a slow day so far, so more Craig's List tomfoolery

hopefully this will get better and soon. I'll check in an hour.

Craig

"I was a frontman/lead vocalist for a rock band called the L.A. ******...one nite after the gig I was pick up by a gorgus "older woman".....she took me back to her place and proceeded to tutor me in a number of sexual secrets, that i still use to this day!
The first is a means to "sweeten" my "juice" so to speak....by eating a raw clove of garlic everyday, I found that it made me taste sweet not salty. It was a perfect enticement to the ladies that chose not to swallow because of the taste! The end result was that after I explode in you I can suck out every drop!
The second and best thing she shared with me was the secret of bringing a woman to such heights of pleasure that they literaly gush....somtimes 2-3 feet!"

"during my eXperiences and a pleasure course i took, i have learned
(and continue to learn) the tactile art of touching and enjoying the wonderful tingling sensation of aroused skin. "

"Turn you on? Like the fact that I'm right down the street from you, reading this and thinking about hearing your car in the drive way outside." (err....)

"Well some nasty things about me..well..Ive done it at the school bathroom...

"I sat on my bed and gently -- caressingly -- took the wrapping off the box. It was the sweet delicious candy I love to munch on. Its sensual aroma was in the air and engulfing my every sense. I couldn't take it anymore. The candy was calling to me so I spread the lips of the box and began to lick every piece as if I were Wonka, back from being stranded on a candiless island for the last 30 years."

"I've pulled the tag off my mattress during sex."

"I would have on the table, spread in front of me cream
applied and go at her like it was my last supper.
Exhausted her body submit to me , even as I had her
bent over the table and gave maleness over and over
again while pulling her hair."

"I am the oppitemy of sextisence,and have and will drive you deep down into the depts of reality.Give me your gina,much fina,and on it I will dina!"

"A while back I was checking out a chatroom online late
one Stayrday (?) night. I met a girl there who lived in
pasadena.. who happened to feel as horny as I was
feeling."

"Have you ever been in a supermarket and felt like you needed fruits and vegetables? I sometimes wish that I could meet a sexy lady there and that without talking we start "shopping togeter".
I go to the fruit section and I pick up a banana, then I glance over to you and with a smirk I see you pick up a cucumber, I decide to then go for celery, while you pick a lean squash."

"I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and
crushing ice."

"My fantasy: You cum over to my dorm."

"i am into mild S and M and last lady i met was then blind folded and told to remove her undergarments...when she didnt do so quickly enough she was told to assune the position and was properly punished..."

This man is a poet.

I'm guessing this is an attempt at "Satyr-day"?

This is the funniest thing I have ever read in my entire life.

What follows is a real, honest-to-god application from a student
received by Southampton University, who was given a place on the course.

ESSAY : In order for the admissions staff of our university to
get to know you, the applicant, better, we ask that you answer the
following question :

Are there any significant experiences you have had, or
accomplishments you have realised, that have helped
to define you as a person ?

> > _________________________________________________________

ANSWER from this "very individual student" :

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice.
I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks,
making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate
ethnic slurs for Kenyan refugees, I write award-winning operas, and
manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days
in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone
playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed,
and I cook thirty Minute Brownies in twenty minutes.

I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly
defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of
ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I had trials with Manchester
United, I am the subject of numerous documentaries.

When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my garden.
I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair
electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a
concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon
over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire.
I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have appeared on
Through the Keyhole and won the gold plaque. Last summer I
toured Eastern Europe with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration.

I run the 100m in 9.65 secs. My deft floral arrangements have earned
me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl
tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I
once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one
day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.

I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have
performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week;
when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada,
I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized
a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid.
On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
I have made extraordinary four course meals using only some
vegetables and a Breville Toaster.

I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in Madrid,
cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and chess competitions at
the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart
surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to this University.
===========================================

hahaha Luna!

xpost

Which are on level B2, right below the Dept of Accounts.

The phrase "lean squash" has me in stitches for some reason!

wtf is this man such a fun hater?