100 Secret Shames! [Do not read if you hate PRIDE, GREED, ENVY, LUST, GLUTTONY, SLOTH and ANGER]

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1) The other day I masturbated into an empty bag of Tostidos because I din't have anything else handy and I didn't want to get up. :(((( It is still in my trash.

― NICK CAVE AND THE BAD SEEDS REMIND YOU THAT ZERO IS ALSO A NUMBER (ex machina), Saturday, 15 May 2004 19:59 (twenty-two years ago)

2)I laughed at your post

― de, Saturday, 15 May 2004 20:03 (twenty-two years ago)

i took a crap in the shower once. I smushed it down the drain with my feet - it was like stomping grapes!!!

― ARL (Adrian Langston), Saturday, 15 May 2004 20:05 (twenty-two years ago)

is this a desperate attempt at beating the euro"vision" thread?

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Saturday, 15 May 2004 20:08 (twenty-two years ago)

3) i sometimes still enjoy posting to ilx

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 15 May 2004 20:12 (twenty-two years ago)

4) i have left a can full of urine sit on a desk for more than a day

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 15 May 2004 20:13 (twenty-two years ago)

5) i once wore the same shirt for 19 days

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 15 May 2004 20:13 (twenty-two years ago)

6) In middle school I jerked off in the back of the bus on the way home from soccer practice.

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Saturday, 15 May 2004 20:17 (twenty-two years ago)

7) jacked off in a taco bell once

― ARL (Adrian Langston), Saturday, 15 May 2004 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

8) When spooning with my wife I prefer to be the "inside" of the spoon.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Saturday, 15 May 2004 20:25 (twenty-two years ago)

(PRIDE, GREED, ENVY, LUST, GLUTTONY, SLOTH and ANGER still 66 posts behind the euro"vision" thread shokah)

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Saturday, 15 May 2004 20:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh yeah and since you guys seem to be into Masturbating Into Things, here is the best story of MIT follies I've ever read.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Saturday, 15 May 2004 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I do #8 too

― NICK CAVE AND THE BAD SEEDS REMIND YOU THAT ZERO IS ALSO A NUMBER (ex machina), Saturday, 15 May 2004 20:55 (twenty-two years ago)

9.) I read past the sixth paragraph of that MIT story Dan posted, even though I knew what was coming next.

I third #8. I don' t even have a wife.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Saturday, 15 May 2004 22:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan's wife is ok by me. OH A DISS!

― NICK CAVE AND THE BAD SEEDS REMIND YOU THAT ZERO IS ALSO A NUMBER (ex machina), Saturday, 15 May 2004 22:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh no you didn't!

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Saturday, 15 May 2004 22:35 (twenty-two years ago)

10) I just drank half a jar of salsa because I was out of chips. I think proceded to lick the sides of the jar which left my chin sticky like a messy cunnilingus session.

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Saturday, 15 May 2004 22:38 (twenty-two years ago)

11) I got my double red wings last night :(((((

12) I refused to sell a sketchy female friend of mine $DRUGS$ for way more money than they're worth because I wanted to see her make a pass at me (even though I wouldn't act on it).

― NICK CAVE AND THE BAD SEEDS REMIND YOU THAT ZERO IS ALSO A NUMBER (ex machina), Saturday, 15 May 2004 22:42 (twenty-two years ago)

13.) That I would perform cunnilingus more often if it tasted like salsa.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Saturday, 15 May 2004 22:56 (twenty-two years ago)

How do they get to be double red wings?

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 16 May 2004 00:10 (twenty-two years ago)

There are some things...that HUMANITY...was not MEANT TO KNOW

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Sunday, 16 May 2004 00:11 (twenty-two years ago)

"i woke up and i was bleeding from the ass..."

― the surface noise of psychotic badassery (electricsound), Sunday, 16 May 2004 00:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Double Red Wings = oral on the rag. :((((

― 24 hours with the King of Snake. (SNAKE!) (ex machina), Sunday, 16 May 2004 00:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought that was just red wings.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 16 May 2004 00:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Ohhh, but that's for the....ok, never mind.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 16 May 2004 00:50 (twenty-two years ago)

14) Picking my belly-button and smelling my finger.

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Sunday, 16 May 2004 01:06 (twenty-two years ago)

15) not showering for as long as possible just to see what interesting smells my body could produce...

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Sunday, 16 May 2004 01:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm not going to post any of the things I'm really ashamed of.

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Sunday, 16 May 2004 01:11 (twenty-two years ago)

There's not enough space.

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Sunday, 16 May 2004 01:11 (twenty-two years ago)

16) I like to rim girls and I don't care if they don't like it.

― Bryan (Bryan), Sunday, 16 May 2004 01:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think anyone is posting things that are particularly shameful, it's all crap like "I pick my nose."

Oh. Xpost.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 16 May 2004 01:13 (twenty-two years ago)

17) See 16.

― 24 hours with the King of Snake. (SNAKE!) (ex machina), Sunday, 16 May 2004 01:45 (twenty-two years ago)

we knew that already, jon.

at least i did.

can i talk about your penchant for little kids?

― Ian Johnson (orion), Sunday, 16 May 2004 01:47 (twenty-two years ago)

18. Fine, roxy. When I was sixteen I sucked myself off successfully, and another time I put a carrot in my ass.

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Sunday, 16 May 2004 01:48 (twenty-two years ago)

That's more like it!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 16 May 2004 01:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Is 19 considered a "little kid"?

― 24 hours with the King of Snake. (SNAKE!) (ex machina), Sunday, 16 May 2004 01:49 (twenty-two years ago)

*COUGH*NICOLE*COUGH*

― Ian Johnson (orion), Sunday, 16 May 2004 01:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I second that.

