How often do you... you know... do a poo?

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Well? This is the thread were we talk about the frequency of our bowel movements.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 05:58 (twenty-two years ago)

depends on what I've been eating.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 06:21 (twenty-two years ago)

i have no idea.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 06:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Oops OTM. I once read that you should be doing it, like, twice a day, and I thought to myself that there's no way I poop that often, but then I started paying attention I'm pretty sure I noticed that I DID make poo on that schedule.

― Aaron A., Tuesday, 18 May 2004 06:34 (twenty-two years ago)

i just spat lime flavoured milk all over my monitor!

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 06:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm on a poo sabbatical right now, sort of like a hunger strike except far more painful.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 06:40 (twenty-two years ago)

It's a variation on tantric sex of sorts, actually.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 06:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Does you're roomate do this too?

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 06:49 (twenty-two years ago)

It should actually be once a day. Your poo should also be light-brown, firm, float,... and if I remember well weigh about 200 grams. hahaha Like you would weigh yer poo!

― jesus nathalie (nathalie), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 06:52 (twenty-two years ago)

we all know that, given the right hat, she'll do anything.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 06:53 (twenty-two years ago)

haha yeah only idiots weigh their poop! measuring how much water is displaced by one's poop is how the gentleman gets a good sense of how much solid waste he eliminates.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 06:55 (twenty-two years ago)

GOD: AND WHAT, MY SON, DO YOU OFFER MY MEMORY, MY GRACE, BY WAY OF TRIBUTE?

MAN OF EARTH: My Lord! We have slaved many long years and constructed a technology so that man may talk to man, wherever he may be upon your Earth, black man to white man and white man to yellow man and all shades in between.
We have un-writ Babel's legacy and can henceforth whisper word of you through the ether, forever and ever, Amen.

GOD: AND WHAT, OH FAITHFUL SUBJECT, HAVE YOU DONE WITH THIS CREATION, SECOND ONLY TO MINE OWN IN MAGNIFICENCE?

MAN OF EARTH: *looks sheepish*

― mei (mei), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 06:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Float? I thought floating poo meant that your diet was too greasy (i.e. fast food, etc).

I ususally go about twice a day - first thing in the morning, and at some point throughout the day.

For some reason I thought this was a Ken C thread...

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 06:57 (twenty-two years ago)

mei OTM.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 07:00 (twenty-two years ago)

judging from the events of THAT DREAD DAY I'm not sure she's capable of completing a poo in the proper manner anymore.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 07:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I poo at least three times a day. Am I dying?!

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 07:40 (twenty-two years ago)

The amount I go varies considerably. It seems to depend on what shift I'm working as well for some reason..... I've got a bad habit of 'holding on' till I get to the comfort and privacy of my own house. Sometimes by the time I get there the 'sensation' is gone and I forget that I needed to shite in the first place.

Oh, and I've got a weird habit - I can't go in a public toilet if there are other people in unless I put my fingers in my ears... this goes for pee and poo.

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 09:19 (twenty-two years ago)

on average, 4.5 times a week. filthy business.

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 09:23 (twenty-two years ago)

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:-ow-_Zj4xJwJ:ejmas.com/pt/morgan/bench1.jpg

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 09:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Rumpy I know what you mean, maybe not in a public toilet if someone walks in but if you've made eye contact with the person then yes I'd have to cover my ears too. When I was temping in the bank in January, I was talking to the boss and I went to use the toilet, he was in the next cubicle and CONTINUED THE CONVERSATION THROUGHOUT. weirdo.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 09:26 (twenty-two years ago)

"So if you can dump those forms on my desk before you go we can relax more and concentrate on squeezing out the problems with the log, I expect a solid performance from you Ronan - I don't want to see you fall between two stools....you shit"

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 09:30 (twenty-two years ago)

thankfully he did NOT say that

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 09:32 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah what it does it mean if it sinks?

unfortunately when I go is determined by a schedule of bells every 50 minutes. the only times I have enough time to sit and take care of that business is during my off period or lunch. today I have no off period. :(

at home, who knows.

