Last night, my girlfriend told me that if I buy her some expensive dress she's been lusting after, she'll have ass sex with me.

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I mean, she's whoring her own ass and she's my girlfriend! I don't whether to feel insulted or just take her up on it!

― totally logged off, Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

don't buy her the dress and take her up on it.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:34 (twenty-one years ago)

dude, and you're asking US? take a BIG GUESS what the resounding response is gunna be.

― Kingfish of Burma (Kingfish), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Who said romance was dead?

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

save your cash.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

list her ass on e-bay

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

did she add that if you don't buy her the dress, she'll have ass sex with someone who will?

― Huk-El (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Ask for an advance on the dress.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay, this kind of grosses me out.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Do you have a trucker hat?

― Rock Bastard, Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

How expensive is this dress anyway? I'm sure we could have a whip round.

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

800 posts by morning

― Huk-El (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

offer her that if she buys you a radio-controlled helicoptor she can have ass sex with you

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

ask if you can finance the dress with a webcam and paypal.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I bet thats what she tells all the guys.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean, yeah, how much is the dress.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, show us jpeg comparisons of the dress and her ass and we can give you an informed judgement

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:40 (twenty-one years ago)

ass sex

crosspost

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Move to the Jacuzzi, ooh, that booty
Smack it up, flip it, rub it down, oh, no

― Kingfish of Burma (Kingfish), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:40 (twenty-one years ago)

ask if you can swap it for bukkake from you and the lads.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:41 (twenty-one years ago)

haha.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:42 (twenty-one years ago)

or a combo meal if you buy two dresses

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Never trust a big butt and smile

― Kingfish of Burma (Kingfish), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Fakest fake predicament ever posted to ilx.

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

ask her what she got for her self-respect?

― Huk-El (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

What predicament?

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Last night I was playfully, not really seriously, suggesting "doing something different", and first she said no way in hell... then about ten seconds later she came out with the line about the dress. She said it jokingly, but I could tell she actually meant it - she really wants this dress and she's flat broke! My girlfriend would sell her ass for like $500!

― totally logged off, Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Is the dress made of vinyl? Pre Dicka Mint? Do they sell those now in the porn stores?

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Tell her you'll only buy her the dress if she uses it to earn the money back.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

I think that not buying a dress and sticking with the vaginal sex would be all right by me.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:45 (twenty-one years ago)

"I never thought I'd be writing to Penthouse, but..."

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe she's trying to trick you and it's the kind of dress that prevents any access to the ass.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:46 (twenty-one years ago)

ChowlGosh OTM

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

you're gunna need to try on that ass before purchasing, just to see how it fits

― Kingfish of Burma (Kingfish), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean.. yeah, if you buy the dress and you get bumsex, do you get it ONCE, or all the time?

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

ask her what she'll give me for a used sock

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread is like a badly photoshopped nude picture of a celebrity that people try to convince themselves is real.

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Exchange rate is surely 1 dress:1 instance of ass sex?

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread is like a badly photoshopped nude picture of a celebrity that people try to convince themselves is real.

Haha, OTM, I'm sure.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:50 (twenty-one years ago)

is this rate fixed or linked to the gross product?

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you saying celebrities aren't real?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:51 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost one of those pictures told me that she'll do whatever i want if i prove that i'm over 18 by sending in credit card details.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:52 (twenty-one years ago)

noise dudes in upstate NY fictional buttsex shocker?

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

their buttsex isn't fictional.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

more mutual

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread is like a badly photoshopped nude picture of a celebrity that people try to convince themselves is real.

Nicole's similies make me do little dances.

Something tells me this one is like a photoshopped nude celeb where the person who actually did the photoshopping is the one trying to convince himself it's real.

― martin m. (mushrush), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Have you checked it's not a wedding dress?

― ___ (___), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

ask her how much it'd cost just for her to hike up her skirt a little more and show her world to you

― Kingfish of Burma (Kingfish), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

buttsex wedding dresses sounds like an even KINKIER ritual

― Kingfish of Burma (Kingfish), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Nicole's similies make me do little dances.

