 2004 00:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Morrissey, yesterday
http://www.sha.u-net.com/brainjar.gif

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 16 May 2004 00:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Should we guess what the next Posh/Becks kid will be called? The first one's called Brooklyn because she was conceived in Brooklyn, the second one's called Romeo because he was conceived in the back of an Alfa Romeo. For #3 my money's on Willesden High Street.

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 16 May 2004 00:47 (twenty-two years ago)

"Doesn't Ringo mean Apple in Japanese?"

It does.

And mikan means orange.

Mikan Martin

That sounds pretty good actually.

― Debito (Debito), Sunday, 16 May 2004 01:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Far better than freaking "apple", anyway.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 16 May 2004 01:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Right now he's probably in Gwyneth, growing more fruit.

-- Autumn Almanac (ada...), May 16th, 2004.

I larfed. Heartily.

― Francis Watlington (Francis Watlington), Sunday, 16 May 2004 02:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm thinking of naming my kid 'Peanut'

Any thoughts?

― Debito (Debito), Sunday, 16 May 2004 02:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Graham Coxon named his kid Pepper, which is still better than Apple.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 16 May 2004 02:39 (twenty-two years ago)

It's at least a dog name, Apple isn't even a dog name.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Sunday, 16 May 2004 02:41 (twenty-two years ago)

How about 'Fertilized Egg'?

― Debito (Debito), Sunday, 16 May 2004 02:44 (twenty-two years ago)

What happens when the AOL generation grows up? Will we see kids called Ř£ƒ®¡J3Я@ŤΏЯZ?

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 16 May 2004 02:55 (twenty-two years ago)

a/s/l omgwtf lollorz the third

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 16 May 2004 03:01 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.utu.fi/erill/saarmeri/symbol.gif

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 16 May 2004 03:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Well at least they didn't call her "Mango".

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 16 May 2004 03:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Mango Martin's got a better ring than Apple Martin.

Come to think of it, Pomegranate's not a bad name. You could shorten it to Meg, and nobody would ever know.

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 16 May 2004 03:16 (twenty-two years ago)

The poor kid will have to learn to spell Pomegranate though. At least, she'll be fine for the first word in the spelling test.

― jellybean (jellybean), Sunday, 16 May 2004 09:43 (twenty-two years ago)

What happens when the AOL generation grows up? Will we see kids called Ř£ƒ®¡J3Я@ŤΏЯZ?

hottie348 chu

― ken c (ken c), Sunday, 16 May 2004 09:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Is it just me, or did the headline "Paltrow gives birth to baby Apple" on BBC News make anyone else feel weird for just a minute?

I saw that - made me wish she'd called the baby Monkey.

― MarkH (MarkH), Sunday, 16 May 2004 10:23 (twenty-two years ago)

keown martin

― ken c (ken c), Sunday, 16 May 2004 10:26 (twenty-two years ago)

no, the next 2 babies really should be called Sand and House.

― MarkH (MarkH), Sunday, 16 May 2004 10:27 (twenty-two years ago)

And what about immigrant children whose cultures assign names that would appear "foreign" and different in the host language?

Pak Yin to thread!

― Markelby (Mark C), Sunday, 16 May 2004 10:34 (twenty-two years ago)

On the other hand, should Apple Martin do a radio show in college, she'd be a fool not to call it "Apple Records."

Until then, I fear for her on the playground.

― mike a, Sunday, 16 May 2004 12:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Or how about Rene Martin?

― Johnney B, Sunday, 16 May 2004 13:29 (twenty-two years ago)

aw mark you remembered

― ken c (ken c), Sunday, 16 May 2004 14:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Chris Martin writes song for baby.

You must read it in order to appreciate the awfulness.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 17 May 2004 21:42 (twenty-two years ago)

*fears, but clicks on link*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 17 May 2004 21:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I’ll be there, thorough the thin and the thick,
I’m gonna clean yup all the poo and the sick,
I’ll be there to make you happy,
And I’ll bring in the bread,
I’ll be the nanny, you can go out instead
And I know you’ll be grumpy that’s what everyone sees,
And you’re not gonna hump me for forty two days,
If you don’t want more babies and you cannot disguise it
Then I’ll take my **** and vasectomise it
I ain't no baddy
I ain't no baddy
Sometime I make you saddy,
I ain't no baddy
I ain't no baddy
I am your baby's daddy,

GROUNDS FOR IMMEDIATE DIVORCE.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 17 May 2004 21:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I mean Jesus H. fucking mcfuckprick on a cockbastard asshole of flaming fuck awfulness that is pure fuck.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 17 May 2004 21:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I think the lyrics are meant to be funny. Kind of like how Coldplay's songs are meant to be good.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 17 May 2004 21:50 (twenty-two years ago)

The George Martin introduction frankly worries me as well. Had I been him:

"Hello, I am George Martin. The four idiots you're about to see should have used baby diapers flung in their face for the rest of eternity."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 17 May 2004 21:51 (twenty-two years ago)

WTF? Was the man puffing or what? He gets paid to write music for a living?

