Break-up!!! Need Help!!!

why does he have to break up with you to lose weight?

Every time he fucks her she gives him a bit of cake?

I know that when we broke up I said that I wanted time on my own and a whole lot of other stuff that I sort of meant at the time, but really those were stalling tactics. I wanted to get out of the relationship and cause him as little hurt as I possibly could along the way.

My advice would be similar to others. Be gracious. Accept what you're told with as much dignity as you can. But remember that you don't have to hang around and listen to any excuses once the breakup words are said, and you certainly don't need to try to let him know that you're okay and this is not a problem. Get in, get it done, get out, have a friend standing by to provide backup.

You will get over it, especially if both of you are mature enough and have enough regard for each other not to cause extra hurt. My ex is now in a very happy relationship too, and he and I are cordial if not exactly close.

The first few months of a new relationship can be pretty intense, but it can't last that way indefinitely. Cool things down a bit, don't smother him, don't insist on seeing him all the time .... carry on dating each other, and just have fun. Perhaps if he is missing his other friends etc, it might be worth you taking up a new hobby or making time for your own neglected friends so that you have things of your own to do.

Anyway, here is what I said:

mandee: well, I think he will break up with me because he may feel that I will want to see him when he is wanting to lose weight and he may feel bad trying to lose weight and not seeing me hence he might just end it for that matter. His weight has always been as issue for the last year even though he is not fat at all. He never has been.

Sick Mouthy: first post very funny lol. second post very true.

CJ: again yeah, thank you. On that point, he was the one who started coming to mine all of the time and on sunday, I was cool about it. About not seeing each other all of the time. I understand what you are saying.

Anonaswell: sorry for what happened and thanks so much for advice.

yetanotheranonposter: as anonaswell, thank you.

To all, thank you so so much. I know I am gonna bore you all so so much but please keep advising me. Here is our texts just before this post.

Him: 7:20 i bet u r watchin emmerdale the now, wot r u up 2? still playin with urself or u still tidyin up? luv * xxxxx

Me: watchin it aye and eatin and fiddlin with myself lol. a woman of wonders. Just call me superwoman. wot u up to? kisses and cuddlesxx

Him: 7:25 just doin studyin, guess wot i got brians mob numba. u done ne studyin? im going to have to go in firts fing tommoz is dat ok? luv * xxx

Me: yeah dat is fine but are you gonna go home and study afterwards or do something? cos I dont wanna go up for just half an hr. dont get me wrong, will be gr8 to c u as always and get a big cuddle and some kisses. no not studying lol. cant. luv *xx

Him: 7:44 well i was thinkin we cud do sumthin afterwards don know yet though so r u goin to cum in den? luv * xxxx

me: of course yeah. even if we go to the library to study. just didn't wanna go up for just a short short time thats all. luv *xx

Sorry about this. please keep giving me your opinion of the situation and of what you think. I am so appreciative. thank you. I will also keep you posted.

Plus he puts kisses in his messages = you might be worying over nothing; I don't even do that in messages to my girlfriend.

I'm betting nothing will happen, and you may be overthinking it. And even if something does happen, don't overthink about it afterwards.

Maybe he's just stressed with work or exams or something, and you're reading too much into all of this?

Seriously, get the upper hand and beat him to it. You're not happy because of what he's doing, and after all this you never will be. So call him now and dump him, and take control. Do it nicely but, so it's easier for everyone.

Either he's back with his ex, or he's being a prick by making it his ex's name. Either way, I'd dump him.

It really does look like the guy needs space. Obviously you are very attached to each other but from what I can tell, this conversation is a note for note rendition of me and my ex's texts.

Her: Do you want to meet up?
Me: Yes, but not now.
Her: Ok, when?
Me: I dunno, I'll tell you when. Sorry, I'm really busy right now/I am meeting a friend/I don't know what I'm doing in the next 24 hours.
Her: Right okay. Look, I kind of want to know because I want to see you and I want to spend time with you.
Me: Ok, how about tomorrow afternoon?

The problem is I do genuinely want to see her, but being cajoled into it can be frustrating and being forced to make a plan to meet someone you see all the time anyway can be very awkward if one is busy. I guess one could have accused me of being non-commital or not planning ahead enough but I figure that since we see each other on a day-to-day basis, there shouldn't really be a need to plan and stick little windows in our schedules for each other. This is especially true if one or both of you are going through a busy period such as exams because having to make plans and appointments can act as an extra burden to an already stressful time.

In the above conversation, she would get frustrated because I won't tell her when I can see her. I, on the other hand get annoyed that I am being made to make a decision when I am clearly quite busy. Obviously the above conversation is very diluted and sometimes there could be a degree of reserved anymosity in the messages we sent.

What I'm saying here is, assuming that you are not getting dumped, please please give him some space and don't put all your resources into wanting to see him or making arrangements to see him because at the end of the day you will see each other without having to do this and he won't feel like you are dragging him away from other commitments in which he would normally participate. No matter how much you love someone, it's a terrible feeling to have to sacrifice work, study, family and friends because "the wife wants a night in" - if you see what I mean. Of course, you have to find a balance, I'm not saying you shouldn't have nights in - just respect that he has a life outside of you as well as with you.

Cor, that was a bit epic and I'm not sure I explained that very well - sorry, I'm at work and it's quite hard to write properly about this kind of thing.