They're pretty damned kickass. (As for this thread in general, I squint at it.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 18 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I'm hoping it's a burqa

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 17:21 (twenty-one years ago)

end of thread

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 17:22 (twenty-one years ago)

"backside-hittin' burqas" will surely be a new fashion trend

― Kingfish of Burma (Kingfish), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 17:27 (twenty-one years ago)

WAIT WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO WITH THIS? I DON'T HAVE GIRLFRIEND

― ¥¤±²£¢Ð¼æ®ª«¶Þ÷³¹ß½Ø×©§¾¿¥¤±²£¢Ð¼æ®ª«¶Þ÷³¹ß½Ø×©§¾¿¥¤±²£¢Ð¼æ®ª«¶Þ÷³¹ß½Ø×©§¾¿ (ex , Tuesday, 29 June 2004 17:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Going from the anal-gang rape thread to this monstrosity makes me want to go outside and breathe some fresh air. Christ, I can't wait for my lunch break. ILX is supposed to be a goddamned diversion from work! And now it's fucking stressing me out!

― Neb Reyob (Ben Boyer), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 17:50 (twenty-one years ago)

do you get to fuck her in the ass IN the dress? Like, up over her bottom, etc.

― revoltingly awesome (TheRealJMod), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 17:52 (twenty-one years ago)

You know... there might be girls out there, who would like do it up the butt.. and NOT need a dress. I might be wrong, though.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 17:57 (twenty-one years ago)

you should buy her the dress, and then not want butt sex with her.

watch her beg for it then.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 18:07 (twenty-one years ago)

i bet she'd buy you a dress for it.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 18:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I guess I can confess I've never even tried ass sex (either way), so I can't exactly see the point of bribing your girlfriend to get it. Is it really that good?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 18:10 (twenty-one years ago)

you won't know til you've tried.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

buy me a dress and i'll show you

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 18:12 (twenty-one years ago)

B-b-but you're a guy! You'd probably just enjoy it!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 18:14 (twenty-one years ago)

someone answer tuomas because i wanna know too.

― curious bum, Tuesday, 29 June 2004 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

The way i get asked for it, you know there's gotta be something to it, but it's not gonna be like in the movies fellas, unless she's down with preparation. too many commas, not enough grammar.

― doc, Tuesday, 29 June 2004 18:38 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.suffolk.lib.ny.us/awards/images/nba/nba1995_f.gif

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 20:48 (twenty-one years ago)

do we have a "sodomy" category of ILX yet?

― Kingfish of Burma (Kingfish), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 21:14 (twenty-one years ago)

No, but there is a hobbies category.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 29 June 2004 21:19 (twenty-one years ago)

WE NEED UPDATES!

has her price budged yet? does it go up & down, like some stock index? have the "Cash-to-Ass" ratios improved?

― Kingfish of Burma (Kingfish), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 05:09 (twenty-one years ago)

She should be paying you man!

― E.S.P (ipsofacto), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 05:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I mentioned what she'd said the other night and she laughed and got all embarrassed and said she'd been joking and all. The thing is, I know she wasn't joking! She's playing a tricky game of reverse reverse psychology. She wants me to think the dress bribe was really my evil idea, and that if I go on and on about it and wear her down she'll say yes, if only to make me happy, only it's really to make her happy, because she wants that dress and she's too damn broke to get it!

I think she's played her cards wrong though! She'd led me to believe she was an ass sex virgin, but I suspect she was telling a little fib. Before she was like, 'no way in hell', now I know she'll do it. And I think a little patience and persistence will pay off just as easily as sexy dress bribes...

(she has a cute ass)

― totally logged off, Wednesday, 30 June 2004 06:44 (twenty-one years ago)

'This thread proves the point - "girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money"' - c-man

No, this thread proves "Women have very little idea of how much men hate them"

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 06:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Kevin - you're a drama queen. Men don't on the whole hate women. Both men and women can be manipulative. Both men and women want different things from each other. If it's all played out as a seductive game, as it often is, it's cool and fun.

― totally logged off, Wednesday, 30 June 2004 07:02 (twenty-one years ago)

It was said tongue-in-cheek, though I do agree with Greer about that, I don't think this thread was especially mysogenistic, as most of the posts were ironic too. Never been called a drama queen before though, thanks!

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 07:06 (twenty-one years ago)

We all need to be called drama queens every now and then. I hops my thread didn't come across as misgynistic. Basically my girlfriend doesn't mind the idea of ass sex but she doesn't want me to think she's a pushover! Plus she wants me to buy a dress for her! It's funny!

