How Clean Is Your Heart?

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Do you believe in the idea of some form of "pure" lovin'/feelin'/bein' that you gradually lose access to with each disappointment or heartbreak or compromise or year? Can one reverse this? Should one try? How are you doin' with it?

I dunno, I half suspect one needs to be a proper established ilxor to be allowed this sort of thread, I'd like to know what people thought though.

― Gregory Henry (Gregory Henry), Monday, 28 June 2004 23:40 (twenty-one years ago)

(In my case I'd say like 75-80% clean, compared to 98 two years ago. But I also feel like I could vaguely handle an adult relationship now, which clearly wasn't true back then, so... )

― Gregory Henry (Gregory Henry), Monday, 28 June 2004 23:41 (twenty-one years ago)

The moon is full and my heart is dirty.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Monday, 28 June 2004 23:54 (twenty-one years ago)

one more disappointment away from being permanently in the cold, cold ground.

― peppermint tea, Tuesday, 29 June 2004 00:00 (twenty-one years ago)

i find metaphors relating to the heart in terms of purity, scarification, or bifurcation to be inadequate when applied to my emotional fuck-up-ed-ness.

that point aside, i still believe in love. kinda.

― andrew l. r. (allocryptic), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 00:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I believe a whole lot more these days in the 'wow i can't believe we get along so great i love talking to you we can do anything let's build some shit together' love than the 'wow i just saw you from across the room and the way your chin hits your neck and your ears and WOW let's touch' love I used to embrace as IT. But hey, I'm married now and I wouldn't be HERE if I hadn't been THERE so...yeah.

It's a filthy, filthy heart, but I gots my hands on some STP, is all I'm sayin'.

― Evanston Wade (EWW), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 00:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I think a large part of me is still stuck on the latter kind of love that you mentioned, but not on actually experiencing it, just a kind of nagging, constant longing. I've been in serious relationships forever and never got to sow my wild oats, so that's that explained, then.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 00:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Did I just post that?

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 00:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I believe a whole lot more these days in the 'wow i can't believe we get along so great i love talking to you we can do anything let's build some shit together' love
-- Evanston Wade

Yes, this id the love I understand - of course the other kind of love may be a kind of intuition of the possibility of the former kind.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 00:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Does heart-scarrage make you more capable of that second kind of love, then? I'd intuitively say "yes", but I can't really put my finger on why.

(god this is emo)

― Gregory Henry (Gregory Henry), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 00:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Heart-scarrage, an improved 'trouble' detector, an increasing inability to deal with the same bullshit over and over and over again, a diminishing sexual drive, the occasional fear of dying alone and drunken in front of my hifi without any pants on...it's all a part of the kind of 'growth' that led *me* to marriage....

― Evanston Wade (EWW), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 00:40 (twenty-one years ago)

filthy

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 00:46 (twenty-one years ago)

How Funky is Your Chicken?

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 00:47 (twenty-one years ago)

how monkey is your gibbon?

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 00:48 (twenty-one years ago)

(god this is emo)

God that was pomo

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 00:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I use cardio-floss. It's once around the aorta and the mitral valves each day for that cleaner-than-clean feeling.

― Aimless (Aimless), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 03:49 (twenty-one years ago)

That post made me nauseous, Aimless.

― Andrew (enneff), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 04:28 (twenty-one years ago)

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