Sterling: thanks for the sympathy

PYRA: well, I totally know what you are saying. It's just so difficult to even think about this. Anyway, I was speaking to him lastnight and I explained how I was feeling. He assured me everything was fine and that I was being so stupud. Second post: exactly!!! thank you.

Barry: Well, I have always found expressing my feelings difficult. God, of course I love the guy. I wouldn't be so worried if I didn't. Thank you for the support.
Trayce: Well, there was reason for looking at this in the first name. All of his passwords have always been the same one. As have mine which he also knows. We both have known each others passwords. Anyway, like I think I said before, he was getting texts from her, wanting to be his friend. I asked him if he was gonna be friends with her. He says he can't because of what happened when they were together. He said things have changed and they have moved on and they are a thing well in the past. But he has been texting her back lately and he has been hiding things such as chatting to other girls on the net (he used to do this, which I already knew about). He didn't have to hide it from me. The fact that he changed his password in the first place (why?) and to his ex's (WHY?!?!) is a bit of a concern when we knew each others in the first place. Maybe I was insecure. Maybe that's the problem.

Dog latin: ok. To be honest with you I am giving his space and I haven't been the one not letting him do what he wants. I am not a control freak. He has been out numerous times with friends (and his cousin's friend has liked him for a long time but I've not made a big deal of this) and I wouldn't stop him from doing this. God, I'd never do that. Everyone needs a life. At the start of the relationship he kept coming down to me and it all became a routine where we'd go to uni together and end up going to each others home etc. It just carried on and on. I don't phone him all the time and ask him about when to meet and everything. I wait for him to phone because I don't want to feel as though I am stopping him from doing whatever he wants and not giving him space and also I don't want to feel as though I am running after him. And also, it's up to him when he wants us to see each other i.e. he's got to ask me first i.e. giving him space but he does phone me all of the time. I could go on more about this but I might just be repeating myself. Thanks so much for the advice. Very appreciated.

Sick Mouthy: thank you.

TODAY: Well, after last night, after seeing the password, well, I phoned him but I wasn't upset. Whether I am terribly trembling inside or not I try not to show all of my feelings, I don't want to act erratically (is that the right word to use?) Anyway, he asked why I was at my sister's. I said I couldn't study, that my mind was on things. He asked what was wrong. I said I will tell you after. I phoned to be clear on what was happeneing today when we were gonna meet up if we were still gonna. I wanted to tell him face to face I guess. He has had a surprise planned for me a while, what it is I don't know, but anyway, I said I would tell him if he gave me a clue to the surprise and I promised I would tell him. He told me that the surprise will come in the next 28 days as word came through the post (no idea what it is). So I let him know (but not the ex gf thing). And like I said, he was telling me that I was being a worrier and where did I get that idea from, that I thought he wanted to break up.

Well today? I didn't see him. On the phone he sounded terrible and he has been talking to me normally: no hesitation; no nervousness. Not only that, I have a good sense of when someone is lying and I feel absolutely confident that he wasn't lying when he said I was worrying over nothing about today. He sounded so ill. Furthermore, he never has been an early riser hence he went back to his bed after I phoned this morning to make sure he was still going in. I didn't want to make the journey for nothing. I told him not to worry about it. That was at 9am. He phoned me at 1:30pm, he did sound terrible and said that he didn't think he would be going out tonight. I told him to wait and see how he feels.

He phoned me about a half hour ago. We were speaking normally as usual, no difficultness or awkwardness: just normal. He says he was just gonna go out in a little while. He told me that he will have his phone if I need to contact him (not that I am or would at present moment). He has always called me when he has been out at all hours in the morning. I didn't tell him to do this. It's just something he has always done.

So, I will wait and see what happens. However, I am not going to call him to even see about meeting him tomorrow or going to his after our exams. He has got to ask me. I don't know if he will by the fact that he is getting ready to go out and will be back late and we have an exam early morning, hence no time to make arrangements. Even if he phones in the early hours of the morning, I'm not gonna ask to meet. If I don't see him tomorrow I don't see him. I am putting the ball in his court.

About the ex texting situation? A couple of days after seeing him I am gonna say about it. Say about how close we are and how we should never have to hide anything from each other therefore be honest and say how I feel about the situation. The password thing? My dad was very unhappy with it. My dad and bf have always had a good relationship, possibly better than what he has with his own dad but he wasn't happy. This, I will sort out in my own way, not by saying about it directly and so obviously. I'm not sure about saying anything about the password thing. I just don't understand it. Like Trayce said, maybe he did change it cause he thought I was snooping around or something but like I said, we always have known each others passwords. However, I did think that maybe he used this name because maybe I wouldn't think he'd do something as such as to use his ex's name, hence not see his pics. But I don't want to be making excuses and I am not excusing what I did. What I mean by that is finding out the password.

I would like to say thank you once again and I am still gonna keep posting and checking to see what you are all saying. Thanks so much. You don't know how much I appreciate it. I think I may be putting some people off by the big posts I am posting. Sorry about that too. Just a confused woman, that's all. Thanks.

...and really stresses the fact how important it is to love oneself and be comfortable and confident in oneself than anyone else -- which is very healthy.

That doesn't necessarily make the tenuous parts of cracking relationships completely painless, but that attitude can certainly make it less painful.