socialising with your partner's friends who you dont really care for

alternatively, you might bond with your new friends over a shared hatred of Uighurs.

What happens if they warm to you after this?

The former, although they were mostly very nice, I really had little in common with. I would just smile politely and try to think of nice things to say about their children.

The latter became a massive problem for me, because I usually thought they were an intolerably pretentious bunch of twats. I tried drinking myself insensate, but that caused problems of its own. I tried staying quiet and keeping my thoughts to myself, but that was even more tedious. In the end, I developped the strategy of going to the social function, putting in an appearance, and then leaving as quickly as I could.

The problem was, it really wasn't mutual. He liked almost all of my friends, and they liked him. He just didn't seem to *have* any friends that I could like.

OK, it's surprising to me sometimes, how wonderful my friends are, because sometimes I really feel like I don't deserve them. (And often I'm a brat, and concentrate on the jerks that I don't get along with, rather than the wonderful people that I do.)

But other times, I felt like screaming at him "You know why I have friends? Because I make an *effort* to have friends! And not just with people that I think will help a "career" - but with people that I actually, genuinely, like! I ring people, I text people, I email people more often - I make an effort to see my friends and talk to them, even if it's just a mutual moan." All stuff I never saw him doing. Unless, of course, he thought he could get a show, or a review out of it. So I'm not actually the slightest bit bothered about any of my friends deciding that they like him better - because it's freaking unlikely he'd even remember to keep in contact with them.

This is what pisses me off most about his stupid, phoney, inconsequential "I hope we can still be friends" schtick. Because he doesn't have the FAINTEST CLUE how to be friends with people.

Anyway... rant over, back to topic.

Are these annoying people *actually* friends of your partner, or are they colleagues or work people or something like that? Is it a bad sign if you don't get along with your partner's friends? Or is it only a bad sign based on the closeness of said friends?

But also, not getting on with your partner's friends is often (at first anyway) just a symptom of jealousy or feeling left out rather than a personal dislike, in my experience.

I get on very well with Matt's close friends and vice versa, but it actually took a really long time to get to that point. It was my closest friends who were initially most awkward and suspicious around M, which kind of makes sense because they would be the ones most affected by a new important person in my life. There are a few of my friends who M doesn't like, but it's more based on their history with me or other of our mutual friends than any personality clash.

x-post 2 she gets along with my friends though, who are really nice to her and like her, something thats mutual.

x-post 3 - these annoying people are in my partner's 'social circle' but shes not even close to them really, theyre mainly friends of her best mate. her proper friends (who she doesnt get to see that often, sadly) are outside of the circle, and i get along just fine with them. part of it is i dont think they are that great to her in the first place, so why should i be? but she wants me to get along with them, i dont know why. hope this makes sense.

this is going to be a long and tedious night!

(Can boys make bitchy comments behind their fans? Are boys allowed to carry metaphorical fans?)

(Actually, Barry in frock coats = k-rowr!)

I'm still pretty close to a few of the people in that group, so I wouldn't say it was a decision I'd regret.

Have we really come this far without anyone quoting the Spice Girls?

xpost sure you do! i mean, you could have a ugly petty spat and then go pout every time your Other wanted to do something w them...

I really disagree with this statement, someone please tell me why?

xpost

None of my friends come from work - I keep work and socialising separate. And I can count the friends that I still have now that I had when I was 25 on the fingers of one hand.

Sometimes you to have to work to find friends in other places - common interests, rather than random coincidence (it's not a coincidence that I have met most of my friends through music or through the internet - often both - as music and computers are two of my biggest interests).

ILX skews things hugely when it comes to social patterns as well if you live in a place like London.

I don't *have* a constant group who I've known for many years. I've lived in too many different places in the past 20 years.

I wouldn't go out with anyone who had major problems with my friends, but then again most of my friends are people I can't imagine anyone really disliking and anyone who would is not the sort of person I'd want to associate with.

Back to topic.

I like my wife's friends all well enough. I mean, I wouldn't call them on my own and see if they wanted to get a bite or anything.

(When we first got together his best friend and housemate has just dumped *my* friend and housemate after a long relationship, so for a while I didn't really make friends with him out of loyalty to her. He didn't realise this was the reason though and had always suspected I hate him. Doh.)

If it's a get together with genuine friends that one or the other can't stand, it's an opportunity for the other one to see their dubious friends.

If it's business, one has to be the good wife, go along, not drink too much, and cash in on sexual favors only once we get home.

You always have to make an effort especially for birthdays, weddings, extrordinary circumstances.

It's all about negociation (communication).

We're lucky in that we mostly get along with each other's friends but that may be 'cause we've tried.