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 17 May 2004 21:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Coldplay recorded the song under the name The Nappies and have even filmed a video for the track.

i hope it'll be the childbirth video!!!!!!!!

eew actually, gaping gwyneth.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 17 May 2004 21:56 (twenty-two years ago)

The real vid is just as painful, Ken.

The real title of this thread? "No amount of therapy will ever make this moment OK."

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 17 May 2004 21:58 (twenty-two years ago)

"Apple is a damn silly name for a baby!"

http://homepage.mac.com/alexinnyc/.cv/alexinnyc/Sites/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2004-05-16%2009.55.42%20-0700/Image-69163132A75911D8.jpg-thumb_140_105.jpg

― Cranky McStinkypants (vassifer), Monday, 17 May 2004 22:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Perhaps they plan to call the second kid Apple as well, so they can be Apples in Stereo.

...or not.

― Always Winter Never Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 17 May 2004 22:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Ned swore!

Is it true that Jermaine Jackson named his kid Jermagesty?
I like some of the celeb kid's names that get teased, for example Satchel, Scout, Rumor, Tigerlily (Fifi Trixiebell I'd like if they dropped the "fifi").
Apples of course brings to mind Peaches (the Geldof spawn not the rock star).

― cuspidorian (cuspidorian), Monday, 17 May 2004 22:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Apple like her mother's apple head. . .

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 17 May 2004 22:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Ned swore!

Come on, wouldn't you under the circumstances?

― martin m. (mushrush), Monday, 17 May 2004 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Would you really take a lawyer named Apple seriously?

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 17 May 2004 22:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Like I take any lawyers seriously...

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 17 May 2004 22:52 (twenty-two years ago)

I just thought of the appropriate song in response to all this -- thank you, Sparks! (It's from the Indiscreet album unless I've completely misremembered.)

Harry, it's good of you to stay
Hear every word I say
And not just duck away

God, these drinks are something warm and watered down
Barkeep, how 'bout some ice
Hey, Harry sit back down
Say, that little thing there's fine from behind

They all look good after three or four,
So drink Harry, drink Harry,
Drink 'til you can't see no more
of anything, no more of anything
Drink Harry, drink Harry, drink 'til you can't see no more

For months, for years,
Tits were once a source of fun and games at home
And now she says, tits are only there to feed our little Joe
So that he'll grow

Harry, it's really rough at home
I've caught her on the phone
Hey, who's that on the phone?
Oh, that's no one dear,
The standard sort of line
Harry, you know me well,
You know that I'm not blind
Hey, you ain't been drinking
Don't you know I'm buying?

They all taste good after three or four
So drink Harry, drink Harry, drink 'til you can't drink no more
of anything, no more of anything
Drink Harry, drink 'til you can't drink no more

How well I know
Tits were only there for fun and games at home
And now she says, tits are only there to feed our little Joe
So that he'll grow

God, the room is spinning round
Hey, drive me home old pal
God, you sure get around
Harry, I know it's you who's breaking up my home
Harry, don't say a word, just drop me off at home
Harry, forgive me Harry, let's have just one more

It's all so good after three or four
It's all so good after three or four
It's all so good after three or four

So let's drink Harry, drink 'til we can't drink no more
of anything, no more of anything
Drink Harry, drink Harry, drink 'til we can't drink no more

How well I know
Tits were once a source of fun and games at home
And now she says, tits are only there to feed our little Joe
So that he'll grow into a man

So let's drink Harry, drink 'til we can't see no more, etc

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 17 May 2004 23:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I think "Ritz Cracker" would have been a sweet name for their child.

― Skottie, Tuesday, 18 May 2004 00:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Cracker alone would have done fine

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 00:34 (twenty-two years ago)

"Coldplay recorded and shot a song about the birth"

They recorded it and then *shot* it? Finally, they get it right!

― Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 08:46 (twenty-two years ago)

oh my god what a fucking monumental twat chris martin is.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 08:58 (twenty-two years ago)

The first one's called Brooklyn because she was conceived in Brooklyn

I have a hard time imagining Posh and Becks anywhere NEAR Brooklyn, much less having enough sex to conceive a child there

― Morley Timmons (Donna Brown), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 16:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe the next Becham child will be called Enol.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

or Penge.

― sgs (sgs), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 16:35 (twenty-two years ago)

six years pass...

I mean Jesus H. fucking mcfuckprick on a cockbastard asshole of flaming fuck awfulness that is pure fuck.
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, May 17, 2004 2:47 PM (6 years ago)

Ned displays a firmness of mind here that we can only faintly hope to match in our own daily lives.

― Aimless, Wednesday, 9 February 2011 02:26 (fifteen years ago)

Too kind of you.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 9 February 2011 03:32 (fifteen years ago)

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