― totally logged off, Wednesday, 30 June 2004 07:10 (twenty-one years ago)

ass sex = like poo-ing in reverse. I don't see what all the fuss is about.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 12:05 (twenty-one years ago)

as in , it the sensation is like poo-ing in reverse. Not ' it is akin to stuffing faeces up your rectum. And YOU WILL GO TO HELL IF YOU TRY IT'

Well, people were asking what it feels like. I don't know what it feels like being the sodomiser as opposed to the sodomee.

Perhaps the girlfriend in question wants to do it anyway but wants to add to a possible 'slutty' kick she would get from it by getting you to pay her as well. And she can't afford the frock, so its a win-win situation for her. Get dress, get dirty sex, feel slutty, enjoy.

People who sodomise - is it worth the price of a posh frock? Does it feel that different to vadge interourse?

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 12:16 (twenty-one years ago)

It's not as good. Nice though.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 12:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think the word "sodomise" is kinda correct.

But yeah, some of the ILX gentlemen must be able to answer this. Please do.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 12:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry, x-post.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 12:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I like it once every 2 or 3 months. It's different. Variety is good. It wouldn't seriously concern me if my girlfriend didn't want to do it any more though.

― Bela Lugosi's Dad, Wednesday, 30 June 2004 12:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Its nice but not as nice as... for me anyway.

She cums huge when stimulated as part of it. And we managed 5 evenings out of five, subsequently. AS only attempted on the first.

Was not allowed to 'thrust'. A bit like standing still with a rubber band around the base.

Post over, shall log back in as me now. One day my s.o. might be able to google, so this is private news signing off.

― Private News, Wednesday, 30 June 2004 12:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I must say for me as a lady it is not a patch on vadge sex. For me though it might be better as you chaps have prostate nerve endings up your jacksies to be stimulated. As far as I remember from biology class.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 12:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, that's the whole point of men doing it with each other.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 12:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I suppose your could avoid the trade sex for fancy clothing moral conundrum by both buying each other an outfit ( or sewing one if poor) and then both fucking each other in the ass with dildoes.

Or, if on a budget, buy, borrow or steal a double-headed double strap-on then ass-fuck together and see who comes first. The winner gets the frock.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 12:35 (twenty-one years ago)

You dirty Kitten, you!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 12:37 (twenty-one years ago)

You back-alley cat, you!

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 12:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Me one cool cat, me.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 12:39 (twenty-one years ago)

well, I am bored. POsting about bumsex is more interesting than unpacking boxes or watching that wet fart Tim Henman do his stupid 'trying not to wet myself with concentration' clenched face.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 12:39 (twenty-one years ago)

My girlfriend feels slightly ambivalent about it but she ALWAYS comes from it, if clitorally stimulated at the same time. In fact it's my one guaranteed technique for giving her an orgasm. I like it from time to time, it can feel very intimate.

― unidentified person, Wednesday, 30 June 2004 12:40 (twenty-one years ago)

The phrase 'giving her an orgasm' seems strangely old. Dunno why.

Is it Dildoes? Or Dildos?

― Dave B (daveb), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 12:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Goes like potato/potatoes - dildo/dildoes, shurely?

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 13:24 (twenty-one years ago)

What about eskimos and cheerios?

― Madchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Eskimo is a made-up word, innit? ( Or inuit) . And cheerios = a made up brand word. As dildo is an ancient and fabulous word I believe it deserves an 'e'in the plural.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 13:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Cockrot.

― Dave B (daveb), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 13:31 (twenty-one years ago)

'dildo - c.1593, perhaps a corruption of It. deletto "delight," or (less likely) of Eng. diddle (q.v.). "Curse Eunuke dilldo, senceless counterfet" ["Choise of Valentines or the Merie Ballad of Nash his Dildo," T. Nashe, c.1593]'
Etymonline.com

Actually,. when you google it, all the 'adult fun' ads have it as 'dildos'. So I must be wrong.

― badger Kitten (badger Kitten), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 13:33 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, but do they have 'masterb*tion' ?

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 13:35 (twenty-one years ago)

No, but they are all based in merka

― Dave B (daveb), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 13:38 (twenty-one years ago)

According to etymonline, 'eskimo' is 9 years older than 'dildo'.

― Madchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 30 June 2004 13:45 (twenty-one years ago)

YOU PUT IT IN THE ASS NOW

― 2.5 HOUR PARTY PEOPLE, Wednesday, 30 June 2004 15:21 (twenty-one years ago)

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