Unpopular celebrities - and do they even know if they're just shit or not?

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Jamie Oliver: Awright matey boy!! 'Owse about this deal with the new Sainsbury's campaign eh?

Agent: Well Jamie, I meant to speak to you about that...

Jamie Oliver: Yes mate, go for it - pukka!

Agent: *Harrumph*, Well I'm afraid they rang, Jamie, and well... Your contract isn't being renewed.

Jamie Oily Liver: Never mind, I've got that new series startin' on Channel 4 in October. I'd better get cracking on that! Nice!

Agent: Well, um.. I'm afraid that's not going through either, Jamie.

Jammy Olivier: Wha..?

Agent: I tried, Jamie, I really did, it's just that C4 recently polled everyone on the electoral role and, well to be honest... everyone on it described you as "a bit of a twat".

Jamaroquai's Olives: You're 'avin a larf, arent'cha? Everybody loves me! I'm the cheeky Essex posterboy of whackin' things in ovens! Nice one bruv!

Agent: Well, one old lady from Egham did say that you're "very sweet".

Jaded Golfer: Aw, bless 'er the ol' dear. I'll go visit 'er on my scooter this afternoon. Maybe I can pretend she's my dear ol' luvly mother in for next ad...

Agent: There won't be a "next ad" Jamie! Everybody in the country thinks you're a fat-tongued twat with no salivic gland control (their words not mine). Don't you even read the papers?!

Jamboree Olligopoly: Fat tongued twat?! Wha? The only thing I read is my cook books. BUFFALLO MOZTHARELLA! Nice!

Agent: And please, please quit it with that outrageous Estuary accent - everyone knows you're really a posh bastard! Look, don't tell me you haven't heard the fat-tongue thing? I mean look at you - you're slobbering like the dog out of Turner and Hooch!

Jolly Cadaver: It adds flavour to me grub! It's a trademark!

Agent: Look, to be honest you're just not cute enough to be on telly anymore. You've put on weight, your hair's a fucking disgrace, and to be fair, your wife isn't THAT fit after all is she? Plus she's got a man's name.
Look, here's proof - Sarah, 20 from Croydon: I used to think he was fit but I think I must've been on drugs or somethink; Michael, 34 from Peckham: What a wanker; Agnes, 68 from Southend on Sea: Jamie is a flabby jowelled pillock and I'd like to see him beat to death with spikey bricks.

Sir Lawrence of Arabia: B-b-b-b-b-but, y-you like me, don't ya bruv? Look, I'm alright, ain't I? See, I'll tell you that joke about gettin' the olive stuck in me 'elmet - y'know you love that one don't cha?

Agent: Get out Jamie...

Jamie: Well can I at least have my Toploader CD back, the one you borrowed off me?

Agent: I ran over it in my Porsche. You wouldn't stop playing it! It was driving me spare!

Jamie: Sure I can't fix you a ruby? Y'know - none of that lower fat malarkey?

Agent: Go! Get out of my office you red-cheeked unpopular drooling gibbon! And don't fucking bother coming back or I'll set Gordon Ramsey on you!

― dog latin (dog latin), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 12:58 (twenty-two years ago)

There is a paralell universe in which this actually happened...

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:02 (twenty-two years ago)

thought this thread was by that other guy

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:02 (twenty-two years ago)

is that why you clicked on it steve? ;- )

― de, Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:03 (twenty-two years ago)

DOG LATIN FOR PRESIDNET

― ENRQ (Enrique), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:05 (twenty-two years ago)

i remember showing that jamie oliver fat tongue photoshop site to some people once, and one of them said he thought it was horrible - he thought that if jamie oliver ever saw it he'd be really upset. i hadn't really thought of it like that.

personally, i started to like jamie oliver after 'jamie's kitchen' - he seems like an alright guy really.

― pete b. (pete b.), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:06 (twenty-two years ago)

i don't mind Oliver. i think i like him more than Ramsey at least.

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:07 (twenty-two years ago)

*votes dog latin*

― g-kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:08 (twenty-two years ago)

He is somewhat sensitive, mind...

screen goes swirly....
I was on a beach with family, spring 2001, Newquay. Wife says "Look over there, Jamie Oliver" and so it was. Doing a fish in newspaper barbecue thingy on the beach. took three hours at least. Inbetween takes, he's flying a kite (emblem of his fav football team, which I forget), and signing a couple of autos for kids, but basically being left alone to do his thing, so it's cool.
Anyway, a bit later one of his crew comes over to the family behind us and says "look could you not look at Jamie through binoculars as it's making him too shy". I look over to the huts where he's filming, and now he's got three large umbrellas surrounding him. berk.

-- mark grout (mark.grou...), November 11th, 2003.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:10 (twenty-two years ago)

ahh bless!

― pete b. (pete b.), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Easy target.