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 13:03 (twenty-two years ago)

anyone ever stood up to find NOTHING there? i.e. it not only sank but actually shot off round the U-Bend like a bullet? Ghostdumping - the new Olympic sport?

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 13:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh yeah, I've done my fair share of invisible shites, it's especially spooky if your ass wipes clean first time and there's no smell....(Did I? Didn't I?)

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 13:31 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah put that in your pipe and smoke it Mulder

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 13:38 (twenty-two years ago)

poo: POO

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 13:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I make boom 1-2 times a day.

― Spinktor, Tuesday, 18 May 2004 13:43 (twenty-two years ago)

it all depends what you eat. greasy foods make your poo float. meat gives you the so solid poo. hot foods give you RBM.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 13:45 (twenty-two years ago)

When I get up, usually between 9.00 and 10.00. And again at about 5.00-5.30pm. It's a bit of a running joke in the office, people always know it's nearly home-time when they see me heading for the loo.

it all depends what you eat. greasy foods make your poo float. meat gives you the so solid poo. hot foods give you RBM.

Anyone know what makes it go yellowish then? It's happened to me a couple of times, but I've not been able to put my finger on the cause.

― JimD (JimD), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 14:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Jim, that speech is so riddled with cliches (sorry). Not really sure what causes yellow kak, maybe something to do with bile? I betcha I'm wrong but bile is yellow (at least when you spew it up) so perhaps...

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 14:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Same schedule as JimD: within 10 minutes of waking up, regardless of the time, and then around 9:00 pm at night.

I'm a vegetarian and mine float all the time; I think it's the loftiness of fiber. Sometimes I have to stuff extra tissue in the toilet to avoid "floating jobbies" as Billy Connelly would call them.

― Psychokitty, Tuesday, 18 May 2004 15:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Eww, the little beige jobbie that isn't yours....

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 15:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks to the modern wonders of prunes, once a day, about 35 minutes after I wake up.

― Leeefuse 73 (Leee), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 22:37 (twenty-two years ago)

nothing the toilet paper = classic
butt wipes = classicer

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 22:44 (twenty-two years ago)

about every 14 hours, adjusting for sleep.

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 22:48 (twenty-two years ago)

It's a bit of a running joke in the office

"running joke"

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 05:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I have no idea - I don't keep a log.

― Kerry (dymaxia), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 13:52 (twenty-two years ago)

that israeli funny kerry!

― teeny (teeny), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 13:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I actually really like the log joke.

In America, though, people don't "do" a poo at all. They "take" one.

― chuck, Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Does coffee affect anybody else's schedule? I take a morning poo approximately half-way through my morning coffee regardless of when I start drinking said coffee. If for some reason I don't have coffee in the morning, I won't take my first poo until well after lunch usually.

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks to Al for this:

http://vunct.com/~walkingcarpet/0518040324.jpg

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Where do Americans take a poo too, Chuck?

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:53 (twenty-two years ago)

martin, this is one of the main reasons I don't drink coffee.

Nick, we drop them off at the pool.

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 15:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Uergh! Uergh! Uergh!

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 16:00 (twenty-two years ago)

it's a euphemism nick, "dropping the kids off at the pool"

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

martin, this is one of the main reasons I don't drink coffee.

Man I would drop a busload of kids off on a thousand mile route of pools every day before I stopped drinking coffee.

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I am sick of the differences between Britain and America.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:31 (twenty-two years ago)

unite us one ronan! you can be the new king!!

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh my God WHY do Americans have so much water in their toilets? I've been meaning to ask that ever since I got back. I find it very unnerving. The flush mechanisms are far superior however, no I didn't test them out with Dundee Cake.

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:34 (twenty-two years ago)

taking seems technically incorrect - what are we taking exactly?

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

damn you Steve!