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Sunday, 16 May 2004 01:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I didn't know! Anyway, that has been discussed to death!

― 24 hours with the King of Snake. (SNAKE!) (ex machina), Sunday, 16 May 2004 02:19 (twenty-two years ago)

haha. whatever, bro, i'd hit that shit too.

― Ian Johnson (orion), Sunday, 16 May 2004 02:20 (twenty-two years ago)

okay. here's a pictoral shame, cuz I've shared enough embarrassing moments typographically and the visuals might be more informative:

http://www.ziploc.com/i/hdr_doubleguardbags.gif

http://www.givingtreeonline.com/boxspringcover340.jpg

http://www.coldbacon.com/pics/vaseline.jpg

http://img.epinions.com/images/opti/82/a9/Sharp_Carousel_Microwave_Oven_R216FS_Microwaves-resized200.jpg

http://www.jbpub.com/sexuality/images/book_cover.jpg

= (19.)

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Sunday, 16 May 2004 03:18 (twenty-two years ago)

oh lord

― the surface noise of psychotic badassery (electricsound), Sunday, 16 May 2004 03:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh god, it took me a moment but EEEW!

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Sunday, 16 May 2004 03:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I once tried get myself off using a shoe buffing machine. But the true shame from this is the fact that I've mentioned this on ILX before.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 16 May 2004 05:39 (twenty-two years ago)

eight months pass...

I have nasturbated 13 times in a single day

― Reviewer: Sir Potomus (Washington, DC) - See all my reviews (ex machina), Saturday, 29 January 2005 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

In college, I made out with a girl in her bed. Her boyfriend was lying next to her, passed out from a few too many drinks.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Saturday, 29 January 2005 22:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, the title says "shame."

― Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Sunday, 30 January 2005 00:32 (twenty-one years ago)

nasturbated!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 30 January 2005 01:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, the title says "shame."

The shame was that both of 'em were good friends of mine at the time.
They invited me over for dinner and, well, much libation was partaken of. Oh, and I had a girlfriend at the time...

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Sunday, 30 January 2005 03:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, I tore the shit out of this thread.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Sunday, 30 January 2005 03:26 (twenty-one years ago)

i still don't even get your riddle.

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Sunday, 30 January 2005 03:40 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't either!

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Sunday, 30 January 2005 03:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I wish I didn't.

― Patrick Allan (adr), Sunday, 30 January 2005 03:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I cheated on my first college girlfriend with two of her roomates at the same time. I was ashamed of it for about ten minutes. Then I got some perspective.

― Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Sunday, 30 January 2005 07:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Most of the things I'm actually ashamed of involve copious amounts of alcohol. I once blacked out, broke a girl's record player in the course of my staggering, and tried to start a fight with her boyfriend. In her house, of course. That was a bad morning after.

― Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Sunday, 30 January 2005 07:48 (twenty-one years ago)

jer's riddle is barelty a rideel

― Reviewer: Sir Potomus (Washington, DC) - See all my reviews (ex machina), Sunday, 30 January 2005 07:51 (twenty-one years ago)

seriously!

― Remy (x Jeremy), Sunday, 30 January 2005 07:53 (twenty-one years ago)

ok but why is the microwave there?

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Sunday, 30 January 2005 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

When I have sex I usually come later than the girl I'm with, if I come at all, and sometimes the girls just get bored of me keeping on humping them, and roll on to their other side.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 30 January 2005 16:06 (twenty-one years ago)

The microwave is to warm up the whole nasty confection. You know, so it'll be warm.

ew.

― Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Sunday, 30 January 2005 16:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I get everything except the second pic... What is it that Remy puts inside the bag?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 30 January 2005 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Here it is, guys... you get some saran wrap or a baggie, fill it with vaseline, warm it in the microwave, put it between the matress and the box spring, and plug away at it.

― Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Sunday, 30 January 2005 16:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh. I thought he put something inside the bag, lubricated it with vaseline and shoved it up his ass...

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 30 January 2005 16:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Please, please, let's refer to this as 'did' and not 'does.'

― Remy (x Jeremy), Sunday, 30 January 2005 16:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I have Tuomas' problem and it is a bit of a secret shame - it's better than coming way too quick tho'.

― Raw Patrick (Raw Patrick), Sunday, 30 January 2005 16:27 (twenty-one years ago)

two months pass...

Right now my trashcan has:

one pizza box
about a dozen empty plastic iced coffee cups
one plastic iced coffee cups filled with semen, blood, condoms

― absolutego (ex machina), Monday, 4 April 2005 18:04 (twenty-one years ago)

one year passes...

i wiped my ass with coffee filters for 2 weeks because i was out of toilet paper. now my toilets clogged so im moving this week - without mentioning the toilet.

― Justin (chuckaroo), Monday, 12 June 2006 03:38 (twenty years ago)

I believe that is called a Venetian coffee.

― registered ratty (registered ratty), Monday, 12 June 2006 05:54 (twenty years ago)

I've wiped my ass with a menstrual pad because there was no paper.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 12 June 2006 17:07 (twenty years ago)

I once made out with an ilxor I later discovered is quite likely my cousin.

― mummy wrapped in bacon (nickalicious), Monday, 12 June 2006 17:09 (twenty years ago)

ass wiper thread DUD!

― schanden (ritual), Monday, 12 June 2006 17:09 (twenty years ago)

i farted over 30 times last night and told TEHRZA about it

― lord pooperton (ex machina), Monday, 12 June 2006 17:10 (twenty years ago)

You kept count?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 12 June 2006 17:11 (twenty years ago)

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