― GG Marquez (Huey), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Cast your vote: http://www.urban75.com/Punch/oliver.html

― Skottie, Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Aw, I never really felt the hate for him either to be honest. It's just that I do wonder about these celebrities who get typecast by all and sundry - why do they continue to play up to their uselessness?
I mean, I think it's almost good he's out the limelight, stopped saying "pukka" every five minutes and is now acting like a serious chef. But sadly the damage is done and all we'll remember him as is that twat who leapt on the Britpop bandwagon a couple of years too early and managed to ruin The Specials for anyone who ever liked them.

― dog latin (dog latin), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:22 (twenty-two years ago)

i think you chose a bad target because Oliver, while maybe not 'deserving' of the celeb tag, is actually famous for a good reason - namely being dead handy in the kitchen. ILE's love of food should mean he should be given the respect he deserves for this alone. Of course whether his character is to your taste is another matter - it's not to mine really but then that's played up for adverts anyway and he was far more tolerable in Jamie's Kitchen. my point is what about all the people who are famous but have no discernible talent to speak of (depending on how you perceive what constitutes worthy talent)

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:26 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think the very rich and successful Jamie Oliver is in the least bit bothered about what Dave from Glossop thinks about him.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:27 (twenty-two years ago)

'Jamie's Kitchen' was aces.

― Enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:28 (twenty-two years ago)

i still like The Specials. and y'know, i think Mr Oliver really did love Toploader so i wouldn't call it bandwagon jumping as such.

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:28 (twenty-two years ago)

as Ronan pointed out about a year ago, Oliver-hating became much more loathsome than Oliver himself could ever be.

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:29 (twenty-two years ago)

indeed - see Use other targets please

― pete b. (pete b.), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Can you jump on a bandwagon too early?

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Well yes. Even the sainsbury ads have gone from being "JO's celeb mates / Gail Hipgrove(marriedname) dressing as a bunny to hide eggs in the garden / JO breaks leg in comedy incident" back to actually being about food and cooking and that.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:32 (twenty-two years ago)

i was more annoyed by every comedian on tv doing a crap generic jamie oliver impression - mark lamarr/dead ringers/harry hill/rory bremner/whoever else

― de, Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:33 (twenty-two years ago)

What about Rocco?

― aimurchie, Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:34 (twenty-two years ago)

that's dumb. these people are targetted because they genuinely are crap. so what if everyone and his dog hates the stereophonics? they're wacker than wack. i'd still hate them even if my mum did.

and if they're 'easy targets', so what? serves them right for being lame.

and look, i'm leaving myself wide open here. pop quiz, etc.

― g-kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Who the fuck would jump on Toploader's non-existent bandwagon?

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Pop Quiz?

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Jamie Oliver has surely been rehabilitated of late? Patrick Kielty however - does anyone actually like him?

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:36 (twenty-two years ago)

but Oliver is a good chef. that's all that matters. he doesn't actually live the celeb life much it seems.

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I prefer his brothers.

xxxpost

― Toploader's non-existant bandwagon (Enrique), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:37 (twenty-two years ago)

aye, pop quiz, hopper/reeves style.
pop quiz: a poster makes themselves an easy target after defending the abuse of easy targets. WHAT DO YOU DO?

xxxxpost bleh

― g-kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:38 (twenty-two years ago)

As opposed to making themselves an easy target after appearing on a Pop Quiz? hmmmm yerssss.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:40 (twenty-two years ago)

like i even know what *i'm* saying.

― g-kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I miss the heady days of the Priory, when Jamie Oliver could come on tv and banter with Jamie Theakston and Zoe Ball and we could all pretend all three were credible or interesting

― de, Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:43 (twenty-two years ago)

hahaha. yes, isn't it great we now have hollyoaks five nights a week instead and chris moyles on the radio!

― Enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Drop Holly Oaks. Now.

God, they can't even open a bottle of milk without a ruddy argument.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Fuck, I just remembered, I saw Sara Cox walking down my street. I saw this tall blonde woman on the other side of the road and I glanced across at her to see if she was attractive or not and didn't get a good enough look at her, so I looked at her again and she noticed and obviously thought I was checking her out because she was Sara Cox and not because she was a possibly attractive tall blonde woman.

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:47 (twenty-two years ago)

why is the saintly dermot on at 6 and THEN hollyoaks at 6.30? i have to rush home. obviously the answer is a whole hour of dermot. hahaha now i sound very gay but he *does* rock.

― ENRQ (Enrique), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm still dreading the new ad campaign which is actually going ahead.

Yeh, he is a bit undeserving of any vitriol really, especially as he's bouncing back as a sombre, but less irritating Jamie. And I didn't say he was jumping on the Toploader bandwagon, I said Britpop.

― dog latin (dog latin), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:54 (twenty-two years ago)

it's ok, i'm still voting for you.

― g-kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 15 June 2004 13:57 (twenty-two years ago)

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