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

we also say 'taking a bath/shower' do you think this is incorrect as well?

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh my God WHY do Americans have so much water in their toilets

Because the dog needs a source of fresh water.

― Kerry (dymaxia), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 17:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh my God WHY do Americans have so much water in their toilets

Our turds are huge.

― Spinktor, Wednesday, 19 May 2004 18:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh my God WHY do Americans have so much water in their toilets

We're a bunch of wasteful mutherfuckers.

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 18:01 (twenty-two years ago)

California and other places with water supply problems have switched to low-volume toilets. Here in Chicago we like to show off our over-abundance of water.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 18:03 (twenty-two years ago)

german toilets have a little poo platform for poo analyzing purposes

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 18:04 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.spies.com/~scott/misc/toilet.htm

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 18:04 (twenty-two years ago)

OMG, cutty, you're so fast.... x post German toilets used to be notorious (in the US) for having very little water, but a very large, er, I don't know, SHELF for examining the evidence. Which would require cleaning after each use. YECH!!! There seem to be fewer and fewer of those these days, however.

― Skottie, Wednesday, 19 May 2004 18:06 (twenty-two years ago)

are you serious about the platform??

when there's not enough water, it can get dirty.

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 18:14 (twenty-two years ago)

i am quite serious, there is a link you can click on to see how serious the situation is.

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 18:15 (twenty-two years ago)

i just did. i am horrified and bewildered.

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

It's true, Sam. Weird and disgusting. But with the building boom in Germany in the last 10 years, there are more and more "normal" toilets. Also, even Italy and Greece have modernized to a surprising degree.

― Skottie, Wednesday, 19 May 2004 18:21 (twenty-two years ago)

having grown up with shallow water toilets (UK etc), i actually prefer the deep American style, for 2 reasons:
1. less smell, cos it goes deeper (unless you got a floater)
2. because the water is closer to your butt, your turd slips in, rather than splashes in. Therefore: less chance of butt splashing.

― paulhw (paulhw), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 18:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Despite having spent huge gobs of time in both the UK and US, I have never noticed this difference.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Someone needs to start a band called Sitzpinkel

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

some toilets in the UK have large water volume but it is not common thankfully - i think i fear it because i once happened across a floater in one of those. paulhw makes a good point about splashing though. i can't believe how much i have contributed to this disgusting topic.

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 21:09 (twenty-two years ago)

hehehe, huge gobs ...

― Skottie, Wednesday, 19 May 2004 21:13 (twenty-two years ago)

but there's less water to possibly splash up! the question is if the lower amount of water fully compensates for the greater water-to-buttcheek distance.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 21:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Also - do British people have droopier butts?

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 21:15 (twenty-two years ago)

no we maintain a stiff upper butt at all times, although we endearingly refer to it as the arse

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 21:16 (twenty-two years ago)

adam we are trying to have a serious discussion about shitting. please take your silly hollyganoosh elsewhere.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 21:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Few things are more disgusting/disturbing than gastric distress on a German toilet, and for everyone's sake I will not elaborate.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 21:16 (twenty-two years ago)

i can't wait to go to somewhere in the Southern hemisphere to see the water flushing the wrong way round btw

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 21:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan, OTM

― Skottie, Wednesday, 19 May 2004 21:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I just can't wait for the day when I no longer have to worry about doing all this myself, when sweet death creeps up upon me and a machine will take care of my refuse removal for me whilst I read a battered copy of Popular Mechanics.

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 21:20 (twenty-two years ago)

if you are having small pellet poos the closer to butt high volume toilets makes you prone to butt splashing.

in toilets where there is a bigger gap between bum and water one can float a couple of squares of toilet paper on the water to break the fall and thus avoid the splash.

always here to help

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 21:22 (twenty-two years ago)

"small pellet poos"

― TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! TMI! (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 21:22 (twenty-two years ago)

did djperry just say "TMI"???

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Tell More Intricately

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 23:46 (twenty-two years ago)

"it all depends what you eat. greasy foods make your poo float. meat gives you the so solid poo."

I don't know about that. I used to have a roomie who ate strictly vegetarian, whole-grain, high-fiber diet. Man did his shit float. I'd walk into the bathroom and there every morning would be a small fleet of eagerly bobbing shredded wheat turds to greet me. Their buoyancy was remarkable. I'd flush them away but after a few seconds, sure enough, they'd find their way and bounce to the surface. WTF? Sometimes it took three or four flushes to get rid of them. This roomie was otherwise quite a nice chap and all, but I soon grew to consider this floaty-turd condition as a great character weakness of his.

― Collardio Gelatinous (collardio), Thursday, 20 May 2004 03:32 (twenty-two years ago)

What is the experience relating to, uh, 'looser' movements on German toilets? Isn't that kinda, 'splashy'? Also, I lived in Berlin when I was a kid and never noticed this shelf thing. But I left when I was 5 and don't remember much before I was 20, so...

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Thursday, 20 May 2004 03:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Ken sure knows a lot about poo.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Thursday, 20 May 2004 04:04 (twenty-two years ago)

The German diet doesn't lend itself to liquishit. No Taco Bells to contaminate their bodies.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 20 May 2004 04:18 (twenty-two years ago)

roxy sounds a lil turned on there.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 20 May 2004 04:25 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread is so great. PS. I am never going to Germany.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 20 May 2004 07:34 (twenty-two years ago)

my knowledge of poo is irresistable, everytime i go to germany girls will queue up to ask me to examine their poo in the faint hope that they may have landed the perfect round pellet of poo, the sight of which would make me fall in love with their bunny-like nature.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 20 May 2004 07:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Just cos the poo like bunnies doesn't mean they- oh, to hell with it.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 20 May 2004 08:19 (twenty-two years ago)

one can float a couple of squares of toilet paper on the water to break the fall

Yes! the pap baffle! Also useful for avoiding unpleasant sploshy sound effects when you find yourself in a loo slightly too close to the rest of the poeple you're visiting.

http://tinyurl.com/2w5sx

― JimD (JimD), Thursday, 20 May 2004 09:07 (twenty-two years ago)

"Schweinhund! Sitzpinkel!"

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Friday, 21 May 2004 01:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Do not overlook the fact that poo not submerged in water smells 10000x more potently.

― Leeefuse 73 (Leee), Friday, 21 May 2004 05:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Then how come when you fart in the bath it smells so nasty?

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Friday, 21 May 2004 05:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I really have to get around to going under a slightly more anonymous login name...

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Friday, 21 May 2004 05:11 (twenty-two years ago)

seven years pass...

not poo. pee

i seem to be going 10 times a day lately, its worrying me.

― Summer Slam! (Ste), Saturday, 14 January 2012 19:34 (fourteen years ago)

Nutrition and lifestyle in relation to bowel movement frequency: a cross-sectional study of 20630 men and women in EPIC-Oxford.

Women had fewer bowel movements on average than men, and were less likely to have daily bowel movements. Mean bowel movement frequency (per week) was higher in vegetarians (10.5 in men, 9.1 in women) and especially in vegans (11.6 in men, 10.5 in women) compared with participants who ate meat (9.5 in men, 8.2 in women). There were also significant positive associations between bowel movement frequency and body mass index (BMI), intakes of dietary fibre and non-alcoholic fluids, for both men and women. Vigorous exercise was positively associated with bowel movement frequency in women although results for men were less clear. Alcohol intake was positively associated with bowel movement frequency in men but not in women.

As a heavy drinking male vegan, I can confirm these results.

― I want them to be better. (Sanpaku), Saturday, 14 January 2012 20:54 (fourteen years ago)

This post is an example of why polls were instituted. Makes you think, doesn't it?

― Aimless, Saturday, 14 January 2012 21:14 (fourteen years